


Distant Skies

by bellarose_writes



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Alternate Universe - Punk, First Kiss, Gangs, M/M, NSFW, Punk AU, Punk Richie Tozier, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Soft Eddie Kaspbrak, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:27:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 92,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23948404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellarose_writes/pseuds/bellarose_writes
Summary: Punk gang member Richie Tozier falls for loser and outcast Eddie Kaspbrak.An AU where Derry is run by gangs, with Richie being heavily involved in the 207’s and Eddie spending his whole life trying to avoid attention from them. However, when they start to fall for each other, Richie tries to stop Eddie getting caught up in the problems of Derry's crime scene at all costs. But Eddie wants to save Richie from the lifestyle he’s forced into, even if it put him in danger.Side Notes:-Based in the early 2010's-Characters are 18-Warnings at the start of each chapter.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 150
Kudos: 82





	1. Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for reading my fic! You can follow me on Tumblr/Twitter @bellarosewrites :) Enjoy x

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title "Breathe (in the air)" by Pink Floyd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gang mentions, gang violence mentions, drug mentions, drugs, sexist language, homophobic language

The night had rolled in, bringing with it uncertainty and dread within the very bones of Richie Tozier. He always sat by his window, waiting for the amber sun to slowly disappear behind the rolling hills of Derry. As he watched the sun go down, he always wished it wouldn’t, because with the darkness brought the knowingness of having to enter it. But like every night, the sunset and nightfall crept in like a man dragging his tired body. Richie didn’t believe in God, but sometimes his wishes felt like prayers as the murmured words left his lips.

Richie Tozier dragged his worn Dr Martens on the uneven pavement, watching he didn’t step on the cracks. He wasn’t superstitious, he just wanted something to pass the time and make his journey slower. His shadow followed him as the orange street lights hit the ground in dispersed circles. The air felt cold tonight, colder than a normal January night in his town. He buried his chin deeper into his zipped up leather jacket, feeling the prick of the cold zip on his pale skin. He loved that leather jacket. When he wore it he felt like he was protected from the world. Inside the jacket was a warm comfort that surrounded him, not only making him feel more himself but also making others feel more threatened by him. Richie secretly liked that because it meant people usually left him alone because they didn’t want to mess with someone with a hard exterior. No one else in the gang wanted Richie to wear his jacket because everyone thought it was too recognisable Richie spent a lot of him money ‘pimping’ it. The studs that were stuck around the collar and travelled down his arm were all individually glued on by Richie. The positive of spending a lot of life chopping, separating and bagging drugs meant that Richie had very delicate fingers, so the studs were perfectly placed. The jacket was also covered in pins, from his political opinions to his favourite bands, he felt like there was a pin representing every aspect of his life. Well, the aspects he didn’t mind sharing with the world.

As he dug his hands into his deep pockets, he felt the small bags that he was expected to deliver to customers. He always had the urge to squish them into his hands, popping the seles of the small plastic bags so they would be ruined and he wouldn’t have to work. But he knew that would leave unhappy customers, and that would go back to the higher up, which would also mean that Richie would have to pay the consequences. Sometimes he thought it might be worth it, just to get a night off. 

His phone buzzed against his chest and Richie groaned. He lifted his chin up to unzip his jacket to pull a small block phone out of his inside pocket, letting all his comforting heat out. He quickly zipped it back up and he checked his small square phone. The light lit up his pale face, but some of the light was blocked by his scraggly hair which fell over his face. Richie blinked trying to read the blurry screen. He couldn’t tell if it was blurry because of the sudden light or the fact he definitely needed glasses, but he would never admit that because he couldn’t afford to buy new glasses and he definitely didn’t want to ruin his tough exterior. Richie was too stubborn for that shit. 

He put the phone further away from his face as he walked to try and read it better. It read _‘bag C, corner of Neibolt street where it crosses with Holt Street, Ian.’_ Richie groaned out loud as he stopped in his tracks, his heavy boots making a grinding sound against the pavement. He looked about where he had been walking. He usually was sent around his own estate to drop bags, but tonight they wanted to venture slightly further. By going slightly further, it meant going over the estate border by a couple of streets. Richie knew it was a dangerous move on his gangs part, but he wasn’t going to tell them that. Richie span around to start walking the other way. 

Derry was a large town and was separated into a very clear class system. But within that class system, there were territories which you stuck to. Richie was born and raised in the south side housing project called Canal Side, where the houses had been mass built so they weren’t a high standard of quality. It was the same in most of the public housing areas across Derry, but Richie avoided going into them at all costs. The only time he ever crossed territory lines was to go to high school. He had attended a small high school that was on his side of the estate line but it had shut down due to money problems. The council decided to merge three of the high schools together, making ‘Derry High School’, which was on the border of The Barrens, Standpipe and his own area - Canal Side. Richie often thought about how dum that idea was as with the merger brought the gang violence into the school, also bringing kids who weren’t affected by the gangs into the problem. Each area had its own gang. Richie was part of the gang named ‘207’ who resided in Canal Side. The name came from the area code. The Barrens had the gang simply named, ‘The Barren Boys’ and Standpipe had the very over the top name of ‘The Dreamcatchers’.

Crossing the road, Richie lit a cigarette, balancing it between his lips. The flick of his lighter sparked a small light around him. He inhaled, letting the smoke fill his lungs with warmth. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, tilting his head back and blowings towards the sky. He watched the smoke float away into the darkness. Each drag filled him with a small comfort making him feel less anxious as he walked down Neibolt Street, meaning he had crossed into Barren Boy’s territory. He flicked his cigarette into the road as he approached the end of the street, digging his hand into his pocket once again. He was getting good at telling which bag was which. C bags were cannabis, and they had a rough texture if you ground the bag together. He quickly pulled on out and kept it in the palm of his hand. He spotted a figure under a lamp, leaning on the railings of one of the house. Richie presumed that would be Ian since there was no one else around. As he walked the figure walked toward Richie, and Richie put his palm out so the stranger could grab the bag as he walked past. He felt the stranger tuck something into Richie’s pocket with his other hand. Richie carried on walking and didn’t turn around. 

-x-

“Richie Tozier!” Richie’s head shot up from the desk. Had he been asleep? He wasn’t sure, but he was sure that he was feeling delirious from the lack of sleep. He hadn’t finished all his jobs till 4 am which was late for a Sunday, so didn’t get to sleep till 5 am as he had to drop the money off. Then he had to get up for school at half 7. You wouldn’t think someone like Richie would want to finish high school. The majority of people in his gang would drop out in middle school, but Richie was determined to make it through. It gave him more of a chance of getting out of Derry. He would never admit that to anyone in his gang. He told them it was so he could keep an eye on the other gangs, whilst also getting an education so he could learn more about the world - meaning learning more about selling drugs. He was the only 207 member in his year, but there was still a lot in the years below. 

Richie blinked, looking up at the teacher at the front of the class. Richie sat at the back of the classroom, so he could barely see the board. Currently, most people had turned to look at the just woken up Richie Tozier. 

“Are you paying attention, Richie?” The teacher asked. What lesson was he even in? Maths, maybe? Richie shrugged at the teacher in response, and she rolled her eyes to turn to the whiteboard to carry on teaching the lesson. Richie groaned and leaned back in his chair. The room went back to listening to the teacher. Richie looked down at the open workbook he had open. Something that Richie didn’t let on a lot, was that he was actually quite intelligent, which is probably why a lot of the younger 207’s looked up to him. In some lessons he flourished, getting top of his class. But in other classes, he was barely scraping a pass. He struggled to focus when it wasn’t something he was interested in and he would feel himself get agitated and distracted. But in lessons, he liked, his brain would be completely occupied with whatever the teacher was saying. Richie Tozier hated how his brain worked sometimes. Luckily the bell went for lunch. The class began shuffling around to pick up there books and bags. Richie slowly stood up from his desk, throwing his warn rucksack over his back. He grabbed his leather jacket which was hung over the back of his chair, scrunching the collar in his hand so he could carry it. Most of the class had funnelled out before Richie dragged his feet on the floor as he left. 

“You need to start paying attention, Richie.” His teacher called after him as she began to wipe the board clean. “The world’s bigger then Derry, and you’ll never get out of it if you don’t get good grades.”

“Who said I’ll ever get out of this shit hole. I’m probably stuck here for the rest of my life like everyone else, right?” Richie spat. Sometime he couldn’t help his chaotic mind from spilling out what he was actually thinking. Before the teacher could respond Richie span on his heel to leave the room, making a speaking sound on the laminate floor. Richie liked walking down the corridors because most of the time people moved out of the way of him. If you weren’t in a gang, you were terrified of anyone that was, so you avoided eye contact with them at all costs. And if you were in a rival gang, you walked on the other side of the corridor and glared as they walked by.

“Richie!” A voice yelled from behind him. He quickly turned to see Will ploughing through the corridor, people stepping to the side with their heads down to let him through. Will was a year below Richie and also part of 207. 

“Hey, dude.” Richie casually smiled down at the slightly smaller boy. Will also wore black skinny jeans and a black jacket, most of the gang wore a less extreme version of Richie’s outfits. They all had the same bad boy, punk, look. Richie and Will walked together, making there way to the canteen. They didn’t talk as they walked, they just scowled at passers-by. Entering the canteen, a few people looked up the two boys. Richie sat at there usual table. Will pulled out a brown bag with his poorly put together lunch, throwing it onto the table before making two of the other boys shuffle up so he could sit. On the other side of the table, two of the boys moved up without even saying anything for Richie. Richie gave a thankful half-smile before sitting down. As he sat, he caught the eye of a security guard on the other side of the large hall. Richie hated how they had security in the canteen. They stood there cross-armed watching over the students. The gangs weren’t stupid enough to sell drugs or fight at the school. Or at least in front of the security. There were about ten boys sat at the long table, all in 207. A few girls as well, normally draped over there chosen boy. It was all very sexist the way the gangs worked. It was only the boys that did all the selling and work, and the girls were just kind of… there…

“Yo, Rich.” One of the boys said. Richie knew him as Nails. _Stupid name_ , Richie thought. Richie looked up at Nails. “You know I heard that the Dreamcatchers had a queer?” Some of the boys around Richie laughed and groaned. Richie looked at all of them and smiled slightly along with them. 

“What did they do with him?” One of the boys asked eagerly. 

“Not him…” Nails grinned. “Her!” 

The boys all laughed and wooed. One of the boys pretended to faint onto Richie and Richie laughed along with them all. The sad truth was it was a laughing matter when a girl was gay, but a completely different story when it was a boy. Richie cringed every time someone brought up someone’s sexuality. He blamed it on feeling uncomfortable at the thought of two boys being together. 

“They chucked her out.” Nails said while biting a sandwich, crumbs dropping out of his mouth. “I thought we could look on the streets and take her in as one of our own.” Nails laughed, making Richie wince at the sight of his chewed food in his mouth. One of the boys put there girlfriend in a headlock as they joked that she should entertain the rest of the boys by finding the kicked out Dreamcatcher. Richie looked over the canteen, trying to distract himself from the chaos on his table. Most of the students kept to there groups. The other gangs had their own tables on different parts of the canteen, but other students stayed in their stereotypical groups. All the students had their cliques and Richie watched them interacting within themselves, labelling in his head as they wandered past. The nerds, the jocks, the goths, the artists and the…

Richie was suddenly caught off guard with a pair of deep brown eyes looking back at him. They stood out in the sea of rowdy students who weren’t paying attention to Richie or any of 207. The table Richie was looking at were the losers, and Richie instantly knew who those eyes belonged too. They were eyes that Richie often caught in the corridor or in class. Eyes that made him feel a small softness within him, like the rest of the world slowed down and melted away. 

Richie felt like he didn’t make eye contact very much, or nonaggressive eye contact. No one really looked at Richie, but when those brown eyes were looking at him, they weren’t looking at Richie. They were looking into Richie. Past all the shit, past the rough exterior and gang that surrounded him. Past the drugs and the leather jacket. It felt like they were actually looking at Richie. Those eyes belonged to Eddie Kaspbrak. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title "Breathe (in the air)" by Pink Floyd


	2. Could It Be Another Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title, The samples "could it be another change".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gang violence, mentions of gang violence, homophobia

Eddie couldn’t help himself. He tried and tried to not stare. But when Richie walked into the rammed canteen, it’s like he owned the room. People nervously shuffled away from him as we walked to his usual spot on a far table. Eddie loved the way Richie walked in long strides and effortlessly swung his leather jacket in his clenched hand. Eddie knew that Richie would never give Eddie even a second glance, so he was free to gaze at the taller boy in his ‘bad-boy’ get up that he loved so much, but he especially loved it when Richie took his jacket off to see his bare arms which stook out from his cuffed T-shirts. Maybe it was the ego that drew Eddie in, or the fact is Richie was the complete opposite to him, but Eddie couldn’t place exactly what it was about Richie Tozier.

“What you gawking at?”Eddie jumped when Beverly had gently pushed his shoulder with her own. Eddie in a flustered way looked down at his food and began to shove a sandwich into his mouth. The four of them were sat at the end of one of the long tables. Beverly was next to Eddie and, across was Ben, Bill and Stanley. They called themselves “The Losers,” well that was what they were labelled as so it kind of stuck. But they were all losers in their own right. 

“Let me gu-gu-guess,” Bill laughed, “Richie Tu-tu-Tozier is behind me?” Eddie scowled at Bill in response. 

“You’re crazy, dude.” Stanley laughed while taking a large bite from his apple. As he crunched, small amounts of the juice trickled down his chin, making Eddie squirm. 

“I think we can all admit Richie Tozier is a great piece of ass, but you need to move on Eddie.” Beverly laughed, Ben shook his head.

“He’s a massive dickhead,” Ben said, trying to catch Eddie’s eye. “You could do so much better.”

Eddie shook his head and looked up again at Richie. Richie’s eyes were scanning the room. Eddie loved Richie’s eyes and the way the hid behind his thick hair. Eddie would give anything to push is back and use his thumb to trace over his cheekbones. There was always a spark in Richie’s eyes like he had right now. 

_Wait…_

Eddie’s mouth fell open slightly when he realised Richie Tozier was staring right back at him. Eddie couldn’t stop staring back at the taller boy. It felt like everything fell into slow motion. Richie’s friends were all grinning and laughing around him and Eddie could hear his friends laughing about something Stanley had said. He felt like he was falling or at least sinking. Richie's eyes captured him so quickly but he didn't know how long for. Eddie eventually smiled with the corner of his mouth, and just like that, Richie quickly looked down at his table. His thick hair covered his face, making Eddie unsure if he had smiled back at all. 

“Eddie, are you listening?” Stanely asked, interrupting Eddie’s chaotic thoughts.

“Sorry what?” Eddie mumbled as he turned to look at Stanley. 

“I was saying, Eddie, that Mike has invited us to the farm this Friday. There’s meant to be a meteor shower at 3 am, Ben’s dad read it in the newspaper.”Bill said.

“You know my mum won’t let me.” Eddie sighed, picking at the crusts of his sandwich. Bill nodded, and Beverly put a gentle hand on Eddie’s back. Eddie hated it. He hated that he couldn’t do anything at weekends or after school. His mum was justified in a way because crime at night was a lot worse, but if he was with friends he would be safe, especially right out of Derry at Mike’s family farm. Eddie’s eyes looked up once again to see Richie quickly leaving the canteen, his jacket now pulled on. Eddie’s eyes followed him till he disappeared. 

-x-

Eddie always looked forward to Monday afternoons because it was the class he had with Richie. Eddie knew that he felt like a stalker sometimes, but there was something fascinating about Richie, like an unsolved puzzle. When he walked into class, Richie wasn’t there yet. Eddie sat down at his usual lab table, which was all in twos. Eddie groaned remembering that his lab partner had been excluded the week before so he would be alone. Eddie hated sitting alone, he liked having people around him all the time so they could distract him from himself. None of his friends was in his science class.

“Settle down class,” the teacher began as he started writing information on the whiteboard. “Today we’re starting our new four-week project.”Suddenly there was a loud bang. Eddie’s eyes shot to the door which had been slammed into the wall as it had opened. Richie Tozier walked in, striding with his long legs. He had dark hair which fell over his eyes in long curls, with a section died a deep red which you could see if Richie pushed his hair back over his ears. Eddie loved it when Richie did that because it meant you could also see the piercings going up his ear.

“Nice for you to join us, Mr Tozier.” The teacher mumbled. 

“Always a pleasure to be here, Mr Clarke.” Richie smiled sarcastically as he walked down the middle of the desks to one that was at the back of the room. Eddie let his eyes follow Richie, and he turned his head to watch him slump at an empty desk, perching himself on one of the stools. He instantly leant on his arm and turned his attention to out of the window. 

“As I was saying,” the teacher continued, grabbing Eddie’s attention again, “You will be working in pairs for this lab project, so if you’re not sat next to someone, go do so now.” Eddie quickly sat up and looked around the room at all his classmates walking to new desks and chatting with each other and laughing. 

“Shit,” Eddie mumbled to himself. Eddie looked around trying to find someone and his eyes went straight back to Richie. “Shit.” Eddie repeated and before he could think about what he was doing, he grabbed his bag off the floor, throwing it over his shoulder and scrunched his coat up in his hand and started walking to Richie’s desk. In the three years, Richie had been at the high school, Eddie hadn’t talked to him one. _Now was his chance, right?_ Eddie felt his breath speed up as he walked down the middle of the room towards Richie, trying not to think about some of the students staring at him. Richie was still staring out the window when Eddie stood next to him. Eddie bit his lip slightly and tapped his foot. Now he was at close proximity to Richie, his heart raced more. Eddie put his hand to his side and felt his inhaler in his pocket. _You don’t need it_ , he thought, _don’t mess this up now._

“Hey.” Eddie finally blurted out. Richie quickly turned to look at who was speaking to him with a prepared glare. But as soon as he saw Eddie, his eyes widened and scanned him up and down, before letting his eyes fall of Eddie’s. It made Eddie feel queasy in the bottom of his stomach. Eddie was suddenly aware of the tight strap of his rucksack hanging on his shoulder, pulling his light blue sweater tight to his chest. “My lab partner got excluded last week, and you’re always by yourself… so I thought...” Eddie was aware he was mumbling. Richie looked at Eddie up and down once again before answering.

“Sure.” Richie finally said, shuffling his stool over slightly. Eddie sighed with relief, instantly hoping that Richie didn’t hear him. He pulled his notebooks and pencil case out of his bag, placing them gently on the counter. He was aware of Richie watching his as he did so. He bit his lip as he finally slid the chair out. He hated the stools, one because of high they were so he had to balance a foot on the support beam, and two, the old wood was painful to sit on.

“I hate these fucking stools,” Eddie mumbled to himself, shuffling around. Richie chuckled to himself, looking down at his lap. Eddie without thinking asked, “What?” Without looking up, Richie shook his head. Eddie could see the hoop earrings that were pierced up Richie’s ear, making Eddie bite his pink lip.

“Just take you as a swearer.” Richie chucked. “You’re more aggressive then I thought you’d be.”

“Yeah, and what did you think I was?” Eddie muttered back.

“A pretty boy who doesn’t like doing stuff his mummy says isn’t ok,” Richie said whilst leaning on his head on his palm and looked over at Eddie. Eddie could feel his cheeks blush with embarrassment. “I’m Richie, by the way,” Richie smirked, watching Eddie shuffle around in discomfort. 

“I know,” Eddie spat out.

“Yeah, of course, you do.” Richie coughed lightly and sat up. There was a sadness in Richie’s voice that Eddie couldn’t quite place why. 

“I’m Eddie.” Eddie quickly said to try and break the tension. 

“I actually knew that as well,” Richie said, smiling once again. 

“No shit?” Eddie chuckled, starting to write the date at the top of his page. He could feel Richie’s eyes on him as he delicately underlined the date. 

“Well yeah, we’ve had classes together for two years. I heard the teacher saying it and stuff, so I guess I remembered it.” Richie sounded defensive, and again, Eddie couldn’t work out why. Richie was fumbling his fingers together and Eddie couldn’t help but glance sideways as he did so. 

“So, erm, today I guess we make a plan for the experiment?” Eddie stuttered, trying to focus on his notebook. 

“Sure.” Richie sighed. The teacher brought round sheets of paper outlining the plan for the next two weeks. When we had passed Eddie and Richie’s table, Mr Clarke had looked between the two boys, and gave a small raised eyebrow to Eddie to say _‘is this ok?’_ Eddie had nodded, and went back to scribbling in his notebook. They got on with there work, Eddie doing all the writing and mostly all of the talking, with Richie weighing in every now and again. Ten minutes before the end of the lesson Eddie felt like he needed to talk to Richie more since he had the chance to talk to his long term crush.

“So erm,” Eddie began making Richie’s eyes shoot up at him from where he was staring at the print out between them, “what you doing tonight.”

“Probably catch up on some sleep,” Richie grumbled. 

“Oh, your tired?” Eddie said quickly. Eddie could tell Richie was tired, but he wasn’t going to say that.

“Yeah,” Richie said, rubbing his face.

“How come?” Eddie asked.

“I was up late,” Richie answered.

“What were you doing?”

“I was out.”

“Out where?”

“Jesus Christ you’re relentless.” Richie groaned leaning back on his stool, touching his head on the back wall, but he had a small smile on his lips. “Have you got a big plan tonight?” Richie said, changing the conversation quickly. 

“Not really,” Eddie said while looking over his shoulder at Richie.

“Not doing anything with your pals?” Richie laughed, leaning back upright and Eddie’s gaze followed him. 

“Erm, no actually. Probably just go home.”

“Where do you live?” Richie asked, leaning his elbow again, so he could look up at Eddie. Eddie nervously fiddled with his pen in his hand. 

“North Side.” It was one of the more well off areas of Derry, where the houses had front and back gardens and trees lining the streets. The pavement in North Side wasn’t uneven and the street lights didn’t flicker at night. “I know what you’re thinking.” Eddie sighed. 

“I bet you don’t,” Richie grumbled. 

“That I’m a rich boy or something,” Eddie said lightly. “I’m not though. It’s not like I’m for the suburbs.”

“Trust me, if you were from the suburbs we would not be talking.” Richie smiled. Eddie smiled too. 

“True,” Eddie said lightly. “It’s just me and my mum, you know. It’s kind of shit.” Eddie was speaking without thinking, he definitely wasn’t making himself look good in front of Richie. The truthfulness spill out, there was something about Richie that made Eddie want to tell secrets. Richie raised his eyebrow. 

“Oh yeah, what’s your mum like? Milf material?” Richie smiled and Eddie shook his head, his cheeks flushing. “Shame. You’d think whoever gave birth to you would be.” Eddie looked over at Richie who was casually picking his bag off the floor. Eddie didn’t have time to think about what Richie’s last comment had meant.

“Where you going?” Eddie said while watching Richie stand up and push his stool under the counter. 

“Sorry to disappoint you darling, but I’ve got to go.” Richie smiled. Eddie was definitely blushing if he wasn’t before. Richie was looking down at Eddie with big eyes. Eddie couldn’t himself look at the way Richie’s lip turned up at the side when he spoke. “I’ve got places to be.”

“We still have five minutes left of class.” Eddie stuttered, quickly glancing at the clock which hung above the whiteboard. 

“Gotta get out of school before the bell goes, I can’t be running into the Barren Boys of The Dreamcatchers on the way out.” Eddie had forgotten about that in the time they spent together, the actual reason why Eddie had never spoken to Richie before. “I’ll see you Friday?” Richie smiled.

“Friday?” Eddie muttered back. 

“Yeah, our next science class dipshit.” Richie laughed. “See you then.” And like that, before Eddie could even say goodbye, Richie turned around and walked through the class to leave. The teacher barely even looked up at Richie as he left. Eddie could feel himself melting into his seat. 

>x<

“You’re jo-jo-joking me?” Bill yelled over the phone. 

“No, I’m not!” Eddie said in a hushed voice, looking around to make sure his mum wasn’t listening in. They only had one phone in the house, which was attached to the wall in the kitchen. He wasn’t allowed his own phone because his mum said something about getting cancer from them. Eddie would often lean up next to the hooked up phone and pick away the yellow-tinged wallpaper that was around the phone. “He fully talked to me.” Eddie hadn’t seen Bill after school, he presumed he had one of his speech therapy classes. So he walked home alone, eager to tell someone about what had happened. He had waited until he had eaten with his Mom and said he had to call Bill for some homework help. 

“Oh, Eddie.” Bill sighed. 

“What?” Eddie said defensively. 

“This isn’t goo-goo-good. Richie Tozier isn’t good news.” Bill said. There was a small silence between them. Eddie knew that Bill wouldn’t care much, but he needed to get it off his chest. 

“I know, but it’s nice, you know?” Eddie muttered. He fiddled with the coil attached the phone, leaning his back on the wall. 

“When you told us you were gay… I guess w-w-we all thought you’d go for a hi-hi-higher ca-ca-calibre of man.”Bill said with a jokey tone, but Eddie knew he wasn’t joking. He thought back to when he told them all. He started with Bill and cried uncontrollably for two hours before he muttered the words out. Telling the others had been easier over the next month or so with Bill’s help. It had been a year since that happened, but he would never dare say anything to anyone at school, let alone his mother. 

“Who would I even date Bill?” Eddie sighed. “And it’s not like Richie Tozier is going to be gay. Imagine what the 207’s would do to him?” 

“I guess,” Bill muttered. “Just be ca-ca-careful, Eds. He might be trying to recruit you as a mule or s-s-some shit.” Eddie laughed, he couldn’t help himself. The idea of that would be too ridiculous. As Eddie chuckled, he looked up to see him Mom approaching the doorway, walking down the badly lit corridor. 

“Thanks for all the homework help, Bill. I’ll see you tomorrow!” Eddie could hear Bill stuttering something as he slammed the phone down. He Mom now rested in the doorway leading into the kitchen, he arms crossed and her face flushed. Eddie wouldn’t say he was terrified of him Mother, but every time she looked at him he felt a sudden chill fall over his body. “I’m going to go do my homework, Mom.” Eddie said while trying to push past her, but she quickly grabbed his shoulder. 

“Eddie bear,” she said softly, “I need to know you’re not going to leave me alone.”

“Mom you’re being ridiculous,” Eddie put his hand over hers. “Why would you say that.”

“If you get good grades you might leave me to go to college.” She tightened her grip on Eddie’s shoulder. “And you can’t be away from me Eddie. I can keep you safe here.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Eddie smiled. He was now the same size as his mother, so there was no way she could overpower him. But it wasn’t the size of her that made her threatening, it was the way she spoke in a soft tone like she was trying to be loving. A small smile crept across her lips. 

“Ok, darling.” She stepped to the side and let go of his shoulder. Eddie started to walk away. “I love you, Eddie.” She called after him. And without turning around, Eddie said under his breath before climbing the stairs,

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story title - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. The chapter title, The samples "could it be another change".


	3. Stay With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title, "Stay With Me" - You Me At Six  
> Follow me on Tumblr and Twitter @bellarosewrites  
> Also pls leave comments of what you think so far? I need validation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of drugs, stealing/theft, sexual tension, some sexual content.

Richie’s week had been an average week for him, but he felt more drained than usual. January wasn’t usually busy for dealing, but for some reason this year, the sales had picked up. The higher-ups said it was because the poverty was getting worse, so the margins for drugs were going down, making them more available. Some nights, Richie went out to sell and other nights he worked as a lookout where they made the drugs. They didn’t like him in the actual house because he talked too much and annoyed the higher-ups, which Richie was ok with because he didn’t like talking to them either. It was easier having someone in the gang come to his door and post the envelope of drugs for the week for him to carry around in case of a sale. He found himself drifting a lot, more than usual, probably due to his tiredness. But when his mind wandered, it went to Eddie’s eyes. He couldn’t help himself. The way Eddie looked at him made him feel… _powerful_? Like he could conquer anything or do anything. But also made him feel mushy inside, a type of mushiness that Richie hated. He got that feeling when he was a puppy in the pound or when he saw a little kid crying on his estate. It was a protective feeling like he wanted to make sure no one ever hurt Eddie. That he wanted to make sure Eddie even came close to the stuff Richie felt. But there was more… Richie felt a spark in his stomach, an ache almost. 

When it finally got to Friday, Richie couldn’t help but feel an energised buzz in his body as he got up for school. He drowsily rubbed his eyes as he walked in his cold two-story house in his boxers, feeling the soft breeze that travelled through it and the hairs on his body pricking up. He stumbled a few times on the loose carpet which lined his hallway, and toes suddenly curled up at the touch of the cold tiled floor that lined the bathroom. He quickly ripped open the old shower curtain, trying to rush the process more so he could warm his body up. Richie turned the slightly rusted nozzles of the shower on and stuck his hand underneath, waiting for it to turn hot, which it never did. The pipes moaned as the water spat out of the showerhead, hitting the bottom of the bathtub with harsh thuds. Richie groaned as he reluctantly stuck his head under the cold water. _Who needs coffee when you have the luxury of cold showers in the morning?_ Richie thought. 

He picked up a 3 in 1 body wash/shampoo/conditioner and poured some into his hand, making sure not to use too much. Even though the drugs he was selling was somewhat profitable, he barely saw any of that money. The margins for selling were low because of the amount of product in Derry, some politicians calling it ‘dangerously’ cheap. So where he could save money, like his sad-looking shampoo, he cut corners. He let the soap fall down his body as he scrubbed into his head, letting his head fall back into the cold water. He moaned out loud as his goosebumps prinked on his skin. He looked down at his soapy skin and attempted to wash the bubbled away. He looked down at his skinny body, poking at where he could see his ribs. He let his fingers trace over them. He felt hollow. He shook his head like a wet dog and turned the shower off. 

He quickly wrapped a towel around him going back to his bedroom, shivering as he walked. He slowly stopped outside his mother’s room, biting his lip as he attempted to pear in. He edged open the door, making a small squeak. He looked over her motionless body as she slept with some half-naked man next to her. The cracked light from a loosely boarded up window split over the two adults, making Richie see the pale complexion of his mother. Richie rolled his eyes as he shut the door again before walking back to his room. 

-x-

Richie ended up skipping his first lesson. He was running late for school anyway, so he took his time to walk along the winding roads of Derry, puffing on his cigarette. He knew he was looking forward to the lesson after that because it meant half the morning would be science. Which meant half a morning with Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie couldn’t help but grin as he walked to his lesson. His jacket was zipped up tight, still recovering from the chill in his bones which he got from his freezing shower. He actually arrived at his lesson on time, eagerly sitting at his desk at the back of the class. He watched the door as students funnelled in while chatting amongst themselves. Then, there he was, the diamond in the rough. Richie smiled as Eddie bounced as he walked. Eddie had a spark that everyone else seemed to have lost in there teenage years. The spark that keeps you dreaming, keeps you motivated, keeping you smiling through the shit. Eddie still had that, and Richie loved that. 

“Hey.” Eddie grinned as he shuffled out his stool. Eddie was wearing a what Richie could only describe as a very in your face, ugly, sweater. It was knitted, with yellow and mint green stripes. _God, who dresses this kid?_ Richie thought. But at the same time, it suited Eddie in a weird way. The sleeves were pulled down to his wrists, where he clutched them with his fingertips. 

“Hey,” Richie finally said back as Eddie sat down. They both awkwardly stared forward as their teacher spoke, telling them they had to start thinking about the would set up there experiment. Richie was barely listening because his eyes kept glancing sideways at Eddie, who was biting a pen loosely between his teeth. 

“Fuck,” Richie muttered without thinking as Eddie moved the pen over his pink lips. Eddie instantly stopped to look at Richie, frowning slightly. 

“You ok?” He whispered.

“Yeah, sorry, it’s just confusing.” Richie lied, looking at the board.

“Tell me about it,” Eddie mumbled from underneath the pen. 

When Mr Clarke finally stopped talking, Eddie sighed and leant back on his stool, the sound of chatter filled the room. 

“I guess I should grab some of the equipment and we can start working out a setup?” Eddie asked. 

“Yeah sure,” Richie said. He watched as Eddie walked away to the cupboards on the other side of the room. Some of the other students had wandered over and also looked through the very outdated kit. Richie looked down at his kicked feet, letting the tips of his boots scrape on the floor. 

“Pull yourself together, Tozier,” Richie grumbled. 

“What did you say?” Eddie said as he approached the table, holding a box in his hand. Richie opened and closed his mouth as he looked at Eddie. 

“Oh just, thinking…” Richie lied again. Actually, he guessed that wasn’t technically a lie. 

“I hear that,” Eddie said, dropping the box on the table. He sat on the stool next to Richie and started pulling equipment out. Richie noticed how Eddie had to lean forward onto the desk and lean his feet on the support beam to give him enough height to look in the box. 

“What do you mean?” Richie asked curiously. He watched Eddie bite his lip as he thought of an answer. 

“Nothing… I think a lot I guess.” Eddie mumbled while trying to concentrate. Richie gave a small breath laugh. 

“What are you doing this weekend?” Richie asked, trying to keep the conversation going. 

“Actually, my friend’s were meant to watch the meteor shower tonight, but I don’t think I can go,” Eddie mumbled, fiddling around with the brackets to hold the test tube.

“Why not?” Richie asked. 

“My mum won’t let me.”Eddie quickly said. His focus was completely on the equipment, not on Richie or the conversation. But Richie couldn’t work out if it was because he cared about the experiment or he didn’t care to talk about what was obviously bothering him. 

“You’re kidding?” Richie said.

“Nope,” Eddie mumbled. “I’m not allowed out, especially not a night.”

“Just sneak out.” Richie casually said, but Eddie laughed. “What?” Richie asked.

“Not a chance,” Eddie said while still laughing.

“You’ve never snuck out?”Richie said in disbelief. He leaned on his elbow to look up at Eddie, trying to get a better look at his face. 

“Nope,” Eddie said. 

“Not even to have fun?” Richie said and Eddie shook his head and bit his lip again. Richie could sense sadness within Eddie, he wanted to reach forward and hug him. Richie noted that he had never felt like hugging anyone in his life before. “Do you want to hang out with your friends?”

“Of course I do… I’m 18 I should be able to hang out with them whenever I want.” Eddie mumbled. He dropped one of the metal beams onto the table. He reached up and ran his fingers through his thick hair. Richie watched the way his delicate fingers scratched into his hair. “I hate this shit.” Eddie laughed. 

“Yup,” Richie agreed, sitting up. 

Near the end of the lesson when they had finally decided how to conduct the meaningless experiment, Eddie started talking again. Richie liked how openly he talked about his problems, even when Richie didn’t ask. 

“I hate being alone, but I have to walk home alone most of the time because my mum can’t drive. I get so anxious and shit so maybe it’s reasonable my mom worries.”

“What about walking from school?” Richie asked. 

“Yeah, I guess. As I said, I don’t really like being by myself.”

“I’ll walk you home,” Richie blurted without even thinking. He knew he was probably getting carried away, but he couldn’t help himself. Eddie looked around at Richie in shock, his mouth slightly open. 

“Really?” Eddie said.

“Yeah, it’s not like I’m crossing any gang territories,” Richie mumbled. 

“That’s not what I mean… but… thank you… That would be nice...” Eddie stuttered. The bell went for lunch and everyone in the class began to pick up their things. 

“What lesson do you have last?” Richie asked as he zipped up his jacket. 

“Erm, Spanish…” Eddie mumbled.

“Leave five minutes before the bell and I’ll meet you outside the classroom.” Richie leant down and grabbed his bag off the floor. He watched Eddie stumble over his words.

“How… How are you… How can I leave early?”Richie smiled as he pulled a bunch of letters out of his bag that he carried around for younger 207s that didn’t have parents. He flicked through them, looking for a doctor note. He handed it to Eddie and Eddie took it off him nervously. 

“Sign the bottom of it like your mom's signature and give it to your teacher. Say you have to just leave five minutes early and be really apologetic.” Richie watched Eddie blink and he looked at the note. “See you then, Kaspbrak.” Richie winked and walked out of the classroom, leaving Eddie alone in the now empty classroom. Richie walked down the corridor, feeling more confident than usual. He saw a glimpse of the back of Nails head walking a few meters in front of him. 

“Hey, Nails!” Richie shouted and Nails turned around and waved. He stopped in his tracks as Richie approached him.

“What’s up, Tozier?” Nails asked, digging his hands into his pockets as they walked. 

“I actually need a favour,” Richie asked. 

“Yeah sure, anything.” Nails quickly said.

“I need you to take half of my shift tonight,” Richie said, looking down at the younger boy. 

“Why? You always work Fridays.”

“And you never do, that’s why I need you to do this for me.” Richie was pulling out his authoritative tone. 

“Sure… ok…”Nails mumbled.

“Meet me at my house at 1am and I’ll give you whatever I haven’t sold. You only have to work till about 4am.”

“Can I ask what you’re doing?”

“Secret mission, a need to know basis I’m afraid.” Richie smiled at his feet as his plan went into motion. 

  


-x-

  


The day went desperately slow. Richie was eager to get Eddie out of his Spanish lesson, leaning up against the wall, flicking his lighter. Right on the dot, Eddie came out of the room looking pale as paper. His breath seemed shallow.

“You okay there Kaspbrak?” Richie nervously laughed, pushing himself off the wall. 

“I can’t believe I just did that.”Eddie genuinely looked like he was going to be sick. He pulled out an inhaler out of his pocket and puffed on it. Richie watched as Eddie breathed in again, making his breaths longer. His chest was going up and down underneath the hideous jumper. Richie smiled down at the smaller boy. 

“Let’s get you home before you actually need to go to the doctors.”

The walk home was quiet and slightly awkward. Richie’s strides were a lot bigger than Eddie’s so he had to slow himself down. They both had their hands dig into their pockets to combat the cold. It was probably the longest Richie had spent outside without smoking since he was fourteen, but the urge to smoke was overpowered by the soft nervous energy in Richie’s stomach. Maybe a cigarette would’ve helped the feeling, but Richie didn’t want to give second-hand smoke to the smaller boy. It took around 20 minutes of walking and small talk before they reached the Kaspbrak residence. Eddie turned on his heel to face Richie. 

“This is me.” Eddie awkwardly shuffled on his feet and looked up at Richie. 

“Which windows yours?” Richie asked while looking at the house across the road. It was a two-story home, with a small porch. The grass seemed well kept and the wooden patio was clean. Obviously whoever lived in the home wanted to give the impression of a very put-together household. 

“That’s a fucking weird question.” Eddie laughed, but he turned to look at his house and pointed. “The one with blue curtains.” Eddie turned back to face Richie. “Thank you for walking me home, Richie.” 

“It’s no problem.” Richie smiled down at Eddie, feeling engulfed by the sudden urge to hug the smaller boy. “I’ll see you later?” Richie said, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah… yeah… see you later.” Eddie smiled and turned to walk to his house. Richie watched at he disappeared through his front door. Richie wanted to tell Eddie his plan but knew Eddie would persuade him out of it if he did. 

  
  
-x-

  


“This is ridiculous, Richie.” He muttered to himself. After a 2 hour nap, wandering the streets for dop off for what felt like forever in the cold, and meting Nails to hand over the drugs, Richie shook his hands a couple of times anxiously, before leaning down to pick up a few rocks. He was back outside Eddie’s house. As gently as could, as he threw one at the window, and kept throwing little rocks until he saw a light flick on and movement behind the blue curtains. They were slowly pushed open and Eddie peaked out. Eddie’s eyes scanned his garden and suddenly saw Richie and his eyes widened. He quickly pushed open his windows. 

“What the fuck are you doing here Richie? Its like half one in the morning.” Eddie hissed, and Richie put a finger to his lip to shush Eddie but smiled behind his finger.

“I’m sneaking you out, dickhead.” Richie smiled up at the boy leaning out of his window, and Eddie looked down in disbelief.

“Why?”

“Because I’m sure you’re loser friends are missing you.” Richie smiled. “Plus, you need to live a little, Kaspbrak.” He dug his hands into his pockets as he watched Eddie look over his shoulder for a moment before looking back down at Richie. Richie could see Eddie was reluctant. “I knew you would never sneak out by yourself, so I thought I could kidnap you instead.”

“This is crazy.” Eddie hissed angrily. 

“Come on dude, I brought a ladder and everything,” Richie said pointing the ladder that he had laid down behind him. 

“Where did you get a ladder?”

“Is that really your question right now?” Richie laughed quietly. He didn’t want to tell Eddie he stole it from one of his neighbours in a panic realising he had no idea how to get Eddie out of the house. “Eddie, baby, don’t leave me waiting in the cold.” Richie grinned. Richie thought about how he dropped yet another cutesy name, he couldn’t help himself, they suited Eddie so much. Eddie sighed while looking behind him once again and then looked down at Richie.

“Ok, fine, lean it up against the house.”Eddie groaned. Richie grinned as he bent down to pick up the ladder. He placed it upright and up did the hudges, and began to push it up. “Oh wait,” Eddie suddenly said looking down at Richie, “I need to get changed, I’m in pyjamas, just wait a sec.” Eddie disappeared behind the curtain, leaving it open slightly. Richie bit his lip for a moment before putting one hand onto the ladder. He gripped it for a moment, thinking. But then he put his foot on the first step and began to climb. When he got to the top, he slowly pushed the curtain with his finger to see Eddie pulling a large sweater over his head. The room had a warm orange glow which came from his lamp. There wasn’t much in his room, it was quite bare in fact, but Richie wasn’t paying attention to that. His eyes were on Eddie naked torso as he took his jumper and top off in frustration, pulling another one out of his closet instead. Richie crossed his arms on the window ledge and balanced his chin on top. Richie desperately tried to ignore the feeling he could feel deep in his stomach. Eddie picked up another top and then pulled it on over his head, followed by the light yellow sweater. He looked into the mirror and pulled down the sleeves. His eyes scanned up and down his body then met Richie’s eyes in the reflection. Eddie quickly span around to look at Richie. 

“I told you to wait.” Eddie blushed.

“Just wanted to see Eddie Kaspbrak’s childhood room.” Richie grinned, he chin still pressed into his arms. Eddie shook his head and rolled his eyes to turn away from Richie. He bent down and pulled on his trainers. Richie watched Eddie lace up his warn white sneakers. Richie felt buzzed and sick at the same time. He gripped onto the windowpane to steady himself on the ladder. 

“Right get down and hold the ladder for me.” Richie quickly scarpered down and put his foot on the bottom step and gripped the sides. He watched as Eddie dropped his body out of the window and carefully step down. He swore heavily under his breath, making Richie laugh to himself. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Eddie groaned as he reached the bottom. Richie smiled at Eddie’s boldness. No one had ever talked back to Richie before, let alone telling him to fuck off. Richie stepped to the side so Eddie could jump off. “So now what?” Eddie said as he brushed some of the flakes of dust that had come off the ladder and onto his clothes. 

“We go to your mates house.” Richie smiled. 

“Yeah but how? He lives on a farm outside of Derry.” Eddie laughed. They both looked at each other smiling. Richie loved Eddie’s smile. Even in the shadow that they stood in, Richie could see the outlines of Eddie’s delicate features. His hair was messier then usually, Richie liked it better like this. It had a slight curl. Eddie raised his eyebrows to try and hurry Richie’s answer along. 

“Oh yeah… I have a car…” Richie said spinning around and pointing to a rusty pickup truck which was parked under a street light. “Well, I say car…And I say ‘ _I have_ ’… it’s technically my moms but I’m insured on it…” Eddie nodded and started walking up to the truck, leaving the safety of his front lawn. 

  


-x-  
  


Richie hadn’t thought about this bit. He just thought about getting Eddie out of the house, he didn’t think about actually going to see his friends. Eddie knocked on Mikes wooden door. Richie thought he did it softly because Mike’s parents would be asleep. The door suddenly crept open slightly, an eye peaking threw the gap. The eyes suddenly widened, and the door flew open. 

“Eddie!” Mike yelled and pulled Eddie into a tight hug. Mikes eyes were tight shut as his chin balanced on Eddie’s shoulder. Richie looked down at his feet as he shuffled them slightly. He felt a pang of jealousy. Jealousy that Eddie had such a tight group of friends where they felt comfortable enough to hug each other, but also that they got to openly touch Eddie whenever they felt like it. Mike must’ve opened his eyes at some point because he grabbed Eddie’s shoulders as he pushed Eddie away. He stared at Richie with an open mouth. Richie looked up at the gapping boy. 

“Hi, I’m Ri-”

“I know who you are.” Mike interrupted. “Why are you here?” Eddie quickly grabbed Mikes hands off his shoulders and held them while he turned to look at Richie. 

“Richie is actually the person that helped me escape.” Eddie smiled while looking at Richie, and Richie couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Really…” Mike raised an eyebrow, staring at the awkward Richie. Eddie nodded and smiled at Mike. “Do you mind waiting here for a moment Richie?” Mike mumbled. 

“Erm, yeah, sure.” Mike quickly yanked Eddie into the house and slammed the door shut. For the first time in his life, Richie felt awkward. Normally he felt like he could own whatever place he was in, and didn’t ever feel threatened. He rolled his eyes impatiently and tapped his foot. He could hear some sort of commotion inside. Richie realised that the downstairs window was open and he could hear all of Eddie’s friends bickering inside. Richie bit his lip before wandering next to the window, leaning up on the wall to listen in. 

“This is some weird joke, right Mike?” Someone laughed from inside. 

“Eddie tell them.” Mike’s voice said. 

“Look, he’s actually a good guy-” Eddie started to say.

“Holy shit!” Another voice shouted, interrupting Eddie. Some others inside scoffed and mumbled between themselves.

“Keep your voice down, Stanley. My parents are asleep.” Mike hissed. 

“He’s probably just using you, you realise that, right? He’s a 207 scumbag.” A voice said. It hurt deep within Richie. He wished right at the moment he could sink into the ground and disappear. 

“He’s not guys, we’re just friends.” The ‘just friends’ made Richie raise his eyebrows. _Why would he have to say they were just friends?_

“Eddie, this is insane. What would your Mom say?” A female’s voice said, who Richie presumed to be Beverly Marsh. Richie knew exactly who Beverly Marsh was, like everyone else in the school, he had heard the rumours about her. 

“Who gives a shit about my mum, I care about what you guys think!” Eddie said aggressively. “I want him to be here, and that means you should too.”

“Jesus Christ.” A voice said, Richie could hear them pacing up and down. 

“If Eddie trusts him, we should trust him.”

“Jesus Ben, you can’t be serious,” Mike said.

“Fucksake,” Beverly said, sounding defeated. “Yeah, fine.” 

“You too Beverly?”

“Eddie’s right. And he did go to the effort of breaking Eddie out for us. We’re going to the field now anyway, it’s not like he’s going to be in your house for long Mike.” Beverly’s voice said. 

“I swear to God, Eddie, if he offers us drugs or -” 

“He won’t. Richie’s not like that.” Eddie said. Richie’s heart dropped. Eddie must know what he does, right? Or maybe he was saying that he wouldn’t bring drugs into someone’s house, or he doesn’t do drugs himself? Richie sighed and hit his head on the wall behind him. 

“Fine, I’ll let him in.” Mike’s voice said. Richie quickly jumped up and rushed to the front door, his feet skidding in the mud. He quickly straightened himself and smiled as Mike opened the door. “Sorry about that Richie.” Mike stepped to the side, a hand still on the door to keep it open. 

“It’s no problem dude, guessing you were hiding the action figures and shit?” Richie joked. Mike shook his head and walked in front of Richie. Richie rolled his eyes at himself. Why did he have to make jokes? He had never felt an atmosphere like it. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Everyone was sat on chairs or the couch, including Mike, and Eddie was standing in the middle of the room smiling at Richie. He was like a warm glow in the middle of the darkness. 

“Guys, this is Richie,” Eddie said to his friends. A few of them put their hands up to wave. “Richie, this is Ben, Bill, Beverly and Stanley, and you just met Mike… So…” It was deathly quiet in the room. 

“Hey guys, thanks for having me. I’ve never seen shooting stars before, I’m actually excited.” Richie chuckled, but no one smiled back. 

“Oh shit, the meteor shower.” Make said standing up, “We should go to the field now.” They all nodded and stood up. Beverly picked up a pile of blankets and they all walked past Richie to go out of the door. Eddie was the last to stand up, but he stood in front of Richie. 

“They hate me… I should go…” Richie muttered, digging his hands deeper into his pockets. 

“Don’t be silly, I want you here.” Eddie smiled softly. Eddie reached his hand forward and gripped Richie’s forearm. The contact made Richie’s skin buzz even if there was a thick layer of leather between them. After a couple of moments, Eddie looked down at the floor and moved his hand away. Richie smiled down at the nervous-looking boy, Richie loved the way his mouth curled when he smiled and the way his eyelashes fluttered as he blinked. Eddie finally looked up again. “Come on, let’s go.” Eddie walked past Richie, and Richie span on his heel to follow.

The walk to the end of the field felt long. By the time Eddie and Richie got there, Beverly had spread blankets out to sit on and was handing out other blankets to wrap themselves in. Eddie took one with a smile and sat. Richie looked at his friends, who were all nervously glancing at him. He sat down at the end on the line next to Eddie. He looked round to see, Bill next to Eddie, then Beverly, Ben, Mike and Stanley. Richie would never say it to Eddie, but there was definitely some weird dynamic between them all. Eddie wrapped the blanket around himself as everyone settled

“God, it’s freezing, I can’t believe I didn’t bring a coat... are there any more blankets?” Eddie shivered next to Richie. 

“Afraid not Eddie, you should’ve wrapped up warmer, it is January,” Beverly said, keeping her eyes on the sky. Richie looked at Eddie’s shivering body and the way his arms wrapped around his knees. Richie sighed before shuffling on his bum before unzipping his coat and sliding down his arms. Eddie watched him. 

“What are you doing?” Eddie quietly asked. Richie took the jacket off and held it in his hands and raised an eyebrow. “Really?” Eddie muttered and Richie smiled and nodded his head. Eddie shimmied the blankets off his shoulders and let Richie guide his arms into the large leather jacket. Eddie was smiling as he did so, but Richie caught Bill’s eye. Bill glared at the two boys, and Richie looked down, moving his hands away so Eddie could zip up the coat. Eddie picked up the blanket which had fallen behind him and put an arm over Richie’s shoulder. Richie gripped it and pulled it tight, letting Eddie pull the other side behind himself. 

“Thanks,” Richie muttered. Eddie shuffled up closer to Richie letting the blanket wrap around them tighter, closing the gap between them. 

“It’s ok,” Eddie said, looking at the sky. It was the first time Richie had wished he hadn’t put studs on his jacket because they dug into his arm as he pressed close to Eddie. He wished they weren’t there because he wanted to get even closer. Richie knew he should be looking up at the sky with the others, but he couldn’t help but look at the starlit Eddie, his big eyes scanning the dark sky. Richie smiled to himself. “Can you see anything,” Eddie mumbled, eyes still upwards. 

“Not sure,” Richie said. Eddie turned to look at Richie, realising that Richie’s voice was close to his ear. When he turned, he didn’t realise how close their noses would be together. So Eddie quickly smiled before turning back to look at the sky. Richie watched Eddie bite his soft pink lips and his throat bob up and down as he gulped. Under the blanket, there was a small movement, and Richie’s eyes flicked up to the sky. Eddie’s hand gently moved towards Richie's knee, where there was a rip in his jeans. His light touch felt warm on Richie’s skin. Richie bit his lip hard. Eddie was resting gently, his fingertips barely making contact. But after what felt like a lifetime and no kickback from Richie, Eddie fully placed his hand on Richie’s leg. Richie’s eyes flicked to look at Eddie’s friends, and none of them was paying attention to the two boys. So, Richie breathed out heavily and moved his arm around Eddie under the blanket, his hand resting on his hip and pulling him closer to his body. Richie felt a nervous heat all over his body and was aware that his ears and cheeks had probably gone bright red. He glanced down at Eddie who was smiling to himself and Richie gave a small chuckle and shook his head, trying to ignore the growing anxiety. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't resist touching the smaller boy. He wanted to protect him and make him only see the good parts of life. Richie went back to looking up at the sky. Eddie’s thumb was moving up and down slowly and it made Richie tingle. He wanted more contact. His brain felt fuzzy from it. He gulped again, as he let the hand which was placed on Eddie’s hip travel down the leather jacket, and he felt the edge of it in between his fingers. Eddie quickly glanced at him and gave a small nod. Richie’s hand gently pushed up the jacket and found his fingers touching the soft cotton of Eddie’s sweater. He did that for a moment before pushing it up as well as the shirt underneath it and found his fingertips on Eddie’s cold skin. He let he thumb trace down the side of Eddie’s stomach and his hand rest on his side. He pulled Eddie in closer, and by doing so, Eddie’s hand slid further down Richie’s leg. Not by much, but it was enough to make Richie shiver. 

“Oh, shit look!” Ben yelped, making Eddie and Richie jump and their hands grip tighter into each other. Ben pointed up at the sky and they all followed it, looking at the sky. A few lights flashed across the sky. 

“Holy shit...” Richie mumbled. A smile crept across his face as he looked up at the sky. For a moment, Richie felt completely insignificant and all his worries melt away. It was so beautiful. He pressed Eddie closer into him. 

“Holy shit...” Eddie repeated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title, "Stay With Me" - You Me At Six  
> Follow me on Tumblr and Twitter @bellarosewrites  
> Also pls leave comments of what you think so far? I need validation xo


	4. Tiger Lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title "Tiger Lily", by Matchbook Romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gangs, mentions of gang violence, gang violence, violence, dead body mentioned, mentions of drugs, stealing/theft, sexual tension, some sexual content.

“Richie’s going to take me home. My mom can’t see my bed empty when she wakes up.” Eddie told his friends as they all walked across the field. They were walking in a tight group but Richie fell behind. Eddie turned to look at him, but Richie was watching the ground as he walked. Eddie was wearing a black shirt with a band logo he had never heard of across the chest. Something that Eddie really loved about Richie’s outfit tonight was that he was wearing several chains around his neck. He normally wore them but tucked them in his top for some reason, but tonight he had pulled them out for everyone to see. Eddie loved the way they hit Richie’s collar bones as he walked. Eddie turned forwards to look where he was going, trying not to let his wandering mind get too messy as he tried to avoid muddy patches of grass. He felt the chill in the air as he wrapped the large leather jacket tighter around his body. It smelled of cigarettes, but Eddie didn’t mind. Eddie felt a small buzz coarse through his body. Even though it was half four in the morning, Eddie didn’t feel even slightly tired. He felt energised. The lights they had left on inside created small rectangle beacons from across the field that had guided them to his doorstep. The others were staying at Mikes, and Eddie wished he could too. But he knew that his mother would kill him if she knew Eddie had snuck out, especially with Richie Tozier. Eddie hugged all his friends as Richie stood there awkwardly, watching them all. Eddie was hyper-aware that his friends would all see him wearing Richie’s jacket. As he hugged them he felt a sense of pride wearing Richie’s heavy leather coat, but his friends tried not to press their chins into the studs on the shoulders, or the pins down the front. Maybe this would show them all that Richie could be kind. 

“Tonight was really fun,” Eddie said to the group. 

“Yeah, we’re glad you were here Eddie.” Mike smiled. “Maybe Richie can help you sneak out more often?” Eddie looked over his shoulder at Richie, who’s eyes instantly shot up at the comment. Richie was grinning ear to ear. 

“Anytime,” Richie said with a small laugh. “Thanks for having me, Mike.”

“Thanks for making sure Eddie gets home safe,” Beverly added, and Richie nodded at her.

“Ready to go?” Eddie asked Richie and he nodded again. Eddie watched his friends go inside and Richie gave them all a small wave and a nod. It filled Eddie with unexplainable happiness. Eddie looked back to see Bill still waiting outside the house, watching as Eddie and Richie walked away. Eddie smiled at him but Bill shook his head before joining the others inside. Eddie’s stomach dropped. He looked forward again, looking at Richie’s parked truck. How could one small action from Bill ruin his night so much? He loved Bill so much. It had always been Eddie and Bill against the world, but more of Eddie against the world with Bill looking after him. Bill was only a couple of months older than Eddie, but he was always stronger and able to get them out of bad situations. They had each other's back, but suddenly it felt like Bill disapproved of Eddie. Well, disapproved of Eddie's actions. 

The two boys finally made it to the truck, and Richie quickly stepped in front of Eddie so he could open the passenger door for him. Eddie smiled as he got in, shuffling around for his seat belt. There were three seats in the truck, and Eddie wanted to shuffle into the middle seat so he could be closer to Richie, but he decided against it. It didn’t stop him from watching Richie thud on the seat, and watching the way his arms flexed as he leant around for the seat belt. Richie started the engine without saying a word. The headlights switched on, showing the long road which led to Derry. Eddie hoped that Richie wouldn’t put music on, because for the first time in a long time, he enjoyed the silence. He watched the stars in the sky becoming less prominent as they entered Derry, where the light pollution stopped the stars shining as brightly. Eddie glanced to the side of him to see Richie smiling to himself as he watched the road. Suddenly, the memory of Richie’s fingers on Eddie’s bare skin made Eddie shiver. Thinking about it made Eddie’s heart beat fast. There was a danger in initiating the contact which filled Eddie with excitement. He had always been a ‘good boy’, so maybe the thrill of Richie gave him a taste of another life that he had always craved.

-x-

They carried on driving, with Eddie trying not to watch Richie as he tapped the steering wheel with his long fingers. Eddie was starting to feel drowsy, feeling like he could defiantly fall asleep. He could never match Richie's energy. Richie seemed to always be buzzing, even if he said he had been out all night. Suddenly there was a small buzzing sound. Eddie looked next to him to see a small phone. 

“Oh cool, you have a mobile phone?” Eddie said, picking it up. Not many people had a phone in Derry, only the rich kids. Or at least he never saw anyone with a phone at school because they probably knew someone would try to steal it. 

“Erm yeah, actually pass it here that might be important.”

“Not a chance you’re checking a phone while driving,” Eddie argued. Richie shot him a look and Eddie instantly handed the phone over without giving it a second thought. It didn’t matter if he was starting to see a softer side of the taller boy, Richie would always be able to say whatever and Eddie would do as he was told. Eddie slumped in his seat and watched Richie glance up and down from his phone to road. Eddie pulled his hands deeper inside the sleeves of the oversized jacket, feeling the frayed inner lining. 

“Oh shit,” Richie mumbled. “Shit, shit shit.” Richie threw his phone between the two of them. Eddie looked up at Richie, seeing a sudden paleness to his face. The soft smile had gone and was replaced by a desperate look.

“What?” Eddie asked quietly. Richie quickly turned off the road they were on, starting to take the opposite direction to Eddie’s home. “Look, honestly do you mind if I quickly sort something out before I take you home? I really didn’t want to get you involved in any shit but I think it’s an emergency…”

“Of course.” Eddie interrupted, sitting up straight, using the palms of his hands to push him up. Eddie couldn’t keep his eyes off Richie. The Richie Eddie had been getting to know the last couple of days had gone and the 207 Richie everyone knew was back.

“Shit,” Richie mumbled again. “Shit!” He said louder, hitting the steering wheel, making Eddie jump. Richie pushed his foot down, making the car make an uneasy rattling noise as the speed picked up.

“What’s going on Richie?” Eddie asked, trying not to sound too panicked. Richie was glancing at Eddie, looking like he was trying to steady his breath. Richie didn’t answer the question. He just kept his wide eyes on the road, gritting his teeth. The more time passed, the more Richie looked aggravated.

About fifteen minutes later, Richie pulled round a corner. Eddie knew they were in Barren Boy territory. Fear crept through Eddie’s body. He grabbed his inhaler from his pocket and pulled it up to his lips to take a puff. But, he didn’t get the chance too. When Richie turned the corner, they both winced at the sudden blue and red flashing lights. Eddie felt like his breath completely stopped and Richie slowed down at the roadblock. A police officer waved his arms to stop him, signalling him to turn around. Eddie looked at Richie, his mouth open and inhaler in his hand. Richie was still. His face was pale, with his wild hair falling over his face. Eddie watched Richie’s chest move up and down. 

“Rich…” Eddie whimpered, but Richie didn’t even look at Eddie when he suddenly moved to get out of the car. 

“Wait here, Eddie. Don’t get out of the truck.” Richie said sternly without even looking in Eddie's direction. Richie slammed the door shut, and Eddie watched Richie march towards the police cars, his silhouette blocking the red and blue flashes. Eddie took the opportunity to press down on his inhaler, letting the medicine fill his lungs and calm him down. Richie was talking to the police officer that waved at them to turn round. Richie’s pale skin stood out, the red and blue lights lit up his bare skin. Eddie tapped his foot as he waited, watching to see what was happening. The police officer pointed further down the road away from the truck as he spoke, he was too far away to lip-read what he was saying. Suddenly, Richie bolted in the direction of where the police officer was pointing. He tried to grab Richie, but let him go. Richie leapt over the police tape, swerving past the police cars, disappearing into the bright flashes of light. Eddie shut his eyes and shook his head violently. 

“Don’t do it, Eddie. Don’t…” Eddie muttered to himself. His eyes shot open to looking at what was happening in front of him. “Fuck.” He said, as he opened the truck door and lept out. The loud noises filled his ears of sirens and people shouting. Eddie jogged up to where Richie had been standing with the police officer. The police officer barely even glanced at Eddie as he stared into the middle of the cars. They had formed a block of a large area. Stood in the middle of it all was Richie, who stood with his back to Eddie and his fists clenched. He was about ten feet away from Eddie, so there was no point in Eddie trying to yell his name to get his attention over the sirens. Eddie’s eyes wandered to see what Richie was looking at. Eddie felt breathless once again. All the sound drowned out around him. He had lived in Derry his whole life and was constantly aware of the violence that went on around him, but he had been lucky enough to never have to see it. Maybe he did have his mother to thank for that. It used to be the case that no one was allowed to walk home from school alone and a curfew was put in place. Sometimes Eddie would hear police cars zoom past his house, or a kid from his school would disappear one day. Eddie tried not to think about it too much because it filled him with so much fear, the thought of living in a place where you could be in danger from other human beings was too much for him. But he never had to see it, so he never had to think about it. Even when his friends talked about it, he would put his head down and try and picture he was somewhere other than Derry. Eddie was what you would call blissfully ignorant. Until this moment. 

About five feet away from Richie, two paramedics were lifting a stretcher with what Eddie could presume was a body. A sheet that used to be all white covered whoever lay on it, blood seeped from the sheet where it was stuck against the body. Eddie saw a glimpse of a limp arm fall from under the sheet, swaying as the two men carried the stretcher. Eddie’s eyes went back to Richie who had put his hands to his head, clenching his hair in his hands. A police officer approached Richie and was saying something to him. Richie seemed to be unresponsive. Eddie’s lip quivered. The sound of the sirens and sight of a blood-stained road being lit up by the blue and red lights was too much for him. the thought of this being Richie’s world started to creep into his mind, overwhelming him. Eddie wondered how many dead bodies Richie had seen before. Richie turned on his heel, still blanking the police officer and still kept his hands in his hair. Richie started walking towards where Eddie was standing but hadn’t seen him yet. Richie hands left his hair and went to his face, where he rubbed it aggressively. They went back to his sides, clenching them, then Richie’s eyes finally looked up and saw Eddie. Richie suddenly picked up his speed as he noticed Eddie and grabbed Eddie's arm to spin him around. They both walked to the car, Richie’s hand had a tight of Eddie as he dragged him.

“I told you to fucking stay in the truck, Eddie.” Eddie tried to shuffle Richie’s grip off him, but Richie gripped harder. Even with the leather jacket, his hand nearly fit around Eddie’s arm. Eddie was speechless, he couldn’t say what possessed him to get out of the truck. He really wished he hadn't. Eddie turned around to look at the scene behind him, a police officer was talking to another one, pointing in their direction. Suddenly, the both started trying to catch up to the two boys. Eddie’s eyes widened and looked back to the taller boy. Richie had led Eddie to the passenger side of the car and opened the door with his other hand. Richie finally let go when Eddie was shuffling into his seat. Richie slammed the door shut before walking to his side. Eddie felt himself become frozen in his seat. Richie sat down with a thud and quickly turned the engine back on. The headlights sparked on, showing the two police officers walking up to the car, but Richie looked over his shoulder to reverse backwards, putting his arm on the middle seat's headrest. Eddie hated himself for getting distracted by Richie’s jawline in the flashing lights as he turned to look behind him. Richie turned and drove away from whatever mess they left behind. Eddie kept his eyes on Richie in a panic. Richie kept his eyes forward, gripping the steering wheel till his knuckles were white. His teeth were clenched, and his whole aura was seething with rage. Eddie wanted to say something, he just didn’t know what. He was terrified. He wasn’t terrified of Richie, not one bit, but he was terrified of whatever they had just left behind. The drive felt quick, probably because Eddie's brain was so chaotic. When they reached outside of Eddie’s house, Richie turned the engine off and they sat there, letting the silence of the street engulf them. Eddie looked at Richie. The rage seemed to be slowly melting away and a sense of sadness was there to replace it. 

“Rich-”

“It was my fault.” Richie interrupted, making Eddie blink a couple of times. 

“What do you mean?” Eddie nervously asked. Richie didn’t look at Eddie, he kept his eyes forward, letting his lips barely part as he spoke. 

“I sent him out... He was covering for me…” Richie muttered, “He shouldn’t have been working…” Eddie scanned Richie’s face, seeing the way his bottom lip tremble. 

“I don’t understand…” Eddie stammered. 

“Ed’s I…” Richie glanced at the smaller boy, before quickly looking away. Eddie noticed how Richie’s hands were still gripped on the wheel. “It was a kid from the gang. I wanted to be with you tonight so I asked him to cover me.” Eddie was starting to understand. Eddie constantly tried to get the idea of Richie being involved in the problems of Derry out of his mind. What Richie actually did in the night, why he was tired all the time, why everyone was scared of Richie as he walked down the corridors. Those parts of Richie weren't the parts Eddie wanted to acknowledge.

“But why was he in Barren Boy territory? Didn’t he know…”

“Of course he knew.” Richie interrupted defensively. “Fuck. He must have known.” Richie bit his lip. Eddie watched Richie begin to look more and more broken. Richie took a shaky breath. “The higher-ups keep sending us over the territory lines,” Richie mumbled. 

“Then it’s not your fault, Richie.” Eddie scooted over to the middle seat, trying to get closer to Richie to comfort him, but Richie didn’t even look at Eddie as he moved. 

“Eddie, I sent him out… Nails was a good kid and I sent him out…” Richie’s breath was getting shorter as he gripped the steering wheel, keeping his eyes on the road. Eddie knew exactly who Nails was. He was a 207 kid a few years younger than him. Eddie often saw him running around the corridors laughing as he pushed people out the way. Eddie and his friends were always scared of Nails, even if he was younger. But now Nails was dead. Eddie could put a face and name to the corpse that was being carried away in front of him. Suddenly the idea of Nails being a terrifying 207 gang member faded away and the thought of a child being dead filled Eddie’s head.

Eddie reached his hand out to put it on Richie’s shoulder but Richie cried out " _fuck_!" and slammed his hands into the steering wheel, making Eddie jolt away. Richie shut his eyes tight and bit his lip. He nodded his head, trying to control his emotions. Eddie watched a small tear roll down Richie’s pale cheek. Eddie was no longer looking at a terrifying 207 gang member, or a punk kid who was lost in the street of Derry or even a low-grade drug dealer. Eddie was looking at a scared Richie Tozier. Eddie reached his hand once again, gently placing it on Richie’s shoulder. When Richie didn’t react, he placed it down heavier and gripped. He could feel Richie’s bones under his shirt. 

“Richie…” Eddie cooed, “This isn’t your fault.”

“I hate this shit,” Richie muttered. He opened his eyes and looked at Eddie deep into his eyes. Richie’s eyes were burning red and watery. “I fucking hate Derry and I hate The Barren Boys. I know they did this to him."

Eddie stumbled over his words. He couldn’t get any out. Richie Tozier’s eyes were wild for sadness and fury. His wild hair was falling over his face yet again, with the small red section that was mostly hidden, making an appearance. 

“Richie,” Eddie muttered, “Let’s get some rest first and then you can think more about this… ok?” Eddie’s thumb traced over Richie’s shoulder. Richie scrunched his eyes again, thinking. He opened them again to look at Eddie, revealing a softness in his face. 

“Ok,” Richie replied. “Let’s sneak you back in.” Richie smiled, and Eddie's soft Richie had returned - just like that. Richie turned to open the truck door and slid out. Eddie sighed, keeping his hand where it was once on Richie and scrunched it up. He climbed out after Richie. Eddie turned to close the door behind him, to see Richie already picking the ladder up to scoot it up the side of Eddie’s house. The sky was still dark, but the sun would rise soon. Eddie hated winter and the long nights. Eddie quickly walked up the Richie, where he had already finished leaning the ladder up. The street lights gave them enough light to see each other by the side of the house.

“There you go princess, back into your tower.” Richie sniffed, trying to get rid of the anger and sadness he had tried to leave in the car. Richie rubbed his arms in a shiver, making Eddie realise he was still wearing Richie’s leather jacket. Eddie quickly unzipped it and handed it to Richie. Richie glanced at it a couple of times hesitantly before smiling and taking it off Eddie. He slid it on, adjusting it over his body. As Richie looked down at Eddie, Eddie shivered. Not from the cold, but from the way Richie was looking at him. 

“Well, this was a weird date.” Eddie blurted out while nervously giggling. The words had slipped out of his mouth, and as soon as they did, he wanted to take them back. Richie raised an eyebrow.

“Date?” Richie repeated quietly after a moment of silence. The cold wind blew the hair of his face, making his curls float up, revealing his deep eyes and the hood he had pierced into his eyebrow, which Eddie had never noticed before. Eddie stood there, mouth open. Maybe he had completely read all of this wrong. Of course, a 207 wouldn’t be gay, obviously not. But even if Richie wasn't a 207, he would never be attracted to a soft boy like Eddie. This whole night was just a whole mess which Eddie had misread. 

Before Eddie could think more about the humiliation that had just happened, he put a foot on the first step and gripped the side of the ladder to start climbing. But suddenly there was a grip on his wrist, pulling him off the ladder and spinning him around. Richie pulled Eddie forward, quickly letting go of his wrist and putting his hands on either side of Eddie’s face. Eddie collapsed into Richie, his hands flying to his chest for stability. Richie tilted Eddie’s head up and crashed their lips together. It happened so fast, all in one motion, that Eddie felt like he had no time to react. Eddies’ eyes were still open as he gripped the material on Richie’s shirt in tight fists. He looked at the way Richie had his eyes firmly shut. Eddie could feel Richie’s thumbs digging under his chin to tilt Eddie’s head up, his chapped lips pressed against Eddie’s. Eddie’s heart had stopped beating, but he could feel Richie’s heartbeat thudding in his chest under his grip. The kiss had obliterated every single anxiety-riddled thought in Eddie’s mind and the horrors of the night floated away in the wind. Eddie slowly shut his eyes to lean up and kiss back. He opened his mouth slightly and pushed his head forward, standing on his tiptoes. Richie pushed back as his grip on Eddie’s face became more gentle, letting his fingers tangle into Eddie’s hair. Eddie had been completely unprepared for this moment, but he let his instincts take over, letting his hands slide out of their tight grip, and his palms opened on Richie’s chest. Eddie could feel the cold breeze between them, but Richie’s lips felt warm, which sent a glowing feeling throughout Eddie’s body. Richie pulled away, letting Eddie sink off his tiptoes, still with his eyes shut. He fluttered his eyes open to see Richie looking at him. Richie's head was still tilted to the side, with both of his hands on either side of Eddie’s face. Eddie moved one of the hands that were on Richie’s chest to grip onto Richie’s wrist. Swirls of emotions were coursing through Eddie’s body, but all he could do was gently smile up at Richie. Richie’s long hair was slowly moving in the wind, his eyes gazing down at Eddie. Richie had a smile on his lips as he gave a small breathy laugh. Eddie wanted to lean back up and kiss Richie again, but he was still afraid he was dreaming. Eddie gulped. Richie slowly let go of Eddie’s face, letting one of his fingers trace down Eddie’s cheek and under his chin. Richie leant down and kissed the top of Eddie’s head, making Eddie shut his eyes tight and breath out all the oxygen he had been holding in his lungs. Richie stepped away, and Eddie felt entranced, wanting to follow Richie. The dusk light was starting to creep across the sky, making Richie have a slight glow as he stepped away from the shadow cast by Eddie's house.

“Up you go,” Richie smiled, glancing up at Eddie’s window. Eddie couldn’t even respond with words. He just turned and began to climb. As he got a few steps up, he felt the ladder stabilise with Richie’s grip. Eddie knew Richie was watching as he climbed and it made Eddie blush. He crawled onto his window ledge and lowered his body into the room. Eddie stood in his room and grinned for a moment, but then he heard the ladder being put back down. Eddie quickly spun and gripped the window ledge to look down at Richie, who was folding down the ladder. Richie put it to the floor and gripped it in one hand to carry it. He looked up at Eddie, still with a small smile on his lips. “I’ll see you Monday?” Richie spoke in a hushed tone. Eddie promptly nodded as he watched Richie turn with the ladder and begin to walk away. 

“Wait!” Eddie quickly called out before thinking. Richie stopped in his tracks and turned to look back, raising an eyebrow at Eddie's sudden call. Eddie didn't know what he was going to say, but the words quickly left his mouth. “Goodnight Richie,” Eddie said. He knew it was probably 6 am by now, but he just wanted to have another look at the boy that had just kissed him like it was the last thing he would ever do. 

“Goodnight, Eddie.” Richie responded, before disappearing down the street, leaving Eddie to collapse onto his bed, squealing into his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title "Tiger Lily", by Matchbook Romance  
> Please comment if you enjoyed and let me know what you want to see more of!


	5. Hands Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to follow me on Tumblr @Bellarosewrites  
> Chapter title, "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of drugs, stealing/theft, mentions of death, homophobic language, homophobia, sexual tension, sexual content.

The cold metal of the ladder burnt Richie’s hand as he carried it. The first thing he had to do was return it to the neighbours garden he ‘borrowed’ it from. _See_ , _Richie Tozier could be a good person._ Richie waited to hear the sound of Eddie’s window shutting before turning away from his truck. He walked in the middle of the road, looking up at the sky. The night was drifting away slowly, and Richie smiled with the breeze touching his face. He turned into the garden where he had found the ladder and leaned it up against the shed where he had spotted it earlier in the night. He quickly walked back to his truck, shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket which had been made warm by Eddie. Richie couldn’t take the grin off his face when he thought about the kiss with Eddie. His lips had been soft, just like Richie had imagined. Richie thought about the way Eddie’s head felt small in his hands like he was delicate and precious. Richie liked the way he had to tip Eddie’s head up so he could reach to kiss Richie. It made his stomach flutter. He bushed as he shook his head, still grinning to himself.

Richie got back to his truck and unlocked it, but through the window, he spotted his small mobile phone which had fallen onto the floor of the truck. It’s screen flashed and Richie could hear it making a small buzzing noise, even from outside the truck. It felt like his heart stopped beating. The memories suddenly flashed back into his brain. Nail's limp body. The blood splattered on the floor. The police officers who were trying to get Richie’s attention. The pain. How he was too late. _Too late._

Richie shook his head as he opened the door, scooting himself into the seat. He leant down to grab his phone and looked at the screen. The previous text he was looking at flashed on the screen, the light glaring. It was from Nails. _“Richie they sent me to Barren Boy territory and I think they’re following me come get me I’m at Dalton street.”_ Richie’s thumb traced over the screen as he read it again. Richie clicked back and saw his new texts. “ _Every1 meet HQ now_ ,” from a blocked number. That meant that the higher-ups had heard what happened to Nails as they never asked to see all the boys at once. Richie stared at the screen as he felt his eyes well up again. He threw his phone next to him and gripped his hair. 

“Fuck!” He yelled at himself. The silence of the street filled his mind. Richie could hear a few birds starting to sing as the morning began. Richie tried to steady his breathing, letting himself push back the tears. Richie let go of his hair and threw his head back on the headrest. He knew he had to go, he had to go answer the questions why Nails was out instead of him, he knew he would have to try and calm everyone down. Well, one person in particular. He pulled the pack of cigarettes out from his inside pocket with shaky hands, taking several attempts to flick the lighter on. Richie thought about how the cartoon had been pressed against Eddie’s chest all night, and the idea of that eased him slightly. Once it was lit, he gritted it between his teeth, turning on the truck and started to drive.

-x-

Richie watched a corner of the room where the wallpaper was peeling away, showing a visible black patch of mould. The house was damp, and it smelt stale, but the smell of alcohol and cigarettes filled the rooms too, clinging to the wallpapers, curtains and sofas. Richie could swear he could hear a sobbing upstairs of a woman. The sofa he was sat on felt lumpy under him, he shuffled around with a spring digging into his leg. Richi was wedged between two other boys, both older than Richie. Their leather jackets pressed together. There were several younger boys sitting on the floor, scattered around but all facing the direction of the kitchen, where a few of the men talked. Richie often thought about how the open planned downstairs area could be nice in another world, but the holes in the wall where it revealed brick, the obvious mouse droppings in the corners of the room and the dim orange lights made Richie think differently. There were a few more 207’s sat on chairs they had dragged from other parts of the house. Richie knew them all by name, he had known them since he was a baby and they had raised him like a son. And Richie knew all the kids younger than him since they were all born, and he had looked after them like they were his brothers. Richie had known Nails since he was born, even if Richie was only three, he remembered the way they used to play in the back garden with the other children as the adults talked in the house.

Richie's eyes flicked up when the older men walked into the room, followed by the man himself, Alex. 

Alex was in charge of the gang. He didn’t need a threatening gang name to be respected. He was 6”2, heavily built, shaven head, with tattoos down his body. His eyebrows were dark and so were his eyes. He often wore a black wife beater with a leather jacket over the top, which was the iconic style all the 207 boys copied. Richie never made eye contact with Alex, none of the boys did. Today, Alex was wearing his classic black wife-beater vest, showing off the tattoos he had collected down his arms. He sat down on the large armchair everyone was facing. 

“I have news.” Alex began, making Richie want to get up and run as fast he could. “You may notice a presence missing, tonight.” Some of the boys looked around, but Richie kept his eyes on the floor. “Liam Hendricks was murdered tonight.” The boys stared at each other, “or as he was more commonly known between us - Nails.”

Richie shut his eyes tight shut.

 _I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be here,_ Richie thought.

He could hear some of the boys gasp, he could hear someone slap their hands over their mouth.

“Liam’s mum is upstairs. She came here as soon as the police went to her house.” Alex said.

Richie was doing everything to imagine himself not where he was. He thought about Eddie’s soft skin and the way it felt at his touch. I thought about the way his body ached as Eddie stood up to leave, the ache coming from wanting Eddie to be close to him.

“We’ve lost many men over the last few years, but it doesn’t make the loss any harder.”

Richie thought about Eddie’s starlit eyes looking up at him after they had kissed, and the smile across his lips. He thought about the way Eddie called his name, the way he looked as he Richie pulled out of the kiss.

“He was taken from us. Don’t let _people_ ,” Alex spat the word _‘people’_ , which Richie took to be the police or anyone that wasn’t the 207’s, “say that God was taking another angel. It wasn’t his time, he has been torn away from us without mercy.”

Richie kept his eyes shut as the words rippled through him. 

_Think about Eddie, think about Eddie, think about Eddie._

“He was on Barron Boy territory when it happened, which means they were responsible for this. So we will fuck them up.” Richie let his eyes open to watch the men in the room. “Whoever did this, is dead. All of you need to keep an eye out and an ear to the ground, we need to find the _boy_ who did this to one of our family.” Alex stood up, making a few of the boys shuffle on their bums. Alex grabbed a bottle of whisky that another man was holding and lifted it to the sky. “To our man, Nails.” He took a swig and handed it to a man next to him. People took a swing and passed it down. Richie had seen this many times before, especially a couple of years ago. A bottle of whisky was being brought out every couple of weeks to mourn the loss of someone. It made Richie wonder if Alex had a bottle of whisky for all of them. The bottle got handed to Richie, and he took a swig, letting the whisky burn his throat. He took two gulps in his swig to try and ease the pain he was feeling. He wiped his mouth as he passed it to the boy next to him. When everyone was done, the bottle was passed back to Alex who gripped it tightly. 

“Now, it’s business as usual. You’ll all be hearing from us as usual. But look after each other. We’re family, don’t forget that.” Alex said with his booming voice. “207.” He said lifting the bottle once again, and everyone repeated,

“207.” Richie muttered with the group. Everyone started standing up to leave the cramped house. Richie stood up as well, trying to avoid eye contact with everyone. 

“Richie?” He heard a voice say. He turned to look at Alex who was standing in the kitchen, becoming Rechine with his finger. Richie bit his lip as he walked through the men and other bots to Alex. None of them gave Richie a second look as they consoled each other for the loss. Alex stood under the half working kitchen light, letting his features become shadowy. As Richie approached Alex, a few of the men glance their way and disbursed, either going outside or up the stairs. Richie and Alex were alone. Alex put a firm hand on Richie’s shoulder, making a slapping noise against his leather jacket. Richie jolted.

“Now Richie, _you_ were meant to be out, not Nail’s.” Alex began.

“I know, I’m so sorry-” 

“Don’t interrupt me Richie,” Alex said calmly and Richie nodded. “What I was going to say was that you’re lucky. Very lucky.” Richie nodded again, looking at the ground. He looked at the splits in the tiled kitchen, trying to distract his mind. He wondered how the crack in the title under his feet got their, but at the same time, he didn't want to know. “But Richie, when the police talked to Nail's mom they said they saw you at the scene after it happened.” Richie was suddenly filled with fear. Of course police officers knew Richie. He had been in and out of the station constantly answering questions about crimes that happened around Derry, and Richie would always spit the words _'i don't know'._ with every question, he was asked

“I-I- Nail’s text me asking for help, but when I got there it was too late I-”

“They said you were with another boy.” Alex interrupted Richie's rambles. Richie’s eyes shot up to look at Alex. Alex’s face was calm, but his eyes were dark and were telling a different story. Richie quickly looked to the ground in fear, but Alex grabbed Richie’s chin to yank his head up to make eye contact with him. Richie gulped, feeling his heartbeat thump out of his chest. “Now, Richie, you haven’t been making friends with Barren Boy’s or Dreamcatchers, have you?” Alex spat close to Richie's face.

“No!” Richie was aware he was whimpering. It didn’t matter he was eighteen and only a couple of inches smaller then Alex, at that moment he felt like a child being scorned by an adult. “I-he’s just some kid…”

“Some kid?” Alex asked. “So he’s not off the estate.”

“No, he’s a loser honestly-” Richie was panicking as he spoke, trying to work out if he could lie or not.

“I don’t care. Don’t see him anymore. You hear me?” Richie nodded in agreement. "We don't make _friends_ Richie, we have each other. We have our family. You should know that by now." Richie felt relief about Alex’s response because he didn’t want to know anything about Eddie. “Your whore mother has already got us in trouble with outsiders, don’t make the same mistake.” The words hit into Richie, but he couldn’t defend her. Richie knew exactly what his mother got up to in the dead at night. He sometimes saw her with other gang members, draped over them or giggling away. Richie didn’t know if she was selling herself or not, but he guessed that wasn’t the point. The point was his mother had been the talk of the gang plenty of times when rumours flew around about her possibly seeing a Dreamcatcher, but that was quickly shut down by Richie, letting them all know his mom wasn't a traitor. You didn't have to be in the gang to be territorial. Everyone in the area new exactly who they could and couldn't see and the gang would make sure of it.

Richie turned to walk away after Alex began to pick up his drink.

“Oh, and Richie?” Alex called after him, and Richie turned to look at him. “When you hang out with boys that aren’t in the gang, you know what people will say. We don’t want queers being associated with-”

“I know. I wouldn’t never. I’m not a pervert..” Richie spat, his own words burning his stomach. He hated himself for it, deep down he didn't mean it but he knew it's what he had to say. Richie wanted to scream, he wanted to scream so loudly the whole of Derry heard him. He wanted Eddie to hear him screaming, maybe Eddie could save him. But Richie soon realised, no one could save him from this life. He couldn't even save himself.

Alex nodded at Richie's reply and Richie walked through the house. Richie stopped at the front door and looked up the stairs where he could hear a loud sobbing from Nail’s - _Liam's_ \- mother. Richie opened the door and left without looking back. 

_-x-_

Richie slept the whole Saturday and possibly the whole Sunday. He didn’t get a text that he had to work so he decided to rest. When he closed his eyes, he tried to think of Eddie’s warmth, but flashes of Nail’s body kept flashing into his mind. The cold house made Richie shiver uncontrollably as he tried to think about anything other than the nightmare he was living in. He wished his window shut properly, he wished he had more blankets, he wished he could get a warm shower, he wished he could be with Eddie, he wished he could close his eyes and let the darkness engulf him.

Monday morning came after slipping in and out of consciousness for two days. Richie's school alarm went off on his small alarm clock by his bed. Richie moaned into his pillow, letting his hair tickle his face. Any other day he would’ve skipped, but he knew he had to see Eddie again. He glanced at his clock. 7am. Two hours before school. He had time. 

-x-

Leaning up against the garden fence he felt like he was somewhere else like he could still be dreaming. Richie puffed on his cigarette, trying to wake himself up. People had walked past him with wide eyes, looking him up and down. A few cars had even slowed to stare at him, but Richie didn’t care, he just carried on smoking. They were all probably scared of the fact one of the gangs had infiltrated their neighbourhood, that the violence was spreading to their part of Derry. Richie tried not to think about it as he inhaled the smoke, letting his lungs fill up and his anxiety go down. He smoked two cigarettes, each time flicking it into a drain once it was done. He lit a third, not knowing how long he was stood there when he heard Eddie’s front door open, but when it did, Richie looked over his shoulder to see the unaware Eddie skipping down his steps. Eddie spun around his gate, smiling to himself. Eddie suddenly saw Richie and stopped in his tracks, the smile drifting off his face and he eyes widening. 

“Richie?” Eddie muttered, gripping onto the straps of his rucksack. He was wearing a light yellow jumper today, the same one from their first science class together. Eddie remembered to put a coat on today, which was a light blue bomber jacket. He looked so soft today and it made Richie smile. Eddie’s fringe fluttered up in the wind, it was straighter today, not like the other night when it had a loose curl in it. Richie thought about how he prefered Eddie’s hair messier. 

“Hey.” Richie replied, pushing himself up and throwing his cigarette to the ground. Eddie was staring at him with a worried expression. Richie quickly tried to ease him. “Erm - sorry… I just wanted to see you…”

“Ok.” Eddie mumbled and stepped towards Richie. “Are you ok?”

“I’m feeling better now.” Richie smiled, making Eddie blush and look at his feet. Richie looked down at Eddie, trying to read his face. “You wanna walk to school?”

“Yeah, come on.” Eddie started marching past Richie and Richie skipped to catch up with him, his Dr Martens thudding on the floor. They walked down the long street. Richie liked how everyone had greenery in their gardens, some old people even sat on their front porch to drink a morning coffee. Richie tried to keep his head down, very aware that they were all probably scowling at him. Richie looked down at his own outfit he had pulled on, which was pretty much the same outfit he wore every day. His trusted leather jacket, black skinny jeans, his worn Dr Martens and whatever shirt was cleanest. Today it was a black T, with the words writing on _“the kids are alright.”_ He had found it in a thrift store in the middle of derry and spent 2 dollars on it. He only found out later it was a Who song, but he still loved the top. He had noticed the other night Eddie was staring at his chains, so he decided to pull them out from under his top again today. He had caught Eddie glancing at the chains a couple of times already.

“My mom didn’t notice I was gone,” Eddie said breaking the silence and making Richie look down at him. He smiled at Eddie who was staring forward as he spoke. 

“Oh yeah?” Richie laughed. Eddie nodded and grinned. 

“I was knackered all day though and she thought I was ill, I was worried she was going to take me to the hospital. She was shoving meds down me all day, trying to take my temperature.”

“Oh, shit,” Richie mumbled. 

“Oh, no, it’s ok.” Eddie said defensively, “I’m used to it.”

Richie couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt about making Eddie suffer in the hands of his Mother’s tight grasp, but in the back of his mind, he knew the consequences would be much worse if she found out that her son had snuck out with a 207 boy. Eddie hadn't spoken much about his mom, but Richie could guess from the little he had said that she was a nutcase.

“What are your parents like?” Eddie asked. Richie was taken off guard. No one had ever asked him that. All the people he talked to in his life had lived on Canal Side and all the people that he talked to about his parents had been in 207, and they all knew exactly what happened to Richie’s parents.

“Well erm,” Richie said nervously, digging his hands further into his pockets. He could see in the corner of his eyes, Eddie was looking up at him. “My mom had me when she was young, and my dad was just some guy, they were never together. Honestly, I couldn’t even tell you if he was my actual dad. He got arrested for killing a dreamcatcher when I was about 11 and then got stabbed in prison when i was 15. My mom took it badly I guess, I don’t see much of her, we live in the same house but she’s always with some new guy that treats her like shit.” Eddie stopped in his tracks, Richie took another step forward before turning round to look at Eddie. He was looking up at him with wide eyes, biting his lip. He reached his hand out and touched Richie’s arm in sympathy. Richie looked down at Eddie’s trembling hand. He wondered if it was trembling because Eddie was still scared to touch Richie. 

“I’m sorry, Richie,” Eddie murmured. Richie looked down at the smaller boy with a half-smile. 

“It’s fine, we’re both adults now, right, we can deal with the world.” Eddie nodded in agreement. 

“I really enjoyed the other night, Richie.” Eddie quickly said, making Richie raise his eyebrow. Eddie was playing with the sleeves of his bomber jacket, Richie could see where the baby blue stitching was starting to come out. “But what happened with the kid from your gang I-”

“Please don’t worry about it.” Richie interrupted. “You’re separate from all that. I hate all of it, and I hate that side of me. There’s that side of me where I have to be in a gang and be involved in all the shit. ” Richie paused to look down at Eddie, and Eddie’s eyes flicked up. “And then there’s you.” Richie reached forward and put his hand on Eddie’s blushed cheek. Eddie was warm under Richie’s cold palm. Eddie leaned his head into Richie’s hand, letting Richie brush his thumb over the corner of his mouth. Richie wanted to lean down and kiss Eddie so badly it hurt. But he knew where they were. If someone saw… the words of Alex started filling Richie’s head. Richie took his hand away, making Eddie pout slightly. 

“Let’s get to school, you can’t be late for the first time in your life. I don’t want to be a bad influence.” Richie joked and Eddie nodded, walking next to Richie, letting their arms sometimes brush together. 

When they got a few streets away, Richie pulled Eddie away from the road and down a small tight alley between a shop and a house. One of the shops was where Richie would always buy his cigarettes when he was running late for school. When Richie grabbed Eddie it made him yelp and tugging him down the alley with his long strides and Eddie’s stumbling short steps made it look like a kidnap scene. Richie grabbed Eddie's shoulder and gently pushed him into one of the walls. Richie stood in front of him and leant down. 

“This is as far as we should go together, Eds.” He whispered, but the ally echoed. There was a small dripping noise from a drain, and Richie could hear the distant sound of chatter of students walking to school with their friends. He knew they were hidden in the shadowed ally, but the thought of getting caught made him feel sick. Eddie gulped and looked up at Richie. 

“I hate when you call me Eds,'" Eddie moaned as he uncomfortably shuffled his backpack onto the floor. “Plus...You know... you don’t have to grab me to get me to do things. You could just ask nicely.”

“Where’s the fun in that, Kaspbrak.” Richie chuckled. He brought his hand up to trace over Eddie’s cheek with his thumb. Eddie was soft. “Plus if anyone saw us, I can say I was mugging you.” Eddie gave a breath laugh. Eddie’s hands were suddenly on Richie’s hips. Richie's first reaction was panic, but he had to remind himself it was ok. When he touched Eddie it felt natural, he caught himself off guard though when Eddie touched him back. 

“Can I see you tonight?” Eddie muttered, his eyes gazing up at Richie. Eddie blinked a couple of times, keeping his eyes on Richie through his long eyelashes. Richie wanted to melt into the ground. 

“Will your Mommy let you?” Richie grinned, trying to keep up the impression he was a tough boy. He didn’t want to let Eddie know how much his heart was fluttering. Eddie rolled his eyes. 

“I mean, no, but that didn’t stop you coming to break me free last time,” Eddie responded. Richie bit his lip. He felt like he was dancing a thin line of getting caught, but he wanted to touch Eddie more. He hadn’t had his morning text saying he was working, so the gang must be playing it safe for a while. The thought of the kiss from a couple of nights before made Richie’s mind go fuzzy, forgetting about the risks.

“Ok,” Richie said. “Where are we going to go?”

“We could go to yours?” Eddie asked, bringing his hand up between them, running his fingers over one of Richie’s chains. _God, he does love the chains,_ Richie thought. But Richie realised what Eddie had said and scoffed. “What? ”Eddie said in response.

“You think a pretty boy like you would go unnoticed in my part of town?” Richie used his thumb to gently trace over Eddie’s bottom lip. “Not a chance.” 

“Fine, where then?” Eddie sighed, bringing his hands back to rip onto Richie’s hips. Richie thought for a moment, but every time he thought about a place, he realised at least one gang occupied it. 

“We can find somewhere, don’t worry,” Richie muttered. Eddie nodded, staring at Richie’s lips. He stood on his tiptoes to try and lean up but Richie moved his head back and laughed. Eddie dropped to his feet again and groaned. 

“Now what?” Eddie grumbled, sounding frustrated. Richie took a step forward, making Eddie lean his head back onto the cold stone wall. His eyes glistened as they looked up at Richie. Richie's hand was still on Eddie’s cheek, and with the other hand, he leant on the wall. 

“I just need to ask you something?” Richie whispered, he knew no one was around but he didn't want anyone to hear Richie revealing his true colours.

“Anything,” Eddie whispered back. 

“Is this… do you like me?” The words left Richie’s mouth without even thinking about it. Richie had to make sure. He knew it made him sound soft or weak, but he needed to know Eddie wanted this. He needed to know Eddie wanted him back and this wasn't one of those situations where Eddie felt pressured. Eddie smiled in response and let one of his hands go to Richie’s face. Richie felt himself stop breathing at Eddie’s soft touch. 

“Of course I do, idiot.” Eddie smiled. 

“I can’t believe you just had the audacity to call a 207 an idiot.” Richie joked, a smile creeping across his lips. 

“Please shut the fuck up,” Eddie muttered, putting his hand on the back of Richie’s neck to pull him down. Richie went crashing into Eddie, feeling his soft lips against his. He wanted to lift Eddie up and take Eddie far away from this place, and kiss all of him, touch all of him. The feeling of Eddie’s hand running through his hair made him dizzy, no one had ever kissed him like this before, like it was desperate but also filled with so much tension. He let his mouth open, and gently flick his tongue against Eddie’s and Eddie opened his mouth further. Richie pushed their bodies together, desperate to feel more of Eddie, but then the feeling crept back. The feeling of dread, the knowingness of what he was doing was wrong, the voice of Alex telling him not to. Richie gently pulled away, opening his eyes to see Eddie smiling up at him. Richie let himself brush his thumb once more of Eddie’s cheek, before completely pulling away. 

“You go first, I’ll follow in a couple of minutes.” Richie smiled. Eddie leant down to grab his bag, looking completely dazed. “See you later, baby.” Richie said, letting himself have the small pleasure of using a pet name without making himself feel too guilty. Eddie looked back at Richie and smiled. He turned, stumbling out of the alleyway, making Richie chuckle as he pulled out another cigarette. 

-x-

Richie felt like he was walking on air as he walked into the school. The bell had already gone a couple of minutes before, so people were rushing to their first lesson. Richie began to walk, feeling a small spring in his step. 

“Tozier!” A voice yelled over the crowd. Richie whipped around to see one of the office staff leaning on the wall. She picked herself up and walked toward Richie. “The principal wants to see you.” She said while walking up to him. Richie wondered how long she had been waiting for him. Richie nodded and he began to follow her, not even questioning it. However, they walked straight past the principal's office and into a classroom.

When the teacher opened the door, Richie abruptly stopped in his tracks. The room was filled with around thirty boys, all gang members. That wasn't all the ones that attended the school, just the ones Richie presumed to show up to school that day. The Dreamcatchers all sat at the back, with the Barren Boys sitting close to where Richie walked in. On the other side of the room, Richie saw his 207 boys. Richie looked around at all of them. The Dreamcatchers all shaved their heads tight to their scalp. The Barren Boys didn’t have a specific style or something to make them look like a gang. They did all tattoos of their triangle symbol on their arms, so they normally wore short sleeves or rolled up jackets. Most of the 207’s had the number tattooed on their body somewhere, but not Richie. Richie reluctantly walked to the other side of the room where his gang was sitting.

“Now Mr Tozier is here, I can begin.” The principal announced. Richie had barely even noticed him perched on the desk. Richie sat down next to a boy named Luke, or as he liked to call himself, dagger, but it never caught on. “There hasn’t been even a fight in this school for six months between you all, and I’m aware this is to do with some sort of deal.” The principal said, but he paused. “But I’ve just been made aware of the loss of one of our pupils and the police are already investigating some of the students in this room.” He stood up, Richie watched him anxiously. “I don’t want any sort of damage in this school, especially when it caused harm to pupils. Myself and the school board met this morning and have come to the decision to suspend any pupil that is involved in any sort of gang activity.”

You would expect there to be an uproar or talking back, but the room was silent. Richie was aware no one wanted to be here, they were either being forced by their parents, their gang or the authority. But Richie did want to be here.

“You can all leave the premise immediately. We will send letters to your address when you can rejoin the school so if you think your address is wrong, please go to the office before leaving.” The principle waved his hand and everyone began to stand up. The sound of chairs scraping echoed around the room, making Richie feel more and more anxious.

“Oh Richie Tozier, stay behind and erm…” He looked at a piece of paper in front of him, “Henry Bowers too.” The name made Richie’s blood boil. Henry was a Barren Boy scumbag in the same year as Richie.

When all the students left, Richie glanced over at Henry. He was a heavily built boy, wearing a white wife-beater vest, showing off his tattoos. Henry didn’t even look at Richie. 

“Now I’m aware that you both have exams coming up and I’m reluctant to let you take them.”

“That’s unfair.” Richie spat before he could stop himself, “I’ve made it this far I should be allowed to graduate.”

“If you let me finish, Tozier.” The principle sat back. Richie slumped in his chair, crossing his arms. “I can see Tozier, you have a decent attendance given the circumstances, even if you are late to most lessons. You will be allowed to come back to do your finals, but in isolation.”

“What about our lessons, surely we aren’t done learning?” Richie argued.

“That’s your concern, Tozier. I’m sure in your three years you must have socialised out of your gang, maybe one of your classmates will agree to help you study outside of school time.” The principle spoke sarcastically. Richie was furious. “You can both leave now.” Henry stood up and strolled out of the door. Richie reluctantly stood up and kicked his chair, hard. The principal's eyes shot up, but Richie just glared before walking out of the door. 

The school was quiet, but a voice came from down the corridor.

“So Richie Tozier,” a voice echoed, “you really thought you’d be able to get out of this shit hole?” Richie turned to see Henry Bowers leant on the lockers which lined the corridor. There wasn’t a soul in sight. “You know passing some shitty exams doesn’t make your chances of getting out of Derry any better.”

“Who said I want to leave Derry?” Richie spat. Henry laughed in response. Richie swore that he would never be violent after the treaty happened, but the way Henry smirked made him want to take it off his face. 

“Only a boy with his head full of dreams begs a principle to let him learn.” Henry pushed himself up and started walking towards Richie. “Were you thinking of taking that boy with you?”

“What are you on about?” Richie quickly said, feeling his heartbeat speed up. 

“You came onto territory with some boy with you, wearing your jacket, and you wouldn’t think someone would see?” Henry frowned, his words were spat out. “There were people on the street keeping watch and you thought that we wouldn’t notice you had a little pal with you?”

“He was another 207, if you care that much.” Richie spat.

“No, he wasn’t, Tozier. We would have recognised him.” Henry said bitterly, “but maybe you're trying to replace Nails already with some kid from your area or maybe even bring someone new in.” Henry stopped in front of Richie. They were the same height. Henry's blue eyes pierced into Richie’s skull. “Poor kid, Nails, God takes his angels too young.”

“Shut the fuck up, Bowers.” Richie sneered, but Henry threw his head back as he laughed. 

“You know, if you’re a queer you have to tell your gang though?” Henry laughed, but Richie lunged forward, grabbing Henry's shirt in his firsts. He span them as he grabbed, shoving Henry into a locker behind them. The crashing noise echoes through the empty corridor, but Henry didn’t even blink. His eyes stayed on Richie, who was breathing heavily through his gritted teeth.

“You need to shut the fuck up right now Henry, or I swear to god-”

“Oh Tozier, you're so easy to wind up.” Henry put his hand on Richie’s shoulder and pushed. Richie let go of Henry’s shirt and took a few steps away. He needed to calm himself down, but he could feel his hands shaking. He promised himself a year ago that he would never be violent again and never live up to what people expected of him. “It’s not like I know who he is, I can’t do anything. Don’t worry, whoever the new kid is, he’s safe." Henry took a moment, and his voice changed to be filled with a stern and angry tone. "But if I hear you're sending someone new to try spy on us or do your dirty work-”

“Don’t worry, I won't.” Richie interrupted, Henry half-smiled before turning to walk away.

“I’ll probably see you around, Tozier. Now the treaty is broken, we’re going to be having so much fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title, "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional


	6. Tricks of the Trade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title "Tricks of the Trade" by Paolo Nutini

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of drugs, mentions of death, sexual tension, sexual content.

Eddie sat down at his table in the canteen with a huff, pulling a brown paper bag out of his rucksack which contained his very underwhelming lunch. His mother still wouldn’t let him eat the canteen food, worried there would be cross-contamination in the food or Eddie would get food poisoning. _“You don’t know what they put in that food Eddie, this way we know exactly what you’re eating”_ Eddie’s mom had told him when he was 4 years old, and he had never questioned the statement again. He stared down at the sad-looking sandwich, leaning his elbow on the table and resting his face on his palm. The canteen was slowly starting to fill up with nattering students, but Eddie wasn’t paying attention to anything around him. All he was thinking about was the kiss that happened this morning. Eddie's stomach burnt and his cheeks flushed just remembering the way Richie looked towering over him in the dark alley, or the way Richie's hand felt touching his face, or his tongue pressing into Eddie’s mouth. The adrenaline of it all added to the experience. Suddenly, two people sat either side of Eddie and two in front of him. He glanced up at his friends. 

“Hey… guys…?” Eddie said questioningly as he saw the serious expression on their faces, and the way they all put their trays down in unison. Eddie looked at all of them as they sat down and looked at Eddie. “What’s going on?” Eddie asked.

“Are you going to explain yourself then?” Stanley scowled. Beverly sat at one side of Eddie, Ben on the other. Bill and Stanley sat across from him. Eddie wished Mike was there, Mike was always the most understanding.

“I don’t know what you’re on about,” Eddie mumbled, turning his attention back to his sandwich, picking at the crusts. He knew exactly what they were talking about.

“Richie Tozier is who we’re talking about.” Beverly hissed. “What’s going on with you two?”

“We’re just friends…” Eddie lied. 

“It didn’t look like that on the field,” Stanley mumbled and Eddie shot him a look. 

“Look, you guys saw how sweet he was being, he’s actually such a nice guy.” Eddie groaned.

“Is th-th-that why they all got thrown out of school this mu-mu-morning? For being nice g-g-guys?” Bill spat, trying to control his stutter. Bill actually looked angry, unlike the others who were more frustrated at Eddie because of his lack of honesty. Eddie could see a coldness in Bill’s eyes. 

“What?” Eddie asked. 

“Didn’t you hear?” Ben said from next to Eddie, making Eddie turn to look at him. “All the 207s got kicked out of school this morning, the other gangs as well.” Eddie looked around, and Ben was right. The three tables that would normally be occupied by the three gangs were empty. The 207 tables where Eddie had watched Richie sit for two years was abandoned.

“Why?” Eddie asked, looking around the group for answers, but they all fell silent. Eddie felt an awkward energy as they all refused to make eye contact with Eddie.

“A kid got killed, E-E-Eddie,” Bill finally said. Eddie’s stomach dropped. Flashes of what happened filled his head yet again as it had for the whole weekend. Eddie would never have told Richie about it, but all weekend he cried in his room, thinking about what he had seen. He couldn’t get the picture out of his mind. The blood, the way Nail’s body was lifeless under the sheet, the pain in Richie’s eyes as he screamed in the car. Eddie’s friends were all staring at him, watching him carefully. Eddie coughed slightly, trying to make himself snap out of it. 

“It was nothing to do with Richie.” Eddie finally mumbled.

“So you knew about it?” Stanely asked quickly.

“No... well yeah... I just know he’s nothing to do with it.” Eddie could hear himself getting more defensive. 

“When did he tell you that?” Beverly asked eagerly. 

“This morning, alright. Please stop asking me questions.” Eddie moaned. He didn’t want to spill too much. Eddie knew if they asked, he wouldn’t be able to lie. He was an awful liar, especially when it came to his friends.

“You saw him this mu-mu-morning?” Bill asked, raising an eyebrow. His arms were crossed. Eddie felt like he was talking to his angry father. 

“He walked me to school…” Eddie mumbled, trying not to make eye contact with his friends as he let himself tell them more.

“That is one thousand percent something someone would do if they wanted to be more than friends,” Beverly said. It surprised Eddie when she said that because Ben constantly walked her to school, but he wasn’t going to blurt that out now. Ben glanced awkwardly at Beverly, and Eddie shook his head.

“Nah…” Eddie tried to casually lie, but trying to come off smooth blew his cover. 

“Oh. My. God.” Stanely gasped as he leant back with his mouth hanging open. The others stared at Stanley. “You totally made out with him, didn’t you?” All of their heads span towards Eddie as they stared at him, raising their eyebrows, waiting for his reply. Eddie tried to give a breathy laugh. 

“No… jeez… that would be… no…” Eddie stuttered trying to laugh it off. All of their mouths hung open in silence. 

“Holy shit!” Beverly suddenly yelled. A few people from the tables around them turned round. Eddie quickly shushed all his gasping friends as he beckoned them in closer to the table. They all leaned in, even Bill. 

“Fine… we made out a little bit…” Eddie whispered. 

“Holy fuck.” Ben said, leaning back slightly as if he was catching his breath. Stanley stared at Eddie with his mouth open, his forearms still leaning on the table so he could get closer to Eddie.

“After the field?” Stanely asked.

“Yeah… and this morning.” Eddie casually said with a smile on his lips. 

“Twice! You made out with him twice?” Beverly gasped, but Eddie hushed them again, feeling his cheeks go red.

“Please keep your voices down.” Eddie put his head in his hand, looking through his fingers to look at his gawking friends. 

“Holy shit, Eddie’s screwing a 207.” Stanley laughed. Eddie leaned forward to swat him. 

“Shut the fuck up, Stan. Nobody is screwing anybody.” Eddie fell back to his seat, as his friends giggled, and he couldn’t help himself but grin as well.

“Was he a good kisser?” Beverly asked, grinning ear to ear. Her eyes were flickering across Eddie’s face trying to read him. Eddie couldn’t resist. He finally had exciting gossip. 

“So good,” Eddie grinned back at Beverly. “So he drove me home and we got there and he put up the ladder so I could get back into my window, and I thought I was imagining the tension between us,” Eddie rambled beginning to tell the story, letting himself turn to face the group. They were all leaning in to hear more. Well except one of them. “And I was starting to climb it when he grabbed my wrist and-”

“Jesus Christ, Eddie!” Bill suddenly said, slamming his fists on the table. Their trays bounced up and back down slightly. They all jumped to look at Bill, Eddie’s hands still in the air from where he was using his hands to tell the story. Bill was staring at Eddie, mouth open and panting slightly. Eddie could see he was seething with rage. “You are an absolute idiot.”

“Bill…” Beverly gasped, but Bill ignored her. 

“You can’t be s-s-seriously trying to make this ok? You know what they do...r-r-right?” Bill argued, but before Eddie could open his mouth to reply, Bill carried on. “They sell drugs, Eddie. Not only that, you know how many crimes and murders are linked back to the gangs in D-D-Derry? Pretty much all of them.” Bill said, waving his hands in the air. “How many of them do you think Richie did?” Bill leant forward across the table. Eddie stuttered over his words as he tried to form them to defend Richie. But he couldn’t.

“Bill, Eddie’s happy you can't-” Stanely began to say. 

“Can’t w-w-what?” Bill said, turning his attention to Stanley. “Look after him? Watch his b-b-back? like friends are su-su-supposed to?” Bill looked around the table. All of them had their heads looking down at their trays. “You’re all ridiculous.” Bill started to stand up and grab his bag.

“Bill wait-” Eddie pleased. 

“I have managed to stay away from all that sh-sh-shit for eighteen f-f-fucking years. You know seeing him makes you a part of it?” Bill said, full standing up and looking down at Eddie. 

“Bill, please. Just calm down. We’ve been friends forever, can’t you just see I’m happy?” Eddie pleased.

“I’m not _friends_ with 207 wannabes,” Bill said before turning and walking away, leaving his uneaten lunch at the table. Eddie watched as Bill walked out of the canteen to who knows where. His eyes felt watery. 

“He’ll come round, he just needs to see that Richie is a good guy.” Beverly said, putting a hand on Eddie’s back. He nodded while biting his lip. But he wasn’t so sure. 

_-x-_

The day felt slower without getting a glimpse of Richie, especially when it got to his Monday science class. The stool next to him was empty, and Eddie was left alone to do his science project. As soon as the bell went his rushed home, thinking that Richie might be waiting, but he wasn’t. The hours kept passing with Eddie sitting by the window, watching the road. The darkness began to creep in. In a way, he was glad. Richie was probably waiting till dead in the night so Eddie’s mom wouldn’t be asleep, so Eddie was thankful for that, but it didn’t keep him from feeling anxious. He went around his room, trying to make it look ready for Richie. He stood with his hands on his hips and surveyed the empty room. He wasn't allowed posters and he wasn’t even allowed toys as a kid, so he didn’t have many possessions. His single bed was simple light blue bed sheets, and an orange lamp sat on his bedside table. He had a chest of draws with a small mirror above it, and sitting on top of the draws were all his bottles of pills. Eddie groaned. He wished he could make it look nicer, but he didn’t have the money and even if he did, his mother wouldn’t have let him. The only positive was that if he ever wanted to leave, he could very quickly. But he pushed that thought back.

His mother shouted him down for food at around 8pm, later than normal, but Eddie didn’t question why. They sat in silence as he let the noise of his knife and fork scrape across his plate. Eddie kept glancing up as his mom who had her eyes on Eddie and it made Eddie feel ill. Eddie kept his eyes on his plate, moving the food around it. He felt sick. He wasn’t sure if it was from being anxious about Richie or his mother's silence. Eddie couldn’t eat. He leaned back in his chair and sighed, making his mom look down at Eddie’s plate. 

“I’m really not that hungry, mom.” Eddie started to stand up with his plate to wash it up, “sorry, it was nice though.” 

“Eddie, wait.” His mother quickly called. Eddie looked around at his mother. “Can you sit down?” His mother asked. Eddie placed the plate back down and sat down on the chair reluctantly. They watched each other, waiting for one of them to do something. “Eddie…” His mom finally said. “I’m scared.”

“Scared of what, mom?” Eddie asked.

“You leaving me.” 

“Jesus, mom, we’ve talked about this,” Eddie moaned. 

“Don’t use his name in vain.” Eddie’s mom quickly spat. But she sighed and took another moment to speak again. “Eddie you need to stay close to me, those people out there aren’t any good for you.”

“Mom,” Eddie leant across the table to hold his mom's hand, “please, I’m eighteen. I’m an adult now, I need to be able to-”

“Eddie. Please stop.” His mother gasped, gripping into Eddie’s hand making Eddie gulp. “Out there, it’s no good. You’re safe here in Derry.”

“Mom, Derry is dangerous, the crime here-”

“The whole world is like that, Eddie. But when you're with me you're safe.” His mom looked like she was about to start crying and it tore Eddie apart. His mom barely cried. She prided herself on being a strong woman, saying that her life in Derry and in the church made her understand the world and the people in it. Eddie had always believed that too. It was only recently he was starting to doubt his own mom’s wisdom. 

“Mom...” Eddie mumbled.

“No more, Eddie. That’s enough.” She interrupted. She sighed, finally letting go of her tight grip on Eddie’s hand. Eddie pulled back and put his hands in front of him and he realised he was shaking. _When did he start shaking?_ “You can be excused now.” Eddie nodded, sliding his chair out with a screech that went through Eddie. He picked up his plate to carry it to the bin and scraped the leftover food out. He watched the food fall into the bin, but something caught his eye. He peered into the bin to see empty medicine bottles covered in his food he had just scraped in.

“I picked up your medicine.” Eddie’s mom said, but Eddie kept looking into the bin. He wondered where they had come from. But then he heard what his mom said and looked round to see a pharmacy bag next to the sink. Eddie went over and washed his plate and put the plate on the drying rack. Eddie knew his mother was watching every move. He opened the pharmacy bag to see more than usual. “The doctor said you should try using some different medicines for your allergies.”

“Thank you, mom.” Eddie said, put he couldn’t help but feel dizzy. He gripped the bag in his hand and walked out of the room. 

Eddie liked his home, he had lived there since the day he was born. It was a small house, but it was nice in the standards of Derry. He climbed up the creaking steps, the sound filled the quiet house. He looked at the photos that went up the walls of the staircase. He rarely took the time to look at them, they were mostly of Eddie. There were no pictures of his dad. He got to the top of the stairs and he heard a thump, and he stopped in his tracks. 

“Eddie?” His mom called up the stairs. 

“Sorry mom, I just…” there was another thump, “Dropped my medicine!” And Eddie ran up the rest of the stairs, gripping onto the banister as he swung round the top of the stairs to race to his room. He quickly pushed open the door and slammed it behind him, throwing the pharmacy bag on the bed. Eddie ran to the window and opened it, gripping the ledge as he hung his head out. It was dark but there was Richie, stone in hand, about to throw it. Richie was blinking up at Eddie as he quickly dropped the rock. 

“Jesus, Eds, I nearly threw this at your head.” Richie laughed. But Eddie quickly shushed him.

“My moms still awake.” Eddie hissed. Richie slapped his hand over his mouth sarcastically. Eddie rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help but smile at Richie. 

“Just,” Eddie looked behind him and thought for a moment. The rational Eddie was screaming at him to tell Richie to go away. But when Eddie looked back at Richie, he wanted to be close to him. Eddie weighed up the options in his head. The idea of Eddie’s mom walking in and seeing Richie made his stomach hurt. But the idea of his mom walking in to see Eddie’s bed empty was somehow worse. At least he could hide Richie. Possibly. “come up.” Eddie finally said. Even in the dark Eddie could see Richie raising his eyebrows. 

“Are you… sure?” Richie whispered. 

“Yes, come on. You’ve got the ladder right?” Eddie asked and Richie nodded quickly. Richie looked around him and grabbed the ladder from behind him. Eddie grinned and pushed himself up from the window, but suddenly his face fell as he looked around his room. He ran to his bed and grabbed the pharmacy bag. Eddie opened it and put the new on his chest of draws with the other ones. Eddie caught his own eye in the mirror above his chest of draws as he slowly put down the last bottle. Eddie studied his pale face carefully. Eddie knew he wasn’t like other boys, he always knew that. He had freckles spotted across his nose and a crease where his dimbles appeared when he smiled. He liked his face, but he knew he looked _‘cutesy_ ’ and the height didn’t help. Eddie used to spend hours when he was a kid stretching trying to make himself taller so the bigger boys wouldn’t pick on him, trying to touch his tiptoes on the end of his single bed, and the tops of his fingers on the headboard. But the constant trying didn’t help. Eddie heard a light tap as the ladder hit the windowsill, making Eddie turn round quickly. He watched Richie appear in the window, putting his hands on the window pain to try and step into the room, but he lost his footing and fell dramatically into the room. Eddie slapped his hands over his eyes, he couldn’t watch the disaster in front of him. Richie breathily laughed as he stood up. Eddie peered from behind his fingers and looked at Richie, and he felt his heart thud. Richie was wearing the same outfit as this morning, but it didn’t stop Eddie from swooning at the sight of Richie Tozier in his room. Richie gave a joking bow after his dramatic entrance and slowly stepped towards Eddie, putting his hands on Eddie’s wrists so he could pull his hands down. 

“Hey,” Richie quietly mumbled, smiling down at Eddie who was blushing.

“Hey,” Eddie smiled widely, he began to push up on his tiptoes to lean up to Richie. But then they both heard footsteps coming. Eddie looked over his shoulder to look at the direction in the door. “Fuck.” Eddie swore before looking back to Richie. “Hide, quick!” Eddie hissed, grabbing his arm to yank him down next to the bed. 

“Jesus Christ, Eds,” Richie groaned as he crawled onto the floor, then laid on his back. Eddie watched Richie put his hands over his eyes, like that was going to help. 

“What are you doing?” Eddie hissed.

“If I can’t see her she can’t see me right?” Richie grumbled sarcastically with a smile across his lips and Eddie felt like he was going to yank his hair out. The door swung open. Eddie spun round to see his mother standing there, looking around his room. 

“What was that noise, Eddie?” She asked, her eyes scanning the room, “I heard a bang.”

“I dropped my homework books,” Eddie quickly said, and his mother nodded, still looking around the room. Eddie could feel his heart racing. 

“Shut the window Eddie, I don’t want you to catch a cold.” She said. Eddie nodded again. “Have you prayed?” 

“Not yet, Mom.” Eddie mumbled, and he swore he could hear Richie giggle but the wind coming from outside and into the room covered it up. 

“Well, don’t forget. Goodnight, Eddie.” 

“Goodnight, mom.” Eddie said as he watched his mom slowly shut the door. As soon as it clicked, Richie shot up and Eddie groaned. “Fuck me,” Eddie breathed, rubbing his face with his shaking hands. He wandered over to his window, feeling the cold air before he slammed it shut. He felt Richie sneak up behind him, his hands feeling around his hips and onto his stomach. Eddie sighed as he leaned back onto Richie’s chest. He felt Richie’s hot breath on his neck as Richie leant down to press a light kiss onto Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie let his eyes shut, feeling the cold of Richie’s leather jacket pressed on his body, the small pins and studs digging into his back. But Eddie could feel the anxiety creep back up. Eddie turned around, and Richie moved his hands to unzip his leather jacket, turning to throw it on the end of the bed. Richie looked back at Eddie. Richie’s eyes scanned Eddie’s face, but Eddie didn’t want to meet Richie’s eyes. He lifted his hands up to put them on either side of Eddie’s face.

“What’s wrong?” Richie murmured, but Eddie looked to the ground and bit his lip. “Tell me.” Eddie wasn’t sure if it was the adrenaline pumping through his body or Richie’s stern tone, he suddenly felt like all his fears started to pour out of him.

“I’m scared... of my mom...” Eddie admitted. “I’m scared that she’ll never let me leave.” Eddie bit his lip, trying to work out if he could say out loud what he was thinking, what he was always thinking. “I’m scared she’s over-medicating me on purpose.”

“What?” Richie quickly asked, his eyes still moving across Eddie’s face studying it carefully and his hands were still gently pressed onto Eddie’s face.

“I-I-I don’t know for sure… Sometimes I wake up really drowsy and I feel floaty so maybe she's putting stuff in my food but I can't be too sure, or sometimes I don’t get tested for problems but I suddenly have new medicine…”

“Are you being serious?” The concern in Richie’s eyes made Eddie feel faint. 

“Look...” He grabbed Richie’s hand, and guided him over to his chest of draws where his bottles sat. Richie looked down at them all. 

“Jesus Christ,” Richie muttered, he picked up one of the bottles and inspected it carefully. “You take all these different pills?” Richie muttered while picking up another bottle. 

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “Not all of them every day… but yeah I take all of them at some point.” Eddie whispered, he leant his head on Richie as they both looked at the bottle Richie had lifted up. 

“You can’t take these Eddie,” Richie said, putting the bottle down. Eddie leant back up and walked over to the bed to sit down on the edge of it. Eddie let his toes dig into the floor, the floorboard squeaking slightly. He looked up at Richie who had turned but leaned against the chest of draws casually, his hands gripped into it. Eddie knew they were talking seriously, but he couldn’t stop himself looking at Richie’s long skinny legs in his ripped black jeans, as he sat on the dresser. But when Richie started talking again, his eyes shot back up. “I’m not letting you take them.” Richie said, looking at Eddie with wide eyes. 

“I have to take them, I don’t know which ones are real and which ones aren’t…” 

“Fuck…” Richie muttered while rubbing his face. “Listen Ed’s…” Richie walked to the bed and sat next to Eddie, the bed bouncing up and down as he sat. Richie put a hand on Eddie’s thigh. “You probably don’t need any of them.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie didn’t want to look at Richie. So instead, he gazed at Richie’s long fingers touching the denim of his jeans and leant his head on Richie’s shoulder, being thankful that Richie took his jacket off now. Richie sighed, Eddie could tell Richie was nervous.

“Has it always been like this?” Richie asked. 

“More after my dad left when I was seven,” Eddie mumbled. 

“I think…” Richie said, “I think that she’s trying to keep you here, and she’s trying to make you feel fragile.” 

“I don’t know…” But Eddie thought about it. He thought about every time his mom told him not to do something because it was dangerous or that Eddie could get damaged. Every pill he swallowed, every time his mom begged him to stay, every harsh grip on his arm as he tried to disobey her. Deep down he did know exactly what Richie said was true. But he was terrified of the truth. “It’s not like I can stand up to her, look at me Richie. I’m small and weak and-” but Eddie stopped when Richie kissed the top of Eddie’s head. 

“I think you’re pretty strong actually,” Richie mumbled into Eddie’s hair. Eddie gave a breathy laugh.

“You’re ridiculous.” Eddie laughed. Richie squeezed tighter on Eddie’s thigh. 

“No I’m not.” Richie laughed quietly as he leaned away. Eddie turned his head so he could look at Richie, who was softly smiling at him. The whole situation made Eddie feel more emotions then he had ever felt at once. He had anxiety of his mother being in the same house as a 207 member. He had had the excitement of Richie risking everything to be in the same house as Eddie. He felt fear and sadness thinking about his mother, but he felt so much love when Richie looked at him with gentle eyes. His mind felt suddenly clear, and he knew exactly what he wanted.

“Kiss me?” Eddie whispered, the words floated out of his mouth uncontrollably. Richie laughed, before leaning down and kissing Eddie gently. All the emotions melted away as Eddie listened to the quietness of his house and felt Richie’s hand squeeze gently on his thigh. Eddie pushed forward eagerly, wanting to deepen the kiss and Richie complied, opening his mouth and moving it against Eddie’s. But Eddie could tell Richie was holding back, so Eddie pulled away to inspect Richie’s face. 

“What?” Eddie mumbled. Richie breathily laughed. 

“Oh Eds,” Richie whispered leaning closer to Eddie’s ear, “I’m not doing this with your mother in the house.” Eddie frowned, letting a groaning noise coming out of his mouth. Richie laughed again, but something deep within Eddie made him feel ferril. He didn’t care about his mother. He just wanted Richie.

“I don’t care, I want you.” Eddie moaned as he leant forward to kiss Richie again. Eddie pushed Richie back onto his bed, making Richie shuffle back so his head was on the pillow. Eddie moved his legs straddle the taller boy as he kissed him passionately, Richie’s hands traced down Eddie’s back. Eddie moved his hands onto Richie’s face, moving them up to grip into his hair. Eddie began to kiss down Richie’s neck, feeling Richie’s cold chains on his lips. He loved the chains. Eddie felt in control, maybe for the first time in his life. He couldn't help but feel powerful when Richie gave a soft moan as Eddie gently bit into his neck. Eddie was literally straddling a 207 gang member and making him quiver below him. Eddie smiled as he licked up Richie’s neck and gripped into his messy curly hair.

“God you’re such a dream, Eds.” Richie whispered into Eddie’s ear. The way Richie spoke in a husky tone made Eddie shiver. “I don’t ever want to let you go.” Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie tighter, making Eddie squirm. Eddie pulled back from Richie’s grip to look down at him, his palms pressed into the mattress on either side of Richie’s face. 

“We’ve only been on one date.” Eddie whispered sternly, “you can’t be saying things like that.” Even though Eddie said it sternly, he didn’t mean it. Eddie wanted Richie to tell him he was going to hold and kiss him for the rest of his life, he didn’t care that it had only been one date. 

“Does tonight meet your standards, darling?” Richie chuckled, lifting his hand up to touch Eddie’s cheek. 

“Absolutely not. I deserve romance.” Eddie argued in a hushed tone. Richie's hand on his cheek was soft, it made Eddie tip his head into the touch.

“Oh Eddie, you deserve more than romance. You deserve the whole fucking world.” Richie smiled, and it made Eddie want to melt. But he stayed strong.

“And you can give that to me?” Eddie responded smirking.

“I can goddamn try.” Richie put his hand on the back of Eddie’s neck and pulled him down, kissing Eddie. Richie’s mouth moved with Eddie’s, his hands running through his hair, making Eddie moan softly into the kiss. Eddie pressed harder into the kiss, making Richie’s head press into the pillow. Richie nudged Eddie upwards so he could pull away from the kiss for a moment. 

“Jesus Eds, you need to calm yourself.” Richie muttered. Eddie sighed and bent his head down so he could press his forehead onto Richie’s chest. Richie laughed as he ran one hand through the back of Eddie’s hair and other on his back, stroking up and down. Eddie felt like he was going insane. Or like he was dreaming. Richie Tozier was in his childhood bed, in his childhood room. Eddie would be lying if he said he hadn’t imagined what that would be like, but in those dreams, his mother wasn’t two rooms away. He dug his arms under Richie and hugged him tightly, then he propped his chin up and looked at Richie. 

“Want me to kill the mood?” Eddie whispered. 

“Maybe,” Richie smiled. 

“Why weren’t you at school today?” Eddie asked and Richie’s smile dropped. He bit his lip as he tipped his head into the pillow to look at the ceiling. Eddie shuffled up so he could lie next to Richie on his side, propping himself up on his elbow. Eddie let one hand trace across Richie’s chest.

“We all got kicked out, it was bullshit,” Richie mumbled sounding angry.

“Why?” Eddie asked. He knew the answer, but Eddie wanted to hear it from Richie.

“Because they don’t want gangs ruining the school. They think we're more dangerous when we're in schools then on the streets.”

“Do you still get to graduate?” Eddie asked, letting his fingers go back and forth across Richie’s chest, watching as it moved up and down.

“I don’t know.” Richie sighed. “I’ll be ok though.” Eddie studied Richie's face. He was softly biting his lip as he looked up at Eddie's ceiling. Eddie wanted to know what was going through Richie's mind. The situation obviously wasn't ok, he didn't know how Richie coped with it all. 

“Do you ever want to get out of this?” Eddie asked quietly breaking the silence.

“What do you mean?” Richie asked as he turned his face to look up at Eddie. Eddie felt scared to ask the question, but he did it anyway.

“Like get out of Derry, leave the 207s and all of this behind,” Eddie asked, and Richie blinked at him. Eddie bit his lip waiting for the answer.

“Sometimes.” Richie confessed. “Do you?”

“Sometimes.” Eddie mumbled. “No one gets out of Derry though. Everyone is born, raised and dies in Derry, it's crazy.” 

“I know,” Richie mumbled, “crazy.” They both lay there in the silence. The confession of wanting to leave Derry was probably on the minds of the whole population of Derry at some point in their lives, but it was probably brushed over when they realised it was near impossible. A few people managed to get into colleges out of state, some got their driver's license and headed for the hills, and even fewer managed to move to the city to rent a nice flat and start a nice new life out of Derry. But the likelihood that if you were born in Derry, you stayed in Derry, with generations before and after you. 

“We could run away?” Eddie laughed quietly.

“Oh yeah,” Richie grinned, “where would we go?”

“Florida?” Eddie said and Richie chuckled. 

“Why florida?” Richie frowned, but he still smiled. Eddie loved it when he did that.

“I just want to be somewhere with sunshine,” Eddie smiled. 

“Alright, that can be our second date then,” Richie laughed sarcastically and Eddie groaned as he put his head onto Richie’s chest. Eddie hugged his arm around Richie’s stomach and listened to Richie’s steady heartbeat. Richie put a hand through the back of Eddie’s hair and kissed his forehead. The way that they talked was a reminder that neither of them really knew each other. But Eddie couldn’t help but notice how natural it all felt. Richie’s body was warm underneath him. He squeezed him tighter and nuzzled his head into Richie’s chest. Eddie loved the way Richie stroked his hair softly, he felt like he could drift off from the calmness in the room. Richie kissed the top of Eddie’s hair gently, and Eddie sighed as he let his hand travel up Richie’s chest. Eddie felt comforted, all the anxiety drifted away and he forgot about all his problems. 

“This is nice,” Eddie muttered. 

“Yeah,” Richie whispered. Eddie let his leg move on top of Richies, using his foot to travel up and down Richie’s leg. Richie sighed into Eddie’s hair. 

“I could fall asleep…” Eddie whispered.

“Me too, I feel like I haven’t slept properly in weeks.” Richie mumbled into Eddie’s hair. “We can’t fall asleep though.”

“I can try to keep you awake if you like?” Eddie said while lifting his head up to look up at Richie, letting himself grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title "Tricks of the Trade" by Paolo Nutini


	7. Good Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title "Good Enough" by Tiny Moving Parts
> 
> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of drugs, mentions of death, sexual tension, sexual content.

Richie would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want to roll them both over and show Eddie the time of his life, but the threat of Eddie’s mom walking in even scared tough gang member Richie Tozier. Eddie was lying on Richie’s chest and Richie ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair. All the questions and propositions about running away felt laughable at the time, but when Richie thought about it now as they lay in silence, it made Richie feel queasy. He wondered if Eddie felt the same too. Richie listened to their breaths and the cold wind outside. 

“This is nice,” Eddie muttered quietly.

“Yeah,” Richie hummed. Richie felt Eddie move his leg on top of his, rubbing his foot up and down Richie’s leg. It made Richie feel something deep within his stomach. He had to calm down. Richie sighed into Eddie’s hair. 

“I could fall asleep…” Eddie whispered gently and Richie smiled into Eddie’s hair. At least Eddie was starting to calm down.

“Me too, I feel like I haven’t slept properly in weeks,” Richie mumbled into Eddie’s hair. It was true, he had felt like he was dragging his body as he left the school this morning. He walked home slouching and dragging his feet. “We can’t fall asleep though,” Richie muttered. He felt Eddie lift his head and Richie frowned at him.

“I can try to keep you awake if you like?” Eddie whispered with a grin across his face. Richie was a dead man. He loved Eddie’s smile and the way his dimples appeared on his cheeks. Richie looked over him trying to take in all small details of his face so he could remember them when he felt alone in his cold and dark room. Eddie shuffled his body up and pressed his nose against Richie’s.

“Is this really what you want to do?” Richie mumbled. When he had gazed at Eddie across the classroom or watched him with his friends, he always imagined Eddie being the romantic type. The sort of person who wanted to stay up late talking about dreams and the future. But when you lived in Derry, most people kept their dreams to themselves and they stayed just dreams. Richie stroked his hands up and down Eddie back and ‘ _accidentally’_ pulled up Eddie’s sweater. Eddie’s skin was warm and soft. Richie spread his fingers across Eddie’s back. Eddie hummed and nodded in response to Richie's question. Richie tipped his head up to meet Eddie’s lips. Richie swore he was never going to get sick of kissing the smaller boy. He gripped hard into Eddie as he rolled them both over, which was a difficult task because of Eddie’s single bed, but he went onto his knees and used his tight grip on Eddie to shuffle him into the middle of the bed without breaking the kiss. Eddie let out a huff as he fell onto his pillow.

“Is this ok,” Richie muttered between kisses. Eddie nodded with his eyes tight shut and gripped into Richie’s hair. Richie smiled into the kiss as he felt the smaller boy pull at the back of Richie’s curly hair, tipping his head to the side so he could kiss him deeper.

“I want a love bite,” Eddie mumbled as he pulled away from the kiss and Richie breathily laughed. Richie couldn’t believe this boy. He studied Eddie’s face. 

“Are you sure?” Richie whispered, tucking Eddie's hair behind his ear. Eddie nodded, kissing up to Richie again. He pulled away for a moment.

“Want people to know I belong to someone.” Eddie said in a hushed and low tone. 

_FUCK FUCK FUCK,_ Richie thought, _FUCK!_

Richie’s whole brain was going into meltdown as Eddie looked up at Richie with blinking brown eyes.

Richie was letting himself get carried away. Somewhere in the back of his mind was screaming at him to stop, but the majority of his brain was thinking like a horny teenager. The truth of it all was the majority of people his age had already had sex and were having sex on a weekly basis like it was nothing and also talking about it like it was nothing. But Richie was still a virgin at 18 and he definitely never went on any sort of date before. Richie had made out with his fair share of girls from his estate before, but he never let it get any further due to an anxiety that grew in the pit of his stomach. Everyone in the gang knew he was a virgin, it wasn’t like he could lie about who he lost it to because everyone on the estate knew each other. Richie was probably the only one of the 207s which attended Derry High School to not have lost it, making him the butt of the jokes. But Richie sometimes looked at the younger boys and shuddered at the idea of them making jokes about Richie being a virgin. Now Richie was 18, he felt like he was getting all the pent up teenage years out. It just so happened, it was right now. 

Richie kissed into Eddie’s neck, making the smaller boy groan and squirm below him. It was going to leave marks, but Richie didn’t care. Eddie had wanted this, and there was no way he was going to say no to him. At some point, Eddie pulled Richie up again so he could kiss Eddie’s mouth again, and at some point, Eddie’s kisses became less passionate and slower, his hard grip into Richie’s hair turned into a soft stroking motion. Richie slowly kissed Eddie, feeling his heart flutter. Richie loved the way Eddie’s warmth and gentleness made him feel. He pulled up and Richie kissed gently on the sides of Eddie’s face as he hummed softly, Eddie’s eyes still shut as he smiled. 

“I should go soon,” Richie muttered as he pressed his lips against Eddie’s rosy cheek. Eddie groaned and his arms tightened around Richie. Richie gave a small laugh, “Do you really want your mom walking in on us asleep? Do you want to give her a heart attack?” Richie joked.

“I wish this wasn’t a problem. We’re both adults and happy.” Eddie grumbled, “Just stay a little bit longer?” 

“Okay,” Richie whispered, pressing another kiss onto Eddie’s forehead, he had heard the annoyance in Eddie’s voice. Richie sat back on his knees and stretched with a groan. Eddie lifted his legs up to press his feet into Richie’s stomach. Richie breathed out and wrapped his arms around his stomach dramatically. 

“Keep that up and I won't stay.” Richie laughed, he crawled forward as he watched Eddie roll onto his side. Richie laid behind him and spooned him, wrapping his arms around him. Richie pressed his nose into the back of Eddie’s hair. He smelled clean and comforting. Richie realised he’d never held anyone like this and it felt so good. Part of him wanted to be held too, so he hoped one day Eddie would be the big spoon, even if he was a lot shorter. By thinking that Richie realised he was planning some sort of a future for both of them, even if it was a small detail, that he actually liked what was going on.

“You know Rich, I think I might really like you,” Eddie muttered as if he read Richie’s mind. It made Richie grin into the back of Eddie’s hair and squeeze tighter. 

“Yeah, I think I like you too,” Richie mumbled. Richie let himself hold Eddie tightly. The silence brought uneasiness with it. Richie couldn’t help but think about how he was cuddling with Eddie, who just so happened to be a boy. Richie had spent that majority of his life suppressing his thoughts and trying to quickly glance away when his eyes lingered too long on a shirtless boy on their estate in the summer heat. When he was in his younger teenage years, he had spent hours locked in his room, screaming into his pillow and crying until his throat hurt. Richie would swig hard spirits and smoke as he lay back on his bed, feeling the breeze from his broken window on his shivering body. At one point he had gone out working and some Barren Boys screamed ‘queer’ at him. Richie could barely look at himself for weeks. It got so bad Richie had punched the mirror in his room, the glass shattering around his fist, letting the glass stick into his white knuckles. 

Richie looked over Eddie’s body and put his hand up to see that he still had scars across his knuckles. 

Richie had never met an openly gay man in his life, and he didn’t think anyone that raised him had either. Richie started ignoring what they were saying and stopped telling the same jokes the others told so easily about gay people. Richie pushed and pushed the feelings down, but sometimes he let himself imagine another life. Another life where he had a normal job outside of Derry, where he would drive around his neighbourhood and wave at his neighbours with a smile and looking over his sunglasses, a life where he would look over and see the person he loved smiling back at him, and sometimes in that life that person would be a man. Those thoughts made Richie smile at night. Whereas when his ‘friends’ made a joke about gay people, he went home and hated himself more. As the years went by of Richie hating himself, somehow it got easier. Maybe it was the teenage angst easing off or maybe it was Richie starting to realise the world was bigger than Derry. 

Richie kissed into the back of Eddie’s hair. The warmth of Eddie’s body against his made him feel relaxed, even as he thought about what his gang would think of him. He didn’t care. This made him feel good. They didn’t. 

Richie realised that Eddie’s breathing had steadied and had fallen asleep in Richie’s arms. Richie didn’t want to let go of Eddie and it took all of his power not to drift off too. Richie groaned quietly to let himself squeeze into Eddie and kiss the back of his head one more time. Richie carefully moved his arms off Eddie, he stirred slightly as he adjusted and fell back to sleep. Richie tip-toed around the bed to pick up his leather jacket from the end of the bed and smiled at Eddie’s curled up body laid on top of his bedsheets. Looking at the smaller boy made Richie feel soft. He couldn’t resist walking over to the bed and kissing Eddie on the cheek, letting his hand push through Eddie’s hair. He smiled once more at Eddie’s sleeping body as he turned to open the window and climb out.

_-X-_

Richie fiddled with the key as he opened the door to his house, the several bolts that were on the other side of the door hadn’t been used by his mom. Neither of them had used the bolts for a long time since neither of them knew each other's schedule and they spent most of their time avoiding each other. Plus, there was nothing to steal in their small damp house, apart from the TV which was now playing a late-night TV show as Richie walked into the room. None of the lights were on, but the light coming from the TV reflected in Richie’s mom's glazed eyes. She sat on the old sofa as she leant on the armrest. Richie watched her as she sipped her beer. 

“Where have you been?” She muttered without looking up at Richie, taking another sip of beer. Richie stepped into the room nervously. 

“Out with friends,” Richie said, fiddling with his own fingers. There was a pause, the sound of the TV filled the room. Richie began to turn to climb the stairs.

“Alex came round.” His mom muttered and Richie’s heart dropped. Richie walked closer to the old sofa his mom was sitting on. He felt like he was approaching a wild animal as he slowly and gently stepped towards her. 

“What did he want?” Richie asked, his mother's eyes glued to the flashing TV. 

“He was looking for you.” She muttered. She was wearing a tight vest and sweatpants. A man's hoodie hung on her small frame. 

“Why?” Richie asked. 

“He didn’t say.” She sipped her drink again. Richie stared down at his mom. He hated that every time he was his mom awake she had alcohol in her hand, but who didn’t these days. Richie was terrified he would end up that way as well. But since he took his first sip of alcohol when he was nine, his lips have barely dried since. It was just the way Derry worked. It was either their choice between alcohol or harder drugs to help you get by. His mother took another sip of her beer and sighed as she said, 

“I wish you never joined that fucking gang, Richie.” Her words ripped through Richie and made him want to scream and shake with rage and upset. It was true that not all the boys in his neighbourhood joined the 207’s, technically it was Richie’s choice to join, but Richie felt the constant pressure from older men in the gang. They all asked him if he was going to protect his area as his father had, and Richie felt like he didn’t have a choice. It wasn’t like his mom ever told him not to. 

“Don’t say that mom,” Richie whispered, the hurt coming out in his voice. He watched her carefully as she raised her eyebrows and took another sip. 

“They’re awful people,” she whispered like it was a secret, “and they’ve turned you into one of them.”

Richie stormed over and snatched the bottle out of his mom's hand and screamed, “Fuck you!” In the heat of the moment, he threw it to the floor, the glass shattered around him and the rest of the beer that was in it splashed up onto Richie’s legs. His mom barely flinched. She looked up at Richie.

“Did that prove your point,” she asked, “or mine?” Richie felt his heart drop. He wanted to cry. His large shadow fell over his small mother, her deep blue eyes looking up at her son. The light that Richie wasn’t blocking from the TV flickered as the audience on the show started cheering. Richie quickly stepped away, the glass cracking under his Dr Martens as his eyes looked across the face seeing his mother's disappointment. Richie wondered if he had ever seen love in her eyes, but he couldn’t think of a moment where he had. Richie hastily stepped away and headed up the stairs, his long legs taking two steps at a time. He wanted to scream and cry. He wanted to run and run and run. Richie slammed the door of his bedroom, the hinges barely holding onto it anymore. He looked around his small box room. The dark wallpaper peeling away where the damp was more present. Richie had stuck up posters to try and hide the patches but they sometimes fell down because of the tac becoming wet. Richie could feel a chill coming from the window that barely shut because the wood had shrunk. The bed took up most of the room, his clothes were piled in the corner because he didn’t have a dresser. The cracked mirror which he had broken several years before was nailed to the wall, where he would try and look at himself without wanting to break it further. A bare lightbulb hung in the middle of the room, giving off an orange light. Richie panted as he looked around the poor excuse of his bedroom. He shut his eyes tight.

“Think of Eddie, think of Eddie, think of Eddie,” Richie muttered to himself. He scrunched his eyes tighter and clenched his fists but flashes of his life appeared in his vision. Alex’s tight grip, Nail’s dead body, the small bags of drugs being handed to him, his mom’s disapproving gaze. He tried to push it out with the things about Eddie he tried hard to remember.

_Eddie’s dimples, Eddie’s soft voice as he whispered secrets to Richie, Eddie’s kind smile._

But all he could think about was why Alex was round and why he wanted Richie. Richie opened his eyes and scanned his room for his phone that he had left around to go see Eddie. He spotted it in the middle of his messy bed and he grabbed it with shaky hands. He clicked it on and saw his messages. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Richie rambled as he read the message on the screen.

_“Richie I need to see you ASAP. Alex.”_

Richie wanted to throw his phone out of the window, not even bothering to open it. He would smash the window like he had smashed his mother beer bottle or the mirror. He ran his trembling hand through his hair. He wanted to yank his hair out as he thought about the pros and cons of contacting Alex. He just wanted to sleep and not be here at this moment. He wanted to go back to the peacefulness of when Eddie was lying in his arms. But the reality started to set in again. Richie knew he had to go see Alex.

_-x-_

Richie stood at the door, unsure whether to knock or not. He gently pressed down the handle as he walked into the damp house, the smell of smoke and alcohol hit him instantly. Richie hated how the smell reminded him of childhood. There were a few men sitting watching TV on the sofa and chairs, all smoking and drinking. On the screen was some violent film playing and on the table in front of them sat weed and a rolling tray. Richie couldn’t help but notice the child that was asleep on one of the old armchairs. The men didn’t notice Richie as he wandered into the kitchen. Richie could see Alex sat at the old long dining table, he flicked his cigarette into an ashtray. Alex glanced up at Richie as he gingerly walked up to the table. On the end of the table sat another rolling tray and several cans of beers, Alex had been scanning over a newspaper that had been spread in front of him. 

“Richie, finally,” Alex said, taking another deep smoke. “Come sit down.” Richie walked over and slid the chair out. He kept his eyes on Alex as he sat, watching as Alex pushed a beer can to Richie. The noise from the TV in the other room filled the house, the gunshots from the film filling Richie with anxiety. “Richie, you know I see you as a leader.” Alex began getting straight into it, and Richie sipped his beer nervously. “When you were in high school, you were the oldest out of the boys. They listened to you.” Alex took a long drag and blew it up in the air. Richie watched as it disappeared. “But now there’s no school, so I need to use you elsewhere.”

“What do you mean?” Richie asked. He could feel himself gripping into the metal can with shaky hands. There was a chill in the air which Richie blamed the chill on, but Alex sat across from him just in a black vest.

“You’re good on the streets as a runner, Richie. But you’ve outgrown that.” Alex said, “You need to start taking charge more.” Richie gulped down the beer. He knew the job of running taken by the younger boys but Richie felt comfortable in it. Selling lower class drugs at night alone felt like he had enough separation from the main activities of the gang for him to feel like he wasn't doing anything wrong. Of course, what he was doing was wrong, but it was the minimum he could do while still staying in the gang.

“You’re going to start being in charge of some of the operations, looking after the youngers and looking after some more of the bigger deals. It’s why I haven’t put on the streets for a few nights this week, I needed to see how the boys would cope with your usual jobs.” Alex finished his cigarette, stubbing it out in the ashtray. He lent back in his chair and looked Richie up and down. Richie felt massively uncomfortable as Alex inspected him. 

“What sort of big deals?” Richie asked nervously. 

“I’m glad you asked, Richie.” Alex laughed, “you’re going to the city on Wednesday to pick up some higher class drugs.” Alex opened another beer can and took a long sip. “You got that truck still?” Richie nodded. “Good, I’ve got the address written down, I’ll give it to you before you go.” Alex took another sip, and Richie could feel Alex's gaze on him. “Richie,” Alex said as he put his beer can down, “I trust you to do this.” Alex spoke calmly and in a comforting tone like he was actually proud of Richie. 

“Thanks, Alex,” Richie said, trying to sound thankful. But he wasn't. He thought about what this would mean. He couldn’t help his mind drift to Eddie. He wanted to see Eddie more without getting Eddie involved in any of this _shit_. The fact that Richie couldn’t think of an excuse to say to Alex why he couldn’t work every night made Richie blink down at his beer. “Is there any chance I could get another phone? Mine broke, I’ll keep my sim card but the buttons don’t work. It's why I didn't text you back.” Richie lied easily. If he could get Eddie a phone, at least they could talk. Alex nodded as he stood up slowly. Richie didn’t want to look at him as he walked around the table to the kitchen area. Richie could hear a drawer open and close. Then there was a bang on the table. Richie looked down at both of Alex’s hands. Under one was a new burner phone and the other was a gun. Richie swallowed. 

“Take this Richie, I haven’t seen you carry one for a while.” Alex moved his hand away but Richie couldn’t take his eyes off the small handgun. Richie hated guns. He hated the idea of holding something that could take someone's life. It was too much power. Sometimes he felt like it was self-sabotage to be the only gang member in the whole of America not to carry a gun, but he never had to pull it out before. At one point, there were shootings most nights in Derry, always gang members or the occasional pedestrian. Those were the nights Richie would walk around Derry with a shaky hand over the gun tucked into his belt. But now, with the treaty, he felt like he didn't have to. “Take them, Richie,” Alex instructed. Richie carefully slid the gun on the table and tucked it into the inside pocket of his heavy leather jacket and then took the phone and put it in his side pocket “You know I’ve always thought of you like a son, Richie?” Alex said as he watched Richie carefully, sitting back down on his seat. Richie gently nodded. “So you understand why I want to ask you where you were tonight?” Alex said it so casually as he pushed over a carton of cigarettes. Richie tried to steady his hands as he pulled one out.

“I just needed to get out of the house,” Richie said, it wasn’t necessarily a lie. Alex nodded gently as Richie flicked the lighter and took a deep breath in of smoke. 

“You know the Dreamcatchers and the Barren Boys are preparing for territory wars right now? They think we started something by one of them shooting our own.” Alex mumbled as he put a cigarette between his own lips. 

“I know.” Richie sighed, letting the smoke out of his lungs.

“They’re scum. All of them.” Alex groaned. “The other areas of Derry need protecting by us, we need to make sure they trust us, not the other gangs.” Richie watched Alex carefully. “I need you and some of the other boys expanding the circle.”

“Are you kidding?” Richie said and Alex shot him a glare. 

“No Richie, I’m not kidding,” Alex replied. “If we can start getting people to trust us, we can be more in control of Derry. Make your face known, be a friendly face.” Richie actually scoffed. 

“A friendly face?”

“Yes, Richie. You have to trust me on this.”

Richie didn’t trust Alex, not even a little bit. All the deals stayed on each of there own territories, sometimes going to the richer neighbourhoods to give higher class drugs to rich middle-class men who wanted to _‘party hard’._ By trying to get connections in other parts of Derry screamed danger. It was opening them up to more violence and higher the chance of getting caught. Richie thought about what Henry Bowers had said to him in the school. ‘ _But if I hear you're sending someone new to try spy on us or do your dirty work…’_ Richie looked up at Alex. By bringing new people into the gang, it would expand territory and throw the other gangs off the scent of whatever Alex had planned. 

“Do you want to bring new people off the other areas?” Richie quietly asked, nervous for the answer. 

“Not necessarily. But if you see any younger boys that might be…” Alex paused, “How do I put this? Vulnerable... We can take them under our wings. Or if we happen to find new places to sell but we have to make some friends, it might not be a bad thing.” Richie wanted to scream at him that it was a bad thing. It was the worst thing. Richie didn’t want to be involved in any of it. "Or if you see one of the other gangs overstepping with anyone, you step in." Richie took a big inhale of his cigarette, trying to let the tobacco calm his nerves. But it wasn't working. 

"Thanks for all this Alex. I should head off and get some sleep." Richie said, knowing that it probably made him sound soppy or weak. Richie stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray, watching the smoke drift up. 

“Richie, one moment," Alex said as Richie pushed his chair out. "Boys!" He called out and waved his hands up. Richie looked over his shoulder to see some of the men behind him groaning as they stood up and walked into the kitchen. Richie quickly looked at Alex in a panic. 

"I need you to do one thing first. A right of passage that you somehow missed out on.” Alex smiled. 

“What would that be?” Richie quietly asked.

Some of the men approached the table, Alex put his hand out waiting to be passed something. Richie gulped as he looked at the two men stood watching Richie with grins. A third man finally joined them and handed Alex a small tattoo gun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title "Good Enough" by Tiny Moving Parts
> 
> Don't forget to follow me on Tumblr @Bellarosawrites and leave some love in the comments! x


	8. Kiss Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can follow me on Tumblr @Bellarosewrites x  
> Chapter Title "Kiss Me," by Ed Sheeran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of drugs, mentions of death, homophobic language, homophobia, mentions of sexism, mentions of racism, mentions of religious discrimination, mentions of implied sexual assault, sexual tension.

Beverly tapped her pen and Eddie watched the pen hit the paper, feeling himself becoming more entranced by the movement and less interested in the lesson happening. Their English teacher was talking non stop about their upcoming exams and Eddie felt like he was falling asleep at his droning voice. Eddie had woken up to his mom’s voice shouting him awake, and he quickly looked up to see his bed was thankfully empty. Eddie had been blissfully drifting through his morning lessons as he let his mind wander to the night before. He couldn’t get over how intoxicating Richie had been, the anxiety being replaced with excitement as he let himself get carried away and let himself lose control for a brief moment. When he was with Richie, Eddie felt a thrill that he had been missing his whole life. His day to day was always the same, but Richie had set something alight in him, igniting a change deep within him. He had been fine with his mundane life, but now he spent every aching moment wanting to see Richie again, wanting to feel that energy within him, growing every time Richie touched him or even looked at him.

The bell went and Eddie jumped at the sound of everyone pushing their chairs back and grabbing their bags. Eddie blinked a few times as he stretched, trying to get himself back into reality. 

“You coming for lunch Eddie?” Beverly asked gently as she stood up, people pushed passed her as they went out of the classroom. She glared at them as they walked out of the classroom, they barely noticed her. Eddie looked up at Beverly as she smiled. Beverly had a way of not letting people get to her, Eddie often wondered if it was because she was used to the mistreatment or if it was because she had given up arguing with the people who mistreated her. 

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just tired.” Eddie yawned, sliding his chair out and picking up his books and stuffed them into his rucksack. 

“Yeah, you don’t have to tell me why either.” Beverly giggled and Eddie blushed as he adjusted his collar to attempt to cover the small bruise on the base of his neck. At some point in the lesson, Beverly had poked him in the arm and mouthed ‘ _oh my god_ ’, gesturing on her own neck. Eddie blushed and refused to make eye contact with Beverly for the rest of the lesson. But secretly, Eddie liked it. Eddie walked into the school that morning almost feeling powerful. Good boy Eddie Kaspbrak had a love bite and no one knew who from. Well, except for his friends. Eddie rolled his eyes and walked in front of Beverly who was still grinning at him.

There had been a strange vibe in the corridors in the last two days since all the gangs were gone, people seemed to be less on edge and more talkative. Eddie felt like he could walk without being in fear of accidentally bumping shoulders with one of the gang members, but he felt somewhat guilty about it. Most of the boys that had been kicked out were only still in education to keep watch over Derry or keep the eyes off them. That's what Eddie had thought before he met Richie. Beverly and Eddie shuffled down the corridor in the direction of the canteen, Eddie kept a firm grip on his rucksack straps as he saw a few people giving him a glance and Eddie blushed as he stared at his feet. 

“Oh hello, slut!” Stanley bounced out of a classroom as he saw Beverly and Eddie walking down the corridor, making Beverly and Eddie look round at him, as well as a few other students. Eddie groaned and rolled his eyes as Stanley skipped next to him. “Did someone have a good night?” Stanley laughed as he poked his finger into Eddie’s bruise. Eddie flinched away from him, making Beverly stumble over as he thumped into her. Beverly steadied herself as she laughed by grabbing onto Eddie, a few people turned their heads to roll their eyes at the three of them as they stumbled down the corridor.

“Fuck off, Stan.” Eddie groaned as he gave him a light push away and then Eddie covered the bruise with his hand. “How did you even see it straight away?”

“You have the first period with Ben, he blabbed to me as soon as he saw me.” Stanley smirked, and Eddie groaned loudly. Eddie knew he was never going to hear the end of this, but he had absolutely no regrets. They walked into the canteen, Stanley and Beverly joined the queue for the food and Eddie began to wander over to their table where Bill was already sitting looking miserable. 

“Fuck,” Eddie mumbled under his breath, remembering the day before. Eddie thought Bill might call his house to apologize or even leave a note in his locker, but nothing. Eddie put a smile on his face and walked over, as he sat down Bill glanced up, but then looked back down at his tray of food. “Hey Bill!” Eddie said happily. Bill sighed without even looking up. Eddie sat down, still trying to grin through the awkwardness. Bill was skinny, his clothes hung on him loosely as he slouched, and his brown hair fell over his face. “We should talk,” Eddie finally said. Bill groaned as he looked up at Eddie.

“Yeah we should- what the fu-fu-fuck, Eddie?” Bill had looked up at Eddie properly and instantly spotted the bruise on his neck. Eddie blushed, trying to pull up his jumper again to cover it up. 

“What?” Eddie mumbled. But Bill just raised his eyebrows with his mouth open, shaking his head slightly. Eddie stiffened up, trying to move past the awkwardness. “You were saying?” 

“Yeah…” Bill said, still staring at the bruise, but Bill seemed to transfix on it and not be able to finish what he was saying. Eddie decided to take the lead to try and take the attention of his love bite.

“Look, I know I should listen to you more, and I know you just want to protect me Bill, but honestly I’m not a weak little boy anymore, I-” Eddie was cut off by Stanley sitting down at the table. 

“Have you two boys made up?” Stanley asked as he threw his legs over the bench. He looked between the two boys with a grin and Eddie glared at him. Beverly followed him and sat down as well, laughing at Stanley’s forwardness.

“We were in the middle of it, Stanley.” Eddie hissed at him. Stanley just shrugged his shoulders and took a bite out of his pizza slice. “Bill I-”

“Hey guys,” Ben said as he approached the table with his tray. “Have you guys talked yet?”

“Jesus Christ.” Eddie moaned as he put his head in his hands. 

“Yeah, we’re good. You guys don’t need to worry.” Bill said and Eddie quickly looked up at him. Bill was obviously not ok, but Eddie didn’t want to prie. They had been friends since they were little kids, Eddie didn’t want anything to ever get between that.

“Good, because tonight you’re all coming over to watch films after school.” Ben smiled. “They’re playing the original star wars on TV, my parents are out of town tonight. So I’m thinking beer, popcorn and a whole lotta stormtroopers.”

“A party on a school night?” Beverly gasped sarcastically, putting her hand to her chest and grinned, making the others chuckle. 

“Ha ha.” Ben said mockingly with a smirk, “It’s not a party, but it will be fun. You guys in?” The group nodded as they looked at Ben. Eddie liked Ben, he was smart and He was always the one with the ideas. Like when they were kids, he made the plan to make them a clubhouse in the forest away from any of the territories and he spent the summer building it so they could all hide down there and feel like they had there own little world. As 18-year-olds, Ben had the ideas of how they could get booze and socialise, for example, his ideas of movie nights and small gatherings. Ben was always making sure his little gang were intact and happy, so Eddie knew that Ben would plan something as soon as Eddie and Bill argued. 

“I can’t stay too late, I’ll tell my mom I’m studying with Bill,” Eddie said while looking at Bill. Bill gave a faint smile to him. Eddie hated lying to his mom, but sometimes it was easier to come up with lies when Eddie knew he wouldn’t stumble home drunk. Eddie’s mom liked Bill, well she didn’t like him but she hated him the least out of all his friends. He was smart and kind, and always had Eddie’s back when he got picked on. But the best thing about Bill was that his parents were extremely understanding and would cover for Eddie if he needed a couple of hours away from his mother. He didn’t do it often and he saved it for special occasions. Eddie felt like he needed to spend time with his friends, so this seemed worth it. 

“Sure,” Ben smiled, “You should invite Richie.” All of them shot a look at Ben with wide eyes. Stanley dramatically kept his mouth hung open from where he was going to keep a big bite of his pizza.

“Pardon?” Bill scoffed. 

“Yeah, you said that you guys were good now and Eddie wants us all to get to know him, right?” Ben said. They all turned their heads to look at Eddie. Eddie gulped. He tried to read the group by scanning all of their expressions, working out what the right answer was.

“Er… yeah..?” Eddie muttered. “I don’t know how I’ll ask him though…”

“Can’t you go to his h-h-house?” Bill said, almost sounding sarcastic, but Eddie brushed over the comment quickly. 

“What time does it start?” Eddie asked, trying to move the conversation along. 

“Five.” Ben said, “there’s like two adverts in the actual films, and then breaks between each one, so you can sneak out whenever you need to.” Eddie nodded as he pulled out his food. He could feel all his friends gazing at him. Eddie didn’t want to cause something by saying anything more about Richie. 

They had been a tight-knit group for years now. It had started off as Eddie and Bill, with Stanley joining them when they were about eight. Stanley had been a shy boy and one of the only Jewish kids in their school, so he got picked on a lot. Bill and Eddie had watched one of the boys in the school fling his yarmulke across the canteen and other boys tossed it around and eventually threw it in the bin. Bill and Eddie had sheepishly asked if he wanted to sit with them at lunch, and he had grinned ear to ear. It wasn’t till they were eleven till they picked up Ben when they found him crying behind the library, beaten and bruised, from being attacked by one of the gangs. Then when they were twelve they met Mike when he was running through the forest to get away from Barren Boy kids, so they hid with him in the bushes until it was safe and walked home with him. Bill, Stanley, Ben and Eddie had seen Mike biking around Derry before but had never talked to him. No one in Derry talked to him. He was the biggest outsider of them all, but they had welcomed him into the group with open arms and spent nights upon nights listening to Mikes stories and tales. When they were fourteen and all the schools began to merge, they had met Beverly who had come from Dreamcatcher territory. All the boys had all heard of Beverly before. As soon as she entered school grounds, the looks she got off boys and the comments that were said at her in the corridors made Eddie’s blood boil. It was Bill that had found her crying at the back of the school with her blouse torn and he had gingerly invited her to the clubhouse, where they all told her she was safe with them. The point was, they were all misfits and outcasts, but they were all made outcasts by the people around them, specifically the gangs. They had all met because someone had been hurt by the boys that ruled the schools, who were the kids of the men who ruled Derry. Now Eddie was bringing one of those boys into there group. But Richie was a misfit too, but his friends didn’t see that yet. Eddie could see that Richie tried desperately hard to fit in and be the person he was expected to be, and Eddie knew Richie was more than that. All of their friends had been saved from gangs, Richie needed to be saved from a gang too. 

“I have to run home first but I’ll be there. I’ll see about Richie.” Eddie said with a smile, aiming the part about Richie at Bill. Eddie knew him and Bill should talk properly, but the naive part of Eddie wanted to drop it in hope that Bill was actually ok. Bill looked down at his food and began picking at it again.

“Hey, look…” Ben mumbled as he raised his eyebrows to gesture in the direction of a small commotion happening on the other side of the cafeteria. The rest of the group turned their heads to see what was happening. Eddie watched as a student was being dragged away by the security guards. He was trying to yank his hands away from the tight grip on his arms. 

“Jesus Christ,” Stanley muttered, “wonder what that was about.” It wasn’t an abnormal experience seeing a student being taken away by security because of the random drug checks and small bursts of violence, but seeing someone like Brandon, a small-ish 15-year-old with good grades, getting pulled away was something they weren’t used to.

“It’s Brandon Mcall, I heard he was getting friendly with the Dreamcatchers. Someone probably threw him under the bus.” Beverly said quietly. They all frowned at her in confusion.

“I thought he didn't live on Dreamcatcher territory?”

“He’s doesn't,” Beverly muttered, and that was the end of the conversation. Eddie wanted to ask more, beg Beverly to tell him everything she knew. But the group all quietly began to eat their lunch again. Eddie carried on watching at the security guards taking Brandon away, wondering why a boy like Brandon would get involved with gangs. For a moment, Eddie could've sworn Brandon looked right at him. He was getting more and more frustrated with the security guard tightening his grip on his wrists, his eyes beginning to water and face get redder. Eddie kept his eyes on Brandon as he was pulled away, the rest of the canteen barely noticing the interaction that had just happened. 

-x-

Eddie groaned as he walked up the creaking steps in his home, his heavy rucksack filled with study books weighing him down. Eddie’s mom worked as a cleaner at a motel just outside of Derry, a job which she complained about every chance she could get, saying that it showed her the mess of the world. Eddie sometimes thought about how going to that hotel was the most his mom or Eddie would ever get to see of a life outside of Derry. When Eddie’s mom was working, it meant Eddie sometimes got some alone time in his house. He almost regretted saying he was going to Ben’s because he wouldn’t mind some quiet time to himself. Eddie opened his bedroom door in a huff looking down at his trainers and turned to close the door behind him. 

“Hey!” A voice said behind him. 

“What the fuck!” Eddie screeched as he quickly whipped around to see Richie sat on his bed. Eddie stumbled backwards hitting his rucksack against his door, making his feet fall from beneath him and his knees buckling. Richie stood up and lept towards him, reaching his arms out to grab Eddie as he tumbled backwards. 

“Shit, sorry, fuck, sorry!” Richie rambled as he pulled Eddie up and Eddie could feel himself shaking. 

“In..in..inhaler…” Eddie heavily breathed, grasping towards his chest of draws, pushing Richie out the way. Richie stepped away with his hands up. Eddie yanked open the drawer and rooted through to find his spare inhaler. After taking a few puffs, his body relaxed. He gripped the drawer and bent his back, taking a deep breath.

“Why… why… are you here…” Eddie gasped. Eddie turned to look at Richie who was running his hand through his hair nervously. Eddie could feel his body quivering, rage boiling in him. 

“I’m sorry, I thought it was kind of romantic…” Richie laughed. Eddie looked at Richie with a glare. “And I’m guessing it doesn’t come across that way?”

“How did you even get in?” Eddie heaved, still panting. He scowled up at Richie as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You really shouldn't leave a key under the mat in a place where the crime rate is one of the highest in Maine.” Eddie kept frowning and staring up at Richie. Richie rambled trying to make the situation better. “I knocked to check your mom wasn’t in first…” Eddie kept glaring. “I put the key back!” Eddie groaned loudly and put his hands to his face and rubbed it. “I’m sorry, I just really wanted to see you.” Richie murmured. Eddie looked through his fingers to finally get look at Richie up and down. He was wearing a very normal Richie outfit: black ripped jeans, scratched Dr Martens, a baggy band shirt that Eddie had never heard of, and his big leather jacket. Eddie looked at the dark rings under Richie’s eyes which were more prominent on his pale skin. He had his curls pushed back behind his ears from the nervous interaction so Eddie could see more of Richie’s face. He liked that.

“Yeah,” Eddie muttered as he moved his hands away from his face, “I actually wanted to track you down anyway.” Richie raised his eyebrow.

“Oh yeah?” Richie smirked.

“Don’t get too excited,” Eddie sighed as he put down his rucksack next to him and began routing through his drawers, “I’m going to a movie night at Ben’s tonight.”

“Oh cool, I came round because I had plans later anyway-”

“You’ve been invited.” Eddie interrupted Richie knowing that Richie was blabbering and trying to sound like he didn’t care Eddie was busy. Eddie pulled out a cotton jumper from his drawer and he stood up to turn to look at Richie.

“I’m invited?” Richie asked, looking shocked at the idea of it. Eddie smirked.

“Don’t look too surprised...” Eddie said. “Is this nice?” Eddie asked quickly while holding up a pale yellow sweater. 

“Erm, yeah, I guess…” Richie muttered glancing at the sweater, and then he put his attention back to Eddie. “Your friends actually want me to come? Why?”

“Yeah you’re right, this ones not great.” Eddie sighed to himself as he threw the sweater down and began looking through his clothes again. “Of course they want you to come, we’re seeing each other,” Eddie said answering Richie question before picking up another sweater and smiled at it. He turned to look round Richie.

“Yeah, I guess we are.” Richie choked. Eddie couldn’t help but notice a small smile on Richie’s lips as he said it. “But are they ok with that?” 

“With you coming or me seeing you?” Eddie asked.

“Both… I guess..?” Richie said questioningly.

“They want you there tonight and I think they’re coming round to the idea.” Eddie held up the sweater he had in his hand. “This one?” 

“Yeah, I like this one,” Richie said as he touched the sweater slightly. Eddie grinned as he unzipped his coat. Richie stood awkwardly as he watched Eddie undress, but Eddie knew exactly what he was doing. He pulled off his sweater and shirt in one motion over his head. His hair stuck up from the static and Richie’s eyes wandered down his body. Eddie chuckled to himself as he turned to pull a clean shirt on. Eddie looked at himself in his mirror, scanning over the bruises on his chest and neck and grinned. Eddie caught Richie gawking in the reflection. Richie stared at his feet as soon as his eyes met Eddie’s and Eddie grinned to himself.

“So they know you’re gay?” Richie asked breaking the silence, still looking at the floor and sounding anxious. Eddie whipped back around to look at him.

“Of course I did, they’re my friends,” Eddie said as he pulled his sweater on over his head. It was an obvious question, because to Eddie, his friends were more important than anything else. There wasn’t really an option to be out of the closet fully in Derry, but at least he could be himself around his friends. Eddie huffed as he patted down the creases in the cotton. Richie smirked as he stepped forward. Eddie watched him carefully as he lifted his hand to smooth down Eddie’s hair with his fingers. 

“You’re lucky to have friends like that,” Richie mumbled as he ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair, concentrating on the task. Eddie stared up at the taller boy, gazing at the way he bit his lip as he concentrated and the way his jawline looked even more chiselled from this angle. 

“Well… if you play your cards right, they could be your friends too.” Eddie said while smiling up at Richie. Richie smiled too as he moved his hand away from Eddie’s hair and it went to Eddie’s chin. Before Eddie could react, Richie leant down and pressed a light kiss onto Eddie’s lip. Even though the kiss was chased, Eddie could feel the electricity between them. Eddie leant into it but hummed when Richie pulled away. “What was that for?” Eddie asked quietly, whispering like him and Richie were the only people in the world. Richie gazed across Eddie’s face, studying him. 

“Just for being a cutie,” Richie smirked letting go of his chin and Eddie rolled his eyes. “Don’t give me that sass, Kaspbrak.” Eddie gave him a light shove in the chest and Richie laughed. Eddie loved Richie’s laugh and the way his mouth curled up when he grinned. His smile suited him so much. Eddie couldn’t believe this week was the first time he has seen it. 

“So you’re coming?” Eddie asked, “your not… working… tonight?” Eddie didn’t know how to phrase it when he brought up Richie’s ‘ _other’_ life. He called it working, but Richie hadn’t actually said what he did, Eddie just presumed. Eddie wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to know.

“Yeah I’ll come tonight,” Richie said with a smile, and Eddie smiled back. Eddie walked to the back of his door to grab a scarf and at to make sure he had some extra layers, knowing he would have to walk home in the cold later on. He slightly wished he had remembered the scarf to school today, but he knew in the back of his mind he forgot it on purpose. “Yeah about that, actually…” Richie began and Eddie turned to look at him, “Tomorrow I’m going to the city and the rest of the week I might be busy…” Richie was staring down at his feet as he talked. Eddie wrapped the scarf around his neck as he watched Richie’s foot tap.

“Oh, ok…” Eddie said. He wanted to ask questions, but at the same time, he didn’t want to know the answers. Eddie kept forgetting about who Richie was to other people away from Eddie. If Eddie thought about it too much it made him feel queasy because it made him question who was the real Richie. Eddie just kept reminding himself it was Richie’s _work._

“And I won’t be able to catch up with you at school anymore and I can’t just keep surprising you like this…” Richie mumbled, still looking at the ground.

“Yeah, it’s not very convenient,” Eddie spoke while looking up the taller boy up and down nervously.

“Look what I’m trying to say is…” 

_Oh my god, he’s breaking up with me already,_ Eddie thought. Eddie watched with fearful eyes as Richie fumbled round in his inside pocket. 

“I got you this,” Richie said as he pulled out a small mobile phone. Eddie took it off him holding it like it was going to explode. Eddie did feel a small relief that Richie wasn’t binning him off already, but he looked at the phone and there was a different type of anxiety rising within him.

“Where did this come from?” Eddie quietly asked. 

“It doesn’t matter, it’s yours,” Richie mumbled. Eddie looked at the phone. He fiddled around with it in his hands.

“I-”

“I went out today and got you a sim card for it, I’ve put credit on it. I thought I could text you when I’m about and we can try cross paths?” Richie said, running his hand through his hair again. Eddie had realised by now that when Richie put his hand through his hair, he was anxious. Eddie nodded slightly and looked down at the mobile phone again. Eddie didn’t know why the phone made him so nervous, maybe it was because he knew the only people that owned mobile phones in Derry were the people in the gangs. Looking at the phone was a reminder that Eddie was now involved in something more than just Richie. Eddie knew what he was signing up for with Richie, but Richie had said he was going to keep it separate. Of course, sometimes the two were going to merge as it had done with Nails. Eddie shivered at the memory of it. He glanced back up at Richie who was looking at Eddie carefully.

“You’ll have to teach me how to use it,” Eddie said, trying to force a smile.

“Sure, I’ll explain it on the way to your friends?” Richie smiled.

“Yeah sure.” Eddie gulped, “Thanks Richie, this is really nice of you.” Eddie stood on his tiptoes to kiss Richie on the cheek. Richie turned his face to the side to let Eddie press his lips against him. 

“Anything for my boy,” Richie grinned and it made Eddie melt. He instantly forgot about all the anxiety he felt in his body about Richie’s gang or about where the phone had come from. Hearing Richie say that Eddie was _‘his’_ unlocked something deep within Eddie that he loved, something he didn’t realise was in him. Eddie’s cheeks felt hot red. Richie must have noticed because he started chuckling. Eddie hated how Richie knew how to press his buttons.

“Shut up,” Eddie muttered, he grabbed Richie’s arm to pull him closer in to bring him in for a desperate kiss. But Richie winced.

“Ow!” Richie gasped as he pulled his arm away, holding the area Eddie had grabbed. 

“You ok?” Eddie asked quickly, stepping towards Richie with his hand up to try and calm him.

“Yeah… Sorry… Yeah… come on, we can’t be late. I’ll drive up.” Richie quickly mumbled, letting himself out of Eddie’s room quickly. Eddie stood for a moment, confused by the interaction that had just happened. He could hear Richie thudding down the stairs. Eddie shook his head and picked up his rucksack again to put in his evening medications, then followed Richie down the stairs.

-x-

Eddie knocked on the door but he turned around to look at Richie who had taken his time to lock his truck and walk up the steps to Ben’s house. The night was beginning to fall, but Eddie smiled at watching Richie neaten himself out and smooth down his outfit using the light from the streetlamps. 

“Maybe I shouldn't have worn this?” Richie mumbled as he inspected himself, “I look... threatening.” Eddie enjoyed the fact he was the same height as Richie as he stood on the higher step and Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck, sighing. 

“You look very pretty.” Eddie sarcastically muttered as he kissed Richie’s nose. Richie groaned but he put his arms around Eddie’s waist, letting his hands slide under Eddie’s unzipped coat. Eddie loved the way Richie’s hands felt on his back and the way he moved his thumb over his spine. 

“Fuck off,” Richie grumbled. Eddie smirked as he leant in and kissed Richie, feeling Richie’s warm breath felt on his lips before they met. Eddie wondered if Richie was more ok with this public affection because it was getting dark, or if it was because Ben lived in a nicer neighbourhood where people were more likely to be locked inside their homes as soon as night fell. Eddie enjoyed the kiss either way. Then the door opened behind Edde. Eddie quickly turned around and saw Ben stood smirking at them. 

“Hey Ben,” Eddie smiled, feeling his cheeks blush in the cold. 

“Hi Eddie.” Ben leant slightly to look behind Eddie. “Hi Richie,” Ben said in a sarcastic high pitched tone.

“Hi Ben.” Richie awkwardly laughed. Ben turned round into his house. Eddie shot Richie a quick look before following Ben. Richie was blushing, and Eddie loved it. Eddie walked into Ben’s small living room where Beverly was sitting on the sofa with Mike and Bill was sat on one of the armchairs. They all looked up at Eddie and Richie when they walked into the room. 

“Hey losers.” Eddie smiled as they all grinned back with a few heys back. Bill looked over his shoulder to say hi too and instantly raised his eyebrows in surprise when he was Richie standing there as well as Eddoe. Eddie smiled at Bill, but Bill quickly turned around again.

“Where’s Stanley?” Ben said as he sat down next to Beverly, letting Beverly and Mike shuffle up for him. 

“Don’t worry I’m in here!” Stanley shouted as he walked out of the kitchen holding a tray of bags of popcorn. Stanley saw Richie and Eddie, he grinned at them as he cooed mockingly, “oh, hello lovers!” 

“Fuck of Stan.” Eddie groaned as he pulled his rucksack and coat off. But then Eddie looked up at Richie who was blushing, staring down at his feet. Eddie realised that Richie wouldn’t be used to this. Any of this. Eddie grabbed Richie’s arm and rubbed it with his thumb to try and comfort him. “Where can we sit?” Eddie asked as he looked around. 

“Saved you the armchair but one of you will have to sit on the floor,” Ben said with a smile. Eddie stepped towards the armchair that was on the far side of the room, Richie trailing behind him. 

“You sit,” Richie said, putting a hand on his shoulder to guide him to sit. Eddie smiled as he sat down on a chair and watched Richie sit between his legs and on a cushion that was placed on the floor. Richie shuffled around for a moment before leaning back slightly, but Eddie could tell he was uncomfortable. Eddie just wasn't sure if it was because he was on the floor or because of the situation he had put Richie in. Eddie leant forward, putting his mouth near Richie's ear.

“You know you can take your jacket off?” Eddie whispered sarcastically, running his hands down Richie’s shoulders, feeling the cold leather under his fingers.

“I’m good, don’t worry about me.” Richie mumbled back defensively. Eddie felt like Richie was hiding something. But Eddie leant back in his chair and blamed it on Richie’s nerves.

“You made it just in time,” Mike laughed as he leant to Eddie, “Ben was worrying you were going to miss it.”

“It’s not like I haven’t seen Star Wars, I know what happens!” Eddie laughed. Star Wars had become a big part of all of their friendships. When each one of them arrived in their friend group, they would sit down and watch them eagerly, debating about characters and laughing at each other’s commentary. 

“That’s not the point!” Ben said loudly as he clicked the remote, turning the sound on for the TV. “Every time you watch Star Wars, you should watch it afresh.” 

“I’ve never actually seen Star Wars…” Richie mumbled, creating a big, dramatic, gasp from the group. Richie looked terrified as he looked around the room at all of Eddie's mocking friends. Eddie breathily laughed as he put his hand through the back of Richie’s hair as a sympathetic gesture.

“Oh, you're going to love this Richie Tozier.” Stanley laughed as he handed Richie a bag of popcorn. “You want a beer?” 

“Sure.” Richie smiled as he took a beer off Stanley. Eddie watched Richie’s interaction with his friend and it made him feel dizzy. They were all being so nice to him. A week ago, all his friends made fun of Eddie for having a crush on the 207 gang member, but now they were welcoming him into their group with a smile. It all felt very surreal. Eddie also took a can off Stanley, letting go of Richie’s hair so he could open it. Stanley turned the lights off before sitting on the floor next to Bill’s legs, Eddie watched all of his friends as they cheered when the film started playing on the TV. He looked down at Richie who took a sip of his beer, his eyes eagerly glued to the screen. Richie reached his hand up to grab Eddie’s free hand, guiding it back to Richie’s hair. Eddie breathily laughed as he gently ran his fingers into Richie’s curly hair. Richie could pretend to be hard, but this was proof he was soft and liked the attention from Eddie. Richie leant his head against Eddie’s knee so Eddie could trace up and down Richie’s neck. Eddie smiled as he looked back to the TV. This was so good. _So good._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave some love in the comments! It really keeps me motivated and I love to hear what you think! x


	9. Tear In My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is the song "Tear In My Heart," by Twenty One Pilots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of drugs, smoking, infected wounds, sexual tension, sexual content.

As the credits rolled on the first film, Richie’s mouth hung open and his eyes were wide. Eddie was still gently stroking the back of his hair, but Richie had barely noticed until the film had finished. Richie had been entranced by the film they had been watching. There had been a couple of breaks in the film, but Richie had stayed put on the floor, eagerly waiting for it to start again, not wanting to miss a second of it.

“Right, there’s ten minutes till the next one.” A voice said from the other side of the room as the lights flicked on, breaking Richie’s trance. Richie was trying to remember all of their names. _Ben?_ He was in _his_ house, for god sake.

 _I need to make more of an effort,_ Richie thought. Richie blinked a few times to let his eyes adjust to the light. Ben was a broader boy, his round cheeks were normally flushed, with short blonde hair dangling on his forehead. Richie noted that Ben had lost a lot of weight over the past few years, his body stretching out as he grew taller, but he was still one of the heavily built boys in Derry High School, and no one let him forget that.

“What did you think?” Eddie asked him eagerly whilst leaning down, Richie turned his head to look up at Eddie, interrupting Richie’s thoughts. 

“Holy shit, that was so good!” Richie beamed and Eddie grinned back before taking the last sip of his beer. Richie loved to watch Eddie tip his head back as he drank, the way his adam apple bobbed up and down made Richie's brain short circuit. This wasn’t the _‘typical Eddie’_ or the Eddie personality that he put on at school or even for Richie at times. Good boy, level headed, shy, Eddie Kaspbrak was very different to the one Richie was observing tonight. Seeing Eddie being casual and loose with his friends made Richie like him even more. Eddie grinned more and body less tense, he laughed more. A lot more. It caught Richie off guard when someone would make a comment during the film, Eddie would hysterically contagious laugh, filling the room up with a certain warmth. 

“I knew you’d like it!” Stanley laughed and Richie smiled along with him, watching as Stanley walk across the room to the stairs, his curls bouncing up and down. Richie liked Stanley, he was a skinny boy with wild hair that he pushed behind his ears, with wild eyes which you could tell had chaotic thoughts behind them. Richie knew Stanley was Jewish because a lot of boys shouted slurs or offensive jokes at him as Stanley walked through the corridor, but Richie kept his mouth shut. Stanley had sometimes caught eyes with Richie, but instantly ducked his head down and shuffled away quickly. Seeing Stanley around his friends was a very different Stanley that Richie had seen blushing and turning his head away from gang members who picked on him.

“I’m going to piss, I would advise everyone to do the same!” Stanley yelled as he ran up the stairs, thudding up them, his hair bouncing up and down with his steps. Mike groaned and got up as well.

“I’m going to take my break to have a much-needed smoke,” Beverly announced as she stretched upwards. Richie turned his attention back to his beer, taking the last sip of it and putting it down on the coffee table in front of him. “You coming, Richie?” Richie quickly looked up at Beverly. She was looking down at him as she held a cigarette in her mouth, twirling a yellow lighter in her fingers. Richie still wasn’t used to people actually talking to him. 

“Erm, yeah sure…” Richie said as he pulled himself up ungracefully. 

“Ben, can I use your phone to call my mum?” Eddie asked as Richie shook his legs to get the feeling back in them. 

“Yeah,” Ben called back from the kitchen. Richie watched as Beverly left through the front door and Richie quickly looked back to Eddie who let out a big sigh and Richie offered him a hand up. 

“Thanks.” Eddie smiled taking Eddie's hand and pulling himself up, always looking up at Richie with big eyes. Richie got the urge to lean down and kiss Eddie, but Richie glanced to the side to see Bill carefully wanting them. Instead, Richie smiled as he turned on his foot to join Beverly outside. Richie made eye contact with Bill, who was slouched on an armchair, watching Richie awkwardly stride away. Bill hated Richie, it was obvious. Richie didn’t know much about Bill, he knew he had a stutter and a lot of boys bullied him for it. They didn’t have any lessons together, so Richie presumed he was probably a lot smarter then Richie and was in better classes than him. But he could sense that Bill was the protective one by the way he looked at Richie was a scowl that could felt like Richie was being cut in half.

As Richie opened the wooden front door the cold air hit him, making him shiver. Richie looked down as he breathed out slowly and followed his cold breath travel with his eyes but then he saw Beverly already sat on the top step, struggling to click her lighter. With the blinding automatic light switched on, Richie slowly stepped next to her and lowered himself down on the icy step. Beverly groaned loudly as her lighter failed to spark. Richie breathily laughed as he pulled his lighter out and handed it to her. Beverly smiled as she took it off him, putting her own lighter back in her pocket.

“Thanks,” she murmured, putting the cigarette between her lips and lighting it. Richie knew of Beverly. Probably everyone in the school knew who Beverly was. Beverly lived in Dreamcatcher territory, and the rumours about her being with the majority of the gang travelled around Derry, including around the 207s. Richie had heard the jokes about her coming from the people he hung out with, but Richie didn’t actually know her. Knowing the sort of people that talked about her, it was probably all lies.

Beverly handed Richie his lighter back, her hands shaking from the cold.

“I didn’t realise you smoked,” Richie mumbled as he clicked the lighter, trying to think of something to break the awkward silence.

“I thought everyone smoked in Derry honestly, the boys don’t like it much, so they’re the anomaly,” Beverly said, taking a big drag in of her cigarette which balced between her fingers and wrapped her other arms around her stomach. Richie studied her face as Beverly looked forward into the road. She was a pretty girl, freckles splashed her pale skin and her cheeks were flushed from the cold air. Richie followed Beverly eyes out onto the road as a car drove past. Richie wondered if whoever was in the car noticed Beverly and Richie sat on the step, or if they had noticed a 207 gang member in the wrong territory sat with a shivering girl who was labelled _'the town slut_ ' as they smoked in silence. The automatic light flicked off from their lack of movements, but they carried on smoking in the dark, the street light illuminating the path in front of them slightly. Richie preferred it, sitting in the shadows, he felt protected.

“Can I ask you something?” Beverly quietly asked, her voice travelling on the wind.

“Sure,” Richie replied, taking in another drag.

“Do you actually like Eddie?” Beverly asked and Richie blew out the smoke between slightly closed lips as he looked around at her. Beverly was staring at him with wide, blinking eyes. Even in the dark, he could see the colour of her bright green eyes reflecting in the street lights. 

“Yeah… I actually do.” Richie smiled. It wasn’t a forced smile. Thinking about Eddie made him smile. Richie realised he had never had that, where thinking about something was enough to make you smile.

“And do you like being in a gang?” Beverly quickly asked without breaking eye contact with him. 

“That’s a more difficult question.” Richie laughed nervously. He took another deep drag in of his cigarette, trying to let the nicotine calm him and let the smoke warm him up. Beverly chuckled as they both looked over the road, seeing a hooded figure walk by, and Richie knew they were both wondering which gang he was from.

“Would it hurt our budding friendship if I told you that my dad is a dreamcatcher?” Beverly smiled. Of course, Richie knew that, but he wasn’t going to say that to her. Her dad was a piece of work.

“Friendship? Beverly Marsh, that means we’re deadly enemies.” Richie laughed, Beverly grinned back at him. The truth was Richie had never been friends with someone outside of his territory, let alone outside his gang. Beverly smiled back for a moment, before looking down at her feet. Richie watched her carefully.

“I hate him, my dad. I hate all of them.” Beverly admitted quietly. Richie didn’t want to look at her as she spoke out of pure awkwardness. “Every single boy I’ve come into contact with in Derry, excluding the boys in there, have treated me like shit. The gang boys treat me even worse. It's why I didn’t want Eddie to date you. I didn’t want him being with someone like my dad.” Beverly looked up at Richie, and Richie glanced at her. “You know I’ve lived on Dreamcatcher territory my whole life. They claim they protect us but no once have I ever felt safe in Derry.”

“That’s because the dreamcatchers are bastards,” Richie muttered, taking another drag of his cigarette.

“Settle down, you 207 is showing,” Beverly chuckled, taking another smoke, “But they are bastards,” Beverly added as she breathed out the smoke and Richie smiled. But Richie could hear a hint of sadness in Beverly’s voice and it made Richie wince. Richie wasn’t good at emotions or comforting people, but as he looked at Beverly smoking on her friend’s porch, Richie could see that she was in pain. Richie sighed, bringing himself to let the worlds out of him.

“I promise I’m nothing like your dad. Honestly, I’m terrified by most of the people in the gangs.” Richie shivered at his own confession. “And I’m sorry about your dad. I get it. Most of them, including the 207s, are scum. But if you want to get out of Derry and away from your dad, you can.” Richie muttered, surprising himself at how nice he was being, but he felt like he needed to say more. “And whatever those boys said or did, I’m so sorry, Beverly.” Richie looked at Beverly and she looked back with a forced half-smile, trying to show she was thankful for what Richie was saying. “You don’t deserve this life, I can tell you are one of the good ones.”

“Thanks, Richie.” Beverly smiled. She rocked her body so he nudged her shoulder against Richie’s as she breathily laughed. Beverly flicked her cigarette away, aiming for beyond the gate, but it landed on the pathway leading to the steps instead. “Are you sure you’re in a gang? You’re way too nice.” Beverly grinned and Richie laughed. But then he thought for a moment. The question had triggered something inside of him. Richie wanted to show someone.

Richie wasn’t sure if it was because of Beverly’s openness or the fact Richie was feeling slightly vulnerable, but he put his cigarette between his lips and held it there as he unzipped his jacket and shimmied it off. The movement flicked the porch light on again, making Beverly blink a couple of times. Richie pulled his right arm and showed Beverly, the porch light beaming down on them showing Richie’s new tattoo. The number _207_ was written down his arm in black ink. It was swollen and red. Richie hadn’t looked at it properly since Alex had held his arm as he wrote the numbers into his skin the night before. Beverly reached her hands up and gently held Richie’s arm up to look at it closer. The cold air eased the pain slightly.

“Holy shit…” Beverly gasped. Richie used his other hand to move the cigarette from his mouth to speak.

“207 forever,” Richie mumbled sarcastically as Beverly inspected the tattoo. Richie took another deep drag of his cigarette, letting the smoke fill his lungs and the nicotine ease the pain. 

“When did you get this? It looks infected?” Beverly asked. The cold air soothed the pain coming from the tattoo.

“Last night. And I can 1000 percent guarantee it’s infected if you saw where it got done.” Richie sighed. He shivered thinking about his conversation with Alex and the men who laughed at Richie wincing at the pain from the tattoo gun. 

“Why did you get it then?” Beverly gently asked. 

“It wasn’t exactly by choice...”Richie quietly admitted. 

“Has Eddie seen it?” Beverly asked as she let go of Richie’s arm.

“No.” Richie muttered, “and I don't want him to.” Richie knew there was no way he could hide it from Eddie, but maybe he could hide it until the swelling went down. He put the cigarette between his lips again so he could pull on his leather jacket. 

“Honey, I don't think there’s any way to hide that.”

“I know.” Richie sighed. “I wish that I could hide him for all of it… all the gang shit.”

“Richie…” Beverly muttered sympathetically.

“It’s ok, Beverly, don’t worry about it.” Richie took the last drag of his cigarette before flicking it away. Richie sighed as he rubbed his hands over his cold face, feeling how his nose felt frozen by the chill from the Derry night.

“Maybe you should take your own advice,” Beverly muttered. 

“Huh?” Richie hummed glancing at Beverly. 

“If you want to get out of Derry, you can,” Beverly repeated, trying to half-smile sympathetically. Richie smiled back for a moment. 

“Yeah, maybe.” Richie murmured. The warmth in Beverly’s eyes made Richie feel like it could be possible for both of them to escape from the hell they were both living in. There was an understanding between them that Richie had never experienced with another human being. 

“Come on,” Beverly sighed, putting her hand on Richie’s shoulder to push herself up, “let’s go covert you into being a nerd.” 

“I think it might already be working,” Richie laughed, “I’m actually really enjoying it.” Beverly scoffed as she watched Richie stumble up, gripping to the bannister to support him.

“Well, there’s always a place for you in the losers club, Richie.” Beverly smiled. Richie knew it was a joke, but at the same time, he heard the sentiment behind him. Being in a gang gave him a sense of belonging, but Richie had never felt whole. Richie couldn’t be himself or speak his mind or let his exterior crumble to let people inside his brain. But seeing Eddie’s friend’s around each other made Richie realise that there is a place where he could be himself. Seeing the way the acted around each other made Richie feel warm, but also guilty. Richie hadn’t realised what any of them would be like, all he saw was them quietly shuffling through the school, avoiding eye contact and keeping a tight grip on their backpacks. Richie felt guilty because he couldn’t help but think that it was his fault that they couldn’t bounce down the corridors laughing and telling stores as they did in the safety of their own homes and when they were together. So when Beverly said there was a place for him in the losers club, Richie genuinely felt a warmth rise within him. Richie could see they were a little family, and they were welcoming in, saying that there was a place for him too.

Beverly opened the front door and shivered as she stepped into the house, pulling her jacket off again. Richie followed her eagerly and scanned the living room for Eddie to see he wasn't there. Over the taking of Eddie’s friends and the TV adverts, he could hear the soft voice of Eddie coming from the kitchen. Richie followed the voice, leaning onto the doorway as he stuck his head around it to see Eddie with his back pressed against the wall, phone to his ear. 

“I’ll be home before eleven, I’ve really got to get this finished… Bill’s mom can give me a lift… yes, I’ve eaten…” Eddie glanced to his side and saw Richie smiling at him, and for a brief moment, Eddie smiled back. “Mom please stop,” Eddie groaned, “I’ll take it now, I promise… Ok… speak to you later, love you too.” Eddie slowly put the phone down, pressing his forehead into the wall with a sigh and shutting his eyes shut, like he was trying to block out everything around him. 

“What was that about?” Richie quietly asked. Eddie opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a voice shouting, 

“Films starting!” 

Richie looked back at Eddie as Eddie forced a smile across his face. 

“Nothing, it’s ok, let’s go watch the movie,” Eddie said, answering Richie’s question. Richie glanced over Eddie’s face carefully and then nodded when he realised that Eddie was actually ok. Richie turned around but Eddie’s voice spoke after him. “Actually, go ahead, you sit on the chair, I just need to take some medication,” Richie looked over his shoulder as Eddie was walking over to his rucksack which was on the small kitchen table. Richie desperately wanted to say something as he watched Eddie pull out some orange bottles filled with pills, but he thought best of it. Richie walked back into the living room.

“Oh while you're up Richie, turn the lights off?” Ben asked, barley glancing at Richie as he watched the TV screen. Richie flicked the lights off and walked to his armchair, the group tipping their bodies to look past Richie’s body as he quickly stumbled past. The glaring light from the kitchen door that Richie left open flooded into the living room and Richie could just see Eddie elbow as he swigged down his medication.

“Here,” Mike whispered to Richie, making Richie take his eyes off Eddie’s elbow. Mike had leant forward and grabbed another beer and was now handing it to Richie. Mike was the one that Richie had seen or heard of the least. Derry is not diverse, and that was probably an overestimation, so Mike stood out like a sore thumb when he ventured into Derry away from his farm. Richie had once seen Mike in the butchers, and a few older men that were waiting in line glared at Mike, and whispered something under their breaths. Richie had felt his stomach drop, hoping that Mike hadn’t seen the way the men had looked at him. But Richie knew that Mike was probably used to it, which was the most heartbreaking fact in it all.

“Thanks, man.” Richie muttered with a smile, taking the beer from Mike. Mike nodded back at him with a half-smile. All of Eddie’s were all making such an effort with Richie, it filled Richie with warmth. He knew they were all doing it for Eddie’s sake, but none of them had mentioned anything negative to Richie’s face. Richie knew that the people he associated had made all their personal lives hell and made the place they called home unsafe. Richie's eyes glanced to the kitchen as the light flicked off, and Eddie wandered out of the wide door holding a glass of water, the light from the TV guiding his way, stepping over Stanley who was sitting on the floor and people’s drinks and feet. Richie presumed Eddie would sit between Richie’s legs as Richie had done, but Eddie turned to face the screen and sat on Richie’s legs. Richie felt his whole body stiffen up, his eyes widen. He glanced across the room but no one was giving them a second thought, as they were too involved in the film also they probably didn’t care. Richie had to keep reminding himself that this was ok, that Eddie’s friends all accepted him and just wanted him to be happy. They weren't the enemy. Eddie smirked as he handed Richie the water and took his beer off him. 

“You’re driving home,” Eddie whispered. 

“You bastard.” Richie chuckled. Eddie grinned before turning his head back to the TV and leaning back onto Richie. Richie let his empty hand go onto Eddie’s stomach and pull him back, so Eddie could curl up onto Richie. Richie gripped his glass of water anxiously as Eddie tipped his head into Richie’s cheek. Richie glanced to his side again and Beverly was smiling at them both, and Richie felt himself blush. But he blushed with a smile across his face.

-x-

By the end of the film, Richie found himself feeling empty when Eddie got up from Richie's lap. Eddie announced that they had to leave. All of Eddie’s friends groaned and begged him to stay longer, and Richie could see a sadness in Eddie’s eyes. 

“You good to drive?” Eddie asked as he emerged from the kitchen with his rucksack and a hat pulled over his ears.

“Damn right,” Richie chuckled and finished the last sip of water.

“Good,” Eddie smiled. Richie wandered back into the kitchen, the light still off as he rinsed the glass under the tap, but the light from the living room fell into the kitchen into a rectangle shape. Richie could hear Eddie speaking quietly to his friends, but Richie concentrated on the water splashing on the bottom of the sink and the cold water turning warm over his fingers. He shook the glass a few times and placed it on the drying rack, and wiped his hands on his jean. As he walked back into the living room, he saw Eddie’s friends all stood up, hugging him briefly and saying individual goodbyes. Richie stood and watched awkwardly, unsure what to do with his hands. The casual contact and affection to each other made Richie feel jealous. Not necessarily jealous that they were hugging Eddie, but jealous that they all had that sort of relationship with each other. Richie couldn’t remember the last time he was hugged other than Eddie. No one even hugged him at his dad’s funeral, he got a few firm grips on his shoulder but that was it. At that point in his life, Richie longed for affection, even from his distant mother, but he knew that was never going to happen. All she had done is locked herself in her room and barely glanced at Richie when she tried to put cups of coffee in her hand.

“Right… see you all!” Eddie called as he began to head for the front door, and Richie began to follow. Smiling at Eddie's friends and putting his hand up to wave goodbye. 

“Wait!” Beverly called out, pulling herself up. Richie and Eddie turned round to watch her quickly stepping towards them. Richie’s eyes went wide as she flung her arms around Richie’s neck and pulled him into a hug. It took him a moment to put his arms around her waist to hug her back. Richie looked over her shoulder at the wide eyes of the boys who were staring at the two of them hugging. The room fell quiet, the buzz from the TV static filling the room. 

“Thank you for what you said earlier,” Beverly whispered into Richie’s ear, making sure no one heard their private conversation, as he squeezed him tighter. 

“Which bit?” Richie mumbled back.

“All of it,” Beverly smiled as she pulled away. Richie smiled down at her, looking into her bright green eyes again. They didn’t have to say anything else, there was a knowingness in her eyes that Richie understood. Although it was brief, Richie felt his body go light and fill with warmth. Beverly pulled her hands away that were placed on Richie’s shoulders and broke eye contact as she turned round to the group. Richie turned to look at Eddie with a small smile.

“Right… ok…” Eddie quietly said, obviously trying to process what just happened. After a couple of quiet moments, he turned to look back at the group. "Let's go. Bye, everyone!” Eddie called as he opened the front door and stepped out of the house and Richie quickly followed. Richie shut the door behind him, shivering at the sudden coldness of the air. Eddie hooked his arm into Richie’s and pulled them close together to brace the chill, the automatic light flicked on showing them the steps in front of them.

“What was that about?” Eddie asked as they began to step in unison, “With Beverly, I mean.” Eddie added. 

“Nothing, we kind of had a heart to heart while smoking,” Richie said, and he gripped onto the bannister down the frosty steps as they both stepped down them. 

“What kind of heart to heart?” Eddie asked.

“Turns out we have a lot in common, she’s a nice girl,” Richie mumbled, thinking about their private conversation he had had a couple of hours ago. “Don’t worry babe, you're still my favourite loser.” Richie chuckled and Eddie breathily laughed too as he gently bumped his head into Richie’s shoulder affectionately. But then Richie’s smile dropped and his feet stopped walking. As they got to the bottom of Ben’s path, just approaching the wire fence, Richie saw a silhouette leaning on the bonnet of his truck. There was a new car parked just in front of his, the street lights just missing it so Richie couldn’t see the number plate, not like he would’ve been able to read it from a distance away anyway. Eddie stumbled at the sudden stop and stared up at Richie. 

“Rich, what the fuck?” Eddie gasped, pulling himself back in line with Richie.

“Go inside now,” Richie ordered without looking at Eddie, speaking under his breath. Eddie glanced around and back up at Richie. 

“Richie what's going-”

“Now, Eddie,” Richie demanded, pulling his arm away from Eddie’s tight grip. Eddie took a few steps back. “Say you’ve got to make a phone call or something, I’ll come back in to get you,” Richie muttered, still not looking back at Eddie. He heard Eddie footsteps quickly pace up the stairs. Richie started walking towards the car again, putting his hand on the wire gate to open it so he could pass through. Richie kept his eyes on the figure who was smoking as they sat on the bonnet of Richie’s truck. Richie was storming over, his arms swinging by his side and hands in tight fists.

“Hey!” Richie called out. The figure didn’t look round, but he pulled himself up so he could stand. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing!” Richie yelled, and then the man turned around. Richie stopped in the middle of the road as he saw Henry Bowers face grin, pulling his hood down to take the shadow off his face. He put his cigarette to his lips again and took a long drag before blowing the smoke out from between his lips. Richie watched the amber end brighten before fading away again. “What the fuck are you doing here, Bowers?” Richie asked, his voice low. 

“I could ask you the same, Tozier.” Henry laughed, bringing the cigarette up to smoke again. “This is neither of our territories.”

“How the fuck did you know I was here?” Richie spat, feeling his fists go tighter so his nails were pressed into his palms. 

“One of the boys walked past and saw your truck, they text me the street and the rest is history.” Henry mocked, waving his hands in the air. But he brought them back down to take a drag of his cigarette.

“What do you even want?” Richie said through gritted teeth. 

“I want to know why you’re here.” Henry quickly asked, his eyes piercing through Richie’s skill.

“Fuck you, I don’t have to tell you shit.”

“If you’re selling out of your territory, I want to know,” Henry said forcefully. 

“Look, Bowers,” Richie stepped forward to Henry, making Henry raise his eyebrows, “I can promise you I’m not breaking the treaty.” Richie felt like he was begging, his tough exterior melting at the idea of him getting caught. He knew there was no point trying to reason with someone like Henry, but at the same time he had nothing else left to give.

“You seeing a girl?” Henry asked, raising an eyebrow. He asked it like he was a friend of Richie’s, gossiping as they drank coffee on a Sunday afternoon. It made Richie feel a chill across his body.

“Yes.” Richie quickly lied. “She’s not from my housing area but it doesn’t matter, I’ve seen you shag your way through Derry.”

“Fair enough,” Henry laughed, “Richie Tozier, up to no good.” Henry took one last long drag of his cigarette, the amber light lit up his features for a moment before blowing the smoke out from between his lips.

“Henry, you don’t get to tell me what to do.” Richie spat. Henry laughed again before flicking his cigarette in the direction of Richie’ feet. Richie glanced down at it quickly before seeing Henry stepping towards him. 

“So...who’s the boy?” Henry asked, a smile spreading across his lips. Richie arched his body to look round Richie’s body, and Richie turned his head to follow Henry’s gaze. And there Eddie was, standing with his hand gripped into the pillar of Ben’s porch. Ben’s outside light was lighting him up, showing that they were the only three people on the street. Richie could barely see who it was from the distance but he could tell it was Eddie from his small frame, and he hoped Henry couldn’t see who it was either.

“No fucking clue,” Richie quickly said looking back at Henry. “Probably some concerned citizen wondering why there are two fucking gang members arguing in an area that’s run by neither of them.” Richie stepped towards Henry and glared at him. Henry scoffed. Richie frowned and turned around to look at where Eddie was standing again.

“Fuck off into your house, we’re fucking leaving!” Richie yelled loudly, his voice filling the quiet street. He watched as Eddie hastily opened Ben’s door and disappeared inside. Richie wanted to scream sorry, he wanted to scream at Eddie to keep running and never look back, he didn’t want this to be happening. Richie turned to look at Henry again. “So, are we gonna leave this territory war to the people that actually run the gangs, or you gonna carry on pretending you’re an important big boy?” Richie smirked.

“Fine, I’m going.” Henry spat, turning around. “You’re lucky I didn’t see which house you came out of, Tozier,” Henry called out, and he pushed his key into the lock of his own car and pulled the door open. Richie was lucky, and he knew that. He was unsure if Henry was lying, but there Richie was positive Henry wasn’t looking when they came out of the house. Before Henry climbed into the car he said, “remember I’m always keeping tabs on you, you don't own Derry, Richie.” Henry grinned before sliding into his car and starting the engine. The headlights lit up the road and Henry quickly started the car and drove away. 

Richie kept his eyes on the lights until the disappeared around the corner. Richie finally sighed, letting the air he had held in his stomach out. Richie bent his legs, putting his hands to his knees as he panted, scrunching his eyes up to try and get away from the moment he was in. That had been too close. What if Henry had been facing them and seen Eddie with his arm around Richie, or had seen which house they had come out of, or heard them joking around with each other? Richie nearly endangered Eddie and all his friends. Richie felt like a piece of shit. 

“Richie?” A soft voice said, and Richie knew who it belonged to. Richie straightened his back and rubbed his face with his hands. “Rich, what’s going on?”

“Jesus fucking christ, Eddie!” Richie suddenly yelled, throwing his hands down and turning to where he had heard the voice. Eddie stood sheepishly, his hand fiddling together as he watched Richie break down. “I told you to fucking go inside!” Richie yelled in frustration. “Why do you never listen to me!” Richie was frustrated at Eddie, but more because he didn’t want Eddie to ever get hurt. 

“I...I...I don’t know I-”

“Fuck Eds!” Richie yelled, running his hand through his hair, ignoring Eddie’s stuttering voice. Richie turned to face away from Eddie and began digging through his pockets for his keys, eventually pulling them out and unlocking his car with shaky fingers. 

“Richie what’s-”

“Get in the truck, Eddie.” Richie interrupted, without looking at Eddie. Richie opened the car door, staring down at the floor as he stepped to the side. Eddie quickly stepped forward and clambered into the car, sliding himself onto the middle seat. Richie quickly followed him and slammed the door shut, doing his own seat belt before starting the truck up. The headlights flicked on, illuminating the icy road in front of them. He turned the steering wheel to pull them out of the spot on the side of the road. His eyes felt watery, he shaky hands gripped tighter into the steering wheel to try and make him concentrate. Eddie gently put his hand on Richie’s thigh as he drove, the comforting contact was enough to make Richie’s head spin. Richie felt like he didn’t deserve the affection, he felt like he didn’t deserve Eddie. Richie kept his eyes on the road, watching how the street lights cascaded over the worn and dipped road that the government should’ve fixed years ago. 

“Was that Henry Bowers?” Eddie finally asked, his voice soft and quiet, so much so that Richie barely heard it over the engine. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Richie quickly said. 

“Rich-”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” Richie snapped and instantly felt guilty. He tipped his head back onto the headrest, shuffling his body around to try and feel comfortable. Eddie gripped harder into his thigh, his thumb gently rubbing up and down the tight denim. Richie sighed, feeling his eyes water again. He bit his lip hard to try and stop himself from showing emotions. Everything was hurting. The tattoo on his arm felt like it was thudding pain through Richie’s body, his heart was beating fast from his interaction with Henry and his brain felt dizzy from Eddie looking up at him with gentle eyes, even though Richie had yelled at him in the middle of the street. 

“We’ll be back at yours soon,” Richie muttered, trying to leave the conversation of what just happened behind them, but he knew Eddie was never going to let it go. 

“Actually,” Eddie said as he looked up at Richie, and Richie glanced to the side to look at him, “can we keep driving for a bit?” Eddie’s question made Richie bite his lip. “I don’t have to be home till eleven and I… I want to spend time with you…” Eddie muttered. Richie nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. He felt Eddie curl up next to him, his head gently resting on Richie’s shoulder and his hand going around Richie’s waist. Richie caught himself stopping breathing as he bit down on his lip, feeling Eddie’s warmth by his side. 

Richie carried on driving, he had no idea where he was going, but he didn’t care. His fingers tapped on the steering wheel to keep him grounded and listened to Eddie’s slow breath. He carried on driving until they were on the outskirts of Derry. Richie gently tipped his head and felt Eddie’s soft hair on his cheek. He listened to Eddie’s slow breath, realising he had fallen asleep. Richie smiled as he lifted his head up again, quickly glancing at Eddie’s reflection in the windshield, seeing his eyes shut as he was draped over Richie. As the engine roared as the sailed over country roads, Richie begged that Eddie wouldn’t be jolted awake, bringing on the questions and fears again.

The road was lined with cornfields, the headlights lighting them up as they moved softly in the wind. Richie tipped his head back so he could rest it properly. The road felt like it was going forever, the continuous cornfield bordering their way, the empty road with worn-out markings and the night sky above them with more and more stars appearing more as they got further away from Derry. Richie thought about what would happen if he carried on driving and didn’t look back. Richie could do that. He had no money or proof that he was educated, no skills or formal clothes to get a boring stuffy office job, but at least he would have Eddie. Richie dug his teeth into his lip, his eyes becoming blurry. He had only been seeing Eddie for a week and he was already feeling like this. Is this what all new relationships feel like?

Then the word relationship pounded through his head. That’s where all this was heading, _right?_ Richie really liked Eddie, but the idea of an actual relationship added a new level of anxiety to the situation. It made it serious. It made Eddie involved with, not only Richie but, all the shit attached to him. They couldn’t be like a normal couple. They couldn’t have a happy life. They couldn’t get engaged over a candle lit dinner with strangers clapping around them, they couldn’t get a small suburban house with a vegetable patch, they couldn’t kiss each other before they go to work and make each other pack lunches, they couldn’t get married in a small church with their family cooing around them, they couldn’t start a family or grow old together. They couldn’t have any of it. 

“Fuck,” Richie muttered, feeling himself well up. He briefly took on of his hands off the steering wheel to rub over his face.

They were many reasons why they couldn’t have that, and it wasn’t because they were two boys. The world was changing, maybe not in Derry, but the rest of the world slowly was. They couldn’t have it because of Richie. Richie was tied to something bigger then he could even put into words. Derry was holding him hostage with the crimes Richie was linked to and the people that could ruin him in a heartbeat. Eddie deserved to be happy, he deserved that happy little life, and Richie would never be able to provide that.

Richie realised tears were now streaming down his face, he could taste the salt on his lips. He glanced at his reflection in the windshield, seeing himself for what he had become. Richie shook his head, trying to get himself to stop. Some of his curls fell over his vision, and he tried to flick his head to move them out the way, but it jolted his sholder.

“Richie?” Eddie murmured into Richie's shoulder, and Richie bit his lip and gripped into the steering wheel, praying that Eddie would fall back to sleep. But Eddie put his head up and took his arm off Richie’s waist, he looked up at Richie and must have seen the tears. “Richie, are you okay?” Richie couldn’t answer, he felt like if he opened his mouth everything would start spilling out. “Please talk to me,” Eddie said. 

“I can’t, Eddie.” Richie whimpered, sniffing back the tears.

“Yes you can, Richie,” Eddie said comfortingly, his voice becoming more awake. 

“I don’t want you to get involved, I don’t want you to get hurt…” Richie said, he didn’t want to start an argument but he knew he had to prove a point. His cheeks felt hot. Richie knew he was getting worked up. His tears carried on falling down his face. “Eddie, this world, I can’t expect you to-”

“Don’t Richie. I live here too, I’ve grown up in Derry-”

“It’s not the same!” Richie suddenly shouted, his voice coarse. Eddie jumped backwards in his seat, moving his hand away from Richie. Richie gripped tighter into the steering wheel. He was rocking himself backwards and forwards slightly, trying to calm himself down. The tears kept coming, streaming down his burning face. His breath was racing with his heartbeat. “The shit I’ve been through… this shit I’ve seen… the shit I’ve done...” Richie wheezed between breaths. 

“Pull over Richie.” Eddie quickly said. 

“Fuck you! You don’t tell me what to do!” Richie retaliated, letting his vision become more and more blurry with the tears. 

“Fucking pull over, Richie!” Eddie screamed. Richie had never heard his voice like that. Desperate. Richie’s mouth hung open slightly with trembling lips as he let out small cries. Eddie’s turn made him fall back to reality. Richie quickly pulled the car into the side of the road, dipping his head once it was parked. The headlights went off with the engine, engulfing them both in darkness. Richie was sure if a car sped down the road, they wouldn’t see his truck parked on the side of it. They could get hit, making their truck fly into the corn. Richie wondered what people would think if people found his and Eddie’s bodies together. Richie shut his eyes tight as he felt the tears fall into his lap. He heard Eddie’s belt unbuckle, and Richie was sure Eddie was going to make a run for it. But he didn’t. Eddie unbuckled Richie's belt as well, and Richie felt arms wrap around him, his head being guided to Eddie’s chest. Richie's back bent as he let go of the steering wheel to drape his arms around Eddie’s waist, letting tears dampen Eddie’s chest. Richie was sobbing. With the engine shut off, the sound of Richie’s deep cries filled the car with the hushed sound of the wind travelling down the road, making the corn sway side to side. Richie gripped the material of Eddie’s shirt as he cried, feeling Eddie’s chin dug into the top of his head. Eddie was letting him cry. Richie didn't know what that meant. Eddie moved his head and planted a kiss into the top of Richie’s head, and smoothed his hand down the back Richie’s leather jacket. 

“Richie, come on,” Eddie muttered into Richie’s hair, but Richie couldn’t stop. He felt like he was crying for all the times he couldn’t through his life. Richie hugged tighter into Eddie, trying to control his breathing. He felt pathetic. 

“Im-sorry-” Richie cried into Eddie’s chest. Eddie pulled him tighter for a moment. 

“You don’t have to be sorry about anything,” Eddie said, kissing the top of Richie’s head again. “Richie, you need to tell me what’s going on. You can’t keep everything in or you’ll snap.” Richie wanted to say that he had already snapped, that this was him snapping. But knowing himself, he could be worse. It could’ve been a lot worse. Richie nodded gently into Eddie’s chest, trying to sniff back the tears. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” Richie mumbled. 

“What do you mean?” Eddie said, and Richie heard the panic in his voice. Richie realised it sounded like he might be breaking up with Eddie. He felt like he was being selfish. If he wasn’t with Eddie, Eddie could be happy and far away from the drama of Richie’s life. But he didn’t want to let him go. 

“With Derry,” Richie mumbled, “I can’t be what they want me to be… I can’t keep…” Richie sniffed again, unable to finish his thought. Eddie gently let go of Richies back and guided his hand under Richie’s chin to force Richie to sit up and look at Eddie in the eyes. Richie glanced across Eddie’s face. Eddie was crying too. They were small tears welling in his glistening eyes, but the still made Richie feel guilty.

“It’s going to be ok,” Eddie whispered. 

“Eds it’s not I-”

“Listen to me. We’ll be ok.” Eddie said. “This isn’t forever”

“How do you know that?” Richie sniffed. 

“I don’t… But I know it’s going to work itself out.” Eddie tried to smile. Richie knew that there was no plan and he knew what Eddie was saying was just words, but they were comforting. Eddie had no idea what Richie was stuck into, how easy it would be for Richie to be taken away to prison or even just disappear off the face of the earth. Richie knew deep down the only escape from the gang was prison or death, and neither took his fancy. But when he looked into Eddie’s eyes, he felt a sense of hope. Richie nodded. Eddie leant forward and closed the gap between them, pressing a gentle kiss onto Richie’s lips. Richie let his eyes shut and felt the warmth coming from Eddie. Eddie pulled away slightly, and they both opened their eyes to look at each other. 

“I really don’t want to lose you,” Richie whispered. 

“You won’t, Richie.” Eddie smiled as he sniffed, his hand going to Richie’s face so he could gently brush the tears away. “I’ve already told you that I really like you and I don’t care about the other shit.” 

“You should care,” Richie responded, “because it means your not safe.”

“I feel safe when I’m with you,” Eddie muttered. 

“I’m not safe to be around,” Richie replied quickly, “it’s dangerous to be involved with me.” Eddie paused for a moment, pulling Richie closer.

“Not to ruin your sad buzz, but that’s kind of hot,” Eddie smirked and it made Richie give a breathy laugh, still sniffing back the tears. 

“You like a bit of danger, Kaspbrak?” Richie joked quietly, pushing their noses together. Eddie rubbed his thumb under Richie’s eye to brush away the last of the tears. 

“Possibly,” Eddie hummed, wrapping his arms around Richie’s neck, Richie smiled into the darkness. Richie moved his hand to trail up Eddie’s leg, making Eddie shiver at the touch.

“I can't believe you’re getting off on this,” Richie muttered, a smirk creeping across his lips. 

“Fuck you,” Eddie muttered back. 

Richie leaned forward and pushed their mouths together. It felt suddenly desperate as he urged forward, opening his mouth against Eddie’s. Eddie gripped tight into Richie’s hair as he pulled him forcefully into the kiss, with one of Richie’s hands under Eddie’s chin and the other pressed behind Eddie into the car seat to stabilise them. Richie was urgently putting his tongue into Eddie’s mouth, licking across Eddie’s tongue, making Eddie moan quietly into the kiss. Richie didn’t know where this was coming from. A couple of minutes ago Richie had been sobbing in Eddie’s arm, the only proof that had happened was the salty taste in the kiss.

Richie quickly grabbed Eddie’s hat off his head, and pulled the scarf off from sound his neck, throwing them onto the dashboard but the slipped down onto the floor of the truck. Eddie briefly let go of Richie so he could pull his own coat off. Richie gripped into Eddie’s face to tilt it more.

It was making Richie’s head feel fuzzy and full, pushing back his problems further back, and that was enough to make him want more.

Richie felt Eddie yank harder on Richie’s hair and pull them both so Eddie’s back was arching more. Richie took the message and move the arm that was propping them both up and laid Eddie down. Eddie, with his hands, still gripped into Richie’s hair and kissing into his mouth, shuffled back, so his head was hitting the passenger door and his legs went onto the seat. Richie put one of his legs between Eddie’s and the other on the floor so he could stay stable. Eddie moved his hands away from Richie’s hair to yank at his leather jacket, and Richie sat up for a brief moment to pull it off and discard it on the floor so it draped over his pedals.

Before bending to kiss him again, Richie notices the wet patch on Eddie’s pale jumper where he had been crying. Richie ignored it as he yanked at the bottom of the jumper, making Eddie sit up so Richie could pull it off over his head, throwing it down with the other clothes. Richie barely had time to look at Eddie’s naked chest before he kissed Eddie again and pushed them back down, putting his forearms on either side of Eddie’s face. Eddie’s hands were all over him. Richie could barely keep track where they were. He only noticed that they had travelled to his lower back with Eddie’s thumb dug under Richie’s jeans when Eddie pressed down to push them closer together. They both made a groaning noise into each other's mouths and Richie felt like he was on fire. Richie moved his mouth away from Eddie’s to kiss into his neck, making Eddie tip his head back and groan. Eddie’s hands were still pressing down, creating a small motion with Richie’s hips. Eddie was quivering under Richie, and it made Richie’s head floor with emotions. Eddie moved his hands to try and yank Richie’s top off and Richie broke away the kiss to sit up to pull it off. Richie didn’t know where this was going to end up, but he knew he wanted his hands all over Eddie, no matter what the capacity. He wanted the feeling that he always got when he kissed Eddie. Pure bliss.

By the time he had pulled his head out from the fabric and looked down, Eddie was propped up on his elbows panting and looking up and down Richie’s naked torso. 

“What’s that?” Eddie panted. Eddie’s chest was heaving up and down as his eyes glistened in the moonlight. Richie looked down his own body trying to see what Eddie was looking at and then he remembered. Richie looked at his arm, and even in the dark, you could see the black numbers tattooed into his skin. Richie cursed the starlight and Eddie’s eyes adjusting in the dark. Richie glanced back at Eddie, who was watching at him with a frown, waiting for Richie to answer his question. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't forget to leave some love in the comments if you enjoyed, it keeps me crazy motivated.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr @bellarosewrites x
> 
> (Chapter title is the song "Tear In My Heart," by Twenty One Pilots.)


	10. Small Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title "Small Hands," by Keaton Henson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of drugs, sexual tension, some sexual content

Eddie raised his eyebrows again to urge Richie to talk. Eddie could feel his chest moving up and down, his heart racing and his skin sweating even in the cold night. Normally, he would have to go for his inhaler but he was too distracted by the sight of Richie Tozier looking like he had been sent from heaven just for Eddie. Eddie had been desperately yanking at Richie’s clothes when Richie had sat up to pull his shirt off, and Eddie had let himself look over Richie’s body, seeing the way he looked in the starlight. He looked at the way Richie’s torso stretched out as he pulled his black shirt off, making Eddie want to sit up and run his hands and lips across Richie’s chest. Eddie was desperate for more. His own naked torso was exposed, but he didn’t care. Eddie normally hated being this exposed around people, but with Richie, it felt different. Eddie propped himself up on his elbows to try and sit up to touch Richie’s chest. But then Eddie had spotted it and his stomach had dropped. A large tattoo on Richie’s arm. Eddie was sure he would’ve spotted it before, it must have been new. _Very new._

“Nothing,” Richie finally blurted out and he quickly bent forwards to kiss Eddie again, but Eddie nodded his head back to dodge it. 

“It's obviously not nothing,” Eddie said as he grabbed Richie’s arm to turn it so he could look at the tattoo. Richie winced back and sat back again quickly, pulling his arm away and holding it to his chest. Eddie shuffled back, his head hitting the door as he pulled his legs from underneath Richie. Eddie quickly sat up ignoring the pain in his head and pulled Richie’s arm between them, trying to let his eyes adjust so he could look at it. He could see the large numbers “ _207_ ” scribbled into him in harsh black ink. Eddie in a panic and without thinking leaned forward and past Richie to turn the keys still in the ignition. The engine switched on and so did the headlights. As soon as the headlights switched on, there was light on the road and in the car and Eddie looked back down at Richie’s arm which he was still gripping. Eddie gasped loudly and Richie winced. Richie’s skin looked raw and where the numbers were written into his skin, it was raised and deep red. 

“Holy shit,” Eddie muttered, his grip becoming gentler on Richie’s arm. He looked up at Richie desperately, who was biting his lip and carefully watching Eddie. “What the fuck, Richie?” 

“I was going to tell you but I knew it’s a whole new level of shitty now I’m branded-”

“Oh fuck off Richie, I’m on about how it’s infected!” Eddie interrupted angrily. He absolutely cared that Richie got a gang tattoo, and yes it was a whole new level of shitty, but all Eddie could think about was how painful Richie’s arm looked and how he didn’t want Richie to get ill. 

Richie made a small _oh_ noise as Eddie carefully inspected his arm. The more Eddie looked at it, the more he began to feel dizzy. The adrenaline he was already feeling was making his anxiety worse. He could feel his own hands shaking and Eddie hoped that Richie would think it was because of the adrenaline, rather than the panic that was taking over his body.

“You’re coming back to mine.” Eddie quickly said, letting go of Richie’s arm and leaning down to look for his jumper. 

“What, why?” Richie quickly asked as he watched Eddie. Eddie leant back up and he pulled his shirt and sweater on as they were still attached together. 

“Because I’m presuming you don’t want to go to the hospital and you don’t have a first aid kit at yours?” Eddie said in a questioning way as he stared at Richie and Richie shook his head. “Right, shirt on, let’s go.” Eddie leant down and grabbed Richie’s top for him. He watched as Richie pulled it over his head before leaning down and moving his leather jacket from the pedals. Eddie breathed slowly out between his lips and took a deep breath in through his nose. He repeated it as Richie slip his jacket on, letting his eyes shut for a brief moment to compose himself. Richie probably knew by now Eddie could be… anxious over certain things. Infection was one of them. He was already beginning to think about how he would have to shower himself and use several types of soaps on his hands where he had touched Richie. But then remembering Richie was the one in pain made Eddie drop all the insecurities because more importantly, Richie could be the one that could get even more hurt. 

“This isn’t over,” Richie groaned as he started to pull out of the side of the road, looking around to see if he could do a U-turn, making Eddie fall back to reality and his eyes open.

“What isn’t over?” Eddie asked as he picked his scarf and hat off the floor. 

“Making-out in my truck,” Richie smirked as he turned the truck around and started to drive in the direction of Derry. Eddie breathily laughed as he wrapped his scarf around his neck. Eddie wished he would have carried on making out with Richie, the heat of the moment made Eddie want to be all over Richie, but he had been completely taken off guard by Richie’s arm. Eddie shut his eyes for a moment to picture Richie’s naked chest again, Eddie could feel his heart still thudding. 

“Maybe it was a good thing we stopped,” Eddie mumbled, the visions of Richie tearing off his clothes flooding his brain again, keeping his eyes tight shut. 

“What do you mean?” Richie said quickly, sounding offended. Eddie opened his eyes and looked at the long road in front of them being lit up by the headlights. 

“Not as in I didn’t want to, but I don’t want my first time to be in a truck parked on the side of the road.” Eddie joked, but as soon as he glanced up at Richie with a grin, he knew that what he had said wasn’t taken as a joke. Eddie watched Richie’s adam apple bob up and down as he swallowed. Eddie quickly looked forward again at the dimly lit road, thinking over what he had said. 

Sex was something that Eddie thought a lot about, but not in the way people would think. Eddie thought about how it would happen, the love he would feel, the romance of it all. Eddie knew he was gay from a young age, so in a way, he always knew it was going to be with a man. Eddie imagined it with a man who would be the love of his life, in a romantic five-star hotel with champagne and candles, romantic music playing in the background. Eddie did not imagine it would be on the worn and dirty seats of Richie Tozier’s truck. But was that where it was going? If Eddie hadn’t noticed the tattoo, where would it of ended up? Eddie wondered wether if Richie had sex before, but Eddie was sure Richie would’ve never had sex with a boy before. Eddie realised this is the sort of thing you have to talk about in a new relationship, as well as how they were going to have sex if it was going to happen at all. 

Eddie glanced back at Richie to see him nervously biting his lip. Bringing up sex had obviously made Richie anxious, his finger tapped on the steering wheel as he drove. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t say sorry,” Richie quickly interrupted, “I guess we should talk about that at some point,” Richie mumbled, turning the car around a corner into Derry. Eddie’s cheeks blush at the idea of talking about sex with Richie. “But not now if you don’t want to,” Richie quickly added and Eddie smiled at Richie being able to read him. “But when you do want to, it won’t be on the side of my road in my truck.” Richie grinned, quickly glancing over to Eddie. Eddie was now bright red, as he leant his head onto Richie’s shoulder. Eddie wondered if he meant talking about sex or actually having sex. Eddie presumed actually doing it. Eddie wanted to ask Richie questions, whether he’d done it before and if it was with a boy. Eddie presumed that there weren’t any other gang members who were gay, but who knows what happened behind the closed doors of 207 hideouts. Maybe they were all gay and it was just a big secret. Maybe Richie was seeing loads of boys and Eddie was just another one of them. Eddie could feel his mind spiralling.

“Thank’s Rich,” Eddie mumbled as he stared forward, but he quickly glanced at Richie’s reflection to see him smiling.

“You deserve romance, right?” Richie smiled as he touched his cheek onto the top of Eddie’s head. 

“Fuck yeah,” Eddie laughed, putting a hand on Richie’s thigh. “This still doesn’t count as a second date.”

“Damn,” Richie laughed as he sat upright again. Eddie turned his head to kiss Richie’s shoulder, feeling the cold leather under his lips, the studs digging into his chin. “Why doesn’t tonight count?” Richie asked.

“Because all my friends were there,” Eddie mumbled, “I want to do something, just us.” But saying it was easier than doing it. They couldn’t go to a restaurant or a walk in the park, they couldn’t risk being seen together for Richie’s sake. Eddie sighed thinking about it and Richie must have sensed the sadness because he moved his hand to Eddie’s thigh. 

“I’ll take you on a proper date soon,” Richie said, “I promise.” hearing Richie add the ' _I promise'_ made Eddie grin against Richie’s shoulder. Eddie propped his chin up on Richie’s shoulder and pushed himself up to plant a kiss on Richie’s cheek, making Richie smirk and blush. Eddie stayed there for a moment, a few inches away from Richie’s face, and studied it carefully. In the lights reflecting into the car, Eddie could see Richie’s eyes were still red from where he’d been crying and lines under his dark eyes from not sleeping. Eddie could always tell Richie’s mind was working at a high speed, but Eddie never knew was he was thinking about. 

-x-

“How are we gonna do this?” Richie asked as he looked out of his window at Eddie’s house, his hands on the steering wheel from when he had parked.

“All the lights are off, so I’m presuming my mom is asleep… but that’s not like her.” Eddie muttered, thinking to himself. Eddie’s mom would usually wait up for him when he was out late, so she could scream at him for something. “Come on, let's go,” Eddie said, and Richie nodded and open the car door and Eddie followed him out. Eddie started walking towards his house, digging his hand into his jean pockets to look for his house keys. Eddie opened his wire fence and quietly stepped up the steps to the patio. He turned to see Richie a few steps behind him, taking two of the steps at a time. 

“You wait here, let me go check she’s not up,” Eddie whispered and Richie nodded. Eddie unlocked his door and slowly opened it, seeing the darkness of his house. 

Eddie quietly stepped, looking around, the shapes and curses of objects that sat around his house were familiar in the moonlight, but always made him feel nervous. His eyes scanned across the open planned house until he saw his mom sat on the armchair that faced the door. Eddie jumped but then saw that her head was tipped to the side as she slept. Eddie sighed in relief, possibly too loudly, but Eddie’s mom didn’t flinch. He quickly turned to beckon Richie in.

“Go wait in the bathroom,” Eddie whispered under his breath. Eddie watched Richie awkwardly bend over and Eddie raised an eyebrow at him. He watched Richie untie his laces on his docs and kick them off using his toes against his heels. Eddie breathily laughed as he watched Richie stumble slightly. Richie picked his docs up and grinned at Eddie as he flicked his hair off his face. 

“Go,” Eddie breathily laughed as he pointed up the stairs. He stepped to the side as Richie entered his dark house. Eddie shut the door and slid the locks across, before looking back to his sleeping mom. It reminded him of when his dad had left when he was a kid. She spent nights downstairs, always watching the door, waiting for him to come back. Even though Eddie was a kid and should’ve been filled with the same hope as his mom, he knew his dad wasn’t coming back. Like he did when he was a kid, Eddie slowly went over and picked up a blanket from the coach and gently draped it over his mom. She shuffled slightly but stayed asleep. Eddie bent down and pressed a soft kiss on her forehead. When Eddie looked back to the stairs he saw Richie carefully watching him with no emotion on his face. Eddie wondered what Richie was thinking. He knew that Richie wouldn’t understand Eddie’s relationship with his mom. The night before, Eddie was nearly in tears telling him about his mom’s mistreatment towards him. But he still loved his mom. She looked after him. Eddie always told himself over and over again. 

Richie started tiptoeing up the steps again as Eddie looked back at his mom. Maybe he should wake her up, make her go to bed, but at the same time, he didn’t want to deal with her right now. She was nicer when she was asleep. The light switched on in the bathroom, filling the upstairs corridor with light, which streamed down the staircase. The bathroom fan also switched on making a small buzzing noise. Eddie’s mom started to stir. 

“Eddie,” she mumbled her eyes still shut. 

“Hi mom, I just got back,” Eddie muttered back, “I just put a blanket over you, but do you want to go to bed?” Eddie hoped she would say no. Trying to hide Richie now would be near impossible. 

“No, I’ll stay down here,” She sleepily mumbled, her head rocking to the other side. 

“Ok, goodnight mom.” 

“Good night, Eddie.” She mumbled before her breath slowed down again. Eddie watched her for a few moments. She looked childlike as she slept, calmer and peaceful. It made Eddie feel guilty. Before dwelling on it too much, Eddie quickly tiptoed after Richie, holding the bannister as he climbed the stairs. Eddie found Richie sat on the edge of his bathtub, seeing him awkwardly looking down at his socks as he moved his feet over one another. Eddie closed the bathroom door behind him. 

“Jacket off,” Eddie whispered even though there was no way his mom was going to hear them from downstairs and over the noise of the bathroom fan. Richie groaned as he began to reluctantly shuffle his leather jacket off. Eddie rolled up his jumper sleeves and he walked over the cabinet below to sink and the rooted through it, pulling out the large first aid kit filled the brim with medical equipment. He placed it by Richie’s feet and kneeled between Richie’s legs, putting his hand’s on Richie’s knees to lower himself down. Richie smirked.

“Shut the fuck up Richie,” Eddie mumbled, putting his hand on Richie's wrist to turn it and lay it on Richie’s thigh, trying to not look up at him.

“I literally said nothing,” Richie breathily laughed. 

“I can hear your dirty mind,” Eddie groaned as he opened the first aid kit, and searched through it, realising he would have to clean the tattoo first.

“Are you sure that’s not your dirty mind?” Richie grinned, and Eddie rolled his eyes. He put his hands on Richie’s thighs again to pull himself up and walk over to the sink. Eddie put some soap on a flannel with warm water, before going back over to Richie and sinking to his knees between Richie’s legs. Richie winced as Eddie began to clean the tattoo, the cold water dripping onto Richie’s legs and onto the floor. 

“So, are we going to talk about this?” Eddie mumbled, carefully watching what he was doing. He could feel Richie’s gaze. 

“Talk about what?” Richie muttered, and Eddie sighed loudly. “Ok fine, sorry,” Richie mumbled. “I didn’t want to get it,” Richie admitted and Eddie’s eyes flicked up at him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean what I said, I was forced to get it,” Richie mumbled. Eddie presumed he meant the tattoo. Richie winced when Eddie’s pressed down a bit harder.

“Shit sorry,” Eddie quickly said as he tried to be more gentle, but then thought more about what Richie had said. “Why?”

“Everyone in the gang gets it at some point, I never did,” Richie mumbled as Eddie took the flannel away and turned to grab a towel. “Alex did it himself to me last night, I think because they’re starting to expect more from me.” Eddie looked up at Richie as he gently stroked his arm with a towel. Richie stopped looking at his arm and his eyes met with Eddie. 

“Is that why you got upset tonight?” Eddie asked. 

“Ish...there's a lot going on right now.” Richie half-smiled, trying to make Eddie feel better. But it didn’t help. Eddie discarded the towel and rooted through the first aid kit for antiseptic cream, opening the lid as putting some on his fingers. 

“So the tattoo, people expecting more from you, that random guy tonight… what else.” Eddie asked as he began to rub the cream in and Richie tensed up, his hand making a fist. 

“It was Henry Bowers,” Richie mumbled, and Eddie felt his stomach drop. Eddie had been right. As he watched Richie confront the stranger earlier that night, Eddie recognised him as Henry Bowers but was unsure whether he was right or not. Eddie had a very bad relationship with Henry Bowers. All his friends did. He figured that all his friends would say that Henry hated them the most, but Eddie thought that Henry especially hated him. It had started in his younger years when Henry would push Eddie over in the street when Eddie tried to shuffle past, and it always built up from there. Every time Henry saw Eddie, Eddie would swear Henry’s eyes would light up. He would shout vulgar comments, throw whatever was to hand at Eddie. Sometimes even approaching Eddie to try and touch his skin with his long fingers, wiping spit on his or sometimes straight-up spitting on Eddie when he couldn’t get as close to Eddie. The names Eddie had been called burnt into his brain, thinking about it was enough to make him cry.

“Why the fuck was Henry Bowers outside of Ben’s house?” Eddie asked, even saying the name made Eddie shiver.

“ I think he got a vendetta against me or something... I don’t know,” Richie muttered, “he’s on to me, though.”

“On to you?” Eddie mumbled, beginning to rub in the ointment again. 

“On to us,” Richie said correcting himself and Eddie felt his own body tense up. “We need to be more careful,” Richie muttered.

“Okay,” Eddie muttered, using the towel to rub the ointment off his hand, “you seemed really spooked, what did he say to you.”

“I can’t even remember,” Richie muttered, obviously lying, but Eddie nodded anyway. Whatever Henry had said to Richie, it had really upset Richie so Eddie didn’t want to bring up the pain again. Eddie put his hand around Richie’s wrist and kissed into his open palm.

“All done,” Eddie mumbled, putting his cheek into Richie’s palm and looked up at Richie with a smile. Richie smiled back, his thumb moving across Eddie’s cheek. 

“Thank you, doctor Kaspbrak.” Richie smiled, “wish you were wearing a nurses costume though.”

“It’s ok.” Eddie laughed, “for cleaning your wound, not for the nurse's outfit comment.” Richie leaned down and kissed Eddie’s forehead. 

“Why? You’d look so pretty in a dress,” Richie joked and Eddie pushed into Richie’s chest, making his rock backwards and nearly lose balance and fall into the tub. Eddie grabbed the material of Richie’s shirt and pulled him forward as the both giggled, trying to keep their voices down. 

“You’re such a dickhead, Richie.” Eddie groaned as he pulled himself off his knees to put away the first aid kit, Richie chuckled to himself. He left the ointment out so he could hand it to Richie. “Clean it twice a day and put on the ointment afterwards,” Eddie instructed and Richie nodded as he picked up his leather jacket, draping it over his arm while he held the ointment. 

“I should be heading off,” Richie sighed as he stood up, Eddie’s eyes following him up. 

“Your kidding?” Eddie quickly said.

“What?” Richie argued.

“I snuck you into my house and you're leaving now?” Eddie whined. 

“I’ve got to go to the city tomorrow, remember? I’ve got to be there for like eight am.” Richie sighed. 

“I swear you just use me for my first aid knowledge,” Eddie grumbled, making Richie chuckle. Richie reached his hand out to put it gently on Eddie’s face. “I hate this bit,” Eddie mumbled, tipping his head into Richie’s hand. Richie responded by bending down and gently kissing Eddie. Eddie stood on his tiptoes to meet Richie halfway. The buzz of the bathroom fan filled the room and the slight smell of the ointment Eddie had used made Eddie feel woozy. Richie gently stroked his thumb across Eddie’s cheekbone as he pulled away. Eddie sighed as he put his heels to the floor again. 

“I’ll see you real soon, ok?” Richie muttered and Eddie nodded, running his hands down Richie’s shirt front, letting himself feel Richie’s torso under the material. Eddie wished he hadn’t seen the tattoo. 

“Are you going to be ok tomorrow?” Eddie whispered. 

“Yeah, of course, I’ll be ok.” Richie smiled, still rubbing his thumb against Richie’s cheek. “I’ll text you when I’m done, alright?” Eddie looked up and Richie and smiled. He had forgotten about the phone and charger that was sitting on his chest of drawers, but the thought made him wince because his mom could’ve seen them. He had to be more careful. “Come on,” Richie grinned as he made a tap on Eddie’s cheek with his hand. 

Eddie followed Richie out of the bathroom, making sure he turned the light off as they left. Richie, with one hand holding the ointment and his other hand holding his doc martens with his leather jacket draped over his arm, tiptoed down the steps and winced every time they creaked. Eddie kept his eyes on his mom and sat in the darkness, praying that she would stay asleep. As they got to the bottom of the steps, Eddie overtook Richie to slide the bolts across slowly and open the door for Richie. Richie stepped out and put all his items on the floor, making Eddie frown at the taller boy. But as soon as Richie was upright again, he took a big stride towards Eddie and cupped his face in his hands, bending down to passionately kiss him. Eddie felt his body lean back from surprise, but Richie followed. Eddie let his tongue move with Richie’s but the rest of his body hadn’t caught up, because when Richie pulled away, Eddie’s hands were still by his sides in small fists. Eddie blinked up at Richie who was smirking. Richie stepped back and bent over to collect his things again. Richie walked away without saying anything, leaving Eddie standing star-struck in his doorway, watching Richie take long strides to his car, a bounce in his step and his socks pressing into the ground. 

-x-

The next morning, Eddie made sure he had a turtleneck jumper on when he went downstairs to check on his mom, pulling it up to make sure it covered the bruises Richie had left. She was already in the kitchen, the smell of burnt toast drifting through the house as she hummed to the radio. Eddie stood for a moment at the bottom of the stairs, listening to her shuffle around. Eddie wondered whether he could slip out of the house without eating breakfast and avoid seeing his mom. But his stomach rumbled, and his mom sounded like she was in a good mood, so Eddie took the risk. He walked into the kitchen, and when his mom spotted him, she grinned at Eddie as she buttered her toast. 

“Good morning, mom.” He said, walking into the small kitchen and opening the fridge to get some orange juice, but sighed when he realised the fridge was empty yet again. Eddie turned to look at his mom who was holding out a place of neatly cut toast in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. 

“I made enough for both of us,” his mom smiled. Eddie took the plate and mug and went to sit down. She quickly followed him, sitting down across from him. As Eddie took a bite into the toast, he noticed his mom was looking at him carefully. It made Eddie feel uncomfortable. It was like she was waiting for something. Eddie could tell there was something on her mind as she left her toast and coffee untouched. Eddie took a sip of his coffee, burning his tongue and throat as he swallowed. 

“Eddie, I’ve noticed you’ve not been yourself lately.” There it was. Eddie sighed as he put his mug down. 

“Mom, what are you talking about?”

“You’ve been staying out late more and when you’re here, you seem... distant.” She cooed. Eddie blinked a few times as he looked at her deep blue eyes and the sunspots under them. 

“Mom, I’ve been working hard, I’m just a bit out of it. Don’t worry,” Eddie tried to smile. Eddie’s mom nodded, but Eddie could tell she wasn’t satisfied with that answer. They sat listening to the radio, the kitchen getting lighter as the morning sun rose. Eddie was glad that the days were getting longer, he just wished the frost would vanish.

“Eddie, I need to tell you something.” Eddie’s mom’s voice was soft and gentle, it reminded him of the way she used to speak when his dad was still around.

“Yeah, sure. What’s up?” Eddie said as he took another bite into his toast. 

“I’m not well.” Eddie’s eyes shot up to look at her. His heart thudded in his chest. The quiet hum on the radio filled the room, but Eddie felt like all he could her was his mom’s voice. “I need you here more, I need you to look after me.” 

“What’s wrong with you?” Eddie asked. 

“They don’t know yet.” Eddie’s mom sighed. Eddie knew she couldn’t be lying because she wouldn’t lie about that. Surely. “I’m struggling more, Eddie. I’m getting tired quicker, I’m in pain, unimaginable stomach pains, I get dizzy, I nearly fainted at work…” She rambled, and each thing she said made Eddie feel woozier. “With your dad not here, it means I have to work more hours and I can’t do it anymore…”

“I’ll get a job, I’ll help us more. I finish school soon and I’ll make sure I get money for shopping and whatever you need.” Eddie said quickly. He could feel himself panicking. 

“But your health, Eddie…” Eddie’s mom said quietly.

“Your more important mom.” Eddie interrupted. He believed that. She had raised him and it was his turn to look after her. 

“We need to look after each other.” She said reaching over the table to hold Eddie’s hand. Eddie gripped back, studying her face. Her eyes were watery, her lip trembling. Eddie nodded at the statement. When he pulled away to take another sip of his coffee, he noticed a small smile on his mom’s lips. 

-x-

  
  


Eddie didn’t see Richie for a while. Like Richie had promised, Eddie received a text on his mobile phone saying that he was on his way back to Derry and the job in the city went ok. Eddie had the small phone pressed by his side the whole day, waiting for it to buzz in his pocket. As soon as it had, Eddie had excused himself from his class so he could lock himself in the damp boy’s toilets to scan over the message. 

The days spent without Richie felt dull, they dragged like how Eddie’s feet dragged through his mundane life. Eddie couldn’t remember how he survived before Richie came crashing into his life. Eddie longed for the excitement again as he picked at his food, or tried to take notes in class, or as he lay flat on his bed staring at the ceiling in hope to hear rocks tapping at his window. Eddie took his medication, gulping the pills down with cold stale tasting water which came from the taps in his kitchen, and even though the days were clawing their way into February, the weather still frosted the outside of Eddie’s window. He could feel himself becoming less interested in the world around him, and the people in it becoming more aggravated at Eddie’s lack of interest. Eddie hated himself for it, how a boy could make him feel this way. Whoever sang ‘ _absence makes the heart grow fonder_ ’ was full of shit. 

He missed Richie, he knew that. Eddie felt lonely. He missed Richie impulsiveness, the excitement in his eyes and the smirk that was only put on his lips when Eddie was around. Eddie missed his pale skin, the way his clothes hung off his skinny frame, the smell of cigarette smoke on Richie's breath as he spoke quietly into Eddie’s ear. Eddie missed Richie’s need to make sure Eddie was safe, protected in fact. Eddie never felt like he was safe or unsafe before, but as soon as Richie disappeared Eddie felt like he was always checking over his shoulder, but he knew his absent mind would make him even more vulnerable.

He noticed that his fridge was mainly empty and his mom was home more. He had gone into town to try and find a job, but there was nothing. There was a huge employment problem in Derry, so Eddie wasn’t surprised. Eddie would go home and tell his mom the truth, that he couldn’t find a job, but he would keep looking. But he didn’t actually feel like he was trying hard enough. He would go out and do the shopping with whatever his mom handed him, and would return with the bare minimum of what they needed. 

The only time he ever felt like he was paying attention and was wide awake was when he walked past the small shop near his school and peered at the headline on the local newspapers. It was always someone getting hurt, someone getting arrested, some sort of crime that was linked to the gangs. Eddie would slow down his walking to try and read as much as possible, seeing if he could see Richie’s name or picture. One time he had actually stopped and hurried over when he saw the headline, “ _young thug ends up in hospital after a street brawl,_ ” but it wasn’t Richie, it was a Dreamcatcher. Eddie felt guilty for feeling relieved that it wasn’t Richie. He shook his head and tried to forget about it.

But Eddie’s head whirled with his own anxieties, all concerning Richie. ( _What was the job he had to do in the city? Why hadn’t Richie asked to meet up with him? What if Richie’s in trouble? What if Henry Bowers took Richie’s phone and it was all a big lie?_ ) With all the questions, Eddie barely paid attention to what was happening around him but when he lifted his hand up to take a bite out of his sandwich he caught eyes with Beverly who had her eyebrows raised, and Eddie realised she had said something. Beverly stared at Eddie, and so did Stan. Eddie looked between them and couldn’t help but wonder where the rest of his friends were, probably somewhere getting their lunch or something. Or was near the end of their lunch break? Eddie finished biting his sandwich and swallowed down the stale bread and the filling he couldn’t even care enough to know what it was.

“What did you say?” Eddie asked after a few confused seconds, “I need to-”

“You need to pay more attention, that’s what you need to do.” Stanely moaned, rolling his eyes before picking up his apple to take a bite from it. Beverly sighed. 

“I said don’t forget it’s formal wear to the party.” Beverly said, “I’ve got to wear like three pairs of tights to keep warm enough.” Beverly chuckled.

“What party?” Eddie asked while taking another bite of his sandwich. It was ham. 

“Jesus, Eddie, are you alright?” Stanley asked, putting his apple down. He genuinely looked concerned, which made Eddie straighten up and blink a couple of times. 

“Yeah, I am, sorry just-” Eddie lied, “tired.” 

“Ben’s surprise party,” Beverly answered, cutting in and Eddie turned her attention back to her, trying to not focus on how Stan was actually showing concern. “He’s the last one to turn 18 so we need to make a fuss.”

“Yeah of course.” Eddie smiled. _Shit, how had he forgotten Ben’s party?_

“At Mike's barn?” Beverly added, he voice going higher up like it was a question. Eddie was sure he’d already been told this, or maybe he hadn’t. He wasn’t sure about anything anymore. 

“Yeah, I know,” Eddie smiled again, trying to show that he did care about his friends and he wasn’t a piece of trash that only cared about a punk boy who had vanished off the face of the earth. 

“Bill said that your mom was cool with you staying at Bill’s, so that’s good that we can have the whole team,” Stanely said as he took another bite into his apple, the crunching sound-making Eddie wince. _Jesus_ , when had Bill spoken to Eddie about this? Eddie presumed that Bill’s mom had rung Eddie’s to confirm it was fine. Eddie blinked a couple of times as he thought back. Bill had said something in passing about it. _Shit_. Eddie needed to get a grip. 

“Yeah, it’s all good stuff,” Eddie said as if he knew what Stan was talking about. Stanley nodded a couple of times in acknowledgement. 

“Do you know if Richie can come yet?” Beverly asked, making Eddie’s stomach drop at the sound of his name. 

“I erm-I haven’t asked him yet, but I’ll ask him tonight.” Eddie quickly said. 

“Jesus, Eddie, the party is tonight. Today is Friday.” Stanley said, making Eddie glance between them again. 

“Shit sorry, yeah I’ll ring him after school.”

“Good, because I want him to bring his truck so we don’t have to lug all the supplies on the bus. Bring him to mine at about six?” Stanely smiled and Eddie nodded. 

“Nice clothes, remember,” Beverly said almost sarcastically before letting the quietness drift over the three of them again. 

-x-

Eddie walked home, his head dipped as he watched his feet walk over cracks in the pavement, his head filled with the same anxiety-filled questions mulling in his brain that had been spinning around him all week. He didn’t even acknowledge the voice at first. But it slowly processed in his brain. 

“What’s a pretty boy like you doing all alone in the street?” Eddie had looked up in a panic after a few moments of processing the words, ready to run as fast as he could in whatever direction the voice hadn’t come from. But as soon as he looked up, his eyes caught familiar eyes and a smirk that was reserved for only Eddie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you enjoyed it!! Every time if you leave a comment, it keeps me so motivated! Big love x


	11. Safe and Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title "Safe and Sound" by Tonight Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of drugs, sexual tension, sexual content.

Richie felt awful. There was no other way to explain it. Richie had been lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling every day, waiting to get a text from Alex with what he had to do. Richie liked schedules, it helped his brain from not becoming messy and chaotic, because when that happened he was more likely to be agitated and annoying to other people. But now, he had no schedule and no idea what each day would bring. Richie would tap his fingers over his phone that lay on his stomach, waiting for the buzz to vibrate his body alive. Sometimes it was Alex saying he wanted Richie to come to the house and count money or sort bags, other times it was to go check on families in the territory to see how they were, other times it was to stand on street corners to make sure other boys were doing their jobs. At the end of each night, Alex would hand him loose notes, and Richie would never count them. He would just stuff them into his wallet, and only ever look at them again when he pulled them back out to hand a couple of notes over in exchange for cigarettes. 

What he felt awful about was more complex, more layers than he could even explain to himself. He felt awful about not seeing Eddie, not calling him, not going round to his house even if it was for a brief encounter. But he was so preoccupied by how awful his new ‘jobs’ were making him feel. But then he felt awful every time that thought crossed his mind because he knew that Alex trusted him and was taking more care of Richie. But he always felt awful about that. So, the layers continued. Richie felt awful about everything. 

The only thing that kept Richie going was when he closed his eyes, he could let his mind wander to Eddie. Eddie’s small smile, his big brown eyes, the light freckles across his nose. Richie thought of the texture of Eddie’s pale coloured sweaters between his fingers, the smell of Eddie’s hair when Richie kissed into the top of his head, the taste of Eddie when Richie kissed him. Richie would think about when Eddie said things like: " _I want people to know I belong to someone_ ," or "I _think i really like you_ ," or " _this isn't forever_ ," or even just as simple as Eddie saying Richie's name. But when Richie opened his eyes again, the pang of loss hit him when Eddie wasn’t actually there. Richie would claw at his own hair in frustration, feeling the emptiness and heartache when he remembered that he was being selfish for wanting to be with Eddie. Richie told himself over and over again that he was being selfish, so the more he stayed away from Eddie, the better. But that didn’t stop the feeling rising in him. Richie couldn’t place what the feeling was. It was a mixture of guilt, anxiousness, hurt and some want.

Richie was so distracted, he barely noticed some of the changes happening around him. One night when he walked into Alex’s house, there were three boys sat on the sofa that Richie didn’t recognise. They all looked nervous, pale-faced, twiddling with their thumbs. Richie asked Alex who they were, and Alex just laughed and said “new _recruits_ ”. It made Richie feel sick. Some of the new boys were young, but some of them were older. He recognised some of them as high school dropouts or boys who hung around in the park smoking and drinking. Most of them were from his area, but a couple weren’t. One night as he was leaving Alex’s house, he passed an older 207 smoking with a boy slightly older than Richie as they perched on the front fence. They nodded as Richie passed, and Richie tipped his head down. He recognised the stranger as one of the posher boys from the North Side. Richie wondered why a boy like that would want to join a gang. Bringing in new people meant more things were happening behind the scenes that he was unaware of. Within two weeks, more and more violence kept happening each night, which Richie managed to avoid. Every night, Richie would keep the small gun Alex had given him in the glove compartment of his truck, but never kept it in his pocket, no matter how violent the night before had been on the streets. 

At some point, a brown envelope came through his door and he stared at it in confusion as it was addressed to him. He opened it to find a timetable of his final exams but no invitation to go back to class. It angered him. He wanted to finish school, but it felt like the world was against him, pushing him into a box that he was expected to go into. He stuck the timetable to the fridge but tried not to think about it too much. Richie gave up on the idea of graduating as soon as he left the school for the last time.

The morning Alex had text Richie that he could have a weekend off was the day Richie started feeling worse than ever. Richie had barely even acknowledged it was a Friday until Alex had said _weekend,_ making Richie check the date on his phone. With nothing to do but pace his dusty, cramped room, he felt like he was imprisoned. He could leave the house, he could do something to take his mind off things, but anxiety ate him up. Richie smoked his cigarettes, hitching open the window, letting in the icy chill that circulated his cigarette smoke around the boxed room. At one point, Richie went downstairs and sat on their small kitchen table, tapping the end of his cigarette into an old beer bottle. He had no idea where his mom was, but he tried not to think about it too much. But Richie could still see the broken glass on the floor from where he had thrown a beer bottle down in anger a couple of weeks before which made him feel guiltier the more he looked at it. Richie only realised it had reached afternoon when he glanced at the clock on the oven, taking another deep drag of his cigarette. _14:50._ This time three weeks ago, Richie would be in his last class at school, counting down the minutes for the bell to go. But now Richie sat alone, counting down the minutes before he could shuffle back to his room and fall asleep, the stale taste of cigarettes still on his lips. Richie hated that he felt like this. _Useless, depressed, lonely_. But Richie didn’t have to feel like this. 

With more speed then Richie had managed all week, he picked himself up and grabbed his leather jacket that had been draped over the sofa carelessly when he had come in the night before. As Richie yanked it on, he flicked his hair out of his eyes and headed for the door. Rooting through his pockets to look for his keys Richie jogged up to his truck, and finally pulled the keys out to unlock it.

Richie barely even thought about what he was doing until he was parked a few blocks away from the school, just near the alleyway Richie had kissed Eddie for the second time. Richie cranked his window open as he smoked another cigarette with one hand and anxiously tapped his fingers on the steering wheel with the other.

At around quarter past three, according to his slightly shattered clock in his truck, a few students from the school started walking by. A few went into the small shop as they went past it, others walked past Richie’s truck without giving it a second glance. Richie bit his nails anxiously, waiting as he scanned all the faces of people walking past. It took around fifteen minutes for Richie to perk up when he saw Eddie dragging his feet as he slouched, his hands dug deep into his pockets. Most of the students had already gone past by that point, so the street was empty. Richie shuffled across the seats in his car, cranking open the passenger window so he could hang his head out. 

“What’s a pretty boy like you doing all alone in the street?” Richie smirked, letting his voice travel down the street. Eddie took a few moments before his head swung up, panic in his eyes. But it softened as soon as he saw Richie. A smile crept across Eddie’s lips as he quickly walked over to the truck. Richie, with his arms crossed as he leant on the open window, watched Eddie grin as he stopped in front of him. “Want a ride, handsome?” Richie grinned. 

“Fuck yeah.” Eddie laughed. Richie moved away before pulling the handle and pushing the door opened for Eddie to climb inside. Richie felt instantly calmer with Eddie’s presence. Richie slid to the driver's seat as he started the engine. 

“Where to?” Richie asked, still grinning at Eddie. 

“Anywhere away from here,” Eddie replied quickly Richie nodded as he pulled the car out from the space he parked in, and began driving down the street, not really sure where he was going.

They didn’t speak, they enjoyed each other’s presence while Richie drove. Richie didn’t know what to say, and he was sure Eddie felt the same way. Driving in daylight with Eddie next to him brought whole new anxiety, making Richie look out of his window at every red light to make sure there was no one looking into his truck. But no one did. As he drove he kept glancing at Eddie with a soft smile, letting the realisation that a boy like Eddie still wanted to be with someone like Richie. It took his breath away every time he looked at Eddie who was gazing out of the window. Richie liked Eddie because of kindness, his wit and his strength. But Richie was also blown away out how handsome Eddie was to him. It hurt as he took his eyes of Eddie to look at the road again because Richie knew he could stare at Eddie all day and feel content with that. 

Richie kept driving, realising where he was taking them. The winding roads of Derry he took all led up hills. Richie let himself sit back in his seat as the truck struggled with the bumpy roads, making Eddie grip into the handle above the passenger window. Richie liked the off-road path that led to a hill that overlooked Derry, he kept glancing out of his window at the trees and glances of Derry getting smaller and smaller as they climbed the hill. It was a place Richie came to a lot when he first learnt to drive, but a place he hadn't had a chance to go to in a while since he'd been so busy. 

Eventually, near the top, there was a clearing and Richie drove the car into it. The learning faced Derry, the small town made Richie feel like his problems were a million miles away. That's why Richie always like it in that spot. As soon as the car stopped, Richie heard Eddie’s belt unclick. Eddie's hand was instantly on Richie’s cheek to pull Richie's face in the direction of Eddie's mouth. Without breaking the kiss, Richie fumbled his hand around so he could undo his own belt. Once he heard the click, he turned his body, so he could put his arms around Eddie’s waist and pull him in closer. He opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, Eddie’s arms wrapped around Richie’s neck as he moaned softly. Richie felt like his body was alive again. After days of feeling nothing but pain, he felt like electricity was coursing through his body and waking his brain up. Richie tipped his head back briefly to gaze across Eddie’s face. 

“Shit, I’ve really missed you, Eds,” Richie whispered, feeling himself panting from the sudden kiss. Richie found himself questioning if he had even breathed while kissing Eddie. Maybe he hadn't breathed steadily since the moment Eddie got into the truck with him. Richie tried to catch his breath as he gazed of Eddie. Eddie’s cheeks were flushed red, his brown eyes barely opening or paying attention to Richie.

“I’ve missed you too,” Eddie mumbled before leaning back in to kiss Richie. Richie smiled into the kiss as he felt Eddie shuffle his body more and begin to climb onto Richie’s lap. Richie reached round Eddie’s body to pull the keys out of the ignition and dropped them onto the floor just in case, but Eddie desperately fought for the touch of Richie’s lips back on his. Richie ran his hands down Eddie’s sides, letting himself grip into Eddie’s hips. Eddie pulled away for a moment and Richie went to kiss Eddie's neck. 

“I thought you’d disappeared off the face of the earth,” Eddie whispered breathlessly. 

“I’m here now, right?” Richie muttered, and Eddie replied by kissing Richie again, his hands on either side of Richie’s face as he pulled him in closer. 

But the anxiety of it still being daylight hit Richie. Yes, they were in the middle of nowhere, facing away from the road, but still. Richie moved his head back and was met with a loud annoyed groan from Eddie.

“Babe, let me just appreciate you for a sec.” Richie laughed, “I haven’t seen you forever, I want to know how you are before you eat me alive.” Eddie rolled his eyes, his hands sliding down from Richie’s face and to his chest. 

“I’m fine,” Eddie said bluntly. “Can I kiss you now?”

“Jesus Christ, Eds,” Richie laughed, “am I just a warm mouth to you?”

“No, but I have missed your warm mouth, and when I kiss your warm mouth, you're not chatting shit.” Eddie joked as he planted a kiss on Richie’s lips, making Richie smile against Eddie’s mouth. Eddie pulled away and began pecking kisses into the side of Richie’s face. 

“How was the city?” Eddie mumbled between kisses. Richie took a moment to answer. Going to the Bangor felt years ago to Richie, but that was the last time he saw Eddie. It had been average and very low key. Richie had arrived feeling anxious and scared, but the encounter took less than five minutes of strangers putting packages into the back of Richie’s pick up truck hidden in boxes, then tying a blanket over the back to secure them down.

“It was fine,” Richie muttered, feeling Eddie’s lips on his neck and he couldn’t help but close his eyes and bite his lip as he felt Eddie’s tongue run across his skin. “How’s school?” Richie managed to stammer out and Eddie groaned.

“Fucking dull,” Eddie muttered. Eddie lips travelled up to Richie’s ear, “all I’ve been thinking about is you.” He whispered, making Richie shiver. Richie gripped tighter into Eddie’s hips and his head tipped into Eddie’s shoulder as he caught his breath. 

“Well, you have me tonight baby,” Richie muttered. Richie leaned back in to kiss Eddie, his tongue running across Eddie's desperately. Eddie was making obscene noises into the kiss and Richie felt like he wasn’t even in his own body. Richie missed Eddie so much, and he really missed the way Eddie kissed him. With the grip on Eddie’s hips, he pressed Eddie’s body down into his lap in a sudden heat of the moment decision. But then Eddie quickly drew away.

“Ah fuck!” Eddie said loudly and Richie jumped for the sudden change in Eddie's tone.

“Jesus Christ, what?” Richie quickly said before looking him up and down. “You didn't-?”

“Oh fuck you, no,” Eddie said quickly, making Richie grin. “I can’t tonight.”

“What why?” Richie complained, Richie’s grin instantly dropping. 

“Neither of us can actually.” Eddie sighed. 

“Are you going to tell me why or-?”

“It’s Ben’s birthday party tonight, we’re having it as Mike’s barn and we're supposed to dress all formal.” Eddie groaned. “Fuck sake.”

“You’re such a good friend.” Richie joked and Eddie gave a sarcastic smile, but then the statement sunk in. “So I’ve been invited?” 

“Yup, you and your truck,” Eddie smirked.

“Fair enough.” Richie smiled, reaching his hand up to stroke Eddie’s blushed cheek, letting his thumb move over the corner of Eddie’s mouth. “What time?” Richie gently asked, feeling himself getting distracted by Eddie’s soft skin. 

“Six...” Eddie replied. Richie sighed loudly as he dramatically flopped his arms to the side of him and making his body go limp, making Eddie laugh. “I know, I’m sorry,” Eddie whined but still smiling. Richie looked up at him with a frown. “I’m sorry,” Eddie repeated. 

“It’s ok,” Richie said, half-smiling again. “I need to go home and change though,” Richie muttered as he looked down at himself. 

“Yeah, I need to grab a change of clothes too,” Eddie hummed as he stroked his hands down Richie's chest.

“I’ll drop you off at yours and I’ll quickly go back to mine, I can come get you when I'm ready,” Richie said. 

“It will be quicker if I just come to yours,” Eddie replied, and Richie felt himself stiffen up. The idea of Eddie in his house-made him feel faint. It wasn't just Eddie being in his house, but the idea of Eddie bing in Richie's territory as well. “Come on, it will be fine,” Eddie cooed because he must've sensed Richie's reluctance. As Eddie started to climb off Richie’s lap, Richie yanked Eddie’s arm back and Eddie made a surprised yelping noise. 

“One more?” Richie muttered, and Eddie grinned before leaning down to kiss Richie’s softly. Richie shut his eyes and let his hand travel across Eddie’s thigh, his thumb gently touching the inside seam of his jeans. Eddie made a small moaning noise and Richie opened his mouth for more. Richie wanted more desperately, his hips bucking up as Eddie traced his hands over Richie's throat. But then Eddie pulled away quickly and climbed off Richie’s lap and sat down next to him, doing his seatbelt up again. He smirked the whole time. Richie frustratedly groaned and Eddie laughed as him.

“I swear you do that on purpose sometimes.” Richie moaned as he meant down to pick up his keys.

“I don’t know what you're talking about.” Eddie grinned and Richie rolled his eyes as he did his seatbelt up. Eddie’s hand went down to touch Richie’s knee and he shuffled in close to Richie’s side. Richie started the engine, and reluctantly headed for his house. 

-x-

Richie’s once dingy, damp and cramped house felt even more so as Eddie walked into it. Richie watched Eddie’s reaction carefully. Eddie scanned the open planned downstairs area, and Richie felt ashamed that this is where he lived. Richie knew it was only going to get a lot worse as they climbed the creaky steps, the carpet was worn down with holes where people's feet had stepped over the years. As Richie walked ahead of Eddie, he glanced into his mom’s room to make sure she wasn’t there, and she wasn’t to Richie’s relief. 

When he opened the door to his room, Richie swore it had shrunk in size and become even more stuffy in the hour he had been away. Richie had spent a lot of time smoking there, and the smell made it obvious. His bedsheet was pulled up from where Richie had dragged it up in the night, clothes scattered on the floor, the material he stapled to the wall above his window gently moved as the draft blew in from where it didn’t shut properly. Richie walked into his room, picking up a few articles of clothing and throwing them into the corner in an attempt to make it more presentable, then he picked up his bed sheet and shook it a few times so it would go over the bed. Richie quickly turned to look at Eddie, who was awkwardly standing in the doorway studying the room. Richie wished he insisted on taking Eddie home. 

“I’m going to get a shower.” Richie said, and Eddie’s eyes flicked to him, “make yourself at home, I guess.” Richie ran his hand through his hair. Eddie slowly walked into the room, and Richie watched as Eddie sat on the bed. “What should I wear?” Richie asked.

“Nice clothes?” Eddie quietly said, his voice going higher-pitched like he was asking if Richie had nice clothes. “Bev said formal, but it’s going to be chilly, so layer up.”

“Alright,” Richie sighed as he went to the corner where the majority of his clean clothes were piled and rummaged through. 

“Have you always lived here?” Eddie asked from behind Richie. Richie knew what he was actually asking was _‘have you always lived like this?’_

“Yeah,” Richie said as he held up a thick burgundy sweater which was knitted. There were some small holes in different parts but at least it wasn’t black or a band top. He also grabbed some clean black skinny jeans, the ones without the rips. Richie stood up again and kneeled by the bed, putting his hand under to drag out a plastic box of clothes that he rarely wore. He opened the lid and looked through it.

“Where’s your mom?” Eddie asked. 

“Fuck knows,” Richie muttered, finding a white shirt. He felt the material in his hand for a moment between his thumb and forefinger. It was the shirt that Alex had bought Richie for his Dad’s funeral. Richie had worn the white shirt with his leather jacket over the top, knowing that his dad wouldn’t have wanted him to be too formal. Richie also pulled out the black-tie he wore that day as well.

Richie stood up again, holding the three items in his hands as he looked down at Eddie. Eddie was still looking around Richie’s room. 

“I’ll just go get a shower then?” Richie said, and Eddie glanced up to him and nodded. If Eddie was looking at Richie with rose-tinted glasses before, he definitely wouldn’t be now. Richie turned and left quickly, trying not to think too much about it. 

The shower water was cold as always and it made Richie groan loudly as it hit his skin. He tried to be quick, washing the soap through his hair and over his skin, trying to scrub the smell of cigarettes off himself. When the water started swirling into the drain without bubbles, Richie turned the shower off and climbed out, the chill in his bones making him shiver.

Richie looked at himself in the mirror as he attempted to brush through his hair with his mom’s brush and he noticed that the small red streak in his hair was now completely gone. His wet hair dripped onto his naked body as he brushed it back, the curls slowly starting to prick up again. Richie inspected his pale face, looking at the bags under his eyes and his chapped pink lips which now had a blue hue to them from the cold. Richie turned his head to look at the hoops up his ear and the stud in his eyebrow. Even when standing naked, Richie liked that he had a little piece of him, even it was in the form of body modifications. He reached up to brush his hair again and his eyes latched onto the tattoo on his arm. Richie kept it there for a moment, taken off guard by the bold numbers. The swelling had gone down thanks to Eddie’s instructions, but the reality of it being there had started to sink in. It was there forever, and Richie couldn't do anything about it.

Richie dried himself with a towel, which he thought might be clean, and yanked on the clothes without looking back at himself in the mirror. Richie quickly walked to his room, opening the door with a huff, barely looking at Eddie who was still sitting on the bed. 

“Wow,” Eddie muttered and Richie span to look at him. 

“What?” Richie asked, looking down at himself, worried that he didn’t look good enough. "What's wrong?"

“No, you look…” Eddie said while standing up and taking a step towards Richie, “different.”

“Bad different, or good different?”

“Neither. But you look really nice.” Eddie smiled, running his hand over the knitted jumper. 

“I know it’s got holes in but I’m still gonna wear my leather jacket,” Richie muttered. Eddie reached his hand up and pushed Richie’s wet curls of his face, gazing over him lovingly.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to stop you.” Eddie smiled as he leant up to kiss Richie. Richie hummed into the kiss, feeling Eddie’s warmth against his icy skin. When Eddie pulled away, Richie lifted up his hand which had the black-tie scrunch up in it. Eddie laughed as he took it off his and began to wrap it around Richie’s neck. 

“I can’t believe you don’t know how to tie a tie.” Eddie murmured as his fingers carefully wrapped around the black-tie to make a knot. 

“I can’t believe you know how to tie a tie, talk about middle-class knowledge.” Richie joked. 

“Tying a tie isn’t middle-class, it’s something everyone should know how to do,” Eddie smirked. “Especially you, because you look very very _very_ nice in a tie.” Eddie murmured as he tucked the tie under the jumper. Richie glanced at himself in the cracked mirror as Eddie walked back over to the bed to sit down. Eddie was right, he did look different. With his hair pushed off his face and the white-collar hanging over his burgundy jumper, and the black-tie tucked under it, it made Richie look softer, more… normal… Richie wasn’t sure if he liked it or not. Richie always wondered if he only liked his style of clothes because that’s what he was brought up and made to wear since it was like a uniform to the gang. But Richie liked the toned-down version of the bad boy style he was currently wearing, and if Eddie liked it, he liked it. 

“I don’t have a hairdryer, so we can go. It will dry on the way.” Richie said as he looked back at Eddie. 

“You’ll catch a cold,” Eddie smirked. 

“Fuck off,” Richie laughed, picking up his leather jacket from the bed and pulling it on. “What do you need from yours, it’s nearly six now. I don’t want Stanley to murder us for being late.” Richie barely knew the boy, but he could presume Stanley was the sort of guy to be uptight about timings.

“I’ll just grab some clothes from mine and we can drive to Stan’s. I’ll get changed at Mike’s.” Eddie smiled.

“Do we need to bring anything?” Richie asked as Eddie stood up. Richie led the way out of his room.

"Like what?"

“I don’t know, beer… chips and dip… a birthday card…?” Richie smirked as he looked over his shoulder at Eddie. 

“To be honest, I don’t know, I haven’t really been paying attention to anything,” Eddie mumbled. Richie laughed as he hopped down the stairs, holding onto the bannister even though it was wobbly. He twisted his body around as he got the bottom. 

“Hey?” Richie mumbled as he looked up at Eddie. 

“What?” Eddie frowned as he slowly stepped down. Richie thought for a moment, wondering what to say.

“Going to a party together… that’s pretty-”

“I know,” Eddie interrupted. Richie was going to say _official_ , or a _big step_ , or _serious_. But Eddie read his mind. Even though it was with the same people, it felt more official this time, like an actual party, not just sitting and watching star Wars. But Richie didn’t know what to expect from this party, it might just be them sitting and watching Star Wars again, the only difference would be birthday hats or something dumb like that. Richie smiled softly up at Eddie. “How does that make you feel?”

“Good?” 

“Are you telling me it feels good, or asking me if it feels good?” Eddie said, raising an eyebrow.

“Telling.” Richie grabbed Eddie’s hips, enjoying the luxury of them being the same height with Eddie stood on the step. “I’ve actually been planning our big date.”

“Oh yeah?” Eddie smirked.

“Yup,” Richie smiled. Richie had been thinking about it a lot. He’d never felt this way about anyone, he never even thought about taking someone on a date before. But it’s what Eddie wanted, so Richie was absolutely going to pull through with the romance.

“You gonna clue me in at all?”

“Nope,” Richie laughed as he moved in to kiss Eddie. Eddie swung his arms around Richie’s shoulders and leaned his body onto Richie. Richie took that to his advantage and wrapped his arms around Eddie’s body and slid down so they were under his bum and picked him up. Eddie made a loud _‘umpf’_ sound against Richie’s lips as Richie spun them around. Richie pulled away and kissed into Eddie’s neck. Eddie squeezed onto Richie as if it was for his life. 

“Tomorrow?” Richie said between kisses. 

“If you put me down, I’ll say yes.” Eddie groaned as he gripped into Richie’s hair. 

“I think you’re secretly enjoying this,” Richie muttered into Eddie's neck.

“Fuck you,” Eddie groaned, and Richie gently slid Eddie down accidentally pulling his clothes up at the back. Eddie blinked up at Richie for a couple of moments. “Are you really taking me on a date?”

“Of course I am.” Richie smiled, as he brushed Eddie’s cheek with his thumb. 

“Shit, that’s kind of-”

 _O_ _fficial_ , _a_ _big step_ , _serious._

“I know,” Richie smirked and Eddie stood on his tiptoes to kiss Richie gently. “It better not be a strip club buffet,” Eddie smirked.

“Damn, you read my mind!” Richie laughed as he turned and walked to the front door. Richie was in a state of bliss.

A month ago, Richie would never have imagined himself in this position. Richie actually felt happy when he was with Eddie, but mainly because he was distracted from all the _shit_ he felt in his everyday life. Eddie gave him a sense of normality and comfort, something that Richie had always craved through his life.

Richie was very aware that they hadn’t really talked about if they were officially dating, but at the same time, it didn’t feel like it needed to be said. Richie knew it was more than secretly hooking up because Richie wanted to shout from the rooftops how happy he was, and he could tell Eddie was the same. But Richie knew could never do that, which made him feel a sting of sadness. Eddie would have to stay a secret because that was the only way it could be. But when they were like this, Richie could forget about it all for a while. Richie felt safe with Eddie. He felt like they could stay in their small little bubble away from the world. It was a place where Richie could shout as loudly as he wanted about how much he was beginning to like Eddie Kaspbrak. 

Richie undid the lock on the door, and swung it open, still smiling at the thought of being able to finally take Eddie on a date, even if it had to stay a secret. But as Richie opened the door fully, his body instantly froze. Eddie was still laughing behind him. Richie felt like he had been shot in the chest. His whole body seized up as Alex stood in front of him, his hand up like he was just about to knock on the door, a cigarette hanging off his lips. Richie felt like he couldn’t move or speak. He heard Eddie step behind him and quickly stop laughing. 

“Hey there Richie, you’re looking… handsome.” Alex smirked as he took the cigarette from between his lip. When he spoke a small amount of smoke left his mouth. Richie watched Alex carefully, his heart thudding in his chest. “And hello Richie’s pal,” Alex said as he leant round to look at Eddie. “Are you going somewhere?” Alex said as his eyes flicked between them.

“Hi Alex, no, well yeah, I-” Richie stuttered, but Alex thankfully interrupted him. 

“Well it’s a good job I caught you, I need to speak to you.” Alex smiled. “Do you mind?” Alex smiled as he gestured into Richie’s house. Richie quickly shook his head and stood to the side and Eddie did the same. As Alex stepped into Richie’s house, Richie finally managed to glance down at Eddie. Eddie looked pale, he was biting into his lip, one of his hands was rubbing down his other arm. Richie wondered if Eddie was going to need his inhaler. Richie quickly glanced back down at Eddie to say,

“Eddie, you can go wait outside-”

“Don’t be silly - Eddie was it?” Alex said, “come sit, have a beer with us.” Alex walked to the kitchen casually and opened the fridge so he was just out of earshot.

“Eddie this isn’t good-”

“Is that Alex, as in the leader of 207?” Eddie quickly whispered back and Richie nodded. “Fuck,” Eddie muttered, his eyes darting to the kitchen. 

“We can do this ok - but I’m going to have to say some lies or some shit about you…” Richie grumbled as he shut the door.

“Like what?” 

“I don’t know yet,” Richie muttered as he walked across his living room to the kitchen. Alex had pulled out some cans of beers and placed them on the table. 

“Sit, sit, sit…” Alex cheered as he pulled a chair out for himself. Richie and Eddie sat down, Richie facing Alex and Eddie at the end of the table, perched on the chair like he was ready to run at any moment. 

“So Eddie…” Alex said as he slid a beer over to him, “you’re not from around here, are you?” Eddie’s eyes quickly glanced at Richie, and Richie gave a small nod to say ‘ _it’s ok’._ Richie opened his beer, hearing the clink and fizz it made, feeling like the noise shot through him.

“No, I’m from the North Side,” Eddie said as he followed Richie’s lead by opening his can. 

“Ah…” Alex said as he leant back in his chair, taking a sip of his beer. “What do your parents do Eddie?”

“My mom works as a cleaner, but she’s not very well at the moment…” Eddie said quickly, the comment made Richie stare at him. Richie didn’t know Eddie’s mom wasn’t well, he felt bad for not knowing, but he also wondered why he admitted that to Alex. But Richie could see Eddie was nervous. He was tapping his foot under the table, his cheeks blushed, his brown eyes darting from Alex to Richie to the beer.

“You got a dad?” Alex asked, tapping his fingers on the wooden table. 

“Yeah, but he left us when I was seven.”

“Bastard,” Alex muttered. “Men like that, they ain’t real men.” Alex leant across the table as he spoke to Eddie, leaning on his forearm, and Richie felt like he was going to faint. “And I hope you don’t mind me saying this Eddie, but men who leave their loved ones behind should rot in hell.” Eddie nodded nervously as if he was agreeing, taking another sip of his beer. Alex leant back again as he said, “so do you work? To help your mom?”

“I’m trying to get a job,” Eddie said and Richie could feel his brain screaming _no, no, no, no!_ Richie quickly glanced at Alex who hummed as his mind worked. But luckily he just said,

“How do you know our Rich?”

“We went to school together,” Richie interrupted making Alex glance over at Richie in surprise as if he had just remembered Richie was there. “He’s helping me catch up so I can still do my exams. I was just about to take him home.”

“You still actually want to do your exams?” Alex asked, raising an eyebrow at Richie. 

“Yeah,” Richie said as his mind still worked out what he was going to say, “I thought I might as well since I’ve got this far.”

“You’ve got a good work ethic Richie.” Alex mumbled as he pulled out another cigarette from his pocket. “I’ve always implored that.” Richie wondered if Alex would’ve said that if Eddie wasn’t here. Richie watched as Alex lit his cigarette. He took a deep drag and then moved it away from his mouth. “Well, a friend of Richie is a friend of mine.” Alex smiled at Eddie. Richie wanted to collapse. He gripped into his can, his hands shaking. Alex sipped his beer before clearing his throat. “Do you know why I’m here?” Alex asked, and Richie had to glance up to see who he was looking at. Luckily he was looking at Richie. 

“No,” Richie quickly replied. 

“I’m here because two of us are in hospital and one of them is dead.” As soon as the words left Alex’s lips, Richie thought he might throw up. Alex’s stare was content on Richie, making him forget Eddie was there. Richie didn’t know where to look. He gripped tighter into his beer.

“When?” Richie asked, “And who?”

“Last night,” Alex said casually. “Layland and Jez are in hospital, Spritz is in the morgue.”

“Holy shit.” Richie muttered. Layland was an older 207, so was Jez. They had both been two of the men that practically brought up Richie. Spritz was an old soul, that’s what people used to say. He would listen to old music as he slunk around the kitchen cooking for the younger boys and he would tie a bandana around his head as he fixed gang members' cars for free. Richie liked Spritz. But now he was dead. Richie had to remind himself this was the world he lived in and this is the world he had to endure. People die at the hands of others, and apparently people accepted that as a way of life. “What happened?” Richie finally asked.

“Guess,” Alex said bluntly.

“Barren Boys?” And Alex nodded. “Shit,” Richie muttered under his breath. 

“We’ve got to be careful Rich, they’re scum, the lot of them. Killing us like it’s nothing.” Alex spat. Richie felt a hot rage rising in his stomach. Richie hated this lifestyle. He hated it so much. “But Richie, we can talk about this Sunday,” Alex said as if he was trying to be reassuring, but Richie didn't feel reassured. “I’m going to the city tonight myself, so I’m having a big meeting on Sunday. All of the important people.” Richie nodded. “Feel free to come,” Alex said to his side and Richie had completely forgotten Eddie was still sitting there. Eddie sat, his eyes wide and filled with fear, his mouth hung slightly. Eddie didn’t even react to Alex’s gesture, and Richie didn’t know how to react either. 

“Now I don’t want to be rude, kid, but do you mind if Richie and I have a moment alone? I’ve got to talk to him about…” Alex paused and looked over at Richie, “business.”

“Yeah, sure,” Eddie quickly said, pushing his chair back in a hurry and standing up. Richie quickly pulled out the keys for his truck and handed them to Eddie, not wanting Eddie to be alone on the street. 

“I’ll be there in a sec,” Richie said, their hands touching briefly as he passed the keys over. For a moment, they held eye contact. Richie could see the fear in Eddie’s eyes and Richie hoped that he looked calm enough to ease Eddie. But inside he was burning up. Eddie half smiled as he took the keys and walked away, leaving the barely touched beer behind. Alex didn’t begin talking until Richie heard the door click shut. 

“He’s a nice kid.” Alex chuckled and took another drag of his cigarette. 

“Yeah,” Richie agreed, his heart was still racing. He tried to be calm and tried not to show on his face the panic that was racing through his body. 

“I’m glad to see you listened to me when I said to make friends with outsiders.” Alex took a sip of his beer and Richie felt his heart drop. 

“I’m not sure about him though, he seems-”

“Fragile? Yeah.” Alex said as if that was what Richie was going to say. But Richie would never call Eddie fragile. Not in one million years. “As long as he isn't a snitch, I don’t care.” Alex chuckled. Richie felt like he could start crying. “It’s good you’ve got yourself a pal.”

“I just don’t this is-”

“Richie,” Alex interrupted and leant forward. He propped his elbows on the table, his dark eyes staring into Richie’s soul. “We’re the good people. The heroes, if you will. If you make a friend, it’s better to have him on our side.” 

“Alright,” Richie mumbled and Alex sat back in his chair. Richie could feel his chest going up and down and he hoped Alex didn’t notice. Richie tried to breathe, desperately trying to calm down. Alex chuckled slightly and Richie’s eyes flicked up at him. 

“Oh, by the way,” Alex smirked, “he doesn’t actually have to come on Sunday, I just wanted to see this kid squirm.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title "Safe and Sound" by Tonight Alive
> 
> Oh shit it's getting real!! Poor boys!! 
> 
> If you liked this chapter, please leave a comment below and let me know what you liked! It keeps me so motivated and I keep me inspired! x


	12. You and Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title, "You and Me", by Lifehouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of drugs, sexual tension, underage drinking (in USA), some sexual content

Eddie remembered a science lesson where his teacher said time moves at different speeds, and Eddie wondered if this is what he meant. It felt like hours were going by not seconds. He watched the second-hand tick across the clock on Richie’s truck's dashboard, the ticks feeling further and further apart. 

In reality, it was probably only five minutes until Richie emerged from the house followed by Alex, but to Eddie, he could’ve sworn it was a lifetime. Either way, he felt like he was holding his breath the whole time. As Richie and Alex left the house and opened the gate, Alex started walking down the sidewalk and Richie quickly walked to the truck. Richie opened the truck door and he sat down in the seat next to Eddie and stayed stiff, his hands and jaws clenched. They both watched Alex walk away until he eventually disappeared around a corner. 

“Holy fuck,” Richie muttered under his breath.

“Holy fuck,” Eddie repeated. Suddenly, Eddie felt like he couldn’t breathe. Maybe it was because he had been holding his breath in his lungs and he finally felt like he could breathe properly again. His breath was short as he rummaged around in his pockets for his aspirator. Richie glanced over at Eddie as he pressed down at the top a couple of times and breathed in deeply, letting it soothe him. Eddie closed his eyes and tipped his head back onto the headrest, the panic slowly rising again within him. But there was something else as well. They had gotten away with it. Was it possibly excitement Eddie was feeling? Unsure, he opened his eyes again and turned to look at Richie who was paler than usual and biting down on his lip so it looked red and sore. 

“That was really really _really_ not good, was it?” Eddie asked.

“Really not good,” Richie replied, looking at Eddie with wide eyes. 

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie muttered, putting his hands over his face. “Fuck,” he mumbled from under his hands. Eddie sighed as he dropped them back down, slightly in relief but also still feeling the panic. “What did he say after I left?” Eddie asked, turning his head to look at Richie again. Richie didn’t say anything, his eyes flicked in the direction Alex went as if he was panicking that he would come back. Eddie could tell Richie’s mind was working in overdrive. 

“Nothing really, he just wanted to ask me about… my hours.” Richie choked out not even looking at Eddie.

“So he believed you that I was helping you with your exams?” Eddie questioned, unsure if Richie was lying or not.

“Yeah.” Richie quickly said and Eddie nodded, deciding he believed what Richie was saying.

Eddie looked around him, studying the run-down street with some houses boarded up and others with overgrown grass covering the bottom of the porches. The majority of Derry looked run down, but Richie's street was like stepping into a whole different level of poverty. Eddie felt uncomfortable by it, and he knew that Richie could read it on his face when they had stepped into his home. But Eddie didn't actually care about that. All he cared about was that Richie could be safe and happy, and he felt awful for the way Richie had been brought up. That had all be forgotten though when Eddie and Richie were joking around and talking about anything that wasn't the current situation they were in. Eddie tried to remember how happy they had been the moments before Alex had shown up, how they were excited to be together for a night.

“You know what, fuck it.” Eddie quickly announced and Richie glanced over at him. Eddie scanned across Richie’s face, forcing a half-smile on his lips. “We actually get a night together, let’s go and enjoy it.”

“Are you not massively freaked out, right now?” Richie said in disbelief. 

“Obviously,” Eddie scoffed. “But…” Eddie shuffled closer to Richie, “fuck this all, right?” Eddie blinked up at Richie. Richie kept looking around, trying to see if anyone was watching them. Eventually, he glanced down at Eddie.

“Alright,” Richie muttered before looking across Eddie’s eyes with a small smile. “I really want to kiss you right now,”

“Do it then,” Eddie muttered, and Richie breathily laughed. 

“Not a chance,” Richie laughed as he turned forward and turned the keys in the engine starting the truck. Eddie was disappointed, but he knew there was no way Richie was going to kiss him on the streets where anyone could walk around the corner and see them. “Where to?” Richie asked. 

“Mine quickly, then to Stanleys,” Eddie replied while doing his belt up.

“Alright,” Richie said as he pulled the car out of the parking space. Eddie couldn’t help the adrenaline pumping through his body. He felt guilty about it, but he felt alive. It reminded him of the first time Richie kissed him, or when Richie snuck into his house, or even when they drove away from that crime scene. Eddie knew that the lifestyle bothered Richie, but Eddie couldn’t help but find it thrilling. 

“When you said about your mom…” Richie suddenly said as they were driving out of Richie's street, making Eddie forget his train of thought. “Was it true?” Richie glanced over at Eddie, and Eddie shuffled round in his seat as he tried to remember the conversation he had with Alex only ten minutes ago.

“Which bit?” Eddie quietly asked, staring out of the window and fumbling with his sleeves. Eddie knew which bit before Richie even said it.

“Her being ill? You don't have any money? That sort of thing,” Richie replied while scanning the street at a red light.

“Yeah,” Eddie mumbled watching the street pass by in a blur. “I’ve been trying to get a job, but nowhere is hiring.” Eddie huffed. 

“That’s shit,” Richie responded and Eddie gave a breathy laugh.

“Yeah, proper shit.” Eddie rested his head back in thought. Eddie didn’t know what to do. He had to support his mom, but he wanted to escape, but he wanted to be a good son, but she wasn’t a good mom… he was spiralling again. The thoughts were burning his brain, but Richie interrupted by saying,

“I’ll give you the money.” The comment made Eddie scoff as he turned his head to look at Richie. Richie glanced at Eddie and frowned. “What?” Richie muttered.

“Richie, you don’t have to give me money,” Eddie mumbled as he pulled on his jumper sleeves. 

“But I want to, I earnt it so…” Richie said, almost smiling.

“Richie, I really don’t want a sugar daddy.” Eddie laughed and Richie chuckled too. 

“Hardly a sugar daddy, I’m just making sure you can eat.” Richie smiled, and guilt started rising in Eddie because he realised Richie was being serious. “Look, I know how hard it is when you have to scrape to get by, that was my whole childhood, and I don’t want you to go through that.”

“Where would I tell my mom I got the money from?” Eddie quickly asked, his voice soft and almost trembling. He was nervous but he couldn't place why.

“Say you got a job. Then you can also spend more time with me.” Richie smirked.

“You realise that would literally make me a prostitute?” Eddie bluntly said and Richie grinned.

“Oh fuck off, I’m not paying you to spend time with me, I’m just saying you could tell your mom your working, hang out with me or your friends, I guess, and then I’ll lend you some money to pay for food.” Richie glanced over at Eddie, and Eddie could feel his cheeks going red. 

“I’ll think about it.” Eddie quietly said and Richie gently nodded, leaving it at that.

-x-

Richie stayed in the truck as Eddie raced into his home to grab some clothes, the pills he needed and stuff to stay the night at Mikes. His mom wasn’t in, so it only took five minutes. As he raced back to the truck, Richie was in his own little world, jumping when Eddie opened the truck door. Richie had an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth, his lighter in his hand. It was like he was going to smoke but then got too distracted in his own mind. Richie pushed it back into the carton and began driving again. 

Richie stayed quiet to the drive to Stanley's house, only nodding when Eddie gave him the directions. It unnerved Eddie to see Richie so quiet. Eddie's mind was racing and he could tell Richie was the same. Eddie desperately wanted to say something that would make the situation better, but he couldn't work out the right words to say. 

Stanley must have been waiting for them by the window because as Richie pulled up outside his house, Stanley was already leaving his house with a big box in his hand. Eddie rolled down the window and hung his head out to wave. 

“You guys are late,” Stanley shouted from across the road and Eddie laughed. “If you were having sex in Richie’s truck I’m gonna know,” Stanely said loudly, but there was no one on the street to hear it.

“Jesus Christ,” Richie muttered behind Eddie. and Eddie laughed as he looked over his shoulder at Richie who blushing and massaging his forehead with his fingers. Eddie looked back at Stanley with a scowl, but Stanley didn't seem to notice.

“Can I put this in the back?” Stanley asked, but didn’t wait for an answer because he was already walking towards the back of the truck.

“What is it?” Eddie asked as he pushed his head further out of the window to look.

“Decorations and party games, the usual things found in a party box of fun,” Stanley smirked as he lifted it into the back on Richie’s truck. “I’ll be back in a sec, there are two more boxes!” Richie and Eddie watched as Stanley jogged back to his house. Eddie sighed as he shut his eyes, resting his head back onto the headrest. 

“Are you still sure this is alright?” Richie murmured.

“Yes,” Eddie replied without opening his eyes. But Eddie’s heart was still racing, he couldn’t stop thinking at the way Alex had been looking at them. _Did Alex know? Was Eddie putting them both in danger? Was Eddie putting Richie in danger?_ Eddie's heart was thumping in his chest again and he shut his eyes tighter. He felt a gentle hand on his thigh, Richie’s thumb moving softly up and down slightly. Eddie breathed out slowly. Eddie heard Stanley’s footsteps approach the truck again and the sound of another box being practically thrown in the back. Eddie listened to the footsteps fade away again.

“Rich?” Eddie murmured as he opened his eyes to look at Richie. Richie was staring at him, he had a strange calmness about him. 

“How bad would it be?” Eddie asked and Richie gave him a confused frown. “I mean… if Alex found out…” Richie suddenly stopped moving his thumb. He blinked a couple of times but his body seemed to be frozen. 

“I… I don’t know… why?” Richie stuttered out.

“Is this worth it? The sneaking around?” The question made Eddie’s voice wobble as he said the words, and he could see the question hurt Richie too. Richie looked tense and Eddie watched Richie's adam apple as it bobbed up and down as he gulped. “I don’t want you to get hurt because of me,” Eddie added.

“Eddie,” Richie whispered as he lifted his hand up to Eddie’s face. “I’m not going to get hurt.”

“How do you know that, Rich?” Eddie whispered, “if they found out they could-”

“Eddie, I’m going to say this really clearly and I want you to listen to me, alright?” Richie's gaze was intoxicating to Eddie. Eddie couldn’t take his eyes away as he felt Richie's thumb stroke across the corner of his mouth. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen. Whatever happens to me…” Richie paused for a moment as he glanced across Eddie’s face, “you’re worth it. I really _really_ like you, and I don’t care about anything else.” The words should’ve scared Eddie. That was a lot of commitment from a boy that he barely knew, from a boy he had only been seeing for a month, from a boy that wasn’t even allowed to be this close to Eddie right now. But it didn’t scare Eddie at all. It made Eddie like Richie even more. 

Eddie closed the gap between them, not caring where they were or who saw them. A dangerous mindset to have, but Eddie didn’t care about that either. Richie’s lips were soft against his. Some of Richie’s still damp curls pressed against Eddie’s face, making his skin feel cold, but it just made Eddie clean closer to Richie to try and gain his body heat. Eddie reached his hand up to rest it on Richie’s neck, his thumb moving slightly across his skin. The kiss was slow but it still made Eddie’s brain go fuzzy. Eddie knew he was falling in deeper by being this connected to Richie and part of his brain screamed at him to stop, but the other part of him wanted to fall deeper and deeper into Richie’s life.

“Jesus Christ, get a room.” Stanley's groaning voice made both Richie and Eddie pull away quickly. They both blinked at each other, but a small smile crept across both of their lips. Richie took his hand off Eddie's face, and Eddie did the same. Eddie only took his eyes off Richie when he heard the truck door open behind him. Eddie looked around at Stanley who was looking Eddie up and down in disgust.

“You're not even dressed!” Stanley exclaimed.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got clothes in my bag.” Eddie laughed as he shuffled even closer to Richie as Stanley stepped up into the truck and sat down in the seat. Stanley glanced up at both of them as he did up his seat belt.

“Poor effort Eddie, but don’t you look dashing, Richie,” Stanley smirked as he shuffled about to get comfy on the old seats.

“You don’t look too bad yourself Stan the Man,” Richie smirked back. It filled Eddie an uncontrollable joy seeing Richie be comfortable with his friends, so comfortable that Richie had dropped a nickname in. 

“Oh this old thing,” Stanley chuckled as he smoothed down his white shirt and grey tie. “I bought the tie for my bar mitzvah so I couldn’t wear the matching suit jacket as it was way too small, but I did find one of my dad’s shirts that fit me,” Stanley mumbled as he looked down at himself. 

“Well, you look great.” Eddie smiled as Richie started the truck up again. 

“Thank you, my dear.” Stanley sighed as he leaned his against Eddie’s shoulder. “I’m very sorry for ruining your special moment just now.”

“That’s alright, Stan.” Eddie laughed as he tapped Stanley's leg. 

-x-

“You’re finally here!” Beverly grinned as the three boys wandered into the barn. Beverly was standing in the middle when she turned around at the sound of footsteps coming in. She was wearing a red lace dress that hung to her knees and a long brown coat over the top. It was a rarity they got to see Beverly in a dress, but Eddie thought she looked nice no matter what she wore. Bill was on a ladder hanging up some fairy lights and Mike was at the bottom, holding the ladder for him and watching him carefully. Bill was wearing a suit with the sleeves rolled up and his regular sneakers, whereas Mike was wearing a white shirt, a green coat and jeans, with a spotted tie wrapped around his neck. 

Mike grinned when he saw the three of them walk in all carrying large boxes, but Bill didn’t smile. Eddie quickly glances back to Beverly, trying not to feel Bills gaze on him.

“What took you so long?” Beverly asked as she wandered up to them, taking the box out of Eddie’s hands and walked back over to a haystack in the corner to put the box on top of it. 

“Long story,” Eddie murmured, unsure if Beverly even heard and Eddie tried his best not to look over at Richie. “Mike, am I alright to go get changed in your house?” Eddie called over, trying to change the subject. 

“Yeah of course,” Mike smiled as he glanced over but then went back to watching Bill at the top of the ladder.

“You gonna be alright if I leave you alone?” Eddie smirked up at Richie, but Richie didn’t even have time to respond because Beverly interrupted him. 

“He’ll be fine, I need someone tall to help me with this banner.” Beverly grinned as she gripped Richie’s arm and Richie laughed. 

“Go on, I’ll be fine.” Richie smiled down and Eddie smiled back. Beverly was already yanking Richie's arm to guide him to the other side of the barn. Eddie glanced around at all his friends getting back to work, and how Richie was awkwardly standing there with a goofy grin on his face. Eddie turned to leave the barn, but as he was leaving he heard Beverly say,

“Damn Richie, I’ve got to say you look good.”

And then Mike said, “Eddie’s a lucky man!” 

Eddie felt lucky, even if he knew it felt like the world was against them. At least he had Richie. 

-x-

Ben didn’t show up till half seven, but that’s what was planned. Ben thought he was going round to Mike’s for some sort of formal dinner with his own parents, but when his mom told him to go to the barn, he caught on. Ben opened the barn door with a large smile to see all his friends grin and shouting “ _surprise_!” Eddie was impressed by his friend’s co-ordination to be able to pull off the small barn party, including bottles of liquor and a portable speaker with Stanley’s iPod plugged in. The barn was dimly lit up by a mix of battery-powered and solar panelled hanging fairy lights, giving it a soft glow. They had managed to work as a team to pin up banners and balloons on the wall. They all wore party hats, but Eddie thought the sight of bad-boy-Richie-Tozier in one was particularly amusing. But even Richie was grinning as Ben walked in and thanked all his friends for the surprise. 

“Ok, bar Stanley is now open!” Stanley laughed as he stood behind two hay bales on top of each other which he fashioned into a bar by putting all the alcohol and red plastic cups on top. 

“Hm, can I have a pornstar martini?” Eddie said in a mocking tone. 

“Oh, I’m afraid we’re all out of pornstar and martini,” Stanley hummed as he poured some vodka into the bottom of a red cup. “But can I offer you straight vodka! I call it a Stanley special,” Stanley grinned as he held it forward and Eddie laughed as he took it off him. “What about the birthday boy?” Stanley asked as he attempted to flip the vodka bottle in the air but nearly dropped it and had to quickly squat to catch it. He stood back up, flicking his curls off his face with a grin.

“I’ll have a…" Ben paused like he was thinking, "A pina colada please,” Ben grinned. 

“No pina or colada, but I can also offer you a Stanley special!” Stanley was biting his lip as he tried to pour the vodka from a height into the cup. 

“Any ice?” Ben asked.

“Oh, how dare you! That would ruin the taste and specialness of my incredible cocktail!” Stanley argued as he carried on pouring more cups out. Eddie turned to look at Richie, who was chuckling at Stanley as well. Eddie caught his eye and Richie looked down at him with a smile. Eddie could feel himself gawking at Richie, but Eddie carried on glancing across Richie’s face, looking at his pink lips, his deep brown eyes, his dark curls falling over his face...

“What?” Richie asked with a grin, interrupting Eddie's thoughts.

“Nothing,” Eddie quickly lied, not wanting to sound too heartfelt. Eddie turned his attention back to his bickering and laughing friends. Eddie brought the cup up to his lips but then Eddie felt a hand press on his back. Richie leaned down and his breath was in Eddie’s ear. 

“You look really good by the way, Eds,” Richie mumbled and Eddie grinned against his cup. 

“Thank you,” Eddie mumbled back, not even bothering to argue the nickname because it felt so good the way Richie whispered in his ear as all his friends were distracted. Eddie knew that Richie liked what he saw as soon as Eddie had walked back into the barn from the gawking look he had on his face. Eddie was wearing the clothes he knew he could never wear on a normal day. Eddie was wearing a yellow knitted cardigan, with a white shirt, brown bowtie and brown suspenders. He also was wearing faded blue jeans rolled up so you could see his black boots. All the items were ones he either bought from thrift shops or had been given by his mom for the church, but the whole ensemble made him think he looked very stereotypically gay, so for his own safety he never wore them all outside. But he loved the outfit, and he loved it even more knowing Richie liked it. 

“Do you reckon you can wear that when it’s just us two?” Richie muttered as his hand travelled down Eddie’s spine, making Eddie breath deeply so he wouldn’t make a small moaning sound. 

“Why don’t I wear it tomorrow for our date?” Eddie mumbled. 

“Perfect,” Richie whispered and leaned back up. Eddie was more than excited for his date with Richie. They had been talking about it before Alex had disrupted them, but Eddie still had no idea what Richie had planned. "Do you mind going tomorrow morning? You don't want to hang around with your friends?" Richie asked.

"No it's fine," Eddie said before wincing as he took a sip of the pure vodka, forgetting what was in his cup. 

"Wait what?" Beverly asked as she walked up next to them, cup in hand. 

"Me and Richie have to leave early-ish tomorrow morning,"

"What why? That's when we get to be all hungover and bitchy, and what films in our pyjamas." Beverly argued with a pout. 

"Here Richie," Stanley called out as he held out another cup and Richie wandered over to grab it. Eddie leaned in to whisper to Beverly. 

"Because Richie's taking me on a date,"

"Oooh," Beverly grinned, "where too?"

"Not sure yet," Eddie murmured before looking back over to Richie as he laughed with Stanley about something. 

-x-

Something that Eddie, and probably most of his friends, thought they would never see in their lifetime was a 207 gang member wrapping his arm around Mike’s shoulders as they both cheered and laughed. 

“Fuck you! We’re the best!” Richie laughed as he pointed at Eddie from across the flimsy and long fold-out table. Eddie looked down into the red cup where the ping pong ball landed. He scowled over at Richie and Mike as they carried on celebrating. 

“Fucking hell, how are we so bad at this?” Stanley groaned as Eddie knocked his head back to gulp down the beer in the bottom of the cup. 

“You both suck at this,” Mike laughed, “you haven’t got in a single shot,” In front of Richie and Mike still sat six red cups, but in front of Stanley and Eddie now sat two. 

“Me and Mikey are the absolute champions at beer pongs,” Richie grinned as he slapped Mike on the back. Richie's leather jacket had been discarded around four _Stanley specials_ ago, his jumper sleeves rolled up his forearms so Eddie could see the start of his tattoo. 

“Fuck you both,” Stanley grumbled. “You better make this shot, Eddie, I can’t deal with their big heads.” Eddie picked up the ball and scowled at Richie for a moment, and Richie gave him a smug smile. Eddie lifted his hand up to throw the ball across the table and as soon as it dropped into one of the cups, Stanley and Eddie started cheering loudly, jumping up and down on the spot as the high fived. Mike put his hands over his eyes and swore under his breath and Richie shook his head, making the curls dance over his face. 

“Oh Eddie, you’re going down,” Richie muttered as he picked out the ball to take the drink. 

“Bite me,” Eddie spat and Stanley laughed, throwing his head back. Richie tried to hold back a grin as he lifted his hand up to throw the ball. 

“Come on Richie,” Mike murmured under his breath as he put his hand on Richie’s back. Richie threw the ball and it bounced into one of the cups. 

“Fucking hell!” Stanley groaned as Richie and Mike both brushed their shoulders in unison. Eddie shook his head at them, crossing his arms over his chest.

“How are you so good at this Richie?” Eddie questioned in annoyance. 

“Oh baby, there’s so much you don’t know about me.” Richie laughed, “I’m full of surprises.” Mike turned his head to look at Eddie with raised eyebrows and an impressed smile. Eddie’s cheeks blushed red as he scowled at Richie and Richie smirked back. Eddie could've sworn for a moment they were the only people in the room as they looked at each other.

Bill and Beverly dancing in the corner, Stanley chugging the beer, Mike laughing, Ben pouring himself another drink…. Everything disappeared. The music added away and all Eddie could see was Richie's eyes looking back at him. Eddie kept up the “ _I hate you”_ attitude as he played but inside Eddie felt soft and at that moment, it began to show.

Richie smiled back, his dimples appearing on his cheeks, and Eddie couldn't help but sigh. Eddie couldn't keep his eyes of Richie's loving eyes and the way the looked at Eddie like he was the only person in the world. If all his friends weren't there, Eddie knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself walking over and kissing Richie. For a moment, while he forgot they were there, he nearly did. 

But Stanley slammed the cup back onto the table breaking Eddie from his trance. The music was still blasting and Mike was still laughing. 

“There’s no way we’re going to win this,” Stanley moaned as he wiped his mouth. 

“Nope,” Eddie grumbled and Richie smirked again. Stanley threw the ball and it completely missed the tables and rolled near Bill’s feet. Bill bent down and picked it up and jogged over to the table, handing it to Mike. 

“Holy sh-sh-shit, you guys are so bad at this,” Bill laughed as he looked across the table at the cups. Eddie was taken aback by it because it was the first time Bill had even spoken to Eddie all night. It wasn't necessarily at him, but it was still enough to make Eddie feel slightly more at ease. Eddie hoped that Bill was finally coming round to the idea of Richie. 

“Leave us alone,” Stanley grumbled. After wiping it on his shirt, Mike lifted his hand up and bounced the ball across the table and it landed perfectly in the last cup. Richie and Mike both started screaming and bouncing up and down. Stanley dramatically fell on the floor and covered his face with his hands, making pretend loud sobbing noises, and Eddie squatted down and gripped the edge of the table as he watched Mike and Richie hug as they carried on cheering. Bill was even laughing as Beverly wandered over with Ben. 

“Did you guys lose?” Beverly smirked as she looked over at Eddie. 

“I hate all of you,” Eddie mumbled as he stood up again to pick up the last cup to chug it. 

“Man, we have got to keep you around, Richie.” Mike chuckled breathlessly as he slapped Richie on the back.

“I think we shouldn’t,” Stanley moaned as he sat up and Richie flipped him off, but smirked as he did it. Eddie made a dramatic gagging noise as he finished the beer, scrunching his face up and putting the cup down. 

“Right, I’m officially done.” Eddie sniffed as he put his hands on his stomach to ease the aching sensation, but the room still spun around him.

“Oh I don’t th-th-think so, I think the rule is that you have to fu-fu-finish all the drinks left on the table,” Bill smirked playfully and Eddie scowled at him. 

“Thank you for reminding me, Bill,” Eddie grumbled and Stanley put his hands over his face and groaned loudly. Richie and Mike happily picked up the remaining five cups to place them in front of Stanley and Eddie. Eddie shook his head as he shared the drink out into two cups. Eddie picked up his cup and so did Stanley. Richie placed a firm hand on Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie looked around at him. 

“I hate you so much, Richie,” Eddie grumbled before looking back down at the drink.

“No you don’t,” Richie chuckled. "Drink up, loser." Eddie wasn’t sure if it was because Richie was also buzzing off the alcohol or something different, but Richie leaned down and to press a kiss onto Eddie’s blushed cheek. Eddie couldn’t look up at his friends, because he knew they were all staring at them. Instead, he lifted the cup towards Stanleys.

“Cheers,” Eddie mumbled and Stanley groaned loudly before they both knocked their heads back to chug the beer. There was a loud cheer around them as they both finished. 

“If I’m sick, I’m going to aim it at all of you,” Stanley grumbled and Eddie scratched his eyes shut in the hope it would make him feel more balanced. 

“Thank you, Stanley, for making my birthday so lovely,” Ben mocked and Stanley carelessly threw the empty cup at him. Ben winced away and laughed. 

“Guys, sh-sh-should we go make that fire?” Bill smiled as he looked around the group. 

“Oh fuck yeah!” Beverly cheered. They all started filtering out of the barn, drinks in hand as they laughed. The music still blasted and Eddie took a moment to try and gain some balance and clarity. Eddie knew he was getting to the point of drunk, and he really didn't want to embarrass himself in front of Richie.

Eddie started walking out when Richie tapped him lightly on the shoulder and Eddie spun round. Before Eddie could say anything, Richie swooped down and kissed Eddie. Richie was warm against Eddie, the taste of cigarettes and vodka stung his mouth. Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck to pull him down more, letting Richie open his mouth more onto his. Eddie could hear the laughing of his friends outside as they piled up logs. Richie made a small humming noise into the kiss and Eddie tipped his head back to open his eyes and look across Richie’s face. 

“You alright?” Eddie muttered breathlessly. 

“Yeah,” Richie smiled, “Just had to do that.” Richie began pulling away, but Eddie tugged him back down.

“You know you can kiss me whenever you want? Even in front of my friends,” Eddie muttered and Richie responded by kissing Eddie again. It was softer this time, making Eddie melt on the inside. Eddie knew that Richie was still new to all this, so was Eddie. But these were the only people that knew Richie was gay, well as far as Eddie was aware anyway. Eddie could see the tension in Richie every time they brushed together in front of his friends, but moments like these when they were completely alone, Richie could really let himself go. Richie's tongue was warm on Eddie's, but Eddie still felt himself shiver from the electricity of it all. Eddie realised, no matter how many times Richie kissed him like this, he was still going to swoon. Richie finally gently pulled away. 

“Come on,” Richie smirked as he started walking out of the barn and Eddie was left feeling breathless. 

-x-

The night was dying down, a drowsy state fell over the group as they sat around the fire pit watching the embers flick into the air and the flames swirl up into smoke. The orange light cascaded over them from the fire, but also the glow from the fairy lights in the barn gave them more light. Winter finally felt far away as the warmth of the fire and alcohol let them sit in the night. 

Eddie looked around the group as they sat on camping chairs with drinks in their hands. Ben was sat with a small smile on his lips with Beverly leaning her head onto his shoulder, her ginger curls falling over her face. Mike was throwing more logs onto the fire with Bill sipping his drink and watching him. Stanley was slouched in his chair, nearly asleep as he shut his eyes with his feet warming near the fire. Richie sat next to Eddie, staring deep into the fire. Eddie watched the reflection of the flames in Richie’s eyes. Richie’s skin glowered in the flickering light, his curly hair pushed behind his ears so Eddie could see the hoops up his ear. 

Eddie thought about the first time he saw Richie three years ago. Eddie thought Richie was one of the most attractive people he had ever laid eyes on, even as he sulked into the classroom with hair hanging over his eyes, refusing to make eye contact with anyone in his new class. Every time Eddie had seen him since that point, Eddie had felt his heartbeat pounding in his chest. Eddie had spent lessons fantasizing about him as he watched Richie bite down on his pen or lean back on his chair.

But now, Richie was next to him, socialising with Eddie’s friends, laughing at the stories they told and even telling jokes himself. Eddie had always thought Richie was attractive, lusting for him and imagining a situation where they could be together. But not Eddie realised Richie wasn’t just hot but he was beautiful. Richie’s face was chiselled, the shadows on his pale skin making him look even more statue-like. His dark eyes were full of love and Eddie could see there were many stories behind it, some bad but some good. Richie always walked around with a swagger, never smiling or giving people the time of day. But Eddie could see that was all a defence so no one could see the real him. The real him was the one Eddie could see right now, and Eddie thought he was magnificent. 

Richie’s gaze slid to the side and Eddie blinked a couple of times realising Richie was staring at him with a confused look. Eddie couldn’t help but smile and Richie smiled back. Richie reached his hand out and Eddie took it. Richie rubbed his thumb over the back of Eddie’s hand as it fell between them, and Richie looked back into the fire. Eddie carried on watching Richie, and Richie glanced back again. This time, Richie lifted his hand up and kissed onto the back of Eddie’s hand. His soft lips lingered and Eddie sighed deeply as he watched. Richie kept his hand tightly on Eddie’s as he hung them between them again. Eddie looked back to the fire, feeling warm from the fire, the alcohol and the fact that Richie actually was his. 

-x-

When Stanley started snoring, Mike called it a night. They all moved back into the barn and Richie helped Mike lay out sleeping bags, roll mats and blankets on the floor. Eddie watched with a smile on his lips as Richie threw a pillow over to Beverly with a laugh, and Ben tripped over a blanket dramatically. Eddie made sure everyone drank a bottle of water before bed, and Eddie could feel himself begin to sober up. 

With the fairy lights switched off and with them all changed into sleeping wear, they all crawled into their makeshift beds. Eddie lay down as he watched Richie pull his jeans off in the dark and placed down with his leather jacket before crawling into the sleeping bag next to Eddie. Eddie made sure that they were on one side of the barn with the other’s laying in different spots on the other side. The barn was quiet apart from the deep breaths of his friends falling asleep. 

Eddie shuffled on his pillow to lay on his side so he could look at Richie. Richie was staring up at the ceiling, and Eddie could see the outline of his glistening eyes. 

“What a day,” Richie mumbled. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eddie whispered. 

“I don’t know…” Richie whispered back. It had been a crazy day. Seeing Alex seemed like it happened days ago, not hours. Eddie’s eyes were slowly adjusting in the dark and he could see Richie biting down on his lip. 

“Let's run away,” Eddie whispered, the words coming out of his drunk brain. Richie turned his head to the side. 

“To Florida, right?” Richie smiled and Eddie smiled back. He couldn’t believe Richie remembered that from the night they lay in Eddie's bed, dreaming about anywhere but Derry. Eddie grinned for a moment as he studied Richie’s face in the dark.

“You make me so happy Richie,” Eddie mumbled, the words rolling off his tispy lips. Richie smiled before shuffling around so he could lay on his side and look at Eddie. Richie tucked his hands under his cheeks. 

“I feel the same way, it’s kind of scary,” Richie whispered. 

“Tell me about it,” Eddie quietly chuckled, but then he paused as he thought for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”

“As long as it’s not about Alex,” Richie mumbled back. Even the name was enough to make Eddie tense up. 

“No, it’s about us,” Eddie replied and Richie frowned in confusion. “Are you… is this…” Eddie wasn’t sure what he was asking. “We’re dating right?” Richie paused for a moment, a smile creeping across his lips. 

“Yeah,” Richie grinned, readjusting his head slightly on the pillow. “I’m taking you on a date aren’t I?”

“Ok but…” Eddie took a deep breath, “is it just me and you?”

“Are you asking me if I’m dating anyone else?” Richie questioned.

“I’m also asking you if you’re fucking anyone else.” Eddie quickly said. Richie smile dropped.

“You’re kidding me, right?” Richie hissed. 

“Is that an ‘ _of course I’m fucking other people’_ your kidding or-”

“It a ‘ _you're the only person I want to be with’_ your kidding _,_ ” Richie whispered and Eddie smiled. “I mean that I’ve never…. I’ve never felt like this about anyone, Eds.”

“Cool,” Eddie sighed in relief. 

“Cool?” Richie giggled.

“Fuck off Richie,” Eddie chuckled and Richie grinned. Eddie could hear one of his friends shuffle around in their beds, so Eddie tried his best not to make too much noise.

“It is pretty cool,” Richie mumbled as he glanced across Eddie’s face. “It’s a good job that the only two gay boys in Derry found each other and actually really like each other,” Richie smirked and Eddie chuckled again. Eddie was taken aback by Richie calling himself gay, it wasn’t something that he thought Richie had ever said out loud before, and he could tell Richie was thinking the same thing. Eddie shuffled closer to Richie to nudge their noses together for a moment and it made Richie snap out of his deep thought. 

“You know if we weren’t in a room full of my childhood friends I’d-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, I swear to god Eddie.” Richie groaned quietly as he looked across Eddie’s face eagerly. Eddie smirked, he liked how he knew how to drive Richie crazy. “My heart can’t take it.”

“Your heart?” Eddie mocked and it made Richie grin.

“Shut up, please,” Richie chuckled. 

“Tomorrow it will just be us,” Eddie whispered. “It’s crazy, I feel like we hang out more with my friends then spending time just us two,”

“I can’t believe dating you means I have to date five other people too, it’s kind of annoying,” Richie smirked and Eddie made a dramatic shocked face.

“How dare you, Richie Tozier. They are my friends.” Eddie hissed and Richie chuckled. Instead of saying anything more, Richie leaned forward and pressed his lip onto Eddie’s. He pulled away quickly, a smile still on his lips. Eddie hummed, his eyes still tight shut. He heard Richie chuckle to himself as he pushed his arm under Eddie’s neck. Eddie shuffled up so he could be pressed against Richie’s side and his head tucked under Richie’s chin. Richie kissed the top of Eddie’s head lightly. Eddie could hear Richie’s pounding heart starting to slow down in his chest. The cold air stung Eddie’s cheeks, but Richie was warm against him. 

“Richie?” Eddie mumbled and Richie hummed in response, his lips still pressed into Eddie’s hair. “I’m really glad I talked to you that day in science class.”

“I’m really glad you talked to me too,” Richie murmured. “You might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

“Is that your drunk brain saying that?” Eddie quickly whispered. 

“No, but it is a low bar,” Richie chuckled as he stroked his hand down Eddie’s arm. Eddie looked out into the darkness as he listened to Richie’s confession. Eddie felt overwhelmed by it, the sudden realisation of what Richie’s life had looked like up and till this moment scared him. “Sorry, that was an intense thing to say,” Richie mumbled, probably sensing Eddie’s body tense up. But it wasn’t what Richie said that made Eddie tense up, it was the stuff behind it. Richie lived in a different world to Eddie, and Eddie wanted to help him escape by any means possible. 

“No, don’t apologize, I like it,” Eddie muttered as he rubbed his hand down Richie’s chest. “I like how much you like me, it makes me feel special.” Richie chuckled and kissed into Eddie’s hair again. 

“Well, I will definitely make you feel even more special from now on,”

"I'll hold you to that, Richie Tozier," Eddie muttered before finally letting his eyes shut, squeezing Richie tighter against his body as the cold night watched over them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title, "You and Me", by Lifehouse.
> 
> I wanted to give a little cute chapter ~ so let me know if you enjoyed it in the comments! Every time you guys comment my heart bursts with happiness! 
> 
> If you've been following me on Tumblr (@/bellarosewrites), you'll know I've been having a really rough week, so I just want to say thank you for all your support and love, it means a lot to me. Big love, Bella x


	13. Piece of Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of violence towards man characters, mentions of drugs, mentions of homophobia, mentions of death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back from my two-week break. If you guys don't follow me on Tumblr (which you totally should!) you won't know that I actually ended up being in a very tricky situation with housing. Luckily, I've found somewhere to live but I don't have WIFI yet! But here's the new chapter, hopefully, you'll enjoy xox
> 
> Chapter Title "Piece of Your Heart" by Mayday Parade.

Normally, Richie would wake up in a panic, like sleep was a dangerous thing to do. But instead, he felt his body slowly wake up, his heartbeat steadily thumping and his lungs filling up with the morning air. The coldness stung Richie’s face as he started to wake up, making him suck in more air as he shivered. As his chest expanded, he realised the weight he felt on his chest. Richie flicked his eyes open to see the ceiling of Mike’s wooden barn and Richie started to remember when he was. 

Richie glanced down his body to find Eddie wrapped around it, his messy hair was the only thing Richie could see as Eddie’s head was settled on Richie’s chest. Richie sighed in relief as he put his head back down on the pillow. His back ached from the floor, but at least Eddie looked comfy, and that’s all Richie cared about. At some point in the night, the sleeping bags had been shuffled out of and unzipped to use them as blankets instead and Richie was glad about that. The more contact with Eddie, the better. 

Richie looked to his side and reached his hand out to fumble in his leather jacket for his phone. Once he found it, he clicked it on to see it was eleven. Richie blinked a couple of times, shocked at the amount of sleep he actually had for a change. Richie put his phone back down to reach his hand onto Eddie’s, which was carefully placed on Richie’s chest. Richie ran his thumb a couple of times over Eddie’s knuckles and slowly adjusted his legs underneath Eddie’s bent leg, which draped over both of Richie’s. Richie didn’t even want to breathe too deeply in case of waking Eddie up, he wanted to enjoy the moment. 

But a small noise caught Richie’s attention. Richie tipped his head up to see Beverly carefully standing up from her bed, a cigarette between her lips as he tiptoed over Ben. Her eyes met Richie’s and she gave him a small wave. Beverly’s hair was even wilder in the morning, her red curls sticking up all over the place. Richie gave her a small sleepy nod, which was hard to do as he was already struggling to keep his head upright. She tapped her cigarette and gestured outside, and Richie nodded again. 

As Beverly headed for the barn doors, Richie began to carefully move his body from under Eddie’s, putting his hand under Eddie’s cheek to carefully palace him down onto the rollmat they had fallen asleep on. Eddie stirred slightly and made a small moaning sound as his body adjusted to Richie not being there. Richie sat up with a stretch, but then looked down at the smaller boy peacefully sleeping and inside Richie felt like he was melting. The light coming in from the cracks in the barn illuminated Eddie in a soft morning glow, making the gold streaks in his hair glisten and the freckles against his skin look illuminated. Richie brushed his hand through Eddie’s hair, letting the thick waves get caught between in his fingers. Richie slowly leaned down and pressing a kiss on his cold forehead, keeping his lips on Eddie for a couple of moments. He breathed Eddie in. Even though they had a night of drinking and sleeping in a literal barn, Eddie still smelled like warmth and flowers. Ricie loved it. Eddie made a small mumbling sound as Richie pulled away, but Richie was sure that Eddie was still asleep. 

Richie pushed himself up, grabbing his jeans and nearly tripping as he pulled them up. Then he slipped on his docs without bothering to do up the shoelaces. They flicked up as he walked out of the barn and he pushed the door open to be greeted by the strong glow of a sunny day.

Beverly’s cigarette was already lit when Richie finally hobbled outside with his hands dug deep into his jean pockets and shivered in the cold air. Beverly was sitting on one of the camp chairs which circled the fire pit from the night before. Richie sat next to her, slumping into the flimsy camp chair.The sky was a pale blue with only thin clouds scrapped across it. The sun was bright, it felt bright then it had in a long time. It was still cold though, the small amount of wind was enough to make Richie wrap his leather jacket around his body more. It reminded Richie that spring was slowly on its way. Beverly pulled out her carton of cigarettes and gestured it towards Richie. Richie took one as he smiled, putting it between his chapped lips. 

“So, you’re going on a date today?” Beverly smirked as she leaned forward and clicked the lighter for Richie. Richie leaned so the end of his cigarette met the flame and Richie breathed in, letting the amber glow at the end of the cigarette crackle and burn. The smoke-filled Richie’s lungs, waking him up and filling him with warmth. He held it for a moment before letting the smoke out from better his chapped lips so he could reply to Beverly. 

“Yup, Richie Tozier on an actual date, can you believe it?” Richie murmured as he tipped his head back and shut his eyes. His voice was coarse still, he desperately wanted a glass of water. Instead, he took another deep inhale of his cigarette.

“What I can’t believe is that he’s taking one of my best friends on a date,” Beverly chuckled as she blew out more smoke from her mouth. Richie opened one of his eyes to squint in the light to look at Beverly. 

“You got a problem with that, Miss Marsh?” Richie smirked.Richie knew she didn't have a problem with it, he didn't know why he felt the need to ask. 

“I’m just glad someone’s making that boy an honest man,” Beverly smiled back and Richie chuckled at the comment. “Where are you taking him?”

“A restaurant,” Richie smiled and Beverly raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Oh not in Derry, I’m going to drive us to Bangor,” Richie added, realising why Beverly was confused.

“Wow, so like a proper date?” Beverly hummed. 

“Yeah of course, what were you expecting?” Richie mumbled as he inhaled his cigarette which balanced between his lips. 

“Honestly, I don’t know… I didn’t think there were still gentlemen in the world that would take people on first dates to nice restaurants.” Beverly smiled, but Richie could see a sadness in her eyes. There was pain behind them and it made Richie’s stomach feel knotted. 

“There should be men lining up to take you on dates, Bev.” Richie smiled back, “and you should be turning them all away because they’re not good enough for you.” Richie grinned and Beverly threw her head back to laugh, her red curls falling backwards revealing her pale forehead and ears. Richie knew by this point he was absolutely only attracted to men, but looking at Beverly took his breath away for a moment. She was effortlessly beautiful, even in the morning. Over the several times he had met her, it made him realise the stories that Richie had heard about her weren’t true. They couldn’t be. Richie was sure he could see a warm glow coming off her as she laughed, her eyes crinkling in the corners. Richie chuckled too, Beverly’s infectious laugh got to him. She leaned back up a smile still on her lips. 

“You’re a good guy, Richie.” Beverly grinned and Richie shrugged. “Are you nervous?” 

“Yeah,” Richie wasn’t sure if she meant ‘ _are you nervous for going on a date’_ or going on ‘ _a date with a man in a public’._ Either way, he was nervous. 

“I’m taking him to this Italian place I spotted last time I was in Bangor, it had a rainbow sticker stuck on the window to show anyone's welcome, so I thought, why not,” Richie mumbled, pulling the cigarette from his mouth to tap it. He watched the ash drop to the floor and disappear between the blades of grass. “I want him to know that I’m serious, you know? Take him out for real.” 

Richie’s small confession even shocked him as he left his lips. He didn’t feel the effects of alcohol but he was talking like he was still drunk. Richie had been thinking about the date ever since that first night in Eddie’s room as they whispered to each other. Eddie had said in passing, and possibly as a joke, that he deserved romance. Richie, in that moment, knew he was going to give him romance no matter what. Richie was absolutely obsessed with Eddie and making him happy. It had been the only thing he had been thinking about even with everything else going on around him. Richie wanted to make this date special and he wanted to show Eddie how serious he was about making it work between them, even if it felt like the world was against them. Richie thought long and hard about the date and what to do, taking him out to a restaurant seemed the right thing to do, and when he saw the restaurant in Bangor, it ceiled the deal. 

When Richie pulled back his train of thought, Beverly was smiling at him, and when Richie caught her eye he gave her a questioning look. 

“You really like him, don’t you?” Beverly asked, a glimmer in her eye. 

“Yeah, I really do.” Richie didn’t even have to think before answering. They smiled at each other for a few moments, the cold wind whistling between them. Richie felt blissed, finally being able to gush about the boy of his dreams. It all felt surreal. 

“Damn, that cute,” Beverly sighed as she put the cigarette to her lips again and Richie laughed at the comment. 

“What’s cute?” A voice grumbled behind them, and they both looked over their shoulders to see Eddie rubbing his eyes in the light. Richie couldn’t help but sigh at the sight of Eddie sleepily walking over to them, his pyjamas matched and his hair had gone slightly curly in the night. His rucksack hung on his shoulder making him slightly off-balanced as he walked. 

“You,” Richie smirked, finally replying, and Eddie put up his middle finger. Richie scoffed and Beverly chuckled next to him. 

“Richie, what time are we leaving?” Eddie mumbled as he stood behind Richie, putting his hands on his shoulders firmly. Richie tipped his head back and pressed it into Eddie. 

“As soon as you’re ready, princess.” Richie smiled before inhaling the cigarette again, still looking forward. Richie decided that he wasn’t going to smoke in front of Eddie, even if his chest craved it sometimes. Richie didn’t want to risk giving Eddie an asthma attack. With the sudden remembering of the information, Richie threw his cigarette onto the ashes of the burnt-out fire, watching the amber at the end slowly fade away. Beverly carried on smoking as Richie made sure to blow all the smoke that was in his lungs away from Eddie.

Eddie groaned loudly and Richie didn’t have to be looking at him to know what face he was pulling. 

“I hate when you say shit like that,” Eddie mumbled as he stroked his thumbs across Richie’s shoulder blades. "Fucking princess..." Eddie grumbled angrily.

“But it suits you so much,” Richie mocked and he felt a sudden slap on his shoulder, followed by mumbling insults that he couldn’t quite make out. Richie couldn’t help calling Eddie stupid pet names, he loved winding him up, but Richie was pretty certain Eddie liked it.

“You guys are adorable,” Beverly laughed and Richie had forgotten for a moment that she was there. Richie leaned to the side and tipped his head back so he could look up at Eddie, his eyes squinting in the light. 

“Did you hear that? She thinks we’re adorable,” Richie smirked. 

“I think you’re a piece of shit,” Eddie grumbled but he ran his hand through Richie’s curls, making Richie feel unbelievably soothed, more than he would like to admit. Eddies nails slowly grazed across his scalp and Richie love it. The sensation made his whole brain tingle and put down. “Come inside with me while I get ready?” Eddie quietly asked, bring Richie back into reality. 

“Sure, I wanna brush my teeth and stuff anyway.” Richie pulled himself up and stretched, making a loud yawning noise. It made Eddie then Beverly yawn too. “Oh shit, wait, I didn’t bring a toothbrush,” Richie suddenly realised as he dropped his hands to his sides. 

“Don’t worry, I always bring a spare one with me,” Eddie grumbled as he rubbed his face. Richie and Beverly glanced at each other with a smirk and Eddie caught them. “What? I like being prepared, fuck both of you.” Eddie spat.

“I didn’t say anything,” Richie grinned as he put his arm across Eddie’s shoulders and started guiding them to the house. 

_ -x- _

Richie waited downstairs at the kitchen table while Eddie went upstairs to use the bathroom. Mike’s parents were out somewhere, so the coast was clear for Richie to relax. Richie wasn’t sure if Mike had told his parents that he was socialising with one of Derry’s gang members, but Richie didn’t want to find out. Richie liked Mike, he liked all of Eddie’s friend actually. That was something that Richie was never expecting. He felt like he moulded into the group, like he naturally slotted in. But there was still something right at the back of his brain that was holding him back.

Richie tapped his fingers on the wooden table, surveying the kitchen he sat in. It was nice, a proper little farmhouse with pictures hung on the wall of the family. Richie liked it, it was always how he imagined his dream house. Small, homely, far away from people...

“Oh, hey.” A voice suddenly mumbled and Richie’s head swung up to see Bill awkwardly stood in the doorway. Richie blinked a couple of times as the silence washed over them. Bill was wearing a grey hoodie and tartan pyjamas trousers which looked slightly too short for him, his hair sticking up from where he’d rested it on his pillow. 

“Hey,” Richie finally managed to say. Bill started to walk into the kitchen again, heading for the sink. Richie ducked his head down and twiddled with his thumbs again, not wanting to make eye contact. 

It was awkward with Bill, and Richie knew why. It was painfully obvious that Bill hated Richie. Not only that, but he was also hating Eddie for wanting to be with Richie. Richie suddenly realised that it was the only thing holding him back with Eddie’s friends, he felt like he was being constantly watched by Bill. Richie noticed the sad looks he was giving Bill at the party last night, but Bill barely gave them a second glance. Richie tried breaking the ice, but he had nothing in return, so instead, he just left it. Richie was used to people ignoring him and he was defiantly used to people hating him, so he didn’t care that much that Bill was one of those people. But he could see it was hurting Eddie. So it hurt Richie too.

Richie listened as Bill turned the tap on and got himself a glass to fill up. The tap turned off, Bill walked past Richie again to leave the room. Richie kept his eyes down, extremely aware of how awkward it was. But then Bill stopped and span on his foot to look at Richie. Richie’s eyes glanced up as he watched Bill gaze at him. 

“Are you going to stop being in a gang?” The words came out with no stutter, making the tone of the question seem even harsher, but Richie could still barely process them.

“What?” Richie almost smiles as he asked because he was sure Bill must be joking.

“Y-y-you heard me.” The stutter was back. Bill was gripping his glass of water as he stared down at Richie. Richie was completely stunned by Bill’s question. His smile dropped, but his mouth stayed open as he stared at Bill. Bill wasn’t much shorter than Bill, but the way he held himself made him look more powerful. Richie was always taught that being in a gang and being respected came down to the way you held yourself. Right now, Bill stood in the doorway, his shoulders back and broad, chin up as he looked down at Richie. Richie felt intimated. Bill would’ve done good in a gang.

“It’s a lot more complicated than that,” Richie pleaded. “I can’t just stop being in the gang, they would-”

“Then you sh-sh-should stop seeing Eddie.” Bill quickly interrupted in a firm tone. Richie blinked a couple of times, unsure if he was hearing correctly.

“You can’t be serious?” Richie managed to say, still in shock. 

“It puts him in danger, r-r-right? A k-k-kid died.” 

“Yeah I know, he was my friend.” Richie spat out and Bill blinked a couple of times. Richie didn’t mean for it to come out so strongly, but it was the first time he had heard someone else talking about it. 

“Oh, I didn’t know. S-s-sorry.” Bill’s voice did actually sound sympathetic. Richie stayed silent for a moment and he stared down at the table.

“You know what’s weird? Those people that didn’t know him, see him as a number or a statement. But the gangs, the people that actually knew him, see him as collateral.” Richie’s words came out of his mouth without even thinking. Bill shifted the weight awkwardly on his feet.“He wasn’t just some kid… He was a nice guy and it’s-“ Richie heard his own voice crack. Richie had been diverting his thinking of Nails ever since the night of his murder. Speaking his mind was bringing up a strong pain in the pit of his stomach. Richie sighed before speaking again. 

“I know you might not believe it, but I would never let anything happen to Eddie. He’s not a statistic, or a statement or even collateral.” Richie met Bill's eyes. “I promise.” Bill carried on staring at Richie for a couple of moments, the tension in the air made Richie feel light-headed. But thankfully Bill finally broke it. 

“Alright,” Bill murmured as he turned on his heel to leave the kitchen. 

The whole interaction was less than a minute but Richie felt faint. Richie could feel his heart thudding in his chest as he breathlessly scrunched his hands up under the table. Richie tried to concentrate on the small cracks and grooves in the wood, but all he could think about was how he made a promise that was all too real. 

Richie’s mind was completely filled with affection and whirlwind romance when it came to Eddie, he barely took time to take a step back and think clearly. But as he spoke to Bill, it might have been the clearest he’d been thinking for a long time. Richie never wanted anything bad to happen to Eddie, but where was the line? Maybe Bill was right, maybe by being with Richie, Eddie was being put in more danger than Richie could ever promise to protect him from. 

“I just saw Bill walking back to the barn, did he speak to you?” Eddie’s voice was soft and still sleepy as he walked into the kitchen, his bare feet padding on the tiles. Richie glanced up and his brain was completely empty once again. All he could see or think about was Eddie. Eddie’s cheeks were flushed against his pale skin, his hair now neatly climbed and he was no longer wearing pyjamas. Eddie, as he promised, had bought on the majority of the clothes from the night before. His yellow cardigan, white shirt, jeans and boots. Richie smiled, swearing he could see a glow coming from Eddie. 

“Richie?” Eddie asked again trying to break Richie out of his thoughts, but Richie stood up and walked over to Eddie, placing his hands on either side of Eddie’s face. Eddie blinked up at him, his eyes scanning across Richie’s face. Richie could help his heart racing. He was allowed to do this and it felt amazing.

“You look lovely,” Richie muttered and Eddie tried to tip his head down to hide his blushing cheeks but Richie refused to let him. 

“I look the same as yesterday,” Eddie grumbled, his cheek flushed pink. 

“And yesterday you looked lovely too,” Richie smirked, making Eddie roll his eyes. Richie chuckled as he pressed his thumbs under Eddie's chin to tilt it up. Richie leant down and pressed a light kiss on Eddie’s lips and he felt Eddie lean up onto his tiptoes slightly as he rested his hands on Richie’s chest. It was only light, extremely innocent, but it still took Richie’s breath away. He wondered if Eddie could feel his heart racing. When Richie pulled away, he smoothed his thumb over the corner of Eddie’s mouth. Richie couldn’t stop staring at Eddie, he felt like he was falling deeper and deeper into his big brown eyes that said more than any words could.

“I’m not making out with you until you brush your teeth. Go on, go get ready,” Eddie mumbled as he patted Richie’s chest, “you know… for our big date,” Eddie smirked and Richie chuckled, remembering that that’s what they were supposed to be doing. 

“Alright,” Richie muttered as he slowly let go of Eddie’s face, dragging his fingertips lightly over the side of Eddie’s soft neck. He felt Eddie shudder, and with embarrassment, Eddie closed his eyes. Richie smirked, but luckily Eddie didn’t see. Richie knew he would get an earful for that. Richie leant down and quickly pressed a kiss onto Eddie’s blushed cheek before walking past Eddie with long strides.

“Oh wait,” Eddie quickly said and Richie spun around to see Eddie routing through his rucksack to pull out a packaged toothbrush. Eddie was gently smiling as if he was proud of himself. Richie almost wanted to praise him, it was hilarious.

“Were you a boy scout by any chance?” Richie laughed as he reached his hand out for the toothbrush. Eddie yanked it away as he scowled. “Is that a no?” Richie smirked. 

“It’s a if you’re a dick you don’t get to use my spare toothbrush.” Eddie smirked back, thinking he had one up-ed Richie. He still held the toothbrush back like it wasn’t out of Richie’s reach.

“Fine, if I don’t brush my teeth, I won’t make out with you.” Richie knew he won because Eddie’s smile dropped back into a scowl. While rolling his eyes, he snapped his arm forward to give Richie the toothbrush. Richie took it out of his hand with a chuckle. 

“Wow, Eds, you really want me that badly?” Richie teased. He could effortlessly be flirty with Eddie, everything that came out of his mouth sounded like flirting when it came to Eddie. 

“Shut up and go get ready,” Eddie spat but a smile crept on his lips as Richie grinned as he saw Eddie’s blushing cheeks. 

“Go!” Eddie laughed but tried to stay angry. He waved his hands up to gesture Richie away, and Richie left the kitchen with a grin on his face, completely forgetting about his conversation with Bill. 

_ -x- _

They left while Mike, Stanley and the birthday boy, Ben was asleep, the only people who were awake was Beverly and Bill. Eddie gave a quick hug to both of them as they stood outside of the barn, and Beverly reached forward to hug Richie. Richie still wasn’t quite used to hugging yet, but it was nice. Richie swayed them both as she giggled, her wild hair tickling his neck. 

“Tell the others that we said thank you for a great night?” Eddie smiled to Bill, and Bill gave a quick nod. Richie pulled away from Beverly and gave her a quick pat on the head, making her smirk. Richie and Eddie turned to leave in the direction of the truck when Beverly shouted after them,

“Have fun on your date!” They both looked over their shoulders to see Beverly grinning and Bill had already taken a seat with his arms crossed. Eddie gave a breathy laugh as he glanced forward again. Richie could help but look at Bill for longer. Richie couldn’t really see him from this distance, but he just knew that he had a disappointed look on his face. Richie could understand why Eddie wanted to please him so much. Actually, he didn’t understand it. But he understood how Eddie was feeling. Richie felt the urge to prove Bill right, to show Bill he was worthy. Richie didn’t know why but he didn’t want to let Bill down.

“Where are we going exactly?” Eddie asked, breaking Richie’s train of thought. 

“Well, it’s kind of a surprise, but we are going to Bangor.” Richie glanced at Eddie with a smile on his lips, Bill forgotten once more. 

“Wait seriously?” Eddie grinned as they got to the truck. Richie reached into his pocket to look for his keys.

“Yeah, is that ok, I know it’s a bit of a drive but I thought-” 

“No, it’s more than ok!” Eddie grinned widely as Richie looked over his shoulder at him. “Hurry up and get your keys out so we can go!” Richie laughed as he put the keys into the lock. Richie pulled open the truck door stepped to the side, gesturing for Eddie to get in first. 

“What a gentleman,” Eddie smiled. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Richie chuckled as he got into the truck. 

_ -x- _

As they drove, they listened to the flimsy car radio was buzzed and skipped most of the time. Richie kept glancing over to Eddie, who had sat in the middle seat yet again, humming to the songs that came on and smiling as he looked out of the window to see Derry getting further and further away. Richie looked forward again as he drove. Richie knew the way from when he went there last, it was an hour away but the drive was pretty straight forward. Last time he was driving to Bangor, he had weight on his chest which tightened the closer he got to his destination, knowing that when he got there he was putting himself in more danger then he’s ever been in.This time, he felt excited. 

It wasn’t till they were out of Derry about twenty minutes into the drive when Eddie turned down the music slightly and turned his head to look at Richie. Richie glanced to his side to give Eddie a confused smile. 

“Can I ask you something?” Eddie hummed. 

“You say that a lot and the questions are always simple answers.” Richie laughed. Eddie gave him an annoyed look, but it was true. 

“Well, I don’t think it will be a simple answer,” Eddie mumbled. 

“Go on then,” Richie smiled nervously. 

“It’s about something you said last night,” Eddie sighed. Richie’s mind started racing. Last night he was tipsy so his blabbering mouth was even more likely to confess secrets, and Richie tried to remember all the things he said. “Do you think it’s weird that we’re already really close but we don’t know anything about each other?”

“When did I say that?” Richie frowned as he glanced at Eddie.

“Well, you didn’t really say it, but-”

“I’m not worried, no,” Richie interrupted before Eddie could spiral. Eddie was quiet for a moment so Richie glanced towards him. Eddie was staring forward, but his head was ducked slightly. Richie instantly knew that Eddie wasn’t taking anything he said seriously. “Eddie, I honestly think you know me better than anyone else on the planet right now.” It started out as a joke, but by the end of saying the sentence, Richie felt his throat tighten up.

“Does that not scare you?” Eddie asked. 

It was terrifying to Richie that the person that knew him most was a boy had only known for a month. It wasn’t really saying anything about Eddie, it was more proof that Richie had always been alone and always held himself back. 

“Yeah, it does, but we’re still getting to know each other and I like that.” Richie smiled and Eddie smiled back. Richie was content with that, hoping that he did actually get through to Eddie. 

The past month had been a whirlwind, a good whirlwind though. 

Richie wasn’t sure if there was such a thing as a positive whirlwind, but he hoped there was because there was no other way to describe his and Eddie’s blossoming romance. There were so many aspects to it that they hadn’t even talked about yet. Yes, the instant connection and the shared hatred for Derry was one thing, but there was still a lot more that they had brushed over. Richie knew that sexually, they were more than attracted to each other, but Richie didn’t want to push his luck. He had held himself back a lot since the night in Eddie’s room, but then the incident in the truck happened. Eddie made a joke about it after, saying that when he wanted to lose his virginity he didn’t want it to be on the side of a road. Was that where it was going that night? They had only made out, but it was obviously on Eddie’s mind and Richie blushed as he knew it was on his mind too. Last night, in the barn, Richie would’ve given anything to be alone with Eddie. His buzzed mind made him feel even more like his skin was hot and tight as he watched Eddie roll his sleeves up, or grin widely, or even swing his hips as he danced with Beverly. Richie was so attracted to Eddie it made his mind feel overpowered. But right now, he had to concentrate on the date. Maybe if that went well, they could-

“Tell me something no one knows about you?” Eddie suddenly said. Richie quickly glanced to his side to look at Eddie.

“Haven’t we gathered that everything we do is something no one knows about me,” Richie laughed and Eddie frowned.

“Come on Rich, something that I don’t even know.” Eddie’s mischievous smile grew again as he stared up at Richie. Richie thought for a few moments as he kept his eyes on the road. 

“Alright… when I was a kid, I wanted to be a ventriloquist.” Eddie instantly started laughing.It wasn’t even like a small cute laugh to make Richie think he was a sweetheart, it was a real laugh. Eddie put his hands on his stomach as he tipped his head back, the car filling with the sound of Eddie’s laughs. Richie made a shocked face but tried to hold back from laughing too, Eddie’s smile was infectious. “I just told you my biggest secret and you laugh in my face?” Richie gasped dramatically.

“I’m sorry, Richie, but that's so fucking cute,” Eddie wheezed. Richie grinned too, shaking his head slightly. “I can just imagine little punk Richie practising his voices in his room,” Eddie grinned as he scooted closer to Richie’s side.

“Alright, calm yourself,” Richie chuckled, but Eddie wasn’t far off the truth. Richie wasn’t even sure where he had got the idea from, but he knew he wanted to do impressions. He used to watch the small TV in their house and drowned out the sound of his parents upstairs. Richie would repeat the voices and make himself laugh. Richie remembered at one point he did an impression of one of the adult 207’s, someone who was very important at the time, and swiftly got slapped to the ground. Richie never did impressions again.

“What did you want to be when you grew up?” Richie asked and Eddie was quiet as he thought. 

“I wanted to be an adventurer.” Eddie finally said and Richie raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Me and Bill used to sneak to the Barrons and play in the tall grass and pretend that we could see tigers. I used to actually get really freaked out,” Eddie chuckled at the memory. 

“No shit?” Richie grinned as he listened to Eddie’s voice. 

“Yeah, maybe it was the adrenaline from being found by the Barren Boys, but it did feel like we were in a different place for a while being chased by deadly animals.” Eddie laughed. 

“That’s very cute,” Richie hummed as he imagined a young Eddie freaking himself out by imagining tigers in Derry. He wondered if Bill was just going along with it to please Eddie, or if Bill saw the tigers too. 

“My dad had this really old book that was all drawn pictures of the world, and I just wanted to see it for myself. Not just the drawing, I wanted to actually be there. Even if it was for a second.” Eddie had stopped laughing. Richie glanced to his side as his smile faded to see Eddie staring out of the window. Richie blinked a couple of times, gripping harder into the steering wheel, unsure of what to say, but Eddie carried on talking. “They were my god sent, those days. I would go out to play and I was suddenly not in Derry. I wasn’t little Eddie who got picked on in school, who’s parents drove each other insane, who wasn’t scared of everything… I was adventurer Eddie, in a faraway land who wasn’t scared of anything.” Eddie paused for a moment, and Richie glanced to his side to look at him, but Eddie was still staring out of the window. “But I grew up, and all that good stuff went away.” Richie could hear the sadness in Eddie’s voice, and it broke his heart. Richie wished he wasn’t driving so he could pull him into a tight hug. 

“You know, you could still go to those places. You don’t just have to imagine it,” Richie finally said. Eddie scoffed in response. “Why not?” Richie asked. 

“Why don’t you become a ventriloquist?” Eddie quickly said in return. 

“Because I’m shit at it,” Richie said as he looked to his side quickly. Eddie was staring at him with an annoyed look. But Richie didn’t care. “Eds, I’m telling you now, there’s still a lot of that childlike wonder in the world, and I bet some of it’s still in you.” Eddie adjusted in his seat awkwardly. “It’s what I like about you, Derry hasn’t killed your spirits yet. No of your friends actually, but you more.” Eddie leaned his head on Richie’s shoulder. “You make me hopeful.” Richie sighed. It was true. Before Eddie, he never dreamed of having anything more than his sad life in the 207’s, half expecting to either end up in prison or dead in the next five years. But now, he felt a spark inside of him. 

“You could still become a ventriloquist,” Eddie muttered.

“I could sit you on my knee, brush all your hair to the side, I bet people would think you were a puppet.” Richie grinned and Eddie laughed. Hearing him laugh again filled Richie with relief. 

“When I’m a rich adventurer, I’ll buy you a puppet, how about that?” Eddie smirked.

“I’ll hold you to that, Eds.” Richie chuckled. Eddie leaned up and planted a soft kiss onto Richie’s cheek, and Richie tipped his head into it. Richie knew that he would never become a ventriloquist, but with Eddie by his side, he felt like he could do anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title "Piece of Your Heart" by Mayday Parade.
> 
> I really hoped you enjoyed guys! I did another cute chapter because I'm very sorry to say, there's a lot of drama happening to the boys soon. 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr @Bellarosewrites and leave a comment below! Everytime one of you guys says something, I weep.


	14. Tough Guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title "Tough Guy" by Cyberbully Mom Club
> 
> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Violence towards main characters, NSFW Content, homophobia, homophobic language, drug mentions, medical inaccuracy, gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of violence towards main characters, mentions of drugs, mentions of death.

Eddie glanced at an elderly couple who were hunched over their meals as they ate, a bottle of red wine and half-full glasses in front of them. Eddie liked old people, he liked their stories mainly. Eddie’s next-door neighbour growing up was an elderly man who had lived in Derry his whole life and constantly told Eddie about the troubles he had been through and his opinions on how Derry was run. Eddie used to sit on his porch and listen to him speak, letting his head be filled up with stories from the past. The man told Eddie about how the gangs started when he was a boy, but they were smaller then. When the poverty line became lower, the violence got worse. The government didn’t care about the small town of Derry, so they let the unemployment fall and the money decrease going to the public services. 

When the man passed, Eddie’s mom openly cheered, saying she was thankful that he had gone. Eddie had been deeply depressed for weeks. He watched from his window as all of his possessions got removed by the house. Pictures were thrown into the skip and furniture burnt, With the removal of the man’s memories, Eddie soon realised the man was being removed from existence. 

His mom didn’t care, she only cared about the way Eddie was acting. She shoved more medicine down him the usual, locked him in the house with the curtains drawn, and fed him soup by his bedside. When he was allowed back to school, Eddie felt like he was walking around like a zombie, barely making coherent conversation. So maybe Eddie wasn’t depressed, maybe it was just a side effect of the medication…

“Eddie?” Richie’s voice brought his attention back to the meal in front of him. Richie had left his jacket in the car and was wearing the same outfit as at the party, just without the tie. Eddie didn’t question it when Richie had shuffled it off before they got out of the car, he knew it was because Richie didn’t want to be recognised as a gang member. Even though they weren’t in Derry, Eddie was sure the citizens of Bangor would know of the violence. So Richie left the leather jacket in the car, and also left the little piece of him that he pretended didn’t exist. Eddie almost missed the jacket. 

“Shit, sorry,” Eddie mumbled as he shook his head, trying to get rid of the memories of the kind smile of his neighbour. 

Richie and Eddie sat across from each other at the back of a dimly lit restaurant, which gave Richie a soft glow with the shadows of his curls dropping onto his face. Fake vines were hanging across the ceilings and wrapped around fake brown painted pillars. There were barely any other customers in the restaurant, which is why the server seemed annoyed that Richie and Eddie wanted to sit as far away as possible from the windows which looked into the busy street. The soft sound of music filled the restaurant so Eddie couldn’t hear what the elderly couple were talking about, it was just distant mumbles.

“Where did you just go?” Richie asked questioningly, he frowned as he looked at Eddie. Eddie could see the piercing in his eyebrow that he normally forgot about, but Richie had his hair tucked behind his ears today.

“Nowhere, just…” Eddie started but frowned as Richie glanced down at the food in front of Eddie. Eddie looked down as well and looked back to Richie to see him smirking.

“What the fuck are you smirking at?” Eddie asked bitterly. Richie's eyes flicked up and he grinned as he pointed to the bowl. 

“Spaghetti…” Richie grinned, “Eddie spaghetti,” Richie said as if it was obvious. Eddie rolled his eyes as he dug his fork into the bowl again, spinning it around to get some of the pasta. Eddie had spent a long time quizzing the waitress about the food, making sure that anything he ate wouldn’t give him a horrific allergic reaction. Richie waited patiently, a small smile on his lips like he was amused.

“I think I might end this date early,” Eddie grumbled as he looked down into the sauce which swirled around his bowl. 

“You can pick between these nicknames…” Richie grinned, he waved his slice of pizza around while he talked. “Eddie Spaghetti, Princess or Babydoll.” Richie listed. All three were the nicknames that Eddie had argued back about. Eddie was blown away with Richie memory, but now wasn’t the time to swoon. 

“How about just Eddie?” Eddie scowled. 

“Sure thing, Eds.” Richie took a bite of his pizza and smirked as he chewed. Eddie had the urge to lean forward and kiss the smirk of Richie’s lips. Richie jaw moved as he chewed and Eddie was completely distracted by the chiselled shadows on his face. Eddie knew that the majority of the time he spent with Richie, he was gawking at him with no cares in the world. Eddie could comprehend that a guy like Richie would even give Eddie a second glance. 

“You keep drifting? Are you alright?” Richie asked in a concerned tone. 

“Yeah, just thinking about how lucky I am…” Eddie hummed and Richie gave a small smile, his eyes glistening in the candlelight. 

“I’m luckier,” Richie grinned as he gazed at Eddie. Eddie could help but grin back, hoping that the candlelight wouldn’t show his blushed cheeks. 

_-X-_

Richie paid in cash as Eddie stood awkwardly behind him at the bar. Both Eddie and the waitress looked questioningly at Richie when he pulled his wallet out to see the number of notes he had tucked into it. Eddie stared down at his boots. They were slightly muddy from the night before, but he’d done his best to clean them in Mike’s sink. Eddie didn’t want to think about where the money had come from. They never talked about it and he released Richie would probably never admit to what he did with the 207’s.

They walked out of the restaurant quietly with small smiles to the waiting staff. The street was busy with people who were all looking forward as they walked on a mission. Eddie felt nervous walking down the busy street. It was Saturday so people in the city were out and about. No one gave them a second glance though. Eddie had been so excited for this date that now it was over, he felt empty. Even if he had just eaten his body weight in Italian food.

“So, what do you want to do now?” Richie asked with a smile. Eddie liked Richie in smart casual clothes. His jumper, with only a couple of holes, suited him. The shirt really suited him. Richie looked more normal today, but you could still see the piercings up his ears where he tucked his curls behind it. Eddie touched his own ear, wondering what he would look like with piercings. He was scared of needles, but he wondered if Richie would like him more if he looked slightly more badass. Eddie shook his head as he remembered about Richie's question. 

“I should really get home, even if I don’t want to.” Eddie sighed, digging his hands into his pockets. He wanted to hold Richie’s hand. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. A few people glanced at them questioningly as the walked past so Eddie dipped his head down to look at the sidewalk. 

“Well, did you at least enjoy our little excursion?” Richie grinned, knowing what the answer would be. 

“Yeah, it was lovely.” Eddie smiled back, tipping his body weight toward Richie to gently know his shoulder into Richie’s arm as an attempt of affection. 

“Good, because you know what they say about a third date…” Richie teased.

“This isn’t our third date!” Eddie quickly argued. 

“Yeah it is!” Richie grinned as he looked down at Eddie. 

“Go on then, what dates have we been on?” Eddie asked with his eyebrow raised. Richie looked forward again to adjust himself to glide past a lamp post. Eddie couldn’t stop staring at his shoulders. 

“That first night with the shooting stars, the night I snuck into your room, and today!” Richie listed.

“I specifically remember telling you that the night you snuck into my room wasn’t a date,” Eddie said pouting. He could see where they parked the car and Richie had started digging through his jean pocket for the keys.

“Alright then, not that night, but on two other separate occasions I have come to steal you away and then you’ve remembered you have to hang out with you pals.” Richie argued, “Star Wars night and Ben’s party. They should’ve been dates.” 

“Yeah, but they weren’t.” Eddie sulked. 

“Fine, this was our second date.” Richie sighed. “But the third date… damn baby boy, we’re getting it on,” Richie put on a slight Californian voice as he joked, reaching his arms out to the side as if he was gliding. 

“Shut up, Richie,” Eddie blushed as he looked to the floor, but he couldn’t help but grin. Eddie thought Richie was funny and he wondered if Richie made other people laugh. Eddie wondered if the rest of the 207s listened to him tell stories and laugh with him because Richie’s laugh was so infectious. Eddie wondered if people looked at Richie the same way he did. 

Richie got to the truck and unlocked it, opening up the side door for Eddie with a grin on his face. Richie could’ve pulled him into a passionate and desperate kiss right there on the side of the road, but he didn’t feel safe. Even if he was far away from Derry, he still felt its tight grip and staring eyes. So, Eddie shuffled into the car without saying a word. 

_-x-_

When Eddie saw the _Welcome To Derry_ sign, his stomach started to drop. He didn’t want to go home. Home was where he had to pretend to be someone he wasn’t, a place where he was unhappy and lonely. The grey clouds were thick in the distance, and they were driving straight towards them. Eddie blinked a couple of times as he stared at the lurking clouds, he felt like they were engulfing Derry and engulfing his mind. 

“I don’t want to go home yet.” Eddie sighed and Richie quickly glanced over at him. Richie had put on his leather jacket again so they could open the windows of the truck without feeling too cold. 

“But I’ve got to get you back to your mommy, my little angel,” Richie smirked and Eddie rolled his eyes, slumping back into his seat. Richie chuckled. “Don’t be like that, I’m just making sure that you don’t get your ass kicked,” Richie hummed.

Eddie knew that his mom would never actually kick his ass, he wasn’t actually sure what she would do if she found out about him and Richie. He tried to imagine the situation countless times, each time was Eddie being strong and standing up to her and him telling her that she couldn’t pick who he chose to see. She didn’t control him. Eddie got a pang of energy, his mind full of imagery of him being strong and brave, with Richie by his side. He didn’t want to get caught. No, he absolutely didn’t want to get caught. But something about the idea of it…

“You know,” Eddie said as he glanced at the flimsy clock in the dashboard, “my mom won’t be back from work till six and it’s only four now ** _…_** ” Eddie hitched his voice up slightly. Richie was glancing to his side at Eddie then back to the long road in front of them. 

“Oh yeah?” Richie hummed, a small smile creeping onto his lips. Eddie loved the small dimple that appeared on his cheek when he half-smiled. 

“Yeah…” Eddie hummed back as he scooted closer to Richie. He balanced his chin on Richie’s shoulder, the small studs of his leather jacket digging into his skin. “And you know,” Eddie placed his hand on Richie’s thigh, making small movements with his thumb. Richie’s eyes went wide. “I think what they say about third dates is a load of shit,” Eddie kept his voice quiet as he spoke into Richie’s ear. Eddie felt alive. He was chasing the feeling.

“Oh, Eds,” Richie grinned, “I can’t believe I took you for a good little momma’s boy all these years,” Richie smirked. His voice was low and quiet. Eddie could barely hear it over the engine which rattled as they went down the bumpy road towards Derry. 

“Oh Richie, you don’t even know the extent of it yet,” Eddie hummed as he leaned up to kiss Richie’s neck. 

“Fuck,” Richie muttered and Eddie placed another kiss into Richie's neck. Eddie could feel Richie's facing pulse under his lips. “Babe, you’re gonna have to stop, I’m gonna crash the car.” Richie sighed and Eddie reluctantly pulled away. Eddie went back to looking forward, his hand still on Richie’s thigh. The clouds were getting closer. There was a few moments of silence. 

“So your house, yeah?” Richie suddenly asked and Eddie grinned. 

_-x-_

Eddie glanced down the street a few times before he got out of the truck, making sure no one was around. But there wasn’t. It had started raining as the drove into Derry, the rain hit like small bullets into the truck making loud thudding sounds which echoed around the inside of the car. The thick clouds made the outside look grey and dark, and Eddie wanted nothing more to be in the warmth of his home. To be in the warmth of Richie’s arms. 

So he got out of the truck and pretty much ran to his front door with his yellow cardigan over his head. He fiddled with his keys as he climbed the steps of his patio, nearly dropping them a few times because of his icy skin. As soon as he unlocked the door, he stepped into the quiet house. 

“Mom?” Eddie shouted, but thankfully there was no response. The sound of the rain filled the house and it creaked from the wind. The house was dark, lifeless. Eddie shook his cardigan and watched the water which caught on it drip to the dark wooden floor. He turned to see Richie already running the stairs of the patio. “No one’s here,” Eddie told him. He had to speak loudly over the thumping of the rain. 

Richie had barely slammed the door shut before his lips connect with Eddie’s. His hands were on his face, pulling him up so Eddie had to stand on his tiptoes. Eddie dropped his damp cardigan on the floor, forgetting about the wet that he had brought in. They instantly had their tongues in each other mouths, desperately trying to get more. 

Richie stumbled with his footing as he turned them around and Eddie felt himself backing up into the door. Richie’s mouth was hot on Eddie’s as he bent down to kiss Eddie, and drops of water that had dampened Richie’s hair fell between them. Eddie wrapped his hands around Richie’s lower back to drag him in closer and Richie’s hand left Eddie’s hot cheeks to touch Eddie’s chest. Eddie’s head leaned back into the old wooden door making a small knocking noise. 

“Fuck, Richie…” Eddie moaned as he tipped his head back to push out his neck. Richie took the hint and dipped lower to start kissing into Eddie’s neck. Eddie’s hands where gripping into Richie shoulders, the spikes on his leather jacket digging into his palms. Richie’s hands were dropping and gripping to different parts of Eddie’s shirt. Any other time, Eddie would be annoyed at the material stretching, but that was the last thing in his head. Every time Richie let go and gripped somewhere new, he would also release his lips from Eddie’s neck and dive back into a new place. 

"I want you, Eddie," Richie moaned between kissing Eddie's neck. Eddie gripped tighter into Richie as a response.

Eddie’s skin felt hot, the pain in his palms from where the studs were starting to become unbearable. He brushed his hands inside of Richie’s jacket to push it off at the shoulders. Richie let go of Eddie’s jumper to yank the jacket off and it fell behind him. Richie's hands went back to Eddie’s chest but this time unbuttoned his shirt. Richie only got halfway before Eddie moaned,

“Sofa,” 

Richie gripped into the material of Eddie’s shirt again to pull him off the door and into the living room. Richie kept dipping his head down as he walked backwards to messily kiss Eddie, and Eddie kept his mouth open as he gasped for air, letting Richie guide him.

Richie sat down and dragged Eddie with him, and Eddie moved his legs to straddle Richie. Eddie’s eyes got distracted for a moment by the cross nailed above the fireplace, but when Richie’s mouth went on his, Eddie shut his eyes once again. 

Eddie’s hands instantly gripped Richie's hair to force Richie’s head more to the side to kiss him with an open mouth. Eddie was desperate for it. He wanted it all. He wanted the heat that was rising in his stomach to overcome him. Eddie moved his hands to grip into Richie’s jumper and made a feeble attempt to lift it up. Richie moved his mouth away from Eddie and Eddie leaned back to watch Richie yank his jumper off, Richie’s hair stuck up as the jumper moved off his head and revelled his un-ironed shirt. Richie’s sleeve had been caught on his elbow and for a moment Eddie’s eyes went to the 207 tattoo, which wasn’t infected anymore. Eddie tried not to find it attractive.

Eddie leaned back in and gripped into Richie’s hair, trying to not think about how the tattoo made him feel even more rilled up. He loved the way it curled and knotted on his scalp. Eddie tugged it slightly as he kept kissing Richie. 

Richie's hands travelled down Eddie’s back and to his ass, gripping tightly. Eddie made a small moan noise as he moved his mouth onto Richie’s neck. Richie tipped his head back and it banged onto the sofa. Eddie pushed Richie hair away so he could kiss his neck and ear. Eddie could feel the hoops that went up Richie’s ear under his tongue and it made him shiver. 

Suddenly, the grip on his ass got tighter, and Richie half stood up to drop Eddie onto his back and Richie squished one off his legs into the back of the sofa and the other rested between Eddie’s legs. Richie carried on kissing Eddie, his hand resting on Eddie's chest. Eddie put a hand on Richie’s cheek, feeling the way Richie’s jaw moved up and down effortlessly. Eddie opened his mouth more, not caring how sloppily he was kissing Richie. Richie’s hand lifted up and then rested back down on Eddie’s thigh. Richie pulled away for a moment and Eddie’s eyes shot open, they both were panting at they stared at each other. 

“Is this ok?” Richie whispered. Eddie was taken aback by it. This whole time they had been making out, Richie was this powerful and demanding presence. That was the Richie that Eddie knew for years. But for those few seconds, as the stared at each other, Richie was the gentle boy who smiled softly when Eddie caught him staring that first time in science class. It was the Richie that only Eddie got to see. Richie was glancing across Eddie’s face, still waiting for an answer, his fingers gently touching Eddie’s thigh. 

Eddie quickly nodded. 

Richie ducked his head back down to kiss Eddie and Eddie gripped tighter into Richie’s jaw. Richie took a few moments before he dragged his hand up and it rested between Eddie’s legs. Eddie’s eyes shot open again. He stared at the damp patchy ceiling which had cracks across it. Eddie’s mom had spent years decorating the house to make it feel like it wasn’t in the middle of a rundown and poverty filled town. But sometime you can’t cover everything. The pressure from Richie’s hands was like a small release of hot energy that had been building up in his stomach. But the pressure was still there, but different this time. It was growing again.

Richie’s long fingers were resting gently, too nervous to move. But Eddie’s hips automatically up into Richie’s hand. Richie made a small groan into Eddie’s mouth and Eddie tipped his head back, his forehead scrapping on the arm of the sofa. The sofa smelt musky and old, like his dad’s cigarettes. His mom washed away any memory of his dad from the house, but obviously some memories still lingered. 

Richie adapted and begin kissing Eddie’s neck, and his hand began gently moving up and down across Eddie. The friction of the jeans made Eddie groan loudly and keep his eyes tight shut. Eddie knew he was going to have a hickey and he wanted it so badly. He didn’t care about what people said the first time. He wanted it. Eddie gripped into the back of Richie’s head to push him down more, and Richie took the hint. Richie bit harder into the side of Eddie’s neck and Eddie let out a loud moan. Richie pulled away and Eddie let him. Richie's lips travelled up Eddie’s neck, kissing and dragging his tongue across Eddie’s hot skin. 

“What do you want, Eddie?” Richie whispered as he took some of Eddie’s skin between his teeth. Eddie moaned loudly again as Richie’s hand began to unbutton Eddie’s jeans, too impatient for an answer. 

What did Eddie want? 

Eddie wanted it all. Eddie wanted the skin on skin contact, he wanted Richie’s mouth all over him, he wanted to be engulfed by the smell of Richie, filling his lungs up with smoke and leather. Eddie wanted to forget the world around him, he wanted the feeling of his eyes rolling back in his head and the feeling of his mind going blank. He wanted to forget where he was and who he was. Eddie wanted to be far away from here, he wanted to be with Richie, but he wanted not to be on the musky smelling sofa in Richie’s damp house. Eddie wanted a different life, away from the one he currently had. He wanted everything that he had never been allowed, the life that made him hate himself because he wanted it so badly. Eddie was never allowed to even dream of that life. He wanted-

“A dog,” Eddie suddenly muttered without thinking, the words rolling off his damp and swollen lips. Richie quickly pulled back, leaning up on his hand that was gripped into the sofa next to Eddie’s head. He blinked a few times. As Richie looked down at Eddie, his face was cast in shadows from his curls but he could see that Richie’s lips were swollen and red, his cheeks a bright shade of pink. The sound of the rain became louder as Eddie's mind settled. 

“A… dog..?” Richie questioned, his voice hitching up. Eddie was still panting, and so was Richie. Richie slowly moved his hands out of Eddie’s jeans and moved it next to Eddie’s hip so he could support himself more. Eddie's cheeks flushed red as he looked across Richie’s confused face. Eddie kept his mouth open, bewildered by his own sudden confession, both of their hot breaths hitting each other in the face. 

“Yeah?” Eddie said like it was a question.

“Right, I’m not being funny Eddie but that’s really not what I meant when I asked you-”

“Shut up for a second.” Eddie rubbed his eyes with his fingers when he opened them again his vision was covered with black spots. Richie was staring at him, a small panic in his eyes. Eddie sighed and tried to sit himself up. Richie leaned back and quickly shuffled his legs so he was kneeling to look at Eddie.

“I didn’t mean… I don’t know…” Eddie groaned as he sat up with his body twisted towards Richie. 

“No, go one tell me, I want to know,” Richie hummed as he tucked some of Eddie’s hair behind his ear. Eddie watched him carefully. Richie was biting his lip in concentration or nerves. Eddie couldn’t tell. 

“Richie… My whole life…” Eddie paused as he glanced across Richie’s face. Richie was watching him carefully. “I’ve been told I can’t have things… or at least trained to think I don’t want certain things. That all this,” Eddie waved his arms up in the air which made Richie smile slightly, “is the only thing I can ever have. But I want a house with a front porch and a kid that I can teach to play rounders too, and I don’t care when they get mud all over them…” Richie bit his lip but smiled slightly, his eyes still gazing over Eddie. Eddie carried on rambling. “And I want a job which I enjoy and still have time to sit and have dinner with my family in the evening. I want a garden so we can have a rescue dog and maybe a veg patch, and me and my husband can sit on rocking chairs and what the sunset overnight. And I want to be as far away from Derry as possible, so far away that I forget it even existed, so far away that when people ask me where I grew up, I say I can’t remember.” Eddie took a breath and saw the way Richie was looking at him with wide eyes, his fingers had stopped moving and instead rested just above Eddie’s ear. “But that all feels so far away and unrealistic. But it’s what I want… I want…”

“A dog?” Richie smiled, finishing Eddie’s sentence. Richie was looking at him with a sympathetic look in his eyes. Eddie felt like he was swooning. 

“Yeah. I want a dog.” Eddie sighed, a smile creeping across his lips. They looked at each other. Richie's hair was sticking up all over the place, his lips still swollen but his cheeks weren’t as blushed. A small pang of panic hit Eddie in the stomach. 

“Look, I know it might be because I’m young and blinded by romance, but I’m not saying I want those things with you, but that’s what I want Richie,” Eddie quickly said. He was aware that he sounded like he was pleading. So he took a deep breath. “I want those things more than anything. So you need to know all of that…”

“Eddie,” Richie cooed and his finger started to move through Eddie’s hair again. “That’s perfectly fine that you want those things.”

“Is it? It seems completely unreasonable and impossible.” Eddie groaned, glancing down at the space between them. His hands were on his lap as he tucked his legs under himself. He was stiff, awkward, whereas Richie casually leaned on the sofa. 

“What’s stopping you?” Richie gently asked as if he didn’t know the answer. Eddie answered anyway. 

“I have friends here, I’ve got to finish my education,” Eddie started listing and Richie was still stroking the side of Eddie’s hair. “My mom is here, she needs looking after and how the fuck would I afford all my medicine? My body's a mess, Rich, it's not like I can run away from that even if I wanted to,"

Then Richie stopped. It was like his whole body froze. Eddie's eyes glanced up to see Richie staring at him. Eddie suddenly became aware of how loud the rain was as banged on the windows and echoed through the house. 

“What?” Eddie asked in a demanding tone. 

“I need to tell you something…” Richie gently said. Eddie was sure that he could hear the whole house creaking as the wind hit into it.

“Okay…” Eddie said with a wobbly voice. 

“Your pills aren’t… their not…” Richie's voice was quiet, unsure. Extremely unlike Richie.

“Richie?” Eddie urged. Richie’s hands dropped to rest on top of Eddie’s.

“That day where I was in your room, waiting for you?” Richie asked and Eddie nodded. “I looked through your pills and I noticed something weird about them… And you said before that you weren’t sure if they were real or not, and you were scared… so I looked and…”

“And what Richie?” Eddie quickly asked, his voice coming out louder then he wanted it too. But he was desperate.

“They’re fake, Eds.” Richie gently said as if he was telling a child Santa wasn’t real. Eddie let out a small noise, almost like a cough. His chest felt tight, he felt like he was wheezing instead of breathing. 

“How could you even know that?” Eddie murmured.

“Because they’re fake bottles…” Richie’s voice hitched. Eddie blinked desperately. “A lot of the gangs did it… but pills in the bottle to sell on… but I don’t know what your pills are, but the bottles aren’t real. You can tell from the labels. If you go get one of the bottles I could so you-”

“There’s no way my mom went to a drug dealer, Richie. That’s fucking ridiculous.” Eddie was speaking quickly, his heart thudding in his chest. That was ridiculous. The image of his mom going past territory lines to hand cash over to dodgy-looking men so they could give her bottles of pills for no reason. Why would she even do that? There was no way…

“Eds, babe, I’m not saying that... I don’t know, I just-”

“Fuck you, don’t call me Eds.” Eddie quickly snatched his hands away and turned his body so his feet hit the floor. Eddie felt like he could barely see. His vision was blurry as his chest was moving quickly and his ears were burning. 

“Eddie, please-“

“I want you to get out.” Eddie quickly said, his chest feeling tight. Eddie clenched his fits tight and dragged them hard on his thighs. Richie’s hand gently went onto Eddie’s back.

“Eddie, I’m sorry-“ But Eddie stood up quickly, turning to face Richie.

“Leave. Now.” Eddie demanded. Richie looked up at him, his hand still in the air where he had placed it on Eddie’s back. He slowly dropped it. Eddie looked down to button up his jeans. His hands trembled as he felt for the button. 

“Eddie, please, just calm-”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Richie.” Eddie quickly spat glancing up at Richie. Richie shut his mouth quickly. 

“Alright.” Richie looked defeated, his voice was quiet.

Eddie felt terrible, he wanted to say sorry, he wanted to kiss him and forget the conversation even happened. But all he wanted to do was go look at those bottles that sat on his chest of drawers upstairs.

Richie stood up and his height meant he was looking down at Eddie. Eddie didn't feel intimated by the height, he could never be intimidated by Richie, but he still bit his trembling lip. 

“I’m leaving, but I need you to know that I care about you and I’m never going to let anything bad happen to you,” Richie whispered. Eddie ducked his head down to stare at his feet. Richie was still wearing his scuffed Doc Martens. Eddie was scared he was going to cry. He didn’t want to cry in front of Richie. Richie leaned down, putting a gentle hand on Eddie’s neck before leaning further and planting a kiss into Eddie’s hair. Eddie shut his eyes tight, his arms still crossed across his small body. 

“I don’t care what you say, I’m going to get you that dog,” Richie mumbled, his lips still in Eddie’s hair. Eddie felt his whole body become tight. The feelings he had for Richie suddenly grew to triple in size. He wanted to have Richie for the rest of his life. He didn’t care that they’d only know each other for just over a month, he didn’t care that it had only been two dates, he didn’t care that Richie was in a gang. He just wanted Richie.

But Richie let go of Eddie’s neck and Eddie heard his footsteps leave the room. Eddie gently opened his eyes to see Richie bending down to pick up his leather jacket and then open the door with his long fingers. Richie didn’t even look back as he left. 

Eddie stood there, staring at the door, his heart thudding in his chest. Eddie couldn’t stop staring at the door where Richie had just walked out of. The ticking clock on the mantlepiece echoed round the house and reminded Eddie where he was. It was the same clock the ticked when his dad left and Eddie and his mom had their first dinner without him. Like at that moment, Eddie felt like all the pictures of him as a child, his distant family and his mom when she was younger were all staring at him in disappointment and pity. 

Eddie glanced at the sofa where the cushions had fallen off to the floor, the blanket that was wrapped over it was screwed up and had dropped onto the cushioning. Eddie knew damn well he wasn’t going to stop himself from doing whatever he wanted to do with Richie on the sofa which sat in the middle of Eddie’s mom’s home. His home. Eddie didn’t care. He wanted Richie, he wanted to feel alive. Why did he have to stop them?

Then Eddie remembered why Richie left. Eddie raced to the stairs and quickly ran up them, his hand dragging on the bannister so he wouldn’t slip. 

Once he was in his room, he looked across his chest of draws at the neatly lined up orange bottles. The rain was thudding into the window He picked one up, his hands shaking. His eyes scanned across the label. Nothing looked wrong. There was nothing wrong. Richie _had_ to be wrong. There was no way. They looked normal, nothing out of the ordinary. But what was he looking for? It wasn’t actually going to say “ _Prescribed from the Barren Boys”._ Eddie wandered over to his bed, still staring down at the bottle. He gently sat down, moving the bottle around and around. Eddie’s other hand gently moved up to rebutting his shirt.

Eddie had spent his whole life being told what to do, what medicine to take, how to behave… Everything was put in place for Eddie. Even his friends. Bill looked after him, always making sure that he was safe. Eddie loved Bill. They all loved Bill. Eddie loved all of his friends… When he was with them, he felt like he could be himself. But he constantly felt like he was holding his breath. Always waiting for something to happen, someone to say something to finally break his cover. 

Then Eddie heard the front door open. His eyes flicked up as he listened. The rain became louder for a moment until the door shut again with a slam that rippled through the house. 

“Eddie, are you home?” It was his mom. His mom was home early. She could’ve walked into Richie with his hand down Eddie’s jeans as they both groaned loudly and kicked off the cushions she had sown off the sofa she had bought when she first moved into the house. Eddie felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

“Eddie?” She cried again. 

“Yeah, I’m here mom!” He weakly shouted back. He glanced back down at the bottle and he spun it in his hand. The pills rattled as he moved the bottle. Eddie didn’t understand. He couldn’t stop staring at them.

So with the bottle in his hand and no plan at all, he went back down the stairs and headed for the kitchen. His brain was wild as he saw tunnel vision. His mom was hunched over the sink, looking down into the bubbles as she washed a cup. 

“Eddie, why is the house such a mess? I come home and there’s dished that hasn’t been done, your cardigan was in the middle of the floor and the living room is a-”

“Mom, what medicine do I take?” Eddie asked, interrupting his mom’s complaints and the bottle clenched in his hand. He could hear it rattling as he quivered. 

“Eddie,” She scoffed as she glanced over her shoulder but then she looked across Eddie’s face. Eddie couldn’t see what he looked like right now, but obviously it was enough to cause concern. She spun around, her feet awkwardly shuffling on the floor. She stared at him, her mouth open slightly, her bottom lip moving up and down as if she was trying to find the right words. Eddie watched some of the soapy foam which clung to her washing up gloves fall to the floor. The rain still thudded into the window and the wind made the house creak. 

“Why are you asking me that?” She finally said. Her voice was gentle and calm, it reminded Eddie of the way she used to speak to him as a child when he would ask if his dad was coming back.

“Answer my question.” Eddie quickly demanded. His grip on the bottle was getting tighter and tighter. 

“I don’t know, Eddie bear, you're poorly,” She was rambling. “I can’t keep track-” 

“You’re lying.” Eddie spat, interrupting her soft voice. But then his heart skipped a beat. The accusation was… was horrible. And he was accusing his mother. His own fucking mother. “Are you lying?” He asked a little be quieter. She was silent, her beady eye staring at Eddie as if she was going to pounce. 

“I would never-“

“Holy shit,” Eddie scoffed. He watched the colour drain from his mother's face. Her cheeks were normally rosy, making her look softer and calmer, but now she looked old. The wrinkles on her face were more pronounced on her pale skin. The darkness was creeping into the house, casting shadows over her face where stands of her hair blocked the orange light that came from the bare bulb hanging between them.

“Don’t you dare swear in my house.” She spat. Eddie suddenly felt terrified. She took a step towards him. They were a similar height, but she felt a lot bigger than Eddie. She was wider, heavier. Eddie could outrun her easier. But that didn’t stop him from shaking. 

“Then tell me what pills I take,” Eddie demanded again. His voice quivered that time. She took another step closer. 

“Eddie, you need to listen to me right now-”

“Do I even have asthma?” Eddie quietly asked. 

“Eddie you need to stop-“

But Eddie didn’t let her finish. 

He spun on his heal, racing out of the kitchen and gripping the bannister so he could pull himself around and run up the stairs. The sounds of his heavy footsteps echoed into the house and stopped him being able to hear his mom screaming his name. Eddie wasn’t thinking rationally as he scooped up all the pill bottles into his arms, a few fell on the floor, but he didn’t care. He walked into the bathroom, his mother was halfway up the stairs. Eddie fell to his knees and dropped the bottles onto the floor, a few rolled away and rattled as they went. 

He gripped the first one in his hand and twisted the lid off with his other shaky hand. He didn’t even feel like he was breathing as he watched the pills tip into the toilet. The water splashed slightly, but not out of the bowl which Eddie was thankful for, as the first lot of pills hit the bottom of the toilet. He dropped the empty orange bottle to the floor, and it rolled away. Eddie leaned to grab another bottle and did the same. He watched the pills sink to the bottom. He dropped the bottle to grab another one. 

“Eddie, what are you doing?” His mom shrieked as she stood in the doorway. But Eddie didn’t look up at her as he grabbed the fourth bottle. “Eddie stop! You're scaring me!” She was screaming, but Eddie couldn’t hear her. The fan on the bathroom buzzed and the white light burned his eyes. It reminded him of the night Eddie cleaned Richie’s tattoo. Although it should be a horrible memory, it brought him comfort thinking about Richie’s soft smile. 

By the time the contents of the sixth bottle was binging tipped into the toilet, Eddie’s mom’s hands were gripping into his arms to try and drag him away. Eddie pulled back angrily, but she kept gripping. Instead, Eddie stood up and leaned forward, pressing down the flush. 

Eddie’s mom let out a shriek as she let go of Eddie. Eddie stared down into the bowl, seeing how the pills swirled around before disappearing. Eddie finally looked round to see him mom also staring into the toilet. 

Eddie quickly walked passed her, their arms brushing together slightly as he tried to swiftly move passed her. She was silent and still, Eddie presumed she was in shock. He raced down the stairs again, his footsteps loud and angry, the flushing of the toilet slowly quietening. Eddie was at the bottom of the steps grabbing his coat by the time Eddie’s mom appeared at the top of the stairs. 

“Eddie, what are you doing?” She yelled as she gripped the bannister. Her steps were slower than Eddie’s but just as loud. 

“I’m going for a walk,” Eddie grumbled as he started pulling it on over his arms as his mother approached him. 

“You can’t, Eddie please, you’re scaring me.” Eddie didn’t answer his mothers quivering voice “Why are you leaving, Eddie?” She asked again, her voice sounded like she was pleading. Part of Eddie felt guilty, but the rest of him needed to get out. 

“Because I can’t be here, Mom!” Eddie screamed suddenly. He wasn’t sure where it came from. It was like a voice burst out from within him. It didn’t feel like his voice. It felt foreign. Eddie felt like he was having an out of body experience as he stared at his mom, his chest panting and eyes wide. Her mouth hung open, only a small choking noise coming out as if she was gagging on the words she was trying to say. Eddie loved his mom. He didn’t want to hurt her. He wanted to scream, _“I’m sorry, I love you, I promise I’ll never hurt you again!”_ But the voice inside of him fell speechless. Eddie bit down on his own lip as his vision came blurry with tears. All he could do was look down to zip his raincoat up with shaky hands. 

“Please, Eddie…” Her voice whimpered. Eddie shook his head violently without making eye contact with her, he spun on his heel and headed for the door. There was no more protest, she let him leave. 

The door slammed behind him, his feet stomping into the wooden patio as he walked down the steps. Eddie grabbed his hood to yank it over his vision slightly and he let the rain fall over him. The gate opened with a chilling squeak which felt like it pierced through his skull. He didn’t know where he was going, he just knew he had to get out. The street was dark now but the streetlight glowed and created small pockets of light to guide Eddie away from his house. Eddie could see the lights that were on in people’s houses, but they were dimmed because of their drawn curtains. Eddie wondered if they were as upset as him. Eddie half hoped that he would still see Richie’s truck parked up, that he wouldn’t have left. But he wasn’t there. 

Eddie kept walking, his mind felt like it was on fire. His feet kicked up the puddles of water which caught in the cracks of the sidewalk. The road was becoming flooded as Derry was flat, it swirled next to him and disappeared down the drains. Eddie rooted through his pockets to look for his inhaler and as he lifted it up to his lips, he remembered he probably didn’t even need it. He still pressed down on it anyway, the spray hitting the back of his throat like battery acid. It didn’t have the same effect as it usually did. Eddie carried on walking, the streetlights quickly passing him by as he took long and fast strides. 

Eddie was angry. More anger than he had ever felt. The rain was starting to stop, becoming more of a trickle, but the grey clouds still stayed in the sky. Eddie wanted to keep walking till he was so far away from Derry that he didn’t feel the pull to it anymore. But it wasn’t actually Derry that was pulling him, it was the people. It was his friends that he loved more than anything. It was his mom, even if she lied to him. It was Richie. _Richie_.

Eddie reached into his pocket, pushing passed his inhaler to find the small phone Richie gave him and pressed the middle button to turn it on. The sudden light lit up his face and made him wince. The rain made the screen fuzzy, but he wiped it with his thumb. He squinted his eyes as he looked down at the screen, wishing Richie had shown him how to use it properly. He pressed the key for the contacts and began pressing down to look for Richie’s name. Richie only put two contacts in. _Bill’s Home, Richie._ It still meant Eddie had to press down two times, each making a beeping sound as he pressed. Once Eddie was on Richie’s number he went to press the button down for call. 

“Fucking hell boys, guess we can have some fun tonight.”

Eddie’s head shot up, his eyes adjusting to looking back into the darkness. Eddie was on the high street but all the shops were now shut, but some of them still were illuminated by lights in the windows. Eddie could see the rain glistening in the lights as it fell. The road was quiet but he could hear cars in the distance and possibly the sound of a motorbike racing up and down a street. But more importantly, what he hadn’t seen because he was looking down at his phone, was Henry Bowers and two other Barren Boys sat on the curb across the road to him. Eddie didn’t realise he had stopped walking when he had heard the voice.

But as soon as he started running, he realised it was a mistake. He should’ve run to begin with, just to get more distance. 

The footsteps were fast behind him, their heavy boots were smacking into the concrete floor as they chased Eddie. Eddie’s hood fell off, it wasn’t really raining anymore, but it was enough to blur his vision. Eddie was panting, his hand still clutched his phone as his arms moved either side of him. Eddie knew there was no way he could outrun the three boys chasing him, but he could try and find someone… 

Suddenly he was tugged back. One of them had gripped the hood of his coat which had flapped up when he was running. Eddie dropped the phone and it smacked into the floor. Eddie’s feet slid from under him as he crashing into a weight behind him. Rough hands gripped his shoulders and he was being pulled around to turn to face the boys. He thought about running again. But they all looked down at him, grins across their face as they had caught their prey. Eddie recognised the two other boys as Patrick and Belch **.**

“Please, don’t… I don’t have any money…” Eddie pleaded, he almost sounded like his mother did when he was trying to leave. 

“I don’t want your money, queer boy.” Henry snarled as he took a step closer. Eddie wondered if Henry Bowers knew his name, they had been to school together but never in the same class. Henry often picked on Eddie, but only ever called him gross nicknames. Eddie could hear his heart thumping, he was scared Henry could hear it too. Eddie took a small step back. 

“Just… please… I need to-“ Eddie didn’t finish his sentence because Henry lunged forward and shoved him in the chest. The pain rippled through his body. Eddie wasn’t sure if it as the force of his tailbone crashing to the floor or the scrapping of his palms on the cold gravel, or even where Henry’s hands had pushed into him that hurt the most. But his whole body flooded with pain and his brain flooded with fear. 

Eddie tried to shuffle away, his feet scraping on the floor as he tried to push himself back. But Henry kept stepping towards him. His large shadow fell over Eddie which was cast by the orange streetlights. Eddie wondered if he screamed if anyone would hear him. Actually, the question would be if anyone would come to help. 

“Get up,” Henry demanded. Eddie wanted to say no. He wanted to run. He wanted Richie. “Get up!” Henry screamed. Eddie shook his head. Henry grinned. Suddenly Eddie heard feet racing towards him, and before he knew it, two boys were grabbing either arm and yanking him upright. Eddie’s legs weren’t keeping him stable even though his feet were planted on the floor. It was almost a choreographed dance for them like they knew exactly what to do without Henry telling them. It was obviously reversed and practised before this moment. 

“Where are you doing this?” Eddie managed to get out. 

“Bored I guess,” Henry said casually. Henry traced his finger down Eddie’s cheek, touching the tears that had run down it. “Everything's been so… boring.”

“You guys have been more active than ever, how the fuck are you bored?” Eddie spat out before he could even think. Henry raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh yeah? How do you know that?” Henry asked eagerly.

“I live here too, dickhead.” Eddie spat and Henry’s face dropped. Suddenly he felt a wave of confidence that came with adrenaline which was being pumped around Eddie's body by his racing heart. Eddie felt alive. Eddie felt like when Richie kissed him or when he tipped his pills down the toilet. It was the rush he’d been craving. 

“You need to watch your tone.” Henry hissed. “Do you know who you’re talking to?”

“I’m talking to Barren Boy scum.” Eddie spat and he could see the colour leave Henry’s face.

If was that adventurer he wanted to be as a child, he would have courage. He could fight back and defeat his monsters. He could be brave and stare the devil in the face, his hands wouldn’t even shake. Eddie could-

It felt like it happened in slow motion. 

Eddie was sure he saw Henry’s fist clench as he raised it back. Eddie didn’t shut his eyes, instead, he stared at the fog over Henry’s eyes. Henry wasn’t looking at Eddie, he was looking through him. Eddie wondered what brought Henry to this moment in time, what those eyes had seen to put him in the position. The gang violence was always bad, and Eddie knew it could be easy to be swept away in it all. The control it gave you and the power. Eddie could tell Henry fed off it. Maybe that’s why Richie never turned his back on the lifestyle. In a way, Eddie understood it. 

Henry’s fist coming towards him. Eddie didn’t know how he even got to this point. Could he even blame anyone but himself? Eddie managed to stay away from drugs, alcohol and the gangs for 18 years. But there were other traps which he had fallen into along the way. He had fallen into Derry’s clutch where you believed that you weren’t good enough to leave. Derry was a sinkhole which presented itself as the only place you deserved to be. Eddie could leave. Eddie could go to college and chase a life he dreamed about, but he fell into the trap of a warm house, a mom who loved him and a medicine cabinet. 

Eddie let his eyes shut. Eddie thought about his dad, whether if Eddie was in the same position if he would’ve left too. After Eddie’s dad left, Eddie hated him. He wanted to scream in his face, and cry and push him in the chest. He wanted to tell him how much it hurt, how much he needed him to stay, how much it killed his mom. But… Eddie’s dad must have seen something within himself to have to leave. Leaving a child behind is one of the worst things to do. But if Eddie had the chance, who would he leave behind?

Eddie didn’t finish the thought because of the pain that suddenly washed over his face. It wasn’t like when he was pushed in the chest, that had happened to him many times before, in the corridors, on the park or even on the street by gang members he accidentally glanced at. Eddie had never been punched.

Then all the pain came at once. Then again. Then a third time. By the fourth, Eddie wasn’t even sure if Henry was punching him or if it was waves of pain crashing into him. Eddie could feel the punches in the side of his face and some in the stomach, but the pain was everywhere. 

Eddie tried to open his eyes, but they felt heavy. His hair hung over his vision as his body was being held up. Eddie looked down and saw a small puddle of blood on the floor. The hot sensation on his face did feel like he was bleeding, but he wasn’t sure until he watched a drop fall onto the floor from his face and into the small puddle. Eddie tried to raise his head again, his messy hair still covering his vision. The blood in his mouth tasted like ion. It sat in his mouth like boiling water. Eddie's vision span as he was Henry squatted some to his level and looked him in the eyes. 

“Got anything else to say, fag?” Henry mocked. 

Then Eddie spat. 

All the blood in his mouth sprayed onto Henry’s face like an exploded ketchup bottle which had been stamped on. Eddie weakly grinned as he watched Henry stagger backwards, his hands going to his face in disgust. Eddie was finally in control. Eddie was feeling something deep within him, a voice that had been screaming to come out. The same voice that stood up to his mom, the voice that told Richie he wanted to be with him, the voice that made him brave.

“Holy shit,” a voice murmured next to him. The grip on his arms came tighter. Eddie didn’t care anymore. He just didn’t care. 

Henry looked up, his hands leaving his face. Eddie could see the thin layer of smeared blood on his face and on his hands. Eddie’s blood. Henry’s mouth hung open as he stared at Eddie.

“Go fuck yourself, Henry,” Eddie grumbled, the worlds came out slurred and painful. But Eddie didn’t care. The words floated out into the world and Eddie smiled because he was glad they were there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title "Tough Guy" by Cyberbully Mom Club
> 
> Hey guys, I really hoped you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think in the comments or at my Tumblr/twitter @Bellarosewrites !! I really wanted to get a bit of book Eddie into this chapter, standing up for himself and being brave. He's such a badass I love him.  
> A big shoutout to @Reddieonwheels for proofreading and also being a fab supporter! She's fabulous, go check her out.  
> I'll be updating on Monday's from now on! I've got a flat now (can I get a hell yeah for not being homeless) but I still don't have WiFi, so I might be slow in replying to you!  
> Also sorry for the angst, it's going to get a lot more full-on from here x


	15. Wonderwall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings:
> 
> Violence, violence towards main characters, violent characters, injury of main characters, drug mentions, gang mentions, gang violence. 
> 
> Really hope you enjoy x

Richie sat with his fingers drumming on his legs as he watched Alex stand in front of them all.Alex stood facing away, looking at the wall as if there was something written into it, his arms behind his back showing off his tattoos. Richie glanced at the 207 tattoo inked into Alex’s arm and Richie’s own tattoo stung for a moment. Richie sat in one of the armchairs which he was offered from Alex as he entered the room like it was saved for him. There were around 15 men in the room, all watching Alex facing the wall as he thought. Richie scanned the room quickly. There weren’t any of the non-important members of 207’s in the room, just the ones Alex deemed as important. The ones who are were in it for life.

“It’s dark times, gentlemen,” Alex hummed as he turned to face the others. They all stared up at him with patient and eager eyes.“We never thought it would be like this again, but here we are.” Alex stood with his chest puffed out, his collar bones sticking out against his off-white tank top. Richie scanned down Alex to see black jeans with dim black Doc Martens which had been scrubbed and muddied over time. Richie carried on staring at them as Alex talked. “The Dreamcatchers have been quiet but the Barren Boys are out for blood. They’re determined to cross territory and take what they think belongs to them.”

Richie’s eyes flicked up as a few men grumbled and swore under their breath. After leaving Eddie’s, Richie couldn’t sleep. He wondered if he should try and call him, see if he was ok, just hear his voice. But he thought better of it. Night creeped in and then day, maybe Richie fell asleep or maybe he didn’t. The hours dragged by unnoticeably. He got the text about the dreaded meeting at nine, then spent the next few hours staring up at his ceiling, wondering what would happen if he didn’t show up to Alex’s “ _very important”_ meeting. 

“But we’re not going to let them,” Alex said strongly, bring back Richie’s attention. No matter what, Richie couldn’t help but let his mind wander back to Eddie. A few of the men, said “yeah” or “fucking right,” under their breaths. Richie stayed silent.

“We’re going to keep our territory line and if you see Barren Boys when you’re out and about, you let them know that they’re not welcome here,” Alex paused for a moment as he scanned the room. “But stay frosty. I don’t want any Barren Boys coming here looking for blood. Out there is the battleground and that’s where our business is.”

Richie’s stomach sank. As a kid, he could avoid all of this. When he was a street runner he could be oblivious. But now… He was in the inner circle.

“But this isn’t just about business, this is about looking after our town,” Alex spat and it was followed by a few members saying “yeah”. “This is our home and no one’s going to take that away from us!” Alex was a motivational speaker. If Richie wasn’t so distant, he probably would also be swept away in Alex’s anger and love for Derry. But Richie was numb to it all now.

“But before I let you go, I just want to say,” Alex said as he looked the room, “how proud I am of our boy Richie.” Richie felt his heart race in his chest. His palms became sweaty as he rubbed them together. “Richie, we’ve seen you become a small boy, brought up by one of our best men. You’ve stepped up,”

Alex was smiling at Richie, and Richie couldn’t take his eyes off Alex’s deep brown eyes.

“You’re a valued member of the 207’s, you don’t take shit. A real man,” Alex grinned and Richie thought he might start crying. “Well done, son.”

They were the words which were the nails in the coffin. Richie gave a small nod and Alex smiled. The man next to Richie slapped him on the back and people were cheering as they sipped their beers. It was eleven in the morning.

“Right, that’s it for now. The schedule is the same, so if you’re on the streets tonight be careful.” Alex actually sounded concerned, and Richie might have believed him previously but the fact Alex barely mentioned the 207 members who had been put in the hospital and the one who had died showed that Alex didn’t really care. Richie always thought Alex cared, maybe he still did deep down. But Richie could tell Alex was more about the bigger picture and keeping what he thought belonged to him.

People started standing up and Richie felt like he was glued into the seat. He felt sick. He was sure he was going to throw up. Richie knew that this situation was where he was going to end up, it was a natural progression. But now Richie was in the room with the important members of 207, he just wanted to run away.

“Richie,” Alex’s voice said over the people muttering. Richie looked up to see Alex approaching him. He put a strong hand on Richie’s shoulder and Richie felt like Alex’s hand was on fire. “You alright, kid, you look…” Alex paused as he scanned Richie’s face, “you don’t look right.”

Richie wondered what would happen if he told Alex the truth. If he stood up and said “I can’t do this anymore, Alex. It’s wrong. We’re part of the problem.” Or even, “I’ve met someone who’s made me realise I’m better than this, better than you.”

But Richie could never say all that. He knew he was trapped here. There wasn’t a way out. Unless you took the same route as Nails or Richie’s dad. But then you’d die a hero, forever remembered at a 207 legacy who gave their lives to make Derry a better place.

“Yeah… I’m fine.” Richie muttered as he rubbed his face with his hand. Alex patted the side of Richie’s face a couple of times with a grin on his face. It stung Richie’s face, even though it was gentle. From this close, Richie could see all the groves on Alex’s face. There was a small scar under his eye and another on on his chin. Richie wondered who did that to him and what Alex did to them in return.

“Good, be safe on the streets tonight, Richie.” Alex hummed before he turned to walk into the kitchen, probably to get another beer.

Richie was sure he was going to be sick.

Richie quickly got up, scooting past everyone and ignoring people saying his name. The room felt small with all the people in it, the smoke swirling around it as there were no windows open. The smell of the house that had been built over years of mistreatment towards it reminded him that this was what it was going to be like for the rest of his life. Richie gripped into the door handle and pulled it open, the fresh air filling his lungs. The door slammed behind him, and the cold air stung his face. The noise of other 207 members instantly stopped and all he could hear was the wind and the creaking gate which moved with it. 

Richie quickly pulled out his cigarettes from the inside pocket of his leather jacket and pulled on out with shaky fingers to put it between his lips. Richie put back the pack and pulled out his lighter, using one hand to stop the spark going out. The lighter wasn’t working. Richie kept trying to click it but the spark wouldn’t light.

“Fuck!” Richie yelled as he threw the lighter into the road. The cigarette which was balanced between his lips fell onto the floor. Richie looked down to pick it up but saw it had been dampened by a small puddle it had fallen into. Richie rubbed his face with his hands as he sighed. His whole body felt hot. He felt like his leather jacket was closing in on him, getting tighter and tighter.

Then his phone started ringing. Richie didn’t do anything for a moment. It took him a while to process the sound that vibrated just above his hip. Richie dug into his pockets and grabbed his phone. The screen said Private Number. That was normally what it said when any of the 207’s called him. Richie quickly glanced over his shoulder to look at the house, the phone still ringing in his hand. He looked back down at the phone and answered the call.

Richie lifted it up to his ear and listened.

“Richie? Is that you?” The voice was a girls voice. Delicate almost. Wherever the call was coming from sounded loud, lots of people talking. “Richie?” The voice said again, and Richie suddenly made the connection.

“Beverly?” Richie questioned. He didn’t know many girls, it had to be Beverly.

“Oh fucking hell, Richie. Fuck… hey.” Beverly was frantic, her voice fast as if she had been crying.The noises around her were full of loud squeaks, Richie wondered if he could hear someone sobbing.

“Why are you calling me? Where are you calling me from?” Richie quickly asked. He could feel himself panicking. He was already holding in so much stress, the phone call was increasing the anxiety even more.

“Sorry, I got your number of Eddie’s phone. They found it and I just thought that-“

“Found it?” Richie interrupted. His heart thudded in his chest. His skin felt hot again. His leather jacket was getting smaller around his body. He couldn’t breathe.

“Richie, Eddie’s in Derry Hospital. They called Bill’s house number first and then Bill called all of us-”

“Beverly, just wait… Stop…” Richie interrupted, trying to catch his breath. “What happened?” But Beverly didn’t answer.

“Richie, you just need to get here, alright?” Beverly’s voice wobbled. Richie blinked a few times, looking out at the road where he threw his lighter moments before.

“I’m on my way.” Richie quickly said, putting the phone down to hang up. He didn’t even look back to the house as he dug his hand into his pockets for the keys to his truck.

-x-

Richie was running so fast through the hospital his feet barely felt like they were touching the ground. But he knew they were because the thudding and squeaking of his doc Martens filled the endless corridors, making people glance in his direction. Richie was following the confusing signs to where the lady at reception said Eddie was. Richie wasn’t even sure what had happened yet, but in the back of his mind, there was a nagging feeling that he did know. Richie was barely paying attention to the people he rushed passed. A few people swore under their breaths as Richie swerved past them and some nurses told him to slow down. Richie didn’t care. Derry Hospital was the only place where you could run into other gang members and you couldn’t do anything about it. Any of them could’ve seen Richie racing around Derry Hospitals endless corridors. But Richie wasn’t paying attention to the people he was running past, he just needed to get to Eddie.

When he got to the right hospital wing, Richie slowed down into a fast walk, looking at the name on each room. Eddie got a room to himself, so it must be bad. But Richie was trying not to spiral.

Then Richie saw “E. KASPBRAK” written on a whiteboard outside the room. Richie instantly put his hand on the handle to swing it open.

As soon as Richie bust open the door, several pairs of eyes flicked up at him. But Richie didn’t even acknowledge who was there. All he could see was Eddie lying on the bed. Richie took a small step into the room and the door swung closed behind him. It was only a small room, but there was a large window on the opposite side. Richie could see the dark skies passing by, giving barely any light into the small cramped room. Richie wished there was less light because he didn’t want to believe what he was seeing. He didn’t want to see it…

If Richie didn’t know it was Eddie’s room, Richie wouldn’t know if he would even recognise the boy lying in the small hospital bed. Eddie’s eyes were tight shut, his mouth was open slightly. His cheeks and under eyes were swollen, black looking. His lips were puffy and chapped. Eddie’s skin had several cuts carved into it. Where there weren’t bruises, he was deathly pale. His hair was matted and falling over his forehead, unclean and dark.

“Richie?” A small voice said. Richie finally took his eyes off Eddie to look at who said his name. Stanley was stood at the end of the bed, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were puffy and red, his wild curls were pushed off his face but one had sprung free and hung over his forehead. Stanley was wearing a knitted jumper and jeans, when Richie scanned down he noticed that Stand was wearing flip flops and socks, probably yanked on in a hurry. Richie stared at him, his mouth opening slightly to try say something, but he couldn’t.

“Oh, Richie…” Beverly murmured, trying to get his attention because Stanley saying his name didn’t work. Beverly stood up from the plastic chair she was sat on which was pulled up on the other side of Eddie’s bed. She walked around it, carefully moving past Stanley and approached Richie. Beverly wrapped her arms around Richie’s waist under his leather jacket and turned her head to the side to press her cheek onto Richie’s chest where his heart was thumping. Richie slowly wrapped his arms around her, one hand going onto the back of her head. His fingers went into her red hair, but he didn’t take his eyes off Eddie once. Richie realised Eddie was shirtless, but the thin blanket was pulled up to his chest. Richie could still see his chest moving up and down slowly, his bruised collar bones stuck out even more than usual. Richie wondered if they were broken.

“What happened?” Richie muttered but Beverly didn’t let go. She held him tighter. Richie could hear her sniffing against his chest.

“They found him in the street like this…” Mike muttered. He sat on the window ledge at the other end of the room so Richie couldn’t see his face because of the bright light. Richie could tell that Mike didn’t look up at Richie as he spoke. He looked down at his hands which he was rubbing together.

“Who did this?” Richie asked. He could hear his voice wobbling like it was being caught in his throat.

“He won’t tell us… But when he’s been awake he’s been delirious.” Ben sighed. Ben was leaned up on the wall near Mike, his head tipped back onto the white wallpaper which probably hadn’t been replaced in years. Beverly finally pulled away but kept her hands on Richie’s hips. She looked up at him with watery eyes.

“He doesn’t want us to call his mom, he’s eighteen so the hospital doesn’t have too… But we’re going to have to at some point…” Beverly’s voice was coarse. She had obviously been crying more since the phone call. “I wanted to call you before we called her…” Beverly sniffed before looking to the ground and letting go of Richie.

Richie gave a small nod and looked back to Eddie. Eddie still had his eyes shut. A drip was attached to one of his skinny and bruised arms.

“They found his phone, so they called Bill’s house number… then Bill called all of us…” Ben muttered. Richie then realised Bill was also in the room. He was sat in one of the plastic chairs, his back to Richie. His head was hung so Richie could only see the back of his neck and his dark hair. Bill was still wearing his coat, Richie wondered if Bill had been wearing it the whole time.

“Is he going to be ok?” Richie weakly asked. Beverly opened her mouth to say something, but she was interrupted.

“Richie?” A weak and raspy voice said. Everyone eyes went to Eddie, who’s mouth moved slowly. “Rich?” Eddie repeated when no one answered. Richie quickly took several lunges to the bed and stood next to Bill, but he didn’t look at him. With shaky hands, Richie grabbed Eddie’s. He was ice cold.

“I’m here, Eds.” Richie gasped, he could feel his eyes prick with tears. Eddie’s eyes opened slightly.

“Hey,” Eddie murmured. His lip curled at the side to try and smile. Richie noticed that one of Eddie’s eyes was slightly bloodshot like his own dad used to be. Richie hoped Eddie’s wasn’t permanent.

“Hey baby,” Richie sniffed. He couldn’t help but smile his self. He ran his thumb over the back of Eddie’s hand. “How are you feeling?”

“High,” Eddie weakly smirked and Richie laughed, the tears started to roll down his hot cheeks.Richie realised he hadn’t cried much before meeting Eddie, now he actually cared about things. Or one thing. Richie moved his hand to push Eddie’s matted hair gently off his forehead revealing another large cut. Richie winced. “How do I look?” Eddie murmured as he watched Richie, his eyelids barely open.

“Kind of badass,” Richie smiled, his fingers running through Eddie’s hair, but his fingered kept getting caught in knots. Instead, Richie opted to just run his hand over the top to smooth it down. Eddie chuckled from Richie’s comment but then winced in pain. His eyes shut as he scrunched up his face. Richie bit his lip to stop himself from sobbing. Richie’s knees felt weak as his heart thudded in his chest. Eddie sighed and shuffled his head around on the pillow., then he tried to open his eyes again.

“Can you guys give us a moment,” Eddie asked his slow-moving eyes scanning the room. Richie suddenly remembered that there were other people in the room with them.

“Eddie, I don’t-” Bill started to say. But Eddie interrupted.

“Please, Bill.” Eddie murmured. Richie looked down at where Bill was sitting, he was staring at Eddie, a recognisable panic in his eyes. Richie looked back at Eddie who was staring at Bill. Something had obviously happened, Bill obviously didn’t want to leave Eddie. But Bill scraped his chair back, making everyone in the room squirm at the high pitched sound.

“C-c-come on guys,” Bill said without even looking at Richie. Richie watched as Bill left the room and Beverly followed. Stanley walked past Richie and gave him a weak smile, so did Ben. When Mike walked past, he put a gentle hand on Richie’s back and gave Richie a nod. Richie nodded back. Mike left the room, leaving them alone. Richie sat down on the uncomfortable plastic chair Bill had been sitting in. Richie took Eddie’s hand again, and Eddie tipped his head onto his cheek so he could look at Richie.

“So, now we’re alone,” Richie smirked but his eyes filled with tears again. Eddie breathily chuckled, letting his eyes shut again. He squeezed Richie’s hand slightly. Richie brought Eddie’s hand up and kissed it gently on the back, letting his lips stay there for a couple of moments. He let his eyes shut as the smell of disinfectant filled his nose. He wished he could smell Eddie’s scent. Richie brought Eddie’s hand back down to the bed but still held onto it.

“I wished they called you first,” Eddie muttered. Richie shook his head.

“I’m glad your friends were here,” Richie sighed. “But I wish I could’ve been there with you the whole time.” Richie paused as he looked across Eddie’s face. His brown eyes were staring at him behind slightly open eyelids. “What happened, Eds?” Richie gingerly asked.

“You need to stay calm,” Eddie weakly said. He was staring at Richie with blown pupils. Richie wondered why he hadn’t told anyone else what had happened, why Eddie had waited for Richie. The possibilities were endless and they filled his head.

Richie nodded.

“Henry Bowers.”

The name hit into Richie like a bullet. It wasn’t even an answer to the question of what happened. More like who happened. Richie’s whole body filled with anger. He suddenly wanted to scream. Instead, he scrunched his eyes up and bowed his head, clutched Eddie’s hand tighter.

“Why?” Richie asked between gritted teeth.

“Because he’s Henry Bowers,” Eddie answered softly. Richie kept his head down as he listened to Eddie’s raspy voice. “But Richie, I stood up to him, that’s why he did this,”

“You stood up to him?” Richie sniffed as he looked up at Eddie.

“Yeah, I told him to go fuck himself,” Eddie smiled.

“No you didn’t,” Richie scoffed, the tears were back. He could barely see Eddie through his blurry vision.

“I was brave, Rich.” Eddie murmured, his eyes shutting again. Richie scrunched his eyes up again, dipping his head down to try and hide his pain. Richie told Eddie to be brave. Eddie was brave.

“Richie?” Eddie softly murmured. Richie nodded, his head still bowed and eyes still shut. “Come on, Rich. I’m ok,” Richie lifted his head up as he bit down on his lip. He nodded his head again, tears dripping down his cheeks. Eddie was softly smiling at him.

“You are the most incredible person I’ve ever met, Eddie Kaspbrak.” Richie sniffed. Eddie squeezed Richie’s hand.

“Yeah, you’re alright too, Richie Tozier.” Eddie smiled. Richie chuckled, the tears rolled down his cheek. He moved one of his hands away from Eddie’s to wipe his cheeks with his sleeve. “Richie?” Eddie's voice was soft and small. Richie sniffed again as he looked down at Eddie. His lip trembled.

“Yeah?” Richie managed to reply, his throat felt dry and painful.

“This isn’t your fault,” Eddie murmured. Richie let out a sob, he ducked his head as he gripped into Eddie’s hand. They were the words he needed to hear because all he could do was blame himself.

“I should’ve been there,” Richie wept, his whole body shook. Richie was feeling so much pain inside of him. Eddie had made his life so much better, he had put it all into perspective for him. Richie wanted to be a better person because of Eddie, but also for Eddie. But Richie had been selfish. He had dragged Eddie down with him, rather than Eddie helping him up.

“No, Rich, please stop,” Eddie was squeezing Richie’s hand. “This is no one’s fault, I’m just glad that I’m ok and we can be ok,” Eddie sniffed weakly. Richie looked up, the tears rolling fast down his cheeks and onto Eddie’s bed. Eddie was crying too. “We’re ok,” Eddie repeated. Richie nodded while he sniffed. Richie lifted Eddie’s hand up to kiss it again. His lips were wet from the tears so when he pressed them down onto Eddie’s hand it tasted salty. Eddie sniffed slightly as he watched Richie.

“When you get out of this bed, we’re running into the sunset together,” Richie whispered into Eddie’s hand. Richie meant it, but he didn’t even think about the words as the left his lips.

“Is that a promise?” Eddie asked quietly and Richie nodded as he put Eddie’s hand back down onto the bed.

“Richie, you are honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Eddie murmured. Richie shook his head, closing his eyes. He didn’t understand how Eddie could say that as he was lying in a hospital bed. “No, Richie, it’s true.” Richie opened his eyes again and bit his lip. “Rich, I feel like I’ve spent every day waiting for you to come into my life, and now you’re here…I feel like I’ve known you a lifetime. You were here the whole time, Rich. Always in Derry… we were just waiting for each other…”

“How high are you right now?” Richie sniffed as he smirked.

“Very, but that’s not the point,” Eddie hummed, a smile creeping on his lips. Richie chuckled. “Richie, I-”

“Sorry guys,” a voice said behind Richie. Richie looked over his shoulder to see a nurse stood with the door slightly open. “I need to check over Mr Kaspbrak.” Richie looked back to Eddie. Eddie glanced back at Richie, then back to the nurse.

“Give us one minute?” Eddie croaked because he tried to speak louder. The nurse nodded and left them alone, but Richie could see he was waiting on the other side of the frosted glass.

“Rich, I need you here…”

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere,” Richie whispered. “I’ll be with your friends, alright?”

“Alright,” Eddie murmured as he shut his eyes again. “Your friends too, Richie.” Eddie murmured. Richie smiled softly. Richie remembered the time he hung out with them to each Star Wars. Richie was so shocked to find out that Eddie was out to them, and they loved him and cared for him. Eddie had said if Richie played his cards right, Richie could be there friend too. Richie didn’t even think about it too much at the time, but now…

Richie stood up but bent down, gripping the metal bars on the bed as support. He planted a light kiss onto Eddie’s forehead. Richie pulled away slightly.

“I want a proper kiss,” Eddie muttered between barely open lips and Richie chuckled.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Richie smiled. The tears felt like they were going to come back.

“Fuck you,” Eddie muttered, his eyes still shut. Richie liked how that had become a thing. Eddie saying fuck you before kissing Richie. Richie leaned down and lightly kiss Eddie’s swollen lips. Eddie puckered his lips to meet Richie. Richie could taste the salt from tears, disinfectant and blood. Richie held his lips there for a few moments before pulling away. He ran flattened down Eddie’s hair again.

“I’ll see you in a bit, Eds.” Richie murmured with a smile.

“Don’t call me Eds,” Eddie smirked, his eyes opening slightly. Richie smiled back before turning to the door. Richie didn’t want to leave that room, he wanted to stay with Eddie and make sure nothing ever happened to him again. In his mind, he promised that he was never going to let anyone touch Eddie again. No matter what.

Richie walked down the long corridor in the direction of the waiting room. The strong lights burnt into his skull and the shiny flooring made him wince as he saw he reflection in it. On several occasions, he had to come to see different 207 members in the hospital. When he was really small, it was his dad who dragged him by the wrist to go see “ _uncle whatever his name is.”_ But now, when a member went into the hospital, it was just Alex that went. Richie shuddered when he thought about Alex. Everything that happened an hour previously felt like weeks ago. Richie realised when he was in the presence of Alex and the 207s, he felt like he was never going to get out. Trapped in a destiny of violence and misconduct. But when he was with Eddie, even when Eddie was lying in a hospital bed, Richie felt like there was a chance of getting free. 

Richie turned the corner to see Eddie’s friends waiting on the seats. Beverly’s head shot up at the sound of Richie boots squeaking on the floor.

“Is he alright?” She quietly asked, her eyes still red and face blotchy. 

“Yeah, a nurse is just with him,” Richie replied, rubbing his hands through his messy hair. Richie’s eyes hurt in the bright hospital lights, he just wanted to shut his eyes for a moment. But they stayed open and he looked around Eddie’s friends. They all looked exhausted, their bodies all hunched as they looked at Richie with watery eyes. Richie realised he probably looked the same. 

“Thank you for calling me,” Richie tried to smile, but he couldn’t bring himself too.

“Of course we’d call you,” Mike half-smiled.

“You’re one of the Losers now, right?” Stanley chuckled. Richie felt a warmth clutch in his stomach. 

Somehow, even after everything, he had people that cared about him. Actually cared about him. Richie knew he had Eddie, but he never realised he would get a small little group too. In Richie’s head, the was a pretty good deal. A few months ago, the only family or friends Richie had known were the one’s in 207 that forced him to be there. Now he had people… a family. It felt right, like he fitted into their little group of misfits. Richie was hyper-aware that because of the people he associates with, all of the Losers lives had been made a living hell. Richie swore at that moment he was going to try for the rest of their lives to make it up to him. 

Richie smiled, his eyes beginning to water. But that was broken fast.

“Fuck that,” Bill muttered and everyone’s eyes went to him. Bill was sat the furthest away, his head ducked and hands clenched together. His large winter puffer jacket was still on. Richie realised he was wearing pale blue pyjamas underneath them.

“Bill, don’t,” Ben said strongly, but Bill shook his head.

“You realise that this is his fu-fu-fault,” Bill suddenly said as he swung his head up and pointed at Richie as he looked around his friends. 

Richie started putting the pieces together. Bill got the phone call about Eddie, Bill didn’t tell his own parents or Eddie’s mom. He must not of even let himself get changed before he ran to Eddie’s side. Bill called Eddie’s real family, The Losers. Bill didn’t want Richie to be there, but the Losers all knew Richie should be there. Eddie wanted Richie there. Bill was the one who has always looked after Eddie, and now he was in a hospital bed asking for the boy that Bill blamed for Eddie being there.

“How the fuck is this my fault?” Richie asked angrily before he could stop himself, then Bill stood up. Bill took several steps to Richie, staring at him with wild eyes.

“You promised you wu-wu-wouldn’t let a-a-anything happen to him! That was ye-ye-yesterday morning,” Bill's voice was rising, he was angry. His voice was trembling as he talked. His fists were clenched as he looked at Richie.

“Bill, this was Henry Bowers being scum and picking on some random guy in the street, it had nothing to do with me,” Richie was putting his own hands to his chest desperately. Richie wished he wasn’t wearing the jacket. That fucking jacket. In the corner of his eyes, he saw Mike mutter, 

“fucking Henry Bowers…” 

Richie remembered that none of them knew what has happened to him. But Bill didn’t care about that.

“How can you fucking s-s-say that?” Bill scoffed loudly, and Richie went to open his mouth to say something. “You’re fucking 207 scu-scu-scum! You’re all the fu-fu-fucking same,” Bill screamed suddenly. The sound of Bill’s voice echoed through the corridor. Richie took a step back, his Doc Martens squeaking on the floor.

“Bill stop!” Beverly yelled, standing up to try and approach Bill like he was a wild dog about to attack.

“No, fu-fu-fuck you all!” Bill yelled as he turned to look at his friends, pointing his finger shakily. “I told you all that th-th-this would happen, and none of you l-l-listened to me!” They were all stood up now, watching Bill carefully, unsure what would happen next. Richie saw the tears in Beverly’s eyes which were now rolling down her cheeks. Stanley had his hand over his mouth and he looked like he was going to start crying too.

“Bill, please,” Richie pleaded, he reached his hand out to put it on Bill's shoulder. Bill turned back to look at him and batted Richie’s hand aways.

“Don’t touch me!” Bill yelled. Richie wanted a hospital staff member to come to rescue him, but they were probably used to people like them. “No one fu-fu-fucking listened to me!” Richie could see Bill’s eyes filling with tears, his bottom lip trembling. “I knew it from the start, no matter how much you pretended to be different and an outcast, you're still in that fucking gang, and now look at Eddie!”

_No stutter._

Richie felt hopeless he didn’t know what to do. His glanced around at Eddie’s friends. The people that had taken him in, let him be himself with no judgement. Then he looked at the boy that was standing in his way.

“Bill, me and Eddie… We’re so good for each other, I really think he’s the-”

Then the punch came hard and fast. Richie didn’t even process until he had his hand to his mouth where Bill’s fist had made the impact. Richie stood back up from where he had stumbled over and hitched himself slight. He moved his hand away to see the deep red blood coming from his lip. Mike had run up behind Bill and was pulling him back. Bill was screaming and crying, the tears rolling down his red cheeks.Ben had his arm around Beverly as she cried. Stanley was gripping hard into his long curls as he bit his trembling lip. Richie stood, watching them all.

Richie was the reason this happened. He didn’t care if Eddie said differently. Richie irrupted their little family. They had managed to stay away from all this shit their whole lives and now Richie had dragged one of them down, which meant they were all dragged down.

“Fu-fu-fuck you, Richie Tozier, you’re the worst thing that ever happened to Eddie!” Bill spat through broken sobs.

Mike was holding back both his arms and was staring at Richie sympathetically, his eyes also filled with tears. A nurse finally came running around the corner, but Richie wasn’t even processing what she was saying to them all. Richie felt like all he could hear was a ringing in his ears that wouldn’t stop. It just got louder and louder, drowning out what people were saying to him. So Richie turned around. He walked away from the waiting room and Eddie. Richie was sure someone was shouting his name but he didn’t listen. He wiped his mouth again with his shaky hand and looked down at the blood.

Yes, Richie blamed himself. But there was someone else he blamed more.

-x-

Richie definitely shouldn’t have been driving. It was like he was wearing fogged goggles, instead of beer, it was rage. He thought about how he wouldn’t mind chugging a strong liquor round about now. The ringing in his ears hadn’t stopped yet. 

Richie wasn’t even sure where he would be, but he could take a solid guess. Barren Boys usually sat around Neibolt street where the territory lines were, scaring passers-by with scowls and throwing their empty beer cans into the road. Richie hoped that’s where he would find Henry Bowers.

As he drove the streets around Derry, he kept an eye on the sidewalks hoping to spot him. The sky was still dark, the grey clouds hovered over Derry with a static feeling in the air. Derry wasn’t that big of a place and there was nothing special about it. Derry used to be a factory town, filled with workers for the mills on the outskirts. When they all shut, the world forgot about Derry and slowly started to crumble away.

It took ten minutes of driving in circles to find Henry Bowers. He was sat outside Neibolt house, which was once a grand house for a rich man in Derry but was now derelict. Its shadow cast over the street, a lurking presence to show where the Barren Boy Territory was. Richie had heard of a few people that had dared to explore it and either were injured because of the collapsing ceilings or because they stepped into Barren Boy property.

Richie didn’t even bother finding a parking space. Richie stopped the car in the middle of the road and kept the engine running. As he got out of the truck, the few cars that were behind him all started honking. One man leaned out of his window to shout something obscene, but Richie wasn’t listening. His eyes were on Henry who was sat on a wall with a few other Barren Boys, laughing at something, not even paying attention to Richie.

“Bowers!” Richie yelled from down the road. His fists were clenched but he could still feel himself trembling. Henry’s head snapped up and his eyebrows raised up in surprise. Richie carried on storming towards him.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Tozier? Are you fucking lost?” Henry laughed as he stood up, a few of the other boys elbowed each other and started smirking. Henry started walking towards Richie, his hands deep in his pockets. His white vest showing his tattoos, not unlike Alex that same morning. Henry was stupid enough to think that Richie wasn’t going to do something stupid in public or Barren Boy territory. Henry was wrong.

Richie finally got to him and raised his fist, and hit him hard straight across the face. Henry didn’t even flinch as the punch came in, he was too slow. Richie wondered if he had been drinking. But the punch made his stumble back and put his hands to his face. The other Barren Boys stopped laughing stood up, ready to charge. But Henry held his hand up to them and they all stopped. Richie didn’t realise how important Henry was in the Barren Boys, maybe he was in the same position as Richie. But now wasn’t the time to dwell on it. 

Henry spat on the floor a mixture of blood and spit. Henry's eyes went up to Richie as he flicked his hair of his face. Henry was the only person Richie knew that could take a punch and act as nothing had happened. The word psychopath came to mind.

“So,” Henry said casually, “what the fuck was that for?”

Richie could feel his hands trembling as he stared at Henry. It was like tunnel vision. He was aware of the other Barren Boys staring at him, he was also aware of passers-by on the street carefully watching. But all Richie could see was the smirk on Henry’s face. Henry took a step closer to Richie.

“Huh? Spit it out Tozier,” Henry grinned, the blood had stood between his teeth and on his gums. Richie fell silent. He was too angry to even speak. He could feel a pressure building in his chest. “Come on, Richie, tell me what’s on your mind.”

Then Richie lunged for Henry again. This time Henry got there first, hitting Richie across the face. It was the same place Bill had hit him. Richie whole face stung and he knew that he would be bleeding again. But he didn’t care. Richie grabbed Henry’s vest in a tight fist, finally finding the words that were causing the pressure in his chest.

“Don’t you dare touch Eddie again!” Richie screamed in Henry’s face. Richie let go of Henry’s vest. Henry took a step back while pushing Richie away. Richie blinked a few times, realising what he had said. Richie shouldn’t have done this. He should’ve just left it and stayed with Eddie. He should have got on his knees and grovelled to Bill. Richie should be doing this.

“Who the fuck-“ Henry paused as he wiped his mouth. Then a small smile appeared in the corner of his mouth. Richie felt his stomach drop. The red he was seeing was starting to fade away. Why had he said that? He meant it, but now…

“Are you talking about that fucking psyco queer boy from last night?” Henry laughed. The blood from his lip trickled down his chin. “Is he your boyfriend or some shit?”

Then the tunnel vision came back. The care of letting everyone know why Richie was in the street beating up Henry Bowers disappeared and sank deep into the cracked sidewalk. Richie wanted Henry in a hospital bed.

Richie leaned down and grabbed Henry’s vest again, he raised his fist and came down with as much power as he could into Henry’s jaw. Richie was sure he heard Henry’s jaw crack. He did it again and again until Henry’s grabby hands turned weak. Richie let go and Henry thudded into the ground and Richie. Henry coughed out his own blood onto the ground as he turned his face to the side. Richie looked down at him. His chest panted, his eyes were blurry. Henry looked up at him with watery eyes. The Barren Boys were just watching. But Richie didn’t care about them.

“Your dead Richie Tozier,” Henry’s voice was weak and raspy, “you and your fucking queer boyfriend.”

Richie kicked hard into Henry’s stomach. The tip of his Doc Martens disappeared into Henry’s stomach. Richie drew his leg back quickly as he watched Henry wrap his arms around his stomach and let out a loud cry. Richie went to do it again, this time onto Henry’s arms. Henry tried to roll over but Richie leaned down and grabbed him again. He gripped into Henry’s vest, pulling him up and pushing him in the jaw again. Henry’s whole face was bloody, his eyes were barely open. His hair was matted from blood and dirt. Richie let go of him and watched Henry’s head thump into the ground.

Richie panted as he lifted his leg back up.

“Stop right fucking now!” A voice yelled. Richie let his foot go back to the floor and he turned his head to the side. Richie didn’t see the person holding it, but all he could see was a gun. Richie panted, his brain was on fire. His whole body was heated and his leather jacket felt tight again.

The gun was facing Richie. Richie gulped. He had seen a lot of guns in his life, but none were ever pointing directly at him.

Richie glanced back down too Henry who was on the floor in a puddle of his own blood. His white vest was now a deep red. Richie gulped. He looked up at the younger Barren Boys who all had their eyes on Richie in fear. Richie turned around to see people who had got out of their cars or passers-by who had stopped to see a 207 beating the shit out of someone. One woman had her phone to her ear and Richie pressured that would be the police. Richie looked back at the man with the gun. He was another Barren Boy and Richie recognised him as being a couple of years older than him at school. Everyone was staring at Richie.

The whole world felt quiet.

Richie looked back down at Henry.

“Don’t go near Eddie again,” Richie spat. Then Richie started walking to his truck. The man with the gun kept it on him, twisting his body to follow Richie. Everyone watched him as he got into the truck. The engine was still running. Richie gripped the steering wheel seeing his bloodied knuckles. It wasn’t his blood.

Richie pressed down on the gas and drove away, unsure where he was going. Richie knew in the back of his mind why he did it. But overall, he knew he was going to be sick.

Beating someone up was very bad.

Beating up a Barren boy in Barren Boy territory was very bad.

Beating up a Barren Boy in Barren Boy territory in front of other Barren Boys and civilians in broad daylight was very bad.

Beating up a Barren Boy in Barren Boy territory in front of other Barren Boys and civilians in broad daylight, while there were territory wars going on was very bad.

Beating up a Barren Boy in Barren Boy territory in front of other Barren Boys and civilians in broad daylight while there were territory wars going on because you are falling for another boy and admitting it was very bad.

What he had done was bad.

Very bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings! What are your thoughts? Please let me know in the comments! It keeps me massively motivated, and I desperately need that rn. Love you all xoxo


	16. Yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title: "Yesterday" by The Beatles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings:
> 
> Mentions of gangs, mentions of gang violence, mentions of violence, injuries.

“Just to let you know, we spoke to your mother,” the doctor said gently as he stood at the end of Eddie Kasprak’s bed. 

When the first nurse came in after Richie left, they managed to persuade him to give them his moms phone number. Eddie had a great sinking feeling ever since that moment like he was pressing further and further into the hard hospital mattress. Eddie knew she was going to have to come eventually, he just wanted to hold it off for as long as possible. 

Eddie nodded gently as he looked at the doctor. He was a tall man, blonde hair pushed off his older looking face. Eddie wondered if the lines of his forehead and under his eyes were from old age or the stress of his job. Eddie knew that the doctor stood in front of him must have heard the conversation the hospital receptionist had with his mother because of the sympathetic look in his eyes. 

“I’ll leave you to it,” the doctor said as he wiped the sweat off his forehead with his sleeves. Although the nurse was blushed and obviously hot, Eddie felt cold. Eddie was almost glad for the goosebump sensations running down his body as he felt numb the whole night he was in the hospital. 

“Can I ask you something?” Eddie quickly called out as the nurse was turning away from the bed. He looked back over his shoulder at Eddie. “How long have you lived in Derry?”

The doctor raised a confused eyebrow before turning back around. He had his clipboard tucked under his arm, his pen in his hand as he twirled it in between his fingers anxiously. 

“I was born and raised here, young man,” The doctor said slowly. Eddie wasn’t sure why he was asking the question, but the doctor must have known what Eddie was looking to hear from what he said next. 

“Not many people you speak to move to Derry, they’re all born here and then are buried at mount hope cemetery” The doctor sighed as he spoke, and Eddie felt like he was going to cry so he glanced down at his lap. “You know, kid, some people do escape, you don’t have to end up like the rest of us, to live in Derry doesn’t mean you have a plot at the cemetery reserved.” 

Eddie glanced back up with watery eyes, but the doctor had already spun on his heel to make his way to the door. The door swung shut, and Eddie felt like his heart was twisting. He tried to shut his eyes, but the darkness was overwhelming. Eddie tried to focus his attention on something else, but the empty hospital room made him think about all the people that could’ve been there before him. Eddie knew that it would’ve been disinfected over and over again, but the ghosts still seemed to linger. Eddie wondered how many ghosts had been in that room because of gang members. 

Eddie turned his head on the pillow to look out of the dirty window. Eddie watched the grey clouds pass over the even greyer sky, trying to keep his eyes open by finding patterns within them. Eddie wondered if it was going to rain, not that it mattered. He knew as soon as his mom got here, he would be taken straight home and probably never be allowed outside again. Eddie didn’t feel ready for the hell that was about to be brought into the hospital, but he knew he had to have Richie by his side. 

Knowing Richie was just round the corner brought Eddie comfort, but the distance made him woozy. He wanted him next to him, holding his hand and stroking down his hair as he had been before. Even if his mom came in to cause a scene, Eddie wanted Richie there. That was enough to make Eddie realise that he was deep with Richie now. There was no turning back. Eddie wanted Richie more than anything, even if it made him mom… Well, he didn’t even know what his mom would do if she found out.

Eddie was prepared for anything, but the way that Richie looked at him made him feel safe. Maybe it would work out. Maybe Richie being involved with 207 was just something that gave them anxiety, not an actual problem. Maybe they could have a happy ending, and the rest of the world would let them. But maybe it wasn’t worth thinking about right now.

Eddie kept watching the clouds, letting the time pass by. His body clock had always been strong, but the medicine could’ve possibly made it worse. It felt like half an hour before anyone came to see him in his room after the nurse left.

“Eddie?” A small voice said. Eddie slowly turned his head on his pillow away from the window, the strain rippling down his whole body. He made a small groaning noise as he got his head to the right place. Beverly was gingerly standing in the doorway, her small delicate hands holding the door slightly open as she tipped her head into the room. Eddie could hear the bustle of the hospital behind her, nurses running past and families talking amongst themselves with bunches of flowers in their hands.

“Can I come in?” Beverly gently asked. 

“Yeah,” Eddie croaked. Eddie instantly noticed that she said “ _I_ ” not “ _we_ ”, and was surprised to see to no one trailing behind her. The door slowly shut behind her as she walked into the room. She dragged out the plastic chair Richie had been sat on and shuffled into it. Beverly was wearing a large baggy knitted jumper with holes in the sleeves she always pushed her thumbs through. She mainly did that when she was nervous. She was doing it right now. 

Eddie looked down at her thumbs as the twiddled together, Beverly was looking down as well. Eddie had seen Beverly like this on several occasions, quiet and reserved. Normally when her dad had accidentally hit her somewhere where the bruise would show up. The Losers would never acknowledge it, they would just gently smile and talk amongst themselves like normal until she lifted her head up. They would all try and not look at the bruise under her eye or her split lip. 

“Where’s everyone else?” Eddie croaked. His voice felt sore and broken. “Water,” Eddie added as he tried to hold back a cough. Beverly quickly glanced up and to her side to grab the cub the nurse left with a flimsy straw sticking out of it. Beverly placed the straw between Eddie’s dry lips and he tried to suck, even if it caused him pain. The water was slightly warm and was stale as it trickled down his throat. 

“They’re just sorting something out,” Beverly muttered, finally answering Eddie’s question. Her eyes stayed on Eddie as he kept sucking the water down his dry throat, trying to relieve some of the pain he was feeling inside himself with the cold water. Eddie licked his lips and Beverly brought the glass away, gently placing it back down on the bedside table. 

“What are they sorting out?” Eddie asked, his voice sounded more back to normal, impressively the stale warm water helped. Eddie tried to shuffle around on his pillow with a groan, forgetting about the question that he asked momentarily. When he settled he turned his head to see Beverly staring down at her thumbs again. She was biting her lip and turning it a pink colour. 

“Beverly?” Eddie urged. She glanced up, her teeth leaving her lip so she could open her mouth to say something. She paused for a moment while she thought. Eddie kept his eyes on her, waiting to hear what would leave her lips.

“Richie’s left,” Beverly finally said. Suddenly, Eddie felt very awake. 

“No, he’s not, he promised me that-”

“Eddie, he’s gone.” Beverly interrupted sternly. Eddie didn’t know what to say. Richie had promised he wasn’t going anywhere, Eddie believed him with his whole heart. He didn’t understand, he had to of left because -

“What the fuck did Bill do?” Eddie blurted out before he could think anymore about the question. 

From the moment Bill arrived, he had been cursing Richie under his breath. Eddie was in a delirious state, but he could still hear the small sobs coming from his friend. He could feel Bill holding his hand as the doctors were prodding at him, which Eddie found comforting even if he couldn’t really make sense of what was happening. When the rest of the losers arrived, Eddie kept asking for Richie. Bill refused to call him. While half-conscious, Eddie could hear them arguing about it in a hushed tone. All Eddie could do was whimper “ _Richie”._

Beverly sighed, rubbing her eyes with one of her hands. Eddie could feel a rage building up in him.

“Bill loves you a lot, Eddie,” Beverly mumbled from behind her hands.

“That doesn’t answer my question, Bev,” Eddie said sternly. Beverly dropped her hands with a huff and they slapped onto her legs. 

“Eddie, you know I love Richie right? I think he’s wonderful and lovely and-”

“Beverly, what’s your point?” Eddie interrupted, to inpatient to hear what had happened outside of his hospital room. 

“I grew up with my dad being in a gang, I know what they’re like. I know the lifestyle and I know-“

“This isn’t Richie’s fault.” Eddie interrupted again. Beverly sighed, looking defeated. “It’s not Beverly, this had nothing to do with him,”

“I know Eddie, but that’s not the point. What I’m saying is I understand why Bill is scared for you. I mean, look at you right now Eddie,” Beverly gestured down his body. Eddie glanced down at his body which was covered up by a stale white sheet. He wiggled his toes to see the blanket move around at the end of the bed, he could see he was moving his feet but he couldn’t feel them. Eddie looked back at Beverly, realising he distracted himself. 

“Bill loves you, we all love you,”

“I second that,” Beverly turned her head and Eddie’s eyes flicked up, they both saw Stanley leaning in the doorway watching them carefully with his arms crossed. Stanley had a small smile on his lips as he looked at Eddie with gentle eyes. It was momentarily comforting. 

“You still haven’t told me what Bill did,” Eddie muttered angrily. Beverly and Stanley shared a worried glance before looking back to Eddie. They both stayed silent. Eddie groaned loudly before lifting his arm up slowly to try to move the sheet off his body. 

“Wow their cowboy! What are you doing?” Stanley quickly said as he hurried over to Eddie’s bed. Beverly was half standing up from her chair with her hands out, hovering over Eddie. 

“I’m getting out of this fucking bed so I can talk to Bill,” Eddie groaned as he tried to move his legs. A sharp pain shot up them and he threw he head back. Eddie wasn’t actually sure what injuries he had sustained yet, the doctors probably told him, but he was too distracted to care. 

“You can’t get up, Eddie.” Beverly purred as she gently put her hand on his shoulder to ease him back onto the pillow. 

“I can if you help me,” Eddie grumbled. Stanley and Beverly glanced at each other once more. “I’m going to do it with or without you, your choice.”

“Can I at least go get Mike?” Stanley asked as he looked back at Eddie. “I feel like we need some muscle,”

“No we can do this, come on,” Eddie sighed as he strained his stomach muscles to sit up, the white sheet fell off him and landed on his lap. Eddie wasn’t quite sure where the pain was coming for anymore. His whole body ached. But there were certain parts on his torso where he could swear he could still feel Henry Bowers fist imprinted into him. 

Beverly moved her hand onto Eddie’s back as Stanley pulled up the wheelchair that had been lurking in the corner of the room. Stanley removed the sheet off Eddie slowly and cautiously, and everyone was thankful to see Eddie was wearing his boxers still. They both slid Eddie off the bed. Eddie was relieved when his legs could hold him up momentarily on the floor, which meant neither of them was broken. However, the rest of his body wasn’t feeling too good. His chest was tight, and it got worse as he took a huge huff as he sat in the wheelchair. Cracked ribs were inevitable with the beating he took, but he possibly had a broken collar bone as he couldn’t look down at himself. Eddie wasn’t even sure if the doctors had x-rayed him yet. 

Eddie suddenly felt very vulnerable, sitting in just his boxers as two out of five best friends cooed over him, making sure that he wasn’t hurt. 

“You’re going to have to give me a blanket or something.” Eddie shivered. Stanley quickly looked around the room, peering into the small bedside table and pulled out a think looking blanket. He batted it out before draping it over Eddie’s body. 

“You look like a very cute little old man,” Stanley hummed, a small smile on his lips. 

“Shut up,” Eddie smirked as he adjusted in his seat and let Beverly tuck the blanket behind his shoulders so it wouldn’t fall down. Eddie rested back, his arms tucked into the blanket which his whole body covered. “Right let's go,” Eddie sighed. He felt Beverly start to push him and Stanley quickly hurried to open the door for them. 

The amount of light in the corridor was the first thing that hit Eddie. The lights were frequent and shining down with harsh white light, making his already squinting eyes burn more. Eddie realised one of his eyes hurt a lot, even closing it caused a searing pain on his right side of his face. So Eddie tried to keep them open, looking at all the passers-by who didn’t give Eddie a glance down. They all just stared forward as if on a mission to get somewhere. Beverly was walking slowly, her light footsteps could barely be heard over the speaking wheels of the old wheelchair. Eddie didn’t want to think about how many people had sat in it. 

Eventually, they got near the end of the ward where there was a small waiting room. Eddie heard Stanley footsteps quicken momentarily and he appeared at Eddie’s side. Eddie wanted to reach for his hand but his arms were still tucked into his blanket. 

The squeaking of the wheels caught Mike and Ben’s attention. Their eyes shot up as the turned the corner into the waiting room. They were sat either side of Bill, who had his head in his hands and elbows resting on his knees. Mike had his arm around Bill, his large hand gripping into Bill’s shoulder. Ben has his arm gently touching Bills arm, probably trying to get him to lift his head up. Eddie looked at them both for a moment, unsure of what to say. They both looked back, sympathetically, but Bill didn’t lift his head. 

“Bill?” Eddie eventually said. His voice came out coarse again, he wondered if there was a water fountain nearby he could get a glass of water from in preparation to probably shout at his best friend. 

Bill slowly lifted his head up, and in a way, Eddie wished he hadn’t. Bill’s eyes were puffy and red, his quivering bottom lip was swollen where he had anxiously been biting it, his cheeks were also red, but his skin looked pale and sickly. It was a sight that Eddie had never seen, not even when they were small children. Bill was always the strong one, he never showed his pain. He always kept it locked away, so deep down that the other Losers would never question his feelings. Bill always was strong. The one to reassure you, to rescue you, to make you feel loved. But right now, Bill was a mess. 

Eddie opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn’t He wasn’t sure if it was the dehydration or the pyjama wearing, crying Bill in front of him that stopped his words coming out of his closing up throat. Bill leaned back in his chair, using his sleeve to wipe at his face with a sniff. 

“You guys need talk,” Beverly finally said breaking the silence. Bill finally nodded and began to speak.

“Eddie, I’m-”

“Don’t tell me you're sorry,” Eddie interrupted. “Tell me what happened?” Eddie heard a sternness in his own voice, it sounded like when Bill would talk to all of them. 

“Eddie, l-l-look, I love you.” Bill whimpered. He was rubbing his hands together as everyone watched him. “I don’t wa-wa-want you to get hu-hu-hu-hurt,”

“But why did you have to take that out on Richie?” Eddie asked. Eddie didn’t feel angry anymore, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Bill lifted his arms in the arm and dropped them down his a huff, making fists on his laps. 

“He’s a t-t-t-207 member, Eddie,” Bill sighed frustratedly. 

“Yeah so?” Eddie quickly fired back. 

“Honey, listen to Bill,” Beverly sighed as he placed a gentle hand on Eddie’s shoulder. 

“Fine,” Eddie muttered at he stared at Bill. 

“I don’t w-w-want you t-t-t-o get h-h-hurt,” Bill stammered out, his eyes filling with tears again. Eddie felt a pang of guilt hit him in the chest. Everyone around him was so unaware of what he and Richie had that obviously to an outsider it looked like Eddie could be in danger. But then Eddie had a worrying and anxiety-filled thought. _What if he was blinded by it all?_

Richie had felt like a dream come true, he was smart, funny, caring and more than anything, wanted Eddie. What if that was all just some blur in Eddie’s head. What if Richie was a threat, what if Richie was a danger? Eddie saw what happened to that kid, Nails, on their first date. Eddie had seen Richie’s life long tattoo and Eddie had seen the way Alex looked at Richie. What if Richie never left the 207’s? Would Eddie stay by his side in secret, always being around the corner waiting for Richie to say it was safe to come out?

Eddie glanced around his friends. 

“I’m not in this position because of Richie. It was Henry Bowers they beat me up, a fucking Barren Boy,” Eddie said. They didn’t seem surprised by that knew knowledge, so he presumed Richie must have said something. “Richie’s a good person, I’m so sure of it. You have all seen that.” Everyone was looking down at their feet out of awkwardness. “Him being in a gang is something that he hates and he doesn’t want that to be his identity.” Bill looked at him as if to say “so?” Eddie answered the question with a sigh. “It’s complicated and shitty, but I trust him to make the right decisions. He wouldn’t do anything to endanger me or anyone else for that matter. He’s not like that, he’s not like the gang members that we’ve dealt with before.”

Eddie believed the words he was saying. As far as Eddie knew, Richie didn’t even carry a gun. He was kind, not violent, he had never been involved in any of the vile attacks around Derry. Eddie was sure Richie was more involved in the drugs business than he could imagine, Eddie had seen how much cash Richie was carrying. That upset Eddie. But he did trust Richie to make good decisions, and from what Richie had said, Eddie knew Richie didn’t want to be with the 207’s. 

Eddie looked at his friends who were slowly nodding in agreement. If Eddie said to trust Richie, Eddie knew that they would all trust him. That’s how their friends worked. 

“And Bill,” Bill lifted his head up, “you need to trust me,” Bill nodded slowly. “I love you too, and I promise that Richie isn’t a threat to me.” Eddie wasn’t sure why he added the _“to me”._ But he didn’t want to think about it too much. Bill smiled slightly, his bottom lip still quivering. Bill looked a lot younger when he cried. Eddie had the realisation that he had no idea what his own face currently looked like. His vision was still slightly blurred in one eye and his face felt swollen and sensitive. 

Eddie suddenly had a thought and frowned at Bill, and Bill raised a questioning eyebrow back. 

“What?” Bill asked. 

“What did you say to make Richie leave?” Eddie asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer. But Eddie needed to know that Richie might come back. Bill gulped. Eddie looked around his friends who were all avoiding his eyes. Then Eddie noticed Stanley was smirking. 

“What?” Eddie asked sternly. Stanley’s eyes flicked up and put both his hands up to say, “ _don’t look at me_ ”. Eddie’s eyes went back to Bill. He raised his eyebrows to urge Bill to talk. 

“I… I punched…” Bill stuttered out quietly and Eddie raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I punched Richie.” Bill’s eyes finally looked up at Eddie with a worried look. Eddie was in shock for a couple of moments. Yes, Bill had been his personal guard and defender for many years, but Bill had never actually punched anyone for Eddie. 

Eddie suddenly started laughing. He tilted his head back and his cackled, his chest and stomach hurt, but he didn’t care. It was uncontrollable. Under the blanket, Eddie put his hands around his stomach to ease the pain. 

“You’re not mad?” Bill slowly asked as Eddie’s laughter started to die down. Eddie put his chin back down and looked across at Bill. Eddie was still smiling as he stared at Bill’s confused expression. 

“Oh, I’m furious,” Eddie sighed. His friends all frowned at him in confusion. “But the thought of you punching a 207 member in the face is pretty badass,” Eddie smiled. “Even if it was Richie,” 

A small smile crept across Bill’s lips, his eyes still filled with tears. Bill ducked his head, his shoulders moving up and down as he chuckled a few times. The losers also started laughing. 

“It was a really bad thing to do, Bill,” Stanley chuckled. 

“Completely inappropriate,” Mike smiled. 

“And none of us agrees with what you did,” Ben added. 

“But badass,” Beverly laughed as she held onto Eddie’s shoulders. Bill lifted his head up and smiled as he looked around his friends until his eyes met Eddies.

“I’m sorry Eddie,” Bill said, letting his smile drop. Eddie nodded slightly. “He didn’t he-he-hit me back, he just let me have my su-su-su-space.” Bill paused for a moment. “Any other gang member would’ve jumped me.”

“Well obviously I’m angry,” Eddie hummed, “and you need to go get him back.” Bill nodded as he put his hands on the arms of the chair to push himself up. 

“B-b-b-Bev, do you ha-ha-have the number you c-c-called?” Bill asked as he stood up. 

“Yeah, I’ll show you were the free phone is,” Beverly said from behind Eddie. As Bill walked passed Eddie, he paused for a moment and looked down at him. Eddie looked up, squinting at the bright light that Bill wasn’t blocking. Bill didn’t have to say anything, his eyes said it all. Bill gave a small smile and a nod and Bill smiled back, patting Eddie on the shoulder before he followed Beverly down the corridor. 

Eddie sighed again, and his eyes met with Ben’s.

“Was it really that bad?” Eddie asked. 

“Yeah, it was pretty bad,” Ben murmured. Eddie huffed again, letting his eyes shut. He just wanted Richie back. 

“Eddie…” Mike’s voice hissed. Eddie’s slowly opened his eyes to see Mike looking behind Eddie. Eddie didn’t have to turn around to see what Mike was looking at. 

“Eddie!” Eddie’s mom’s voice cracked from somewhere behind Eddie. Her footsteps quickened as she scooted around his wheelchair, then she bent down to grab either side of Eddie’s face with her large hands. Her eyes were quickly scanning across him, and Eddie winced at the pressure on his bruises. 

“Mom, I’m ok, just-“ Eddie weakly tipped his head back to gesture her off. She quickly pulled away and looked down at him. 

“Who did this to you?” She asked. But instead of answering, his brain suddenly went back to the moments leading up to his near to death beating. He had left the house because of his mom. The pills. Eddie got a flash of a memory of the pills being flushed down the toilet. Before that, his mom not denying if they were real or not. Before that, Richie telling him they were fake.

Eddie glanced across his mom’s flushed face as she stared down at him. He couldn’t look at her the same way. She was a whole new person with hidden intentions. 

Instead of answering the question, Eddie repeated himself. 

“Mom, I’m ok.”

“You look horrible,” She said as she scanned Eddie’s face. 

“Thanks,” Eddie muttered. 

“We need to get you out of here,” Eddie’s mom rushed round the back of the wheelchair. Eddie looked around his friends with panic, he didn’t know what to do. The anxiety was building in his stomach, taking over the pain he was feeling. His body tensed up as the wheelchair started rolling backwards. 

“All of you go home,” Eddie’s mom said sternly. Eddie turned his head to try and say something but the pain took over. He forgot he couldn’t make sudden movements. He winced and closed his eyes as he gasped. When he opened his eyes again, Ben, Mike and Stanley were all staring with open mouths, also trying to work out what to say. 

Eddie thought about screaming. But he was unsure what would happen. He was eighteen, he didn’t need his mom to be there. He could get the security to take her away. But at the end of the day, she was still his mother. So he stayed quiet, and panic internally about what was to come. 

Before Eddie could say anything, a voice interrupted. 

“Eddie,” Beverly’s voice suddenly said at the side of him. He turned his head slightly, straining himself as the pain shot up his side. Beverly and Bill stood staring, red cheeks, panting slightly. Eddie wondered why they ran back. Their eyes were flicking to Eddie’s mom to Eddie, and Eddie could tell that they didn’t know whether to speak or not. Eddie prompted them. 

“Guys? Did your… parents… answer?” Eddie asked. He could feel his mom’s eyes on him, burning into the back of his skull. 

“Erm…” Bill looked confused, his eyes still behind Eddie where his mom was stood. Beverly nudged him slightly and his eyes went back to Eddie. 

“No my parents didn’t answer,” Bill said. “Sorry,” he added. Eddie nodded slightly, disappointed in the answer. 

“Eddie,” Eddie’s mom said, interrupting his thoughts. “I’m going to go fill in the paperwork to get you out of here, say goodbye to your friends.” Her voice trailed off slightly as she began to walk away. Eddie didn’t want to strain himself to watch her walk away to probably shout at all the kind nurses and doctors. 

All of his friends stared as Eddie's mom as she walked away, but then as soon as she was out of sight, Beverly and Bill rushed over to Eddie. Eddie jumped slightly as Bill fell to his knees in front of Eddie, putting his hands on Eddie’s legs. 

“Bill, what the-”

“Eddie, listen to me right now,” Bill said in a hushed tone. He was glancing around him like someone could be listening in. Stanley, Mike and Bill wandered over confusedly, trying to listen to what Bill had to say. 

“Bill, what’s happening?” Eddie said in a panic. Beverly also bent down and held Eddie’s hand. Eddie’s eyes flickered between them. 

“When we were in the lobby, we s-s-s-saw something, and we can’t be s-s-sure if it w-w-w-was because his face was… But a p-p-p-police said his name-”

“Bill, tell me.” Eddie interrupted, a fear creeping up inside of him. Beverly rubbed her thumb over the back of Eddie’s hand. 

“We can’t be s-s-s-sure, it could be… sh-sh-sh-shit. I don’t know eh-eh-eh-”

“It was Henry Bowers,” Beverly interrupted as Bill was too flustered to get his words out. Eddie took a few moments to process what Beverly said. 

“Wait what?”

“We saw Henry Bowers being rushed into the emergency room,”

“What happened to him?” Eddie didn’t need to ask the question, because deep down he knew the answer. A silence fell on the group, the noises of the hospital echoed down the corridor, but Eddie wasn’t paying attention to that. 

His brain was chaotic as he stared at his friends. There were so many questions that couldn’t be answered, but they all pointed to one thing. 

“You have to go help Richie,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, sorry this chapters a bit shorter than normal and that it came late. I've not been very well so I had to delay it. Hopefully, I can start posting on schedule again. As always, please leave a comment if you enjoyed, it really keeps me motivated. Big love! x

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me on Tumblr/Twitter @bellarosewrites x  
> Please leave kudos and comments, it makes me v happy x


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